From Jialat. Enjoy.
Words From An Angmoh/Foreign Talent Who Despises Singaporeans
After 2 years of living in that atrocious crap hole of a country, I was excited to get out. It’s a cesspool full of horrible low class people who have absolutely no culture at all. They are, without a doubt the filthiest, most disgusting people on the planet, TAKE A DAMN SHOWER you animals, sorry that is unfair to animals, and they have better hygiene and social skills, including cockroaches, than Singaporeans do.
The worst part is its not even their government it those filthy disgusting pigs that are the problem, if they killed all the Singaporeans, it would actually be a decent place.
It’s a known fact that cities attract the low class people, so what to do if your country is just one city? Well guess what, your whole country is low class. Walk down any street and you see these things, which have know Idea how to behave wandering around like they rule the world, YOU ARE INSIGNIFICANT, you useless pile of vile fecal matter. Yes, I think that will be my new term for Singaporeans: useless pile of vile fecal matter or UPVFM, they can call their completely inappropriate behavior kiasu if they want, I call it being a scum bag ASIAN BORN CHINESE, because it is the same exact inappropriate behavior that the mainland Chinese use.
Listen you retarded UPVFM, at least the mainland Chinese have an excuse, they have been locked up and sheltered for 50 f@#$ing years, and you lie to the world and say you are the best of east vs west, you are not. You are a pathetic excuse for Homo sapiens; maybe LKY was right you all obviously did come from China’s worst stock、WOW! Think about it you are the undesirables, of a nation of undesirables. You should be so proud of yourselves……..
I not just going to bad mouth you UPVFM’s, let me give you some personal experiences, these are just some of the couple of thousands I can give from just 2 years of living there, it essentially happened anytime I went into public with these UPVFM’s, just to prove my point, which will not matter because the UPVFM’s will come on here and act like the retarded (I don’t care if you don’t like racist and prefer Xenophobe, they are the same thing, all Xenophobes are racist) racist they are, and blame the mainland Chinese, or the Malaysians, because these UPVFM’s cannot admit anything about themselves, and that is half the F@#$in problem and a big part of why they are UPVFM’s.
Flying into Singapore: My wife and coming from a wonderful vacation in Okinawa, flew Okinawa to Shanghai, then Shanghai to Singapore, we flew business class, big seats, lots of room, Singapore airlines, should have been a pleasant 5 hour flight with plenty of sleep seeing it departed at midnight, and arrived at 5:30 am. We get on the plane, sit comfortably in our seats, and wait for the meal, eat the meal, and then I want to get some sleep, I lay my chair back, and the filthy Singapore bitch behind me takes her filthy stank feet and kicks me in the head as she tries to put he feet on the back of my chair, I am like what the F@#$. She tries to tell me “I paid for this space lah, its my space too”, I call over the flight attendant, she and the woman have words, I try to lay down and sleep again, and this filthy UPVFM’s pig does it again, after an hour of back and forth I finally open my mouth with out calling the flight attendant, and threaten to rip this UPVFM’s head of her neck, and disembowel her with my fork, I could not believe this was allowed in Business class, how low class are these things.
Day 2 in Singapore signing up for cable, my wife and I go to Singtel, to sign up for a phone, internet and cable, we are seated, for close to 30minutes waiting for assistance from the girl behind the counter (as we arrived before opening, there were no customers yet except us, also introducing me to the 2 years of the absolute worst customer service I have ever seen in any country in my life), a annoying Singapore woman, and her two unruly vile non-disciplined children come be loud, disrespectful, and just plain, annoying, obnoxious, unpalatable bastards, and begin screaming at the counter girl, who still has not served my wife and I, let alone done anything I can see for that matter. Soon after an older British couple come in, the man on a walker and the woman with a cane, my wife and I stood up and offered our chairs to them, they are handicapped after all, and the 2 UPVFM children ran up, pushed the old man to the ground and took the chair, that UPVFM mother looked at them and in her vile Singlish accent said “good, leh” I told the kids to get up as the mother would not, and then the mother yelled at me “you don’t understand our culture, Children can do no wrong,” this retarded bitc$ goes, so replied, “your right its not the children’s fault, it the parents fault for not teaching these animals right from wrong.” I then looked at the kids and said “GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF THAT CHAIR RIGHT NOW< GO STAND NEXT TO YOUR MOTHER< AND SHUT YOUR MOUTHS FOR THE REST OF THE TIME YOU ARE IN HERE!” ironically, by that time many more people had walked into the store, foreign and local, and all of the foreigners had started applauding, funny isn’t it. Then I turned the girl who was suppose to be working and said “HEY
The next day I told my Singaporean Colleague about the event, he goes, It must have been a mainland Chinese, I said they had a Singaporean accent, spoke Singlish, and carried a Singaporean IC card which was in the woman’s hand, he still insisted it was a foreigner that must have PR because Singaporeans don’t act that way.
My first Work Trip: So I had been their about a month, moved into my condo, got internet and cable and had to make my first trip, this was around July, July is hot, I was in Taiwan, my wife called me that morning from Taiwan, crying and screaming, their was a dead guy on the ground in front of our apartment, a dead guy, she was in hysterics, the guy apparently had taken his own life in our condo, I calmed her down and told her to shut the window, I called my colleague, and asked him to check on my wife because she was scared due to seeing this dead body, he told me that Asian culture does not help friends that way, I said, “WHAT? I have lived in Asia for 11 years, I have an Asian wife for 8, are you retarded” so he refused to take thirty minutes out of his day to comfort a foreigner witnessing a live death after being in the UPVFM’s country for only about 30 days. 2 hours later, my wife calls me back in hysterics again, she said she was dying from the heat and opened the shades, and the body is still lying outside on the ground, uncovered and there are little children outside around it, I said they have not covered it? They have not moved it to the hospital yet? What the hell is the matter with these people, there are children looking at the body, are parents freaking? I have only seen such things in a handful of countries, let me list them for you now, India, China, Afghanistan, Turkistan, Indonesia, notice these are all third world countries that allow bodies to stay out, uncovered and children tto run and play around them, and I now add Singapore to that list, my wife and I have a huge discussion about how in NY, or in Japan, they would go out of their way to make sure you cannot see, especially if there are children, but not in Singapore, and the only person I know in Singapore, cannot take 30 f’in minutes out of their day to comfort someone who is new in THEIR COUNTRY. What UPVFM’s they are. Essentially, my wife told me the body sat outside, uncovered for 8hours with children and people walking around it then they put a blanket over it for another 3 before they finally moved it, WTF is the matter with these UPVFM’s.
After 3 months I realized, these UPVFM’s were lazy and did not work, and had to be extremely micromanaged to make sure anything got done and done properly. After 6 months there I was talking to 3 friends, about my disgust of their lack of work habits and ethics, and my friends said it must just be my employees, so I challenged them to test their work forces, being a 6 Sigma Black Belt, and offering free Black belt services that could provide money saving techniques to 3 large companies in Singapore (Symantec, Motorola, and GE) they gladly accepted, I came up with individual rating and monitoring systems that allowed them to rank accomplished work by all their employees foreign and local, GE which found the closest results had their Singaporean staff accomplishing only 1/7th of the work as their laziest foreign employee, all 3 companies however showed the same results, the UPVFM’s were useless, but the companies were forced to keep because of Singapore’s employment laws, these companies then hired me to do more studies for them, all in all Motorola has shut down all facilities in Singapore, Symantec paid a fine and fired all of its Singapore staff, and GE moved all operations to Malaysia.
Like I said these are just a few of thousands of examples I can give over 2 years of being in that shit hole, they are all UPVFM’s, and I hope somebody sinks that island back into the ocean.
Oh and just for the Singaporeans who think what I have to say about your country does not matter, I talked to hundreds of people (maybe more) from every country of the world per year, and I tell them exactly what I think of you UPVFM’s, and I give them experience on top of experience, and this does have an impact you filth.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Fuck off Ronaldo!
History was made this morning as Barcelona lifted the Champions League trophy.
They became the first Spanish club to win the league, the Copa Del Rey and the Champions League.
The Los Blaugrana have now scored a whooping 153 goals in all competitions.
It has been a pleasure watching Barcelona play this season and against ManUre they didn’t disappoint.
Goals from Eto’o and Messi were enough to see off an insipid ManUre side.
With a talent that is only matched by his arrogance, Ronaldo, for once, had to eat humble pie.
So were his teammates, as Barcelona made them look ordinary.
Although Pep Guardiola had to play a second-string backline due to injuries and suspensions, the ManUre’s much vaunted attack didn’t trouble Valdes.
On the flanks, Rooney and Park tried in vain to get the better of old man Sylvinho and Puyol, who had to play out of position. Ronaldo was marked out of the game by Pique and Toure. Even the introduction of Berbatov, Scholes and Tevez produced similar dismal results.
Barcelona’s slick passing game was an enjoyment to watch as much as were ManUre’s futile efforts at getting the ball off them.
Barcelona kept the ball with such consummate ease it was almost surreal at times.
With the excellent Busquets holding the midfield, Iniesta, Xavi and Messi ran circles around Giggs, Carrick and Anderson. Their movement was a joy to watch, their passing peerless. On the flank, a half-fit Henry was more than a handful for O’Shea.
Deprived of the ball for long periods, ManUre were reduced to chasing shadows. When they had the ball, they inevitably gave it away with misguided long passes.
Barcelona looked more like an English team than their opponents as they closed down ManUre with such efficiency.
Off-form Eto’o showed that “form is temporary but class is permanent” when he wrongfooted an on-form Vidic and toe-poked the ball under Van der Sar.
Left unmarked by Ferdinand, Messi left Van der Sar for dead as his header sailed into the top corner of the goal. A magnificent headed finish by the shortest man on the field. It was the Argentine wunderkind’s first goal against English opposition and it couldn’t have arrived at a better time.
It could have been worse for the English, but for their custodian. It was a pity they didn’t play Ben Foster instead. A 5:0 scoreline would have been what the arrogant team from Old Trafford deserved.
In the end, justice prevailed. Barcelona showed the world how football should be played. They deserve all the accolades and approbation. FIFA should strip Ronaldo of his World Player of the Year title and give it to Messi right away. If there is divine justice, Xavi and Iniesta should be given the title as well, a fitting tribute to their immense contribution.
As for ManUre, they can fuck off. Sell sulking Ronaldo to Newcastle. They would LUVVVVVVVVV it!
They became the first Spanish club to win the league, the Copa Del Rey and the Champions League.
The Los Blaugrana have now scored a whooping 153 goals in all competitions.
It has been a pleasure watching Barcelona play this season and against ManUre they didn’t disappoint.
Goals from Eto’o and Messi were enough to see off an insipid ManUre side.
With a talent that is only matched by his arrogance, Ronaldo, for once, had to eat humble pie.
So were his teammates, as Barcelona made them look ordinary.
Although Pep Guardiola had to play a second-string backline due to injuries and suspensions, the ManUre’s much vaunted attack didn’t trouble Valdes.
On the flanks, Rooney and Park tried in vain to get the better of old man Sylvinho and Puyol, who had to play out of position. Ronaldo was marked out of the game by Pique and Toure. Even the introduction of Berbatov, Scholes and Tevez produced similar dismal results.
Barcelona’s slick passing game was an enjoyment to watch as much as were ManUre’s futile efforts at getting the ball off them.
Barcelona kept the ball with such consummate ease it was almost surreal at times.
With the excellent Busquets holding the midfield, Iniesta, Xavi and Messi ran circles around Giggs, Carrick and Anderson. Their movement was a joy to watch, their passing peerless. On the flank, a half-fit Henry was more than a handful for O’Shea.
Deprived of the ball for long periods, ManUre were reduced to chasing shadows. When they had the ball, they inevitably gave it away with misguided long passes.
Barcelona looked more like an English team than their opponents as they closed down ManUre with such efficiency.
Off-form Eto’o showed that “form is temporary but class is permanent” when he wrongfooted an on-form Vidic and toe-poked the ball under Van der Sar.
Left unmarked by Ferdinand, Messi left Van der Sar for dead as his header sailed into the top corner of the goal. A magnificent headed finish by the shortest man on the field. It was the Argentine wunderkind’s first goal against English opposition and it couldn’t have arrived at a better time.
It could have been worse for the English, but for their custodian. It was a pity they didn’t play Ben Foster instead. A 5:0 scoreline would have been what the arrogant team from Old Trafford deserved.
In the end, justice prevailed. Barcelona showed the world how football should be played. They deserve all the accolades and approbation. FIFA should strip Ronaldo of his World Player of the Year title and give it to Messi right away. If there is divine justice, Xavi and Iniesta should be given the title as well, a fitting tribute to their immense contribution.
As for ManUre, they can fuck off. Sell sulking Ronaldo to Newcastle. They would LUVVVVVVVVV it!
Monday, May 25, 2009
To Round Things Off
I saw this in a book:
The Devil is by no means the worst that there is; I would rather have dealings with him than with many a human being He honours his agreements much more promptly than many a swindler on Earth. To be true, when payment is due he comes on the dot; just as twelve strikes, fetches his soul and goes off home to Hell like a good Devil. He’s just a businessman as is right and proper.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The English Premiership’s 'Survival Sunday' was a comedy. You would have thought all the relegation threatened clubs would have made a fist of it but they all lost abjectly. Boro tied the scores at 1:1 only to see their keeper let slip a shot into the net. Sunderland lost to Chelsea 3:2 at their Stadium of Light. Hull City were comprehensively outplayed by a second-string Man Utd side, and their rivals Newcastle surrendered tamely to Villa.
Funnily, the only club in the bottom five that managed to pick up a point (a goalless draw with Blackburn ) was already relegated West Brom. They could even have won it, but their profligate finishing had been their Achilles heel all season and it tormented them to the final day.
Wild celebrations greeted the final whistle at the KC Stadium. To an unwitting observer, the scenes of jubilation might have suggested a trophy won after a hard-fought victory. Rarely has a side celebrated so hard and with such a strange mixture of disbelief and relief after losing a critical tie, but Hull City and their legions of delirious fans are beyond caring. The Tigers had been playing hopeless football, but so had Boro, Newcastle and WBA. The only reason why they will be playing in the Premiership next season is that for all their ineptitude, the aforementioned clubs, were incredibly, worse.
After so many false dawns, Newcastle finally got the fate they deserve. Despite a second place finish in the first Keegan era, a few Champions League appearances and a couple of FA Cup Finals, Newcastle were never, as their fans suggested ad nauseam, a big club. The Barcode Army do not have a divine right to be in the Premiership, and for the next season at least, Premiership fans won’t have to hear any more of that “We deserve to win trophies’ nonsense.
Everton secured a fifth place finish after their victory at Fulham. Alan Shearer was touted as the ‘Messiah’ when he took over at Newcastle with eight matches remaining. If there is truly a Messiah, then it is David Moyes, who unlike Shearer, has lived up to his billing season after season.
Despite a horrible start to the season, Moyes had not only steadied the ship, but steered it to richer waters. A fifth place finish and a date with Chelsea for the FA Cup are more than just rewards for a club that is skint. Admittedly Everton may not be challenging for the Premiership title or even a top four finish, but Moyes has forged a resilient side that is hard to beat and he must be given credit for that.
Chelsea will be favourites to lift the FA Cup but Everton, after seeing off the likes of Liverpool (also called the Shite), Villa and Man Utd, must fancy their chances. It will be all blue at Wembley, and hopefully another ‘Ovrebo’ will not overshadow what will be a magnificent final. Win or lose, this will surely be the best season for the Blues since Joe Royle and Co lifted the Cup so long ago.
The Devil is by no means the worst that there is; I would rather have dealings with him than with many a human being He honours his agreements much more promptly than many a swindler on Earth. To be true, when payment is due he comes on the dot; just as twelve strikes, fetches his soul and goes off home to Hell like a good Devil. He’s just a businessman as is right and proper.
J. N. NESTROY, Hollenangst
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The English Premiership’s 'Survival Sunday' was a comedy. You would have thought all the relegation threatened clubs would have made a fist of it but they all lost abjectly. Boro tied the scores at 1:1 only to see their keeper let slip a shot into the net. Sunderland lost to Chelsea 3:2 at their Stadium of Light. Hull City were comprehensively outplayed by a second-string Man Utd side, and their rivals Newcastle surrendered tamely to Villa.
Funnily, the only club in the bottom five that managed to pick up a point (a goalless draw with Blackburn ) was already relegated West Brom. They could even have won it, but their profligate finishing had been their Achilles heel all season and it tormented them to the final day.
Wild celebrations greeted the final whistle at the KC Stadium. To an unwitting observer, the scenes of jubilation might have suggested a trophy won after a hard-fought victory. Rarely has a side celebrated so hard and with such a strange mixture of disbelief and relief after losing a critical tie, but Hull City and their legions of delirious fans are beyond caring. The Tigers had been playing hopeless football, but so had Boro, Newcastle and WBA. The only reason why they will be playing in the Premiership next season is that for all their ineptitude, the aforementioned clubs, were incredibly, worse.
After so many false dawns, Newcastle finally got the fate they deserve. Despite a second place finish in the first Keegan era, a few Champions League appearances and a couple of FA Cup Finals, Newcastle were never, as their fans suggested ad nauseam, a big club. The Barcode Army do not have a divine right to be in the Premiership, and for the next season at least, Premiership fans won’t have to hear any more of that “We deserve to win trophies’ nonsense.
Everton secured a fifth place finish after their victory at Fulham. Alan Shearer was touted as the ‘Messiah’ when he took over at Newcastle with eight matches remaining. If there is truly a Messiah, then it is David Moyes, who unlike Shearer, has lived up to his billing season after season.
Despite a horrible start to the season, Moyes had not only steadied the ship, but steered it to richer waters. A fifth place finish and a date with Chelsea for the FA Cup are more than just rewards for a club that is skint. Admittedly Everton may not be challenging for the Premiership title or even a top four finish, but Moyes has forged a resilient side that is hard to beat and he must be given credit for that.
Chelsea will be favourites to lift the FA Cup but Everton, after seeing off the likes of Liverpool (also called the Shite), Villa and Man Utd, must fancy their chances. It will be all blue at Wembley, and hopefully another ‘Ovrebo’ will not overshadow what will be a magnificent final. Win or lose, this will surely be the best season for the Blues since Joe Royle and Co lifted the Cup so long ago.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Going Drogba
I had my Business Law II examination during the earlier part of the night and words cannot adequately convey me feelings of despondency. I feel robbed, raped, thrown to the dogs and if there is a word I cannot use enough, it is “disgrace”.
Let’s start from before the examination.
My Business Law II lecturer was full of confidence when he gave us the examination tips. Like the investors who were similarly buoyant before the economic collapse, we invested in his Minibonds, were denied the possibility of recourse, and ultimately left to our own pathetic chest-beating and vitriol-driven rants.
People will say that we deserve it and I concede they have a point, but only to a certain degree. A lecturer should not have given his students tips if he is not confident that they are useful. In our case, the situation is exacerbated to such laughable proportions because my lecturer was the one who set the paper. At least, that was what he said. It is tragicomical, the equivalent of Fann Wong starring in a Shakespearean tragedy and then speaking her lines in her broken English.
I have nothing against a lecturer who does not give tips. My Marketing lecturer didn’t say a word but I never said a bad word against her. I even gave her a good review when I did my course evaluation. By choosing to “help” your students out you give people false hopes. People will rely on the information and they will suffer because they do exactly that. If I had my way, there should either be tips for all students taking the same course, or none at all.
The smell of conspiracy pervades the air. In my previous posts I had mentioned that students from the other classes had been crowding my own because of my lecturer’s reputation as a tip-giver. There were a few embarrassing and rather infuriating occasions win which he had difficulty getting the “illegal immigrants” to go back to their own classes.
My theory is that the original paper was changed to “teach these gatecrashers a lesson”. The other lecturers, neglected as they were, had a chance to reward their loyal students by giving them the correct tips, while the disloyal ones rightly deserved their punishment.
What I don’t understand is, why make us suffer as well? We didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. It was our own class, as stated in the attendance files and other people did not have a right to come into our class and fight with us over seats! And secondly, didn’t they, in their vindictive wisdom realize that students swap assignments and files around? The ones who would have gotten hit, regardless of guilt, would be those who didn’t interact much with their fellows!
The questions were quite long, possibly twice as long as what were in the past year papers. To make things worse, three were spilt into parts, meaning that we had to flip through our textbook, guidebook and notes madly. We were only given two hours to finish the paper, not three hours! Time was never going to be enough, and if in our haste, we misread or missed some key words in the question, we would never have time to redo our answers. Contrast this paper to previous years, which were more direct.
The thing that pisses me off is the last question on corporate governance. Corporate governance, being a set of ethical guidelines and not legislation, is debatable. Different cultures and countries have their own unique definitions of what constitute corporate governance, and as such, any definition is contextual at best.
Due to the difficult nature of this topic, it would be reasonable to provide us with material of sufficient quality and quantity so that we can examine this in greater detail. The course chair had to write two short sections on corporate governance in the study guide because the topic was beyond the scope of our textbook. All well and fine. The topic may require more thinking but its inclusion does not dilute the structure of the course. It should enhance it but unfortunately the way the question was set, made some of us felt robbed.
How in the Hells did they expect us to answer a question like this, bearing in mind we had to finish four other questions and were given a paltry two hours?
Both investors and governments have been active in the realm of corporate governance by seeking to ensure that corporate boards are more accountable, that qualified independent non-executive directors can and do play a key role, that audit committees are able to operate effectively. In the Singapore context it is evident that publicly listed companies are expected to disclose their corporate governance practices and to give adequate explanation for deviations from the Code of Corporate Governance in their Annual Reports. In the light of these current reforms, explain how the practice of corporate governance in Singapore has provided a climate that is conducive to the orderly development of the capital markets and at the same time meets the increasing expectations of the investing public and institutional investors.
I searched through my guidebooks and notes and I could not find anything I could use. In the end I just wrote whatever drivel my desperate brain could conjure up. Admittedly I am a mediocre student, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, there is no doubt that this question will challenge even business professionals and academics alike. The problem is not that we could not try to use our critical thinking, it’s that we had absolutely no time to do so!
What is the point of having an examination when you are testing students’ writing speed and to some extent his speed of thought instead of his knowledge of the subject and his faculty for critical thinking?! I am absolutely against the idea of having a two hour examination! It’s obscene and people who are naturally deliberate thinkers are going to get the short end of the stick.
Granted, that part of the answers to this question could be found in the notes and in my feverish haste I had overlooked them. In that case, I should lose quite a few marks for my mistake. However, when SOME fortunate students got exactly the same question and the answers in their revision notes, then obviously the ground was “uneven”. A friend happily told me that he just copied the whole chunk in. 20 marks in the pocket, free and easy. As far as I know, my class didn’t get that particular set of notes! Some will pass because they had some extraordinary help and some will fail because they were screwed. It’s a disgrace, a fucking disgrace! A damning indictment of my university!
And I would love to kill the whoreson who set the temperature in the examination hall to near Arctic conditions. For most of the examination my fingers were stiff from the cold and I had a torrid time writing on my script. My handwriting was barely legible, and I hope I would not be penalized for producing something that reminds one of the sigils in a Taoist talisman! At any rate, I hope my drivel is enough to secure the required 40 marks for survival. (I think I got most of the concepts right. Problem is, my writing was absolutely shite.)
Now I know what Drogba and Company must have felt when Ovrebo robbed them of a place in the Champions League final. It’s a disgrace! A fucking disgrace!
I would love to do the same to UniShit.
Let’s start from before the examination.
My Business Law II lecturer was full of confidence when he gave us the examination tips. Like the investors who were similarly buoyant before the economic collapse, we invested in his Minibonds, were denied the possibility of recourse, and ultimately left to our own pathetic chest-beating and vitriol-driven rants.
People will say that we deserve it and I concede they have a point, but only to a certain degree. A lecturer should not have given his students tips if he is not confident that they are useful. In our case, the situation is exacerbated to such laughable proportions because my lecturer was the one who set the paper. At least, that was what he said. It is tragicomical, the equivalent of Fann Wong starring in a Shakespearean tragedy and then speaking her lines in her broken English.
I have nothing against a lecturer who does not give tips. My Marketing lecturer didn’t say a word but I never said a bad word against her. I even gave her a good review when I did my course evaluation. By choosing to “help” your students out you give people false hopes. People will rely on the information and they will suffer because they do exactly that. If I had my way, there should either be tips for all students taking the same course, or none at all.
The smell of conspiracy pervades the air. In my previous posts I had mentioned that students from the other classes had been crowding my own because of my lecturer’s reputation as a tip-giver. There were a few embarrassing and rather infuriating occasions win which he had difficulty getting the “illegal immigrants” to go back to their own classes.
My theory is that the original paper was changed to “teach these gatecrashers a lesson”. The other lecturers, neglected as they were, had a chance to reward their loyal students by giving them the correct tips, while the disloyal ones rightly deserved their punishment.
What I don’t understand is, why make us suffer as well? We didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. It was our own class, as stated in the attendance files and other people did not have a right to come into our class and fight with us over seats! And secondly, didn’t they, in their vindictive wisdom realize that students swap assignments and files around? The ones who would have gotten hit, regardless of guilt, would be those who didn’t interact much with their fellows!
The questions were quite long, possibly twice as long as what were in the past year papers. To make things worse, three were spilt into parts, meaning that we had to flip through our textbook, guidebook and notes madly. We were only given two hours to finish the paper, not three hours! Time was never going to be enough, and if in our haste, we misread or missed some key words in the question, we would never have time to redo our answers. Contrast this paper to previous years, which were more direct.
The thing that pisses me off is the last question on corporate governance. Corporate governance, being a set of ethical guidelines and not legislation, is debatable. Different cultures and countries have their own unique definitions of what constitute corporate governance, and as such, any definition is contextual at best.
Due to the difficult nature of this topic, it would be reasonable to provide us with material of sufficient quality and quantity so that we can examine this in greater detail. The course chair had to write two short sections on corporate governance in the study guide because the topic was beyond the scope of our textbook. All well and fine. The topic may require more thinking but its inclusion does not dilute the structure of the course. It should enhance it but unfortunately the way the question was set, made some of us felt robbed.
How in the Hells did they expect us to answer a question like this, bearing in mind we had to finish four other questions and were given a paltry two hours?
Both investors and governments have been active in the realm of corporate governance by seeking to ensure that corporate boards are more accountable, that qualified independent non-executive directors can and do play a key role, that audit committees are able to operate effectively. In the Singapore context it is evident that publicly listed companies are expected to disclose their corporate governance practices and to give adequate explanation for deviations from the Code of Corporate Governance in their Annual Reports. In the light of these current reforms, explain how the practice of corporate governance in Singapore has provided a climate that is conducive to the orderly development of the capital markets and at the same time meets the increasing expectations of the investing public and institutional investors.
I searched through my guidebooks and notes and I could not find anything I could use. In the end I just wrote whatever drivel my desperate brain could conjure up. Admittedly I am a mediocre student, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, there is no doubt that this question will challenge even business professionals and academics alike. The problem is not that we could not try to use our critical thinking, it’s that we had absolutely no time to do so!
What is the point of having an examination when you are testing students’ writing speed and to some extent his speed of thought instead of his knowledge of the subject and his faculty for critical thinking?! I am absolutely against the idea of having a two hour examination! It’s obscene and people who are naturally deliberate thinkers are going to get the short end of the stick.
Granted, that part of the answers to this question could be found in the notes and in my feverish haste I had overlooked them. In that case, I should lose quite a few marks for my mistake. However, when SOME fortunate students got exactly the same question and the answers in their revision notes, then obviously the ground was “uneven”. A friend happily told me that he just copied the whole chunk in. 20 marks in the pocket, free and easy. As far as I know, my class didn’t get that particular set of notes! Some will pass because they had some extraordinary help and some will fail because they were screwed. It’s a disgrace, a fucking disgrace! A damning indictment of my university!
And I would love to kill the whoreson who set the temperature in the examination hall to near Arctic conditions. For most of the examination my fingers were stiff from the cold and I had a torrid time writing on my script. My handwriting was barely legible, and I hope I would not be penalized for producing something that reminds one of the sigils in a Taoist talisman! At any rate, I hope my drivel is enough to secure the required 40 marks for survival. (I think I got most of the concepts right. Problem is, my writing was absolutely shite.)
Now I know what Drogba and Company must have felt when Ovrebo robbed them of a place in the Champions League final. It’s a disgrace! A fucking disgrace!
I would love to do the same to UniShit.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Strange, very strange.
Some smartass once said that life is what you make of it.
What would he have made of this?
SMSes:
Police Car at 1.11 pm: Xian ah xian. Will u be able to help me with 1k?i will pay u back by july. (I thought his next payday is on the 10th of June?)
Police Car at 1.15pm: This is really urgent. Concerns life and death.
Police Car at 1.19pm: At the most the next time i treat u to geylang for the best CN spec lor. Until u drool
Police Car at 1.43pm: Xian.how?can help?
Me at 1.46pm: No $ (I'm unemployed remember?) Try the guys in the trade. You can also ask Rama - he saves a lot. (Our roles should be reversed. An airforce staff sergeant who wastes the taxpayers' money every month now wants handouts from a struggling student. We should be on Ripley's Believe it or Not.)
Police Car at 1.48pm: I thought u gonna do street protest?hahaha (Pinkdot is an event, not a protest.)
Me at 1.50pm: What protest? By the way, protesters don't get paid at all. (In fact they attract police attention faster than Mas Selamat if he were to do a striptease in front of the Parliament House.)
Police Car at 1.51pm: Putting on e pink shirt and protest. Carrying a flag. Haha
Police Car at 1.53pm: Ok. Help me think of 4 numbers. Once strike! That's it. (I am a god now, and my first act upon my deification is to dispense winning lottery numbers. )
Me at 1.56pm: Why don't you seek help from your pastor? I'm sure the church would be more than willing to help. (As if pigs can fly.)
Me at 1.57pm: 9413 (rythmes with "Nine Dead One Live" in Cantonese/Mandarin.)
Police Car 1.57pm: Than if everyone seek him 4 help than he broke (My, how noble. What about me?)
Not satisfied with this meaningless exchange via messaging, Police Car called me to continue the meaningless exchange via oral conversation. I can't remember exactly every word, but the conversation was roughly like this:
Police Car: ARRRRRGH.
Me: Eh?
Police Car: The 9413 got open meh?
Me: It's certainly possible. 0000 has "opened" before.
Police Car: Eh? Why 9413?
Me: Good number.
Police Car: Why leh?
Me: The other night Chicken and I saw this "fierce" car with 9413 on its number plate.
Police Car: What loh! Must be one lousy car lah.
Me: No. Nonono. It's actually quite a good car. We also saw 0666.
Police Car: Chicken that time said throw $2 go and buy Toto or 4D. If strike, ho say liao!
Me: Yeah.
Police Car: So how much should I buy?
Me: Depends on you.
Police Car: Then how much?
Me: $10.
Police Car: $10! If lose then everything die liao. (Of course! You think Singapore Pools will refund you money?)
Me: You must have faith.
Police Car: But $10...
Me: Is your faith worth less than $10? (So is a mustard seed.)
Police Car: If I strike I treat you to CN spec. She can wear nurse or whatever uniform you like. (Anything but airforce uniform please.)
Me: I prefer that she dresses up like Mother Teresa.
Police Car: HAHAHAHA!
Me: Yes. We can do the missionary position together.
Police Car: HAHAHAHA! So 4D how to buy? (Acerbic wit is wasted on fools.)
(I then explained to him what "Big"and "Small" mean on the payout stakes. He interjected occasionally to clarify his doubts.)
Police Car: Okay okay. I go buy.
Me: Ciao.
What would he have made of this?
SMSes:
Police Car at 1.11 pm: Xian ah xian. Will u be able to help me with 1k?i will pay u back by july. (I thought his next payday is on the 10th of June?)
Police Car at 1.15pm: This is really urgent. Concerns life and death.
Police Car at 1.19pm: At the most the next time i treat u to geylang for the best CN spec lor. Until u drool
Police Car at 1.43pm: Xian.how?can help?
Me at 1.46pm: No $ (I'm unemployed remember?) Try the guys in the trade. You can also ask Rama - he saves a lot. (Our roles should be reversed. An airforce staff sergeant who wastes the taxpayers' money every month now wants handouts from a struggling student. We should be on Ripley's Believe it or Not.)
Police Car at 1.48pm: I thought u gonna do street protest?hahaha (Pinkdot is an event, not a protest.)
Me at 1.50pm: What protest? By the way, protesters don't get paid at all. (In fact they attract police attention faster than Mas Selamat if he were to do a striptease in front of the Parliament House.)
Police Car at 1.51pm: Putting on e pink shirt and protest. Carrying a flag. Haha
Police Car at 1.53pm: Ok. Help me think of 4 numbers. Once strike! That's it. (I am a god now, and my first act upon my deification is to dispense winning lottery numbers. )
Me at 1.56pm: Why don't you seek help from your pastor? I'm sure the church would be more than willing to help. (As if pigs can fly.)
Me at 1.57pm: 9413 (rythmes with "Nine Dead One Live" in Cantonese/Mandarin.)
Police Car 1.57pm: Than if everyone seek him 4 help than he broke (My, how noble. What about me?)
Not satisfied with this meaningless exchange via messaging, Police Car called me to continue the meaningless exchange via oral conversation. I can't remember exactly every word, but the conversation was roughly like this:
Police Car: ARRRRRGH.
Me: Eh?
Police Car: The 9413 got open meh?
Me: It's certainly possible. 0000 has "opened" before.
Police Car: Eh? Why 9413?
Me: Good number.
Police Car: Why leh?
Me: The other night Chicken and I saw this "fierce" car with 9413 on its number plate.
Police Car: What loh! Must be one lousy car lah.
Me: No. Nonono. It's actually quite a good car. We also saw 0666.
Police Car: Chicken that time said throw $2 go and buy Toto or 4D. If strike, ho say liao!
Me: Yeah.
Police Car: So how much should I buy?
Me: Depends on you.
Police Car: Then how much?
Me: $10.
Police Car: $10! If lose then everything die liao. (Of course! You think Singapore Pools will refund you money?)
Me: You must have faith.
Police Car: But $10...
Me: Is your faith worth less than $10? (So is a mustard seed.)
Police Car: If I strike I treat you to CN spec. She can wear nurse or whatever uniform you like. (Anything but airforce uniform please.)
Me: I prefer that she dresses up like Mother Teresa.
Police Car: HAHAHAHA!
Me: Yes. We can do the missionary position together.
Police Car: HAHAHAHA! So 4D how to buy? (Acerbic wit is wasted on fools.)
(I then explained to him what "Big"and "Small" mean on the payout stakes. He interjected occasionally to clarify his doubts.)
Police Car: Okay okay. I go buy.
Me: Ciao.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Non Compos Mentis
I am recovering from my trauma from my Financial Accounting examination. I suffered yet another mental collapse. When I flipped through the paper I thought survival was guaranteed. How wrong I was!
Throughout my ordeal I found myself in a trance. For the first 25 minutes or so my fingers werer semi-thawed (I spent two hours in this ice-cave of a library for some last minute mugging and had my blood frozen as a result), and for the rest of the period I was slipping in and out of reality. Stray throughts kept popping up in my head. Music played, my consciousness phased in and out. I struggled to maintain concentration but it was an uphill struggle.
I cleared the first question well enough, but for the next three I faltered. I suffered the sort of mental collapse that a team which has taken a three goal lead only to concede four in the last ten minutes would feel. I suddenly couldn't remember where to place the accrued transactions in the journal. Instead of putting the adjusted figures into the existing columns, I added a few more columns. Granted, while I screwed up this question it wasn't a complete loss. A few points here and then, and hopefully, no penalization for writing rubbish and I might sneak a few vital points.
By this time, my mental fortitude was on the verge of disintegration. Wave after wave of desperation assaulted me. I had difficulty remembering what I just wrote. Like a common animal I existed purely on an instinctual level. My pen scribbed, I crossed out, rewrote. Let not your right hand know what the left is doing. Easy matter! The interface between my brain and my hand broke down incessantly, each reknitting increasingly tenuous. I would have sworn I was possessed by some idiot angel, but I am an atheist.
The third question was an absolutely stinker. Ordinarily, inventory methods would not have fazed me, but in this situation I was left grasping at thin air. Although there are two types of inventory stocktaking decisions, the examples in the textbook were worked using only one methodology. Left with no alternative I answered as what I had practiced. I might have gotten it perfectly right - it's all or nothing. A penalty situation. Either I score or I miss. No in-between, Beautiful yet potentially tragic. Winner takes all. A wonderful dichotomy. I could have been thinking too much - look! I'm waxing pathetic! - the two decisions may be purely rhetorical where accounting is concerned, but I feel frustrated at the way I blew this golden opportunity to seal it.
Understand what I just wrote? I don't. Do you?
I had less than 30 minutes for the last question and I just wrote whatever I could conjure up. I misplaced a couple of transactions but I couldn't really help it. I got the format down and anything I put in right was a bonus. With three minutes remaining I realized I still haven't done the theory part of the question. Although it carried only a paltry five marks it looked considerably more promising on the cost-benefit scale than the 20 mark cash flow statement I just scribbed. I wrote some crap and hopefully it will secure the precious point(s) I need to put myself through. I now place my hopes on the theory portion of the paper. It consisted of only around a fifth of the total marks but every shit counts. May my bullshit smells nice enough to get me ten marks or more out of the 19, 20 on offer.
Life is ironic and a bitch at that. To think I had ranted at having theory questions in the paper, only to rely on them now. I learned about 'creative accounting' dishonest businessmen use, only to hope that the marker will indulge, from an 'ethical' point of view, some 'creative marking and accounting' when he/she grades my paper.
One down, two more to go. I am not going to touch my books tonight. I have had enough pain to last me for the next 12 hours.
Throughout my ordeal I found myself in a trance. For the first 25 minutes or so my fingers werer semi-thawed (I spent two hours in this ice-cave of a library for some last minute mugging and had my blood frozen as a result), and for the rest of the period I was slipping in and out of reality. Stray throughts kept popping up in my head. Music played, my consciousness phased in and out. I struggled to maintain concentration but it was an uphill struggle.
I cleared the first question well enough, but for the next three I faltered. I suffered the sort of mental collapse that a team which has taken a three goal lead only to concede four in the last ten minutes would feel. I suddenly couldn't remember where to place the accrued transactions in the journal. Instead of putting the adjusted figures into the existing columns, I added a few more columns. Granted, while I screwed up this question it wasn't a complete loss. A few points here and then, and hopefully, no penalization for writing rubbish and I might sneak a few vital points.
By this time, my mental fortitude was on the verge of disintegration. Wave after wave of desperation assaulted me. I had difficulty remembering what I just wrote. Like a common animal I existed purely on an instinctual level. My pen scribbed, I crossed out, rewrote. Let not your right hand know what the left is doing. Easy matter! The interface between my brain and my hand broke down incessantly, each reknitting increasingly tenuous. I would have sworn I was possessed by some idiot angel, but I am an atheist.
The third question was an absolutely stinker. Ordinarily, inventory methods would not have fazed me, but in this situation I was left grasping at thin air. Although there are two types of inventory stocktaking decisions, the examples in the textbook were worked using only one methodology. Left with no alternative I answered as what I had practiced. I might have gotten it perfectly right - it's all or nothing. A penalty situation. Either I score or I miss. No in-between, Beautiful yet potentially tragic. Winner takes all. A wonderful dichotomy. I could have been thinking too much - look! I'm waxing pathetic! - the two decisions may be purely rhetorical where accounting is concerned, but I feel frustrated at the way I blew this golden opportunity to seal it.
Understand what I just wrote? I don't. Do you?
I had less than 30 minutes for the last question and I just wrote whatever I could conjure up. I misplaced a couple of transactions but I couldn't really help it. I got the format down and anything I put in right was a bonus. With three minutes remaining I realized I still haven't done the theory part of the question. Although it carried only a paltry five marks it looked considerably more promising on the cost-benefit scale than the 20 mark cash flow statement I just scribbed. I wrote some crap and hopefully it will secure the precious point(s) I need to put myself through. I now place my hopes on the theory portion of the paper. It consisted of only around a fifth of the total marks but every shit counts. May my bullshit smells nice enough to get me ten marks or more out of the 19, 20 on offer.
Life is ironic and a bitch at that. To think I had ranted at having theory questions in the paper, only to rely on them now. I learned about 'creative accounting' dishonest businessmen use, only to hope that the marker will indulge, from an 'ethical' point of view, some 'creative marking and accounting' when he/she grades my paper.
One down, two more to go. I am not going to touch my books tonight. I have had enough pain to last me for the next 12 hours.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
This is what I call INTEGRITY!
From the official Chelsea Football Club website:
PADDY POWER REFUND ON CHELSEA AFTER CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FARCE
Posted on: Thu 07 May 2009
Reacting to the astonishing refereeing in last night's Champions League semi-final, top bookie Paddy Power has wasted no time pledging to refund bets placed on Chelsea to win the encounter and to qualify for the Champions League final.
Chelsea, who were on course for a Champions League final encounter with Manchester United, were seemingly denied at least four penalties and then lost out after a 93rd minute winning strike from Barcelona's Andrés Iniesta.
Paddy Power said: 'The refereeing in tonight's match was disgraceful and we're not going to let our punters suffer because of that nonsense. Anyone who backed Chelsea to win in 90 minutes or to qualify for the Champions League final will get their money back.'
Will Singapore Pools do the right thing as well?
Yeah. WHEN PIGS GROW WINGS AND FLY.
PADDY POWER REFUND ON CHELSEA AFTER CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FARCE
Posted on: Thu 07 May 2009
Reacting to the astonishing refereeing in last night's Champions League semi-final, top bookie Paddy Power has wasted no time pledging to refund bets placed on Chelsea to win the encounter and to qualify for the Champions League final.
Chelsea, who were on course for a Champions League final encounter with Manchester United, were seemingly denied at least four penalties and then lost out after a 93rd minute winning strike from Barcelona's Andrés Iniesta.
Paddy Power said: 'The refereeing in tonight's match was disgraceful and we're not going to let our punters suffer because of that nonsense. Anyone who backed Chelsea to win in 90 minutes or to qualify for the Champions League final will get their money back.'
Will Singapore Pools do the right thing as well?
Yeah. WHEN PIGS GROW WINGS AND FLY.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Current Affairs II
The panic over the swine flu is getting out of hand.
Millions of people around the world are infected with the HIV virus and nobody legislates the use of condoms. We have a hundred cases of swine flu and people start pressing the panic buttons. The World Health Organization clearly do not know what the fuck they are doing. Five out of six on the Alert Scale is overreacting. I would have put it at three. To date, how many people have died from swine flu? The survival rate (over 90%) is still pretty high. Contrast swine flu to cancer, heart problems, and AIDS. Egypt just butchered most of its pigs. Mexicans are treated like they are the carriers of some alien virus. News of the disease continue to dominate the airwaves.
It’s irritating. First we have the economic crisis and the endless discussion of what happened to corporate governance (as if it existed in the first place), then the Somalia pirates, Pakistan’s capitulation to the Taliban and now the swine flu. No doubt the news are absorbing but sometimes I wish they can take a break from reporting all these and concentrate on real issues. Like how a certain regime with the “Mandate of the People” tag are treating its citizens worse than pigs. The pigs in Egypt at least got a quick death. Here it’s a slow and lingering demise, made worse by listening to the regime’s incessant pseudo-pedantic claptrap and being squeezed of every drop of blood. (By the end of it, you still have to pay for your own funeral, unlike our friends the pigs.)
In our incredibly “unique” cuntry, it is impossible to go into any regime-owned/sponsored building without having your temperature taken. This is ridiculous. If I catch the flu at this moment I can hardly be expected to develop flu symptoms right away yeah? There are plenty of crowded places like train stations, bus interchanges and shopping centres but why aren’t people in these places required to use their thermometers? There are hordes of cheap foreign workers in GL every night and spreading disease via their body odors and bodily secretions, i.e., semen so why are they exempted?
It is so bad now that students are being fined for forgetting to bring their thermometers to school. In case the fucking authorities had been living in a cave and sharing bodily secretions with Mr. Bin Laden and didn’t know shit, we are in the middle of the worst recession since 1930. A recession that is going to get worse. Fining people when they are struggling to pay bills is absolutely shameful. Only in Singapore can such bullshit happen without people protesting about it. Fuck this cuntry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While having supper in GL last night, Chicken and I saw a cat-fight. Several Vietnamese whores decided to liven up the night with some good old-fashioned WWE action. The coffee-shop proprietor quickly broke up the fight. Even so, one was left on her bum, rubbing her lips with her hands and looking dazed.
The entertainment lasted about a minute, but was nevertheless impressive. Our food arrived and Chicken and I attacked it with relish. Halfway through our supper Chicken pointed at a scruffy character prying a floorboard several yards from where we were seated. The board opened a crack and he fished out two packages of fags. After ten minutes or so, a different bloke came and did the same thing. Then another. Their entrepreneurship and humanistic spirit deserve the highest approbation. With the recession and fags being priced so high by our mercenary, totalitarian and soulless regime, these ethical businessmen allow smokers to get their kicks without bursting their bank. This is truly social responsibility.
The gambling tables were nowhere to be found. The presence of a couple of fuzz sitting in the vicinity put business to a halt. I don’t know why people endure three years for a polytechnic diploma in Casino Management when it is obvious that you need only brains and confidence to run a table. When the Integrated Resorts (IR) are up, these people should be employed. Why choose greenhorns out of polytechnics when people with relevant experience are readily available?
Kids are loitering in GL. While in principle, I have nothing against that – I consider the sightseeing to be enriching – the number of kids may cause the fuzz to clamp down on GL even more. The other night I saw a group of teenagers (with a couple of girls among them) questioned by the fuzz. There are many ways to impress your date. You don’t need to bring them to a red-light district just to show her how ‘man’ you are. With teenage girls being so horny these days, I am sure it doesn’t take much to get one to spread her legs.
If you are a male teenager, complete with raging hormones, and want to sightsee, please do not bring your little girlfriends with you. Please do not wear your Singapore Polytechnic “Freshmen Orientation 09” T-shirt. It’s conspicuous and draws the attention of the fuzz. Wear something suitably sloppy which blends you in. This is a red-light district, not a teensy club, for Asmodeus’ sake! I am sure people do not want the fuzz to raid the area in the name of “social morality”. So please, show some sense.
Back to the main topic. The PRC merchandise ($100 price tag) are back in the CBD. In my opinion, many of them belong in the $60/80 category. While most are still aesthetically pleasing, you will not get good value for money in terms of “feel” and selection. Like the global economy, the recovery will take place, but slowly.
The $60 and $80 streets are mostly empty. They are too near to where the fuzz usually laze around and the lack of concealment and “safe-houses” make soliciting a tricky business. You may get the odd heroine once in a while, but don’t count on the quality.
You may also find a few PRC goods standing opposite the $60 street. Their quality is comparable to the ones found in the CBD, which does not mean a great deal. However, you may be able to find the rare gem if you are lucky.
The Indonesian merchandise are more blatant. Their inferior quality may explain their gungho attitude. They have nothing to lose. Still, when it comes to alert, they respond swiftly and decisively. Our mighty military can learn a thing or two from these cheap whores. Like the need to MOVE FAST!
The Indian merchandise, with their saris and thick waists are not recommended for the discerning client. Their mediocrity, and the unsavory prospect of being a “sperm brother” with the masses of cheap laborers they have served, makes renting them an extremely unwise and possibly damaging business transaction.
For the same reason, avoid the fish tanks. There are so many strange characters going in and out of the overworked merchandise that they cannot be accorded safe. $50 for a 25 minute round is too obscene, considering the current economy.
Millions of people around the world are infected with the HIV virus and nobody legislates the use of condoms. We have a hundred cases of swine flu and people start pressing the panic buttons. The World Health Organization clearly do not know what the fuck they are doing. Five out of six on the Alert Scale is overreacting. I would have put it at three. To date, how many people have died from swine flu? The survival rate (over 90%) is still pretty high. Contrast swine flu to cancer, heart problems, and AIDS. Egypt just butchered most of its pigs. Mexicans are treated like they are the carriers of some alien virus. News of the disease continue to dominate the airwaves.
It’s irritating. First we have the economic crisis and the endless discussion of what happened to corporate governance (as if it existed in the first place), then the Somalia pirates, Pakistan’s capitulation to the Taliban and now the swine flu. No doubt the news are absorbing but sometimes I wish they can take a break from reporting all these and concentrate on real issues. Like how a certain regime with the “Mandate of the People” tag are treating its citizens worse than pigs. The pigs in Egypt at least got a quick death. Here it’s a slow and lingering demise, made worse by listening to the regime’s incessant pseudo-pedantic claptrap and being squeezed of every drop of blood. (By the end of it, you still have to pay for your own funeral, unlike our friends the pigs.)
In our incredibly “unique” cuntry, it is impossible to go into any regime-owned/sponsored building without having your temperature taken. This is ridiculous. If I catch the flu at this moment I can hardly be expected to develop flu symptoms right away yeah? There are plenty of crowded places like train stations, bus interchanges and shopping centres but why aren’t people in these places required to use their thermometers? There are hordes of cheap foreign workers in GL every night and spreading disease via their body odors and bodily secretions, i.e., semen so why are they exempted?
It is so bad now that students are being fined for forgetting to bring their thermometers to school. In case the fucking authorities had been living in a cave and sharing bodily secretions with Mr. Bin Laden and didn’t know shit, we are in the middle of the worst recession since 1930. A recession that is going to get worse. Fining people when they are struggling to pay bills is absolutely shameful. Only in Singapore can such bullshit happen without people protesting about it. Fuck this cuntry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While having supper in GL last night, Chicken and I saw a cat-fight. Several Vietnamese whores decided to liven up the night with some good old-fashioned WWE action. The coffee-shop proprietor quickly broke up the fight. Even so, one was left on her bum, rubbing her lips with her hands and looking dazed.
The entertainment lasted about a minute, but was nevertheless impressive. Our food arrived and Chicken and I attacked it with relish. Halfway through our supper Chicken pointed at a scruffy character prying a floorboard several yards from where we were seated. The board opened a crack and he fished out two packages of fags. After ten minutes or so, a different bloke came and did the same thing. Then another. Their entrepreneurship and humanistic spirit deserve the highest approbation. With the recession and fags being priced so high by our mercenary, totalitarian and soulless regime, these ethical businessmen allow smokers to get their kicks without bursting their bank. This is truly social responsibility.
The gambling tables were nowhere to be found. The presence of a couple of fuzz sitting in the vicinity put business to a halt. I don’t know why people endure three years for a polytechnic diploma in Casino Management when it is obvious that you need only brains and confidence to run a table. When the Integrated Resorts (IR) are up, these people should be employed. Why choose greenhorns out of polytechnics when people with relevant experience are readily available?
Kids are loitering in GL. While in principle, I have nothing against that – I consider the sightseeing to be enriching – the number of kids may cause the fuzz to clamp down on GL even more. The other night I saw a group of teenagers (with a couple of girls among them) questioned by the fuzz. There are many ways to impress your date. You don’t need to bring them to a red-light district just to show her how ‘man’ you are. With teenage girls being so horny these days, I am sure it doesn’t take much to get one to spread her legs.
If you are a male teenager, complete with raging hormones, and want to sightsee, please do not bring your little girlfriends with you. Please do not wear your Singapore Polytechnic “Freshmen Orientation 09” T-shirt. It’s conspicuous and draws the attention of the fuzz. Wear something suitably sloppy which blends you in. This is a red-light district, not a teensy club, for Asmodeus’ sake! I am sure people do not want the fuzz to raid the area in the name of “social morality”. So please, show some sense.
Back to the main topic. The PRC merchandise ($100 price tag) are back in the CBD. In my opinion, many of them belong in the $60/80 category. While most are still aesthetically pleasing, you will not get good value for money in terms of “feel” and selection. Like the global economy, the recovery will take place, but slowly.
The $60 and $80 streets are mostly empty. They are too near to where the fuzz usually laze around and the lack of concealment and “safe-houses” make soliciting a tricky business. You may get the odd heroine once in a while, but don’t count on the quality.
You may also find a few PRC goods standing opposite the $60 street. Their quality is comparable to the ones found in the CBD, which does not mean a great deal. However, you may be able to find the rare gem if you are lucky.
The Indonesian merchandise are more blatant. Their inferior quality may explain their gungho attitude. They have nothing to lose. Still, when it comes to alert, they respond swiftly and decisively. Our mighty military can learn a thing or two from these cheap whores. Like the need to MOVE FAST!
The Indian merchandise, with their saris and thick waists are not recommended for the discerning client. Their mediocrity, and the unsavory prospect of being a “sperm brother” with the masses of cheap laborers they have served, makes renting them an extremely unwise and possibly damaging business transaction.
For the same reason, avoid the fish tanks. There are so many strange characters going in and out of the overworked merchandise that they cannot be accorded safe. $50 for a 25 minute round is too obscene, considering the current economy.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Current Affairs
Free market principles do not apply to GL. For over a month now the economy there has chafed under the depredations of the draconian regime and their lackeys. Despite the latest setback, analysts are hopeful that the bad times will not last. Signs point to an imminent recovery. In the meantime, the discerning and intelligent client should be aware of the ever changing and dynamic marketplace and adjust his directions and goals accordingly. In this report I will briefly touch on the general market conditions in GL.
The fish tanks continue to profit from the suffocating law enforcement. The clientele have become sloppier in both station and dressing. Bangladesh and Indian laborers seek respite from their drudgery in the arms of $50 whores. The short duration of the entertainment (25 minutes) does not deter them from indulging themselves.
Indeed, even Caucasians, many of whom are expatriates, have flocked to the fish tanks. The decline of black market commodities has driven demand for legitimate goods. It is now not an uncommon sight to find locals, Caucasians, PRCs and other Asians, people of all skin colours in the same fish tank, ogling the goods or waiting for them to complete their business transactions so they may take their pleasure. Racial and religious harmony is very much in evident – in a GL whorehouse.
In the lorongs, the market varies. The Indian merchandise have reemerged, as have the Indonesian ones. However, they are generally only available after midnight. For those who fancy PRC merchandise, the picture is a less rosy one. The $60 and $80 streets are mostly empty, save for the occasional entrepreneurial whore. Closer to the CBD, the $100 goods are available, albeit in significantly lesser quantities. The aforementioned timing applies to these as well.
According to the most honourable and bona fide business correspondent The Ice Cream Seller, the phenomenon can be explained:
What good and honest businessmen and women fear are not the fuzz in uniform, but the ones who aren’t. Acting like prospective clients, the latter would drive slowly by the merchandise, and then suddenly grab a couple into their cars. (It’s a great way to cup a feel if you ask me.) Against such devious tactics the best of lookouts will struggle.
The PRC merchandise now wear less revealing dresses. They also stand closer to the nearby hotels, just in case a quick getaway is in order. Their lookouts are ubiquitous as always, but I doubt their sterling professionalism will alleviate the very dire straits. Nevertheless, they must be applauded for their efforts.
For those who prefer less mainstream merchandise, imitation goods in the form of ‘lady-boys’ are available. They can be found across the street from where the $60 PRC goods were displayed. A word of caution here. They tend to be aesthetically inferior.
Farther up in the direction of the $80 junction, a man may be accosted by freelance ‘relations managers’. They run a very discreet operation. Only when you acquiesce to their terms and conditions would you be allowed to see the merchandise.
Russian/Eastern European merchandise may be found from time to time. They can be located near the coffee-shop nearest to the $60 street. In the alley next to the coffee-shop, Thai merchandise and other goods of indeterminate origins can be rented at a price of around $30.
GL is the shining light of our nation. Its brilliance must not be allowed to dim, nor the entrepreneurial spirit of its people be extinguished. In my report I have briefly described the current situation in GL. Lastly, I wish to express my hope of its speedy recovery, so that it may continue to benefit future generations.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a hugely entertaining EGM, the old guard have wrestled AWARE back from the usurpers. The highly charged atmosphere was unprecedented in a repressed country where people are as expressive as cold unfeeling machinery. People were out for blood and they got what they wanted. Shouts, abuses, speeches and boos provided an insane cacophony most suited to the festive occasion. For once, people stood up to be counted and demand a body count of their enemies in return for their passion and vehemence for their cause.
The old guard were expected to rape the new guard and the punters were not left disappointed. The 65% vote of no confidence meant a landslide victory for the old guard, and a particularly enriching one for the brave souls who took the 150% handicap on the favourites.
The victors were gracious in their victory and pledged to work with the defeated to safeguard women’s rights. They stopped short of gloating of having the ‘Mandate of the People’, as the regime did when they bought and threatened their way to a 66% majority vote in the last elections.
It had been an amazing and titanic battle and demonstrated once again that you don’t mess around with women. Who will happen in the aftermath? There is, after all, the small matter of settling the $90,000 bill incurred in the convening of the EGM. Who will be left paying the bills?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The swine flu has been the talk of the town. My take? I don’t give a damn!
Bring on the PORK!
The fish tanks continue to profit from the suffocating law enforcement. The clientele have become sloppier in both station and dressing. Bangladesh and Indian laborers seek respite from their drudgery in the arms of $50 whores. The short duration of the entertainment (25 minutes) does not deter them from indulging themselves.
Indeed, even Caucasians, many of whom are expatriates, have flocked to the fish tanks. The decline of black market commodities has driven demand for legitimate goods. It is now not an uncommon sight to find locals, Caucasians, PRCs and other Asians, people of all skin colours in the same fish tank, ogling the goods or waiting for them to complete their business transactions so they may take their pleasure. Racial and religious harmony is very much in evident – in a GL whorehouse.
In the lorongs, the market varies. The Indian merchandise have reemerged, as have the Indonesian ones. However, they are generally only available after midnight. For those who fancy PRC merchandise, the picture is a less rosy one. The $60 and $80 streets are mostly empty, save for the occasional entrepreneurial whore. Closer to the CBD, the $100 goods are available, albeit in significantly lesser quantities. The aforementioned timing applies to these as well.
According to the most honourable and bona fide business correspondent The Ice Cream Seller, the phenomenon can be explained:
What good and honest businessmen and women fear are not the fuzz in uniform, but the ones who aren’t. Acting like prospective clients, the latter would drive slowly by the merchandise, and then suddenly grab a couple into their cars. (It’s a great way to cup a feel if you ask me.) Against such devious tactics the best of lookouts will struggle.
The PRC merchandise now wear less revealing dresses. They also stand closer to the nearby hotels, just in case a quick getaway is in order. Their lookouts are ubiquitous as always, but I doubt their sterling professionalism will alleviate the very dire straits. Nevertheless, they must be applauded for their efforts.
For those who prefer less mainstream merchandise, imitation goods in the form of ‘lady-boys’ are available. They can be found across the street from where the $60 PRC goods were displayed. A word of caution here. They tend to be aesthetically inferior.
Farther up in the direction of the $80 junction, a man may be accosted by freelance ‘relations managers’. They run a very discreet operation. Only when you acquiesce to their terms and conditions would you be allowed to see the merchandise.
Russian/Eastern European merchandise may be found from time to time. They can be located near the coffee-shop nearest to the $60 street. In the alley next to the coffee-shop, Thai merchandise and other goods of indeterminate origins can be rented at a price of around $30.
GL is the shining light of our nation. Its brilliance must not be allowed to dim, nor the entrepreneurial spirit of its people be extinguished. In my report I have briefly described the current situation in GL. Lastly, I wish to express my hope of its speedy recovery, so that it may continue to benefit future generations.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a hugely entertaining EGM, the old guard have wrestled AWARE back from the usurpers. The highly charged atmosphere was unprecedented in a repressed country where people are as expressive as cold unfeeling machinery. People were out for blood and they got what they wanted. Shouts, abuses, speeches and boos provided an insane cacophony most suited to the festive occasion. For once, people stood up to be counted and demand a body count of their enemies in return for their passion and vehemence for their cause.
The old guard were expected to rape the new guard and the punters were not left disappointed. The 65% vote of no confidence meant a landslide victory for the old guard, and a particularly enriching one for the brave souls who took the 150% handicap on the favourites.
The victors were gracious in their victory and pledged to work with the defeated to safeguard women’s rights. They stopped short of gloating of having the ‘Mandate of the People’, as the regime did when they bought and threatened their way to a 66% majority vote in the last elections.
It had been an amazing and titanic battle and demonstrated once again that you don’t mess around with women. Who will happen in the aftermath? There is, after all, the small matter of settling the $90,000 bill incurred in the convening of the EGM. Who will be left paying the bills?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The swine flu has been the talk of the town. My take? I don’t give a damn!
Bring on the PORK!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Blair Cat Project
This nice kitten has been roaming my corridors for the past few nights.
Sorry about the quality of the video. My handphone's video function is a bit shite. As you can see, 'Dearie' can't stay still, hence the 'Blair Cat Project' feel.
Sorry about the quality of the video. My handphone's video function is a bit shite. As you can see, 'Dearie' can't stay still, hence the 'Blair Cat Project' feel.
Just Enjoy the Football. Why Bet?
Barca were held to a goalless draw by Chelski at Nou Camp.
Barca may be playing extra-terrestrial football at the moment but Chelski brought them down to earth with a resolute defensive display.
To say that the Pensioners packed the bus in front of the goal is an understatement. They brought the train as well and for once, the impressive trio of Messi, E’to and Henry, were left frustrated. On the rare occasions the Chelski defence was breached, Cech produced some crucial saves to deny the home side.
Even with Chelski playing with ten men behind the ball, Barca could have been more inventive. Watching them last night you might be given for thinking they were trying to pass their way to goal, such was their reluctance to send in crosses or take shots. At one point, Barca had over 200 passes to Chelski’s 70.
In football, dominance does not mean anything. With Essien and Ballack mopping up in midfield, Barca were passing their way to no man’s land. They could even have fallen behind, but for Valdes’ intervention.
So all to play for at Stamford Bridge. 0:0 the score, a result that leaves many punters tearing their hair and betting slips.
Unlucky - and bald – punters may try their luck again when the ManUre take on the Arse tonight. My advice is: leave this one alone.
Barca may be playing extra-terrestrial football at the moment but Chelski brought them down to earth with a resolute defensive display.
To say that the Pensioners packed the bus in front of the goal is an understatement. They brought the train as well and for once, the impressive trio of Messi, E’to and Henry, were left frustrated. On the rare occasions the Chelski defence was breached, Cech produced some crucial saves to deny the home side.
Even with Chelski playing with ten men behind the ball, Barca could have been more inventive. Watching them last night you might be given for thinking they were trying to pass their way to goal, such was their reluctance to send in crosses or take shots. At one point, Barca had over 200 passes to Chelski’s 70.
In football, dominance does not mean anything. With Essien and Ballack mopping up in midfield, Barca were passing their way to no man’s land. They could even have fallen behind, but for Valdes’ intervention.
So all to play for at Stamford Bridge. 0:0 the score, a result that leaves many punters tearing their hair and betting slips.
Unlucky - and bald – punters may try their luck again when the ManUre take on the Arse tonight. My advice is: leave this one alone.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Great Song
Okay I understand I am a few months late. Bush (whom this song is "dedicated") is no longer the US President. Still, it's a fantastic song. Here's Dear Mr. President, by Pink. Enjoy.
Just change a few lyrics here and there...and it will make a good NDP song. Maybe Stefanie Sun can sing it...
"Dear Mr. Old Dog Thief, take a walk with me..."
Just change a few lyrics here and there...and it will make a good NDP song. Maybe Stefanie Sun can sing it...
"Dear Mr. Old Dog Thief, take a walk with me..."
Two More Reasons to Leave the Shithole.
I met Police Car and Chicken at Marina Square last night. While having dinner the former told me that this year’s NDP will be different from the previous years’ This year’s marching contingent will march 3km in the city area before they go into the parade ground. This means that they will be subjected to public scrutiny.
I was incredulous. It’s been an open secret that our military are not run by the sharpest tools in the shed – although some idiots will disagree – but the level of delusional thinking here is truly astonishing. Do they actually believe that our servicemen are so physically fit?! To march in step and maintain a proper posture while doing so already demand a certain level of coordination and individual skill. To do that for 3km is like...
Unable to control my contempt, I scoffed at this stupid idea. The public will have a hell of a time taking videos of our servicemen unable to keep in step, unable to straighten their arms and slouching like trolls, before posting their videos on YouTube. We may be ruled by a totalitarian regime but China and North Korea we are not. Look at how their soldiers march and then look at ours. We will become an international laughing stock. (I must admit, I will beam with joy when that happens.)
Police Car then said the geniuses in charge of the NDP recognized the limitations of our mighty warriors and came up with a brilliant solution. No more 3km march! 2.8km now!
Fuck! I have a better solution: 3 m! Better still, cancel the fucking event!
After we finished dinner we spent some time at the arcade nearby. We thought about catching a movie. Being the horny bastard he is now, Police Car insisted that we go to GL. He said he didn’t want to spend money. Prior to this he had also said countless times that he is unable to restrain himself once he is in GL. The obvious contradiction meant that one had to give. And it did.
Chicken, who had a motor-bike, reached GL thirty minutes before we did. He called me to report that there were only “60 – 70 cocks” in the CBD but no merchandise. But there was hope. The ice cream seller stationed there – no doubt a man of impeccable morals – informed Chicken that the Chinese merchandise would only display themselves starting from 2330. The fuzz had been causing some inconvenience lately but like all good businessmen, the relations managers had their ways of working around the problem.
So the three of us walked towards the fish tanks for some window-shopping. On our way there we saw a pair of fuzz every 30m. They were doing what they were best at: pretending to do work and wasting taxpayers’ money. The pairs who bothered to “work” either questioned kids or harassed Bangladesh/Indian workers. I should have signed up to be a fuzz instead. Simple job, good pay, a more or less guaranteed contract scheme. Why the Hells did I join the goddamn air force for?! Why get worked like a slave when I can da bao kopi, sit down , talk cock and "keep the peace"?
Anyway, due to the stupid raids, the fish tanks were enjoying their best business in a while. For most of the establishments, only a few whores were available and they reminded me of my classmates. I was absolutely turned off and I expressed my frustration by cursing the fuzz and our sexless regime. A bloke cannot even get his rocks off in this bloody cuntry. Chicken said that if they closed down GL, he would emigrate to Malaysia. I might follow him.
We were tired from walking around so we had drinks at a coffee-shop. While Chicken was talking to his Chinese squeeze on the phone, Police Car and I were accosted by a Thai whore. She sat between us, quite close, and asked my friend if he wanted “to go hotel”. He refused her so she turned to me. I shook my head. It was not difficult to reject her proposal. Except for the one quality which she flaunted, she had no other selling points.
Police Car said that Magneto had gone to Korat. Presumably he has a girlfriend there. Although he is engaged, Magneto clearly does not subscribe to a “one woman” policy. I don’t blame him. His fiancée is a rotund spectacle and probably a dead fish in bed. Any bloke wants good sex with good-looking broads, and when he cannot get it at home he will satisfy his desires elsewhere.
Chicken seemed taken aback at Magneto’s behavior. Gesturing to the attractive Thai merchandise a few tables away, he said that if a bloke had a girlfriend like that he should stay on the straight and narrow. I found the irony quite hilarious, coming from a libertine like him. Both of us know that it is not true. A man will play around, regardless of his partner’s beauty, or lack thereof.
After our drinks we returned to the CBD to try our luck. True to the ice cream seller’s word, at 2230, a pair of whores stood on the sidewalk in front of the Darlene Hotel. They were an hour earlier than the “approved” timing but I must applaud their professionalism and devotion to duty. It’s hard to have employees who report to work an hour early in order to take advantage of the lack of competition. It’s a risky move, but entrepreneurship is all about taking calculated risks. I believe we should learn from them.
In the end, we left GL disappointed. We should have watched a movie instead. Police Car didn’t even patronize the fish tank. It was a waste of our time. The bloody fuzz should just let up a bit. As Police Car argued, even the whores need to eat. So much for free trade in this cuntry.
I was incredulous. It’s been an open secret that our military are not run by the sharpest tools in the shed – although some idiots will disagree – but the level of delusional thinking here is truly astonishing. Do they actually believe that our servicemen are so physically fit?! To march in step and maintain a proper posture while doing so already demand a certain level of coordination and individual skill. To do that for 3km is like...
Unable to control my contempt, I scoffed at this stupid idea. The public will have a hell of a time taking videos of our servicemen unable to keep in step, unable to straighten their arms and slouching like trolls, before posting their videos on YouTube. We may be ruled by a totalitarian regime but China and North Korea we are not. Look at how their soldiers march and then look at ours. We will become an international laughing stock. (I must admit, I will beam with joy when that happens.)
Police Car then said the geniuses in charge of the NDP recognized the limitations of our mighty warriors and came up with a brilliant solution. No more 3km march! 2.8km now!
Fuck! I have a better solution: 3 m! Better still, cancel the fucking event!
After we finished dinner we spent some time at the arcade nearby. We thought about catching a movie. Being the horny bastard he is now, Police Car insisted that we go to GL. He said he didn’t want to spend money. Prior to this he had also said countless times that he is unable to restrain himself once he is in GL. The obvious contradiction meant that one had to give. And it did.
Chicken, who had a motor-bike, reached GL thirty minutes before we did. He called me to report that there were only “60 – 70 cocks” in the CBD but no merchandise. But there was hope. The ice cream seller stationed there – no doubt a man of impeccable morals – informed Chicken that the Chinese merchandise would only display themselves starting from 2330. The fuzz had been causing some inconvenience lately but like all good businessmen, the relations managers had their ways of working around the problem.
So the three of us walked towards the fish tanks for some window-shopping. On our way there we saw a pair of fuzz every 30m. They were doing what they were best at: pretending to do work and wasting taxpayers’ money. The pairs who bothered to “work” either questioned kids or harassed Bangladesh/Indian workers. I should have signed up to be a fuzz instead. Simple job, good pay, a more or less guaranteed contract scheme. Why the Hells did I join the goddamn air force for?! Why get worked like a slave when I can da bao kopi, sit down , talk cock and "keep the peace"?
Anyway, due to the stupid raids, the fish tanks were enjoying their best business in a while. For most of the establishments, only a few whores were available and they reminded me of my classmates. I was absolutely turned off and I expressed my frustration by cursing the fuzz and our sexless regime. A bloke cannot even get his rocks off in this bloody cuntry. Chicken said that if they closed down GL, he would emigrate to Malaysia. I might follow him.
We were tired from walking around so we had drinks at a coffee-shop. While Chicken was talking to his Chinese squeeze on the phone, Police Car and I were accosted by a Thai whore. She sat between us, quite close, and asked my friend if he wanted “to go hotel”. He refused her so she turned to me. I shook my head. It was not difficult to reject her proposal. Except for the one quality which she flaunted, she had no other selling points.
Police Car said that Magneto had gone to Korat. Presumably he has a girlfriend there. Although he is engaged, Magneto clearly does not subscribe to a “one woman” policy. I don’t blame him. His fiancée is a rotund spectacle and probably a dead fish in bed. Any bloke wants good sex with good-looking broads, and when he cannot get it at home he will satisfy his desires elsewhere.
Chicken seemed taken aback at Magneto’s behavior. Gesturing to the attractive Thai merchandise a few tables away, he said that if a bloke had a girlfriend like that he should stay on the straight and narrow. I found the irony quite hilarious, coming from a libertine like him. Both of us know that it is not true. A man will play around, regardless of his partner’s beauty, or lack thereof.
After our drinks we returned to the CBD to try our luck. True to the ice cream seller’s word, at 2230, a pair of whores stood on the sidewalk in front of the Darlene Hotel. They were an hour earlier than the “approved” timing but I must applaud their professionalism and devotion to duty. It’s hard to have employees who report to work an hour early in order to take advantage of the lack of competition. It’s a risky move, but entrepreneurship is all about taking calculated risks. I believe we should learn from them.
In the end, we left GL disappointed. We should have watched a movie instead. Police Car didn’t even patronize the fish tank. It was a waste of our time. The bloody fuzz should just let up a bit. As Police Car argued, even the whores need to eat. So much for free trade in this cuntry.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Commercials We Ought to Have
I am damn sick and tired of the crap they show on local television and TVMobile. Since they like to flood the airwaves with so many damn commercials, at least show some quality shit! People are dog-tired after a day of slavery. They don't need to watch Joanne Peh or that Little Nonya girl time and again.
Why put your viewers through 90 minutes of S-League torture, when they can enjoy a minute of this?
My fellow countrymen and women should take heed.
This has to deserve a Nobel Prize for...erm... whatever. Just award the damn prize, fuck.
If only we had less prudes and pious bastards in this cuntry. Sigh...
It's quite unlikely this will ever happen in a restaurant in Singapore.
Why put your viewers through 90 minutes of S-League torture, when they can enjoy a minute of this?
My fellow countrymen and women should take heed.
This has to deserve a Nobel Prize for...erm... whatever. Just award the damn prize, fuck.
If only we had less prudes and pious bastards in this cuntry. Sigh...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wrong, All Wrong
I was on the bus when the news came on. The First Dog was being officially introduced to the world. During the US elections Barack Obama had promised his daughter a dog if he won the Presidency. He made good on his promise.
Although I dislike dogs, I thought of how lucky that mutt is. That slobbering and boisterous creature will have the best of everything. While millions are losing their homes to foreclosure, with countless living below the poverty line, and 40% of the world’s population surviving on less than a dollar a day, First Dog will have everything money can buy. It makes me wonder if we have been wrong all this while, attributing special status to human life when so many humans are living worse than dogs.
In Buddhism, humans are ranked higher than animals on the reincarnation scale. It is a blessing, the result of good karma from previous lives that one is reborn as a human.
Siddhartha Gautama, the historic Buddha once took a pinch of sand and asked his disciple Ananda, ‘Can you count the sand in my hand?’
‘Yes, many,’ said Ananda.
‘Ananda, how many grains of sand are there in the world?’
‘Very very many,’ came the reply.
The Buddha then explained, ‘The sand in my hand represents the number who are fortunate enough to be born humans. Like all the sand in the world, it is but a tiny drop, insignificant compared to the myriad life forms in existence.’
This parable echoes the Buddhist view that human beings are truly blessed. First, they are sentient, intelligent and fully aware beings. Second, it is the easiest for them to hear and understand the Dharma. (Given that celestials, and in some versions asuras, are ranked above humans, this creates some controversy but we are not going into that today.)
If Buddhism is right and we are indeed blessed, why is there so much suffering in the world? Some people may be reincarnated as humans, but they never get the chance to lead perfectly normal and happy lives. Every day women are forced into prostitution, some are gang-raped at the age of seven and then stoned for their ‘offences’. Some humans are born deformed, diseased, crippled or retarded. By simply existing they bring pain to themselves and those who love them. Famine, drought, wars and genocides continue to make the lives of unfortunate humans who are caught up in them a living hell.
Even with the possibility of being able to hear the Dharma and therefore attain enlightenment, that does not imply (i) people will have access to the Buddha’s teachings (ii) in this Dharma Degenerate Age, the Dharma will not be corrupted (iii) people want to hear the Dharma. (iv) people who hear the Dharma will be enlightened. Indeed, when you are living rough in a Mexican town where everybody has to be a criminal to even make ends meet, who gives a damn about enlightenment? If trouble comes knocking on your door, you take out your AK 47 and blow them to bits. Enlightenment is irrelevant, and certainly no good if you and your family are slaughtered like pigs.
Contrast that to animals. True, animals suffer greatly as well. Farm animals are kept in inhumane conditions, their diets charged with steroids to fatten them, and in their prime they are slaughtered for food. In the wild, animals kill or be killed. There is no mercy to be had, no quarter given. While 99.99% of non-human animals lead arguably worse lives than human animals, one must realize that the existence of 0.01% who don’t, has slapped the Dharma in the face and is now asking to slap the other cheek as well.
Back to the Obama family’s dog. Will a Buddhist monk argue that that dog is not living a better life than some humans? What is the point of ‘rewarding’ a person for his good deeds in his previous lives with a human form if he dies of some contagion shortly after his birth? Wouldn’t he be happier if he were born a pedigree cat or dog instead? Being pampered for the rest of his life, never having to worry about this and that. He may only be a common beast, but unlike the supposedly ‘rewarded’ form, he gets to actually live.
People may think that animals cannot know happiness because they do not have human level intelligence. Xtians will even justify this claim by saying they do not have souls and are therefore unable to perceive true joy and suffering. My question to these people is, you are not an animal so how do you know? How do you know that an animal is not perfectly content with its lot? Is human intelligence a prerequisite to being able to experience joy? I have seen house cats enjoying their siesta. They seem purrfectly happy enough!
The First Dog again. If it’s not happy, it will be soon enough, with all the good food, the cozy doghouse, and the doting of the First Family. Talk about living a dog’s life. I am sure some starving African would trade his good arm and thirty years of his existence just to live a day as that dog. I wonder how people who are living – pardon the pun, a dog’s life – must have felt when they watched the news last night.
'Where is the dog going to sleep Mr. President?’ asked an interviewer.
‘Well, not on my bed! That’s for certain.’ said Obama, ever the charming man.
Not on my bed. Some never even owned a bed in their entire lives, until they die and even then their bed is the mud, rocks, and earth of the grave.
The Dharma is wrong. The Sangha are deluded. The Buddha didn’t know better. There! I just insulted the Triple Jewels. A non-human animal in my next life? Or worst, a Singaporean?
Although I dislike dogs, I thought of how lucky that mutt is. That slobbering and boisterous creature will have the best of everything. While millions are losing their homes to foreclosure, with countless living below the poverty line, and 40% of the world’s population surviving on less than a dollar a day, First Dog will have everything money can buy. It makes me wonder if we have been wrong all this while, attributing special status to human life when so many humans are living worse than dogs.
In Buddhism, humans are ranked higher than animals on the reincarnation scale. It is a blessing, the result of good karma from previous lives that one is reborn as a human.
Siddhartha Gautama, the historic Buddha once took a pinch of sand and asked his disciple Ananda, ‘Can you count the sand in my hand?’
‘Yes, many,’ said Ananda.
‘Ananda, how many grains of sand are there in the world?’
‘Very very many,’ came the reply.
The Buddha then explained, ‘The sand in my hand represents the number who are fortunate enough to be born humans. Like all the sand in the world, it is but a tiny drop, insignificant compared to the myriad life forms in existence.’
This parable echoes the Buddhist view that human beings are truly blessed. First, they are sentient, intelligent and fully aware beings. Second, it is the easiest for them to hear and understand the Dharma. (Given that celestials, and in some versions asuras, are ranked above humans, this creates some controversy but we are not going into that today.)
If Buddhism is right and we are indeed blessed, why is there so much suffering in the world? Some people may be reincarnated as humans, but they never get the chance to lead perfectly normal and happy lives. Every day women are forced into prostitution, some are gang-raped at the age of seven and then stoned for their ‘offences’. Some humans are born deformed, diseased, crippled or retarded. By simply existing they bring pain to themselves and those who love them. Famine, drought, wars and genocides continue to make the lives of unfortunate humans who are caught up in them a living hell.
Even with the possibility of being able to hear the Dharma and therefore attain enlightenment, that does not imply (i) people will have access to the Buddha’s teachings (ii) in this Dharma Degenerate Age, the Dharma will not be corrupted (iii) people want to hear the Dharma. (iv) people who hear the Dharma will be enlightened. Indeed, when you are living rough in a Mexican town where everybody has to be a criminal to even make ends meet, who gives a damn about enlightenment? If trouble comes knocking on your door, you take out your AK 47 and blow them to bits. Enlightenment is irrelevant, and certainly no good if you and your family are slaughtered like pigs.
Contrast that to animals. True, animals suffer greatly as well. Farm animals are kept in inhumane conditions, their diets charged with steroids to fatten them, and in their prime they are slaughtered for food. In the wild, animals kill or be killed. There is no mercy to be had, no quarter given. While 99.99% of non-human animals lead arguably worse lives than human animals, one must realize that the existence of 0.01% who don’t, has slapped the Dharma in the face and is now asking to slap the other cheek as well.
Back to the Obama family’s dog. Will a Buddhist monk argue that that dog is not living a better life than some humans? What is the point of ‘rewarding’ a person for his good deeds in his previous lives with a human form if he dies of some contagion shortly after his birth? Wouldn’t he be happier if he were born a pedigree cat or dog instead? Being pampered for the rest of his life, never having to worry about this and that. He may only be a common beast, but unlike the supposedly ‘rewarded’ form, he gets to actually live.
People may think that animals cannot know happiness because they do not have human level intelligence. Xtians will even justify this claim by saying they do not have souls and are therefore unable to perceive true joy and suffering. My question to these people is, you are not an animal so how do you know? How do you know that an animal is not perfectly content with its lot? Is human intelligence a prerequisite to being able to experience joy? I have seen house cats enjoying their siesta. They seem purrfectly happy enough!
The First Dog again. If it’s not happy, it will be soon enough, with all the good food, the cozy doghouse, and the doting of the First Family. Talk about living a dog’s life. I am sure some starving African would trade his good arm and thirty years of his existence just to live a day as that dog. I wonder how people who are living – pardon the pun, a dog’s life – must have felt when they watched the news last night.
'Where is the dog going to sleep Mr. President?’ asked an interviewer.
‘Well, not on my bed! That’s for certain.’ said Obama, ever the charming man.
Not on my bed. Some never even owned a bed in their entire lives, until they die and even then their bed is the mud, rocks, and earth of the grave.
The Dharma is wrong. The Sangha are deluded. The Buddha didn’t know better. There! I just insulted the Triple Jewels. A non-human animal in my next life? Or worst, a Singaporean?
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Stuck in Limbo, Roasted by Hellfire
My project group for Managerial Accounting was truly mediocre. Indeed, I was most privileged to be part of it. Seeing our discussion on Good Friday yielded no concrete results, we forced ourselves to attend what we knew to be an insipid Saturday lecture. O didn’t bother to turn up. He should have just told us straight that he was not interested. We would understand. In fact, I myself was more intrigued by the fairly buxom girl sitting in the far corner than I was in my lecturer’s Avram Grant impersonation.
After the lecture, my project mate S and I decided we would just fuck it and write whatever we could. I later discovered, to my chagrin, that the drafts for the essay questions I complied for my mates’ benefit returned to me in roughly their original state. I finished question 5, which was worth 10 marks in 600 words. One guy sent me several copies of question 6 (worth 25 marks) before settling on a final copy containing the same number of words. I spent my Sunday morning in a state of despair. I hurriedly corrected the grammar mistakes, elaborated on the points and added a few of my own. After 40 to 50 minutes of feverish typing I churned out another 500 words. It was rubbish, no doubt about it. Still, beggars can’t be choosers and I had had enough of the damn report. This Managerial Accounting case study must have been written by a maniac. The essay questions were worth 47 marks alone. I thought accounting was all about numbers. Obviously I was wrong.
I quickly sent my bullshit to my mates and asked them to proofread it. O remained unserviceable and uncontactable. S quickly compiled the report – he probably just glanced through my claptrap – and then sent the final report to us for our check-through. I took about thirty seconds to make sure all the answers were there. I gave him the go-ahead and there concluded our sorry partnership.
O couldn’t give a damn. S didn’t as well. I couldn’t be bothered as long as Avram Grant II didn’t give us less than 13.33% for the stupid assignment. I just need another 4 overall marks to hit the required 40% passing grade for the assignment component of the course. Even rag-and-bone men pay at least a few coins for trash yeah?
……………….....................................................................................................................................
The Liang brothers, a girl named Cassandra and I practised martial arts yesterday. We started with some basic hitting, but I didn’t get to punch for long. The scabs on my left knuckles broke and blood oozed. I had to stop and clean the wounds. The bleeding soon abated but I couldn’t punch left-handed, lest I dripped all over the floor. (I hope this does not turn into a once in a month thing.)
After the preliminary hitting segment, we split into pairs. Xiangrong and Cassandra discussed about how their master (ex-master now) and the school are doing. Their former instructor is now left with five students. Apparently the bloke could not retain his senior students. Being of the old school type, he refused to teach his students the actual martial applications of each form until they were deemed to be sufficiently proficient. As a result his senior students defected and he had to handle the teaching by himself without their assistance. The class dwindled and he now has to survive on his income as a hawker.
He may be Shaolin-trained, but the finest martial artists don’t always make good businessmen. Obviously martial art schools should include business modules in their curriculum. One cannot live on fists alone. Anyway, Cassandra’s defection is our gain. We always welcome new practice partners.
Xianghong and I discussed about our martial arts techniques. There are similarities between our styles, such as circular movements and leaping moves. In fact his style does not resemble a Southerner’s. Anyway, I showed him how to do the ‘fa’. This technique requires you to move your arms parallel to your body while keeping them in a straight line and then simultaneously push one hand out in front and your other hand towards the back, We also discussed about the whirlwind and leaping kicks and the techniques for executing them.
I gave him a few pointers on how to pass his standing broad jump. Going back for reservist training is already a waste of time. We don’t need to add remedial training (for failing the stupid annual IPPT) to the list of meaningless obligations we owe our *motherland*. I hope my friend will pass the damn test. One of my project mates has to go for remedial training every Thursday just because he failed by one chin up. All the trouble for one miserable chin-up! Hell. I would take the damn test for them if I could. I don’t think my friends deserve to waste their precious time and energy for this stupid cuntry.
Where was I? Oh yeah we had our final round of group practice before Cassandra and Xianghong left. Xiangrong and I continued our training by smacking each other with a variety of kicks, punches and elbows. I hate my side kick. It makes me look like a duck about to lay an egg. We also set the hitting pad against the wall and slammed our elbows into it, much to the disgust of the kids practising their dancing several yards away. We had to stop, not because we were mindful of their feelings, but for the fact that the wall was in danger of collapsing. The bottom side of the marble slab had moved half a centimetre inwards. This was not a testimony to our skills, but an indictment of the building contractor’s. (Why am I thinking of Nicole Highway as I am writing this?)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
History was made tonight. Support for my Business Law II lecturer was overwhelming; the class was overfilled. Latecomers could not find a seat. My lecturer had to ask those who didn’t belong in his class to leave. Initially nobody moved. It was only when the bloke said that he would start to take class attendance that the ‘illegal immigrants’ began to find their good sense. And even then, he had to threaten the class a few times before more people took the threat seriously. It would have been easier if he had made good on his threat at the expense of ruining the class atmosphere. I certainly wouldn’t mind.
My university should sack the other Business Law II lecturers. It reflects badly on a lecturer when his students defect to another. If it had not been for the limited seats in the classroom, I suspect the illegal immigrants would have arrived en masse. While students generally like a lecturer who dispenses tips freely, the said situation was tragic and wretched. It truly brought out the ugliness in people. Seeing the lengths they went to just for a few assignment hints, one could hardly imagine what they would do if the stakes were much higher. I am a cynic, but even I feel disturbed. Intellectualizing about human nature is one thing. Experiencing it first-hand is a different animal altogether. Is it humans or just Singaporeans? I remember my Marketing lecturer, who is French, telling us that in Western countries people pay according to the amount of food they buy at the supermarkets. There are no weighing scales or price tags to compel them to do so; they – or most of them – don’t cheat.
After class my depression was exacerbated when my project mate P asked me if I could finish the remaining question. She said that her group mates for her Marketing module wrote rubbish and she had to do the whole project herself. (For all their incompetence, they have managed to survive into the third year. How…strange.) I replied I don’t mind helping out. The other girl is apparently too busy in her work. I think I am used to such things by now.
I continue to wonder if I am in the right course. Half the time I ended up as the proofreader for my groups. In maths-related modules I was usually the one tackling the essay/theory questions. This is ridiculous. What am I, an editor?
Writing a business essay is not difficult. Just make sure your points are valid, put them across in simple language and basically your job is done. Nobody is asking for fantastic vocabulary or style. This is a Business degree, not Shakespeare Appreciation 101. What is so damn terrifying about writing? I don’t mind doing it but it gets tiring after a while.Things are seriously wrong when some people don’t even deign to provide you with arguments and points for theory questions. They just look confused and expect answers to drop from the sky.
I understand that some people are terrible at writing. I don’t blame them because everybody has his strengths and weaknesses. As an ex-engineering student myself I know how we suck at putting thoughts to paper, and many of my peers were in engineering and IT. But would it kill anybody to think critically and exercise the creativity that Mother Nature had installed in them? If you don’t want to write, fine. Leave the ‘smoking’ to me. I can smoke my way out of nearly anything - but only if you give me sufficient ‘ammo’. I assume we want to end up in management because we are all suffering for the lousy degree. People in management like to talk cock and often come up with stupid ideas and suggestions. If you can’t even bullshit a little for a lousy assignment question, I suggest you quit the course now. The university also offers Engineering and Culinary courses. I am sure they don’t require bullshit, unlike Business.
And it seems that Business students are getting the short end of the stick. I have ranted about this and I am going to rant again. I don’t understand why in Tartarus we are overburdened with group and individual assignments, video presentations and online quizzes when the Art students (or whatever they are called in my university) just have to submit a few 2,000 word essays. The excruciating workload aside, their lecturers seem to be more lenient in their grading. XH said one guy in his class got a pass for producing maybe 500 words for a 2,000 word essay. And the average grade for his class is A. I might be wrong, but I don’t think the standards of our English Language students are that impressive. Best of all, they are allowed late submissions. We cannot even be a second late. Should we submit our assignment an hour before the 12pm deadline and can’t get it through due to the heavy traffic, it is OUR FAULT. Instant ZERO. No amount of begging, sobbing and pleading will get you anywhere. Okay maybe if your entire family got slaughtered they might make an exception. Otherwise ZERO.
Miss Sporty told me that she went through her Mass Communications degree in NTU on a part time basis. I felt fucked. Violated. Buggered. Raped. Cheated. Disenfranchised. Robbed. If I had known they offered a part time Mass Communications degree I would have robbed the fucking bank for it. Okay, I wouldn’t have to go to that extent. As NTU is regime-funded, I could pay my school fees using my CPF.
The reduced group work makes the course a mouth-watering prospect. Looking at my Business assignments, if I had to do my ‘smoking’ solo despite having a group, I might as well go for a course that often makes working alone compulsory. Not like there’s any difference.. Bloody Hell I don’t even think I need to do that accused video presentation! I would rather learn how to write a press release (more smoking!) than balance some goddamn accounts and wear a mask 24/7, backstab people and in general behave like an asshole without looking and smelling like one. Fuck the corporate world.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our Good Friday meetup ended in abject disappointment. Only Xianghong and I turned up. JY suddenly had school work and Gabby was uncontactable. Most of whom we invited and/or messaged didn’t reply. So much for our first anniversary.
I am a bit disgusted. There are people who actually bother to sign up for an Atheist group, some of whom are apparently so delighted at finding Atheists around but when it comes to a meetup, won’t even bother to reply whether they are coming. If you are not coming, tell me straight. I am not forcing anyone at gun point and saves me a lot of trouble. It is no joking matter contacting 10, 20 people and then reminding them a few days earlier before the event of the time and date. There are people who have never replied. And they are as atheist as they go – or claim to be.
Instead of attending Good News Singapore, XH and I decided to walk to Geylang for dinner. It was a fitting response and a tribute to the cause of Atheism. After we had our fill of our overpriced slop we tried to do a video on GL. We didn’t manage to film anything because even without the whores around, the lookouts were quite protective of their territory. When XH took out his camera in front of Darlene Hotel, immediately the bloke standing behind us glared and moved towards us. I told XH to keep his camera.
The only action we saw was a raid. A crowd had gathered to watch a white van packed full with whores. A squat goblinoid of a police officer was driving the onlookers back, shouting imprecations as he did so. I peeked into the van and saw Indonesian whores. Good. They didn’t get the Chinese merchandise. There were a few other white vans around the corner, but they were empty. I hate the bloody fuzz. I wonder if Goblinoid would be so arrogant if he were without his badge. Maybe if I ever see him in another country…
I walked my friend around, explaining to him the selection of goods that could be found at each lorong. Without the actual merchandise present, my tutorage was quite a difficult one. I decided to bring XH to the fish tanks to supplement the education. There were only a few whores available in the few establishments we went into. With the streets emptied of ‘black market’ goods, the legitimate businesses enjoyed an increased revenue. An example of simple economics, supply and demand.
After that I decided to continue XH’s education in another part of Singapore: Bugis. On our way to the train station we saw an old man, shirtless, sleeping in a rubbish heap, with his head stuck in a particularly malodorous part of it. He was so still, so oblivious to the smell that I thought he was dead. This was a Uniquely Singapore sight. We have no beggars. Yeah right. I don’t even think that hoboes around the world – okay maybe in certain parts of Asia – live like this. I am dead certain no hobo in a first world country looks as wretched as Mr. Rubbish Heap here. It was a pity that in our jadedness we forgot to snap a few shots. Kodak moment.
In Bugis I showed XH where certain establishments could be found. The backstreets of Bugis were seedy yet vibrant, like GL but without the whores and cheap Indian and Bangladesh laborers. Groups of yuppies smoked Arabic weed in front of the shops. As we walked along the darkened streets we saw revelers enjoying their soiree. A percussion from an Indian shop or somesuch stirred our blood as we passed it. It was like we were in Sin City, albeit a much sleepier version of it.
The shopping centres I took my friend were empty husks of what they had been. Save for one KTV lounge, their male-oriented health industries were no more. Thanks to the bloody and sexless regime in this cuntry, a man can’t even get his rocks off. I hope the fools don’t keep their pretense of Confucian morality – I personally think that it would have been better for China and the Chinese if that hypocrite Confucius didn’t exist or were killed before he could utter his pedantic ejaculations – or else two things will happen. First, the sex crimes in this cuntry will escalate. Second, men will go to neighboring countries to stimulate their economies because the whores there are cheap and readily available. A country run like clockwork will fall like clockwork.
There wasn’t enough time for me to bring XH to a shopping mall which its ‘health industry’ is still left unmolested. Oh well. We will get the chance. Maybe we will organize an Atheist meetup for this exact purpose. Male bonding. I think we should be able to get some proper attendance.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think being an Atheist sucks. Many of us love to laugh at theists being dumb and believing in all kinds of nonsense and doing all sorts of stupid shit like speaking in tongues and flagellating themselves in some religious-inspired masochism. Look at us! We cannot even get our own backyard in order and we are laughing at the people who can do it. If that is not shamelessness, I don’t know what it is.
I have evolved to a state where the question of whether Gawd exists has ceased to be of any relevance. If It ever existed, and exists still, It is unworthy of worship and therefore should be abolished. Why should It be worshipped, when It is merely a servant of He Who Is Greater? Why split the profits with the middle man?
On the other hand, if Gawd never existed, I would neither lose nor gain anything. Yet one cannot deny the power of organized mass delusion. They may be stupid, but they will crush the intelligentsia by their spit alone. Weak individually, strong collectively. And they are the exemplar of collectivism.
It has been said that herding Atheists is like herding cats. I think this statement is wrong. Not all cats are solitary as they seem. Lions live in prides, and even ‘solitary’ cats like cheetahs coordinate in a hunt. And all cats, regardless of size or temperament, fight ferociously when threatened. Atheists don’t deserve to be compared to cats. We couldn’t work together if our lives depended on it. And some of us are so docile they justify their cowardice and inertness with Kant, Nietzsche, the brain-in-the-jar theory, the eternal regression and other philosophies which they take great pleasure in regurgitating to order to show their ‘superior’ intellect and ‘vast’ learning and at the same time hide their deficiencies. Philosophy has been described in the textbooks as ‘thinking for the sake of thinking’. So where’re the applications? What’s the point of going ad nauseam about Hegel and the virtues of his philosophy when you can’t - or won’t – use what you learn?
For all their learning, intellectuals and their ilk the pseudo-intellectuals have failed miserably. They live so high in their ivory towers they are perpetually on cloud nine and never notice what happens on the ground. They only realize shit happens when the entire edifice collapses and they are on the ground with the philistines and unwashed masses they have derided as being inferior, uncouth and uneducated. Same applies to moderates and liberals. Oh we must be politically correct, we need more information, we can’t judge immediately, we must discuss in detail and lay everything out properly, Socrates said…yabba yabba abracadabra.
Not all Atheists are intellectuals (although many whom I met think themselves as such), but most are moderates and liberals. Atheists are stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. There, I said it four times. When XH and I wrote that ‘Atheism is an Abject Failure’ article, we (I actually got all the stick) were lambasted by a few atheists. If I may be shameless, it’s actually a brilliant article (the lousy English notwithstanding), as it highlights various points on why Atheists are pathetic compared to the theists. Apparently some people can’t handle the truth and instead of attacking my arguments, attacked me personally. Atheists are logical and relies on reasoning. Indeed.
Then there were Atheists who for some reason, do not wish to be associated with Atheism. They prefer to call themselves agnostics and freethinkers. Sadly, they don’t even know what agnosticism means. And from listening to them talk about their beliefs, it becomes apparent they are atheists. Agnostics are easily the worst of the lot. Those who actually know what agnosticism means like to demand that atheists prove ourselves to them that Gawd does not exist, rather than asking the theists to prove their case. It’s ridiculous! How in the Hells do you expect me to conjure out something out of nothing? Who am I now, David Copperfield? While we are at it, why don’t I also disprove the existence of myself (okay, we are back to that thrice-damned brain-in-the-thrice-damned jar argument again – Did I mention that agnostics tend to be intellectuals?) or prove that George W. Bush has an IQ of 200?
During our dinner at GL, XH made an astute observation: If one fine day we end up being prosecuted for being Atheists, we can safely bet that nobody will intervene on our behalf. Sad, but true. A Christian who sacrifices himself (let’s exclude terrorist acts in the name of religion here) is a martyr. The Christian community show their support openly. Fellow Christians will remember him with fondness and speak well of him. I wonder what will happen when Atheists are being persecuted and some atheist opens his mouth to protest. What will become of him then? “Oh it’s just another Dr. Chee, ignore the idiot lah. He’s just being stupid…” So my fellow infidels, atheists, agnostics, freethinkers, telly-tubby New-Agers or whatever you choose to call yourselves, it is you who are stupid. Not the Christians. Not the Muslims. Not the Hindus. Not the Taoists. Not the Buddhists. Not even the Teapot worshipers in Malaysia. There, I said it. I just spat on my own kind. Sorry, I mean ilk. So bite me.
Atheists and the other non-religious are even more myopic than the theists. The theists cannot see well, but at least they guide one another along. So many of us could not look beyond our oh-so sophisticated arguments to see that humans are never totally logical. We are more emotional and illogical than we would care to admit.
We don’t care for someone just because we agree with her intellectual arguments. We care because we like her. A couple don’t get married because they can connect purely on an intellectual level. Lust, love, affection, infatuation and other needs bring them together. Humans will always fight the hardest for people and causes they are most emotionally involved with. All ideologies and principles merely strengthen the emotional component and are not separate entities by themselves.
I will use a crass example here. What does a desperate, unwanted bloke really want? The best arguments that there is no kind and loving deity, and that he is on his own, or the feeling of being loved? I dare say many blokes become church-goers because for once in their miserable existence they feel wanted. Nobody wants to be lonely, as that Christina Aguilera feat. Ricky Martin song goes. What can you get for being just an atheist, the sole ubermensch amongst the apes? Destroying Christians in debates? Spending hours writing about how stupid religion is? Going to fellow Atheist blogs/sites and complimenting the writer in the secret hope that they will reciprocate and praise your ‘fantastic’ writing? While the desperate male I quoted is undoubtedly a pathetic specimen, but aren’t some Atheists as well? Both may be onanistic in nature, but at least the former actually knows he wants some girl to satisfy his needs.
As an infidel even I know that organized religion trumps organized Atheism (if there’s truly such a thing) any day. One cannot never underestimate the sense of communal kinship, the sense of love, care and justice, and the seemingly unadulterated affection members display that are found in religion. The shared values and common goal for its adherents. The collectivistic drive and focus. You know you have seem the best of slave management when the slaves actually enjoy it and defend their institutions with such fervor. Atheism only offers round after round of repeated philosophical discussions, barren intellectualism, zero goals, zero definition, zero this and then. It is purely NATO (No Action Talk Only) and in the end, when we are fucked we have only ourselves to blame. And we are so apathetic we won’t even bother!
Talking to some Atheists about the power of emotions versus intellectualism is a gut-wrenching exercise. No matter what I say I am always wrong. It is not Atheism’s fault, but my own. I am a loser and my failings does not reflect on secularism. It’s touché, touché and more touchés without reply. It’s like hitting a brick wall with a fencing foil. In the first place, why bother?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everton were held 3: 3 at Villa after leading twice by two goals. It had been a glorious opportunity to leapfrog Villa into fifth place but it was not to be. The high-scoring thriller was pleasing on the eye but stressing on the heart. We don’t usually concede three goals but on Sunday we switched off and paid the price. The ManUre stand between us and our first appearance in an FA Cup Final since 1996. The lads better tighten up at the back.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just found that my answer to Question 5 of my Managerial Accounting assignment was replaced by some Nobel Prize award winning material (Singapore Category). At 4am Monday morning, O made a miraculous recovery from his illness and the effect was for all to see. After reading it I immediately felt I was put in my place. Right now I feel suicidal and the compulsion to quit my Business degree course grows even stronger.
I didn’t even receive an sms informing me of the amendment. And who checks his email at four in the morning?! If I had known this would happen I would not have wasted an hour of my precious time doing the damn question! It’s not like I am pissed off because my hard work got rejected. If O’s rubbish were better than mine, I would have gladly taken his answer. But when it’s the opposite way round it just makes me feel like I am fucked for no good reason.
I wish I could put it up for your amusement but the plagiarism program the University uses will pick it up. I have enough on my plate already. I see no point in inflicting more pain on myself. There is only so much a man can take.
After the lecture, my project mate S and I decided we would just fuck it and write whatever we could. I later discovered, to my chagrin, that the drafts for the essay questions I complied for my mates’ benefit returned to me in roughly their original state. I finished question 5, which was worth 10 marks in 600 words. One guy sent me several copies of question 6 (worth 25 marks) before settling on a final copy containing the same number of words. I spent my Sunday morning in a state of despair. I hurriedly corrected the grammar mistakes, elaborated on the points and added a few of my own. After 40 to 50 minutes of feverish typing I churned out another 500 words. It was rubbish, no doubt about it. Still, beggars can’t be choosers and I had had enough of the damn report. This Managerial Accounting case study must have been written by a maniac. The essay questions were worth 47 marks alone. I thought accounting was all about numbers. Obviously I was wrong.
I quickly sent my bullshit to my mates and asked them to proofread it. O remained unserviceable and uncontactable. S quickly compiled the report – he probably just glanced through my claptrap – and then sent the final report to us for our check-through. I took about thirty seconds to make sure all the answers were there. I gave him the go-ahead and there concluded our sorry partnership.
O couldn’t give a damn. S didn’t as well. I couldn’t be bothered as long as Avram Grant II didn’t give us less than 13.33% for the stupid assignment. I just need another 4 overall marks to hit the required 40% passing grade for the assignment component of the course. Even rag-and-bone men pay at least a few coins for trash yeah?
……………….....................................................................................................................................
The Liang brothers, a girl named Cassandra and I practised martial arts yesterday. We started with some basic hitting, but I didn’t get to punch for long. The scabs on my left knuckles broke and blood oozed. I had to stop and clean the wounds. The bleeding soon abated but I couldn’t punch left-handed, lest I dripped all over the floor. (I hope this does not turn into a once in a month thing.)
After the preliminary hitting segment, we split into pairs. Xiangrong and Cassandra discussed about how their master (ex-master now) and the school are doing. Their former instructor is now left with five students. Apparently the bloke could not retain his senior students. Being of the old school type, he refused to teach his students the actual martial applications of each form until they were deemed to be sufficiently proficient. As a result his senior students defected and he had to handle the teaching by himself without their assistance. The class dwindled and he now has to survive on his income as a hawker.
He may be Shaolin-trained, but the finest martial artists don’t always make good businessmen. Obviously martial art schools should include business modules in their curriculum. One cannot live on fists alone. Anyway, Cassandra’s defection is our gain. We always welcome new practice partners.
Xianghong and I discussed about our martial arts techniques. There are similarities between our styles, such as circular movements and leaping moves. In fact his style does not resemble a Southerner’s. Anyway, I showed him how to do the ‘fa’. This technique requires you to move your arms parallel to your body while keeping them in a straight line and then simultaneously push one hand out in front and your other hand towards the back, We also discussed about the whirlwind and leaping kicks and the techniques for executing them.
I gave him a few pointers on how to pass his standing broad jump. Going back for reservist training is already a waste of time. We don’t need to add remedial training (for failing the stupid annual IPPT) to the list of meaningless obligations we owe our *motherland*. I hope my friend will pass the damn test. One of my project mates has to go for remedial training every Thursday just because he failed by one chin up. All the trouble for one miserable chin-up! Hell. I would take the damn test for them if I could. I don’t think my friends deserve to waste their precious time and energy for this stupid cuntry.
Where was I? Oh yeah we had our final round of group practice before Cassandra and Xianghong left. Xiangrong and I continued our training by smacking each other with a variety of kicks, punches and elbows. I hate my side kick. It makes me look like a duck about to lay an egg. We also set the hitting pad against the wall and slammed our elbows into it, much to the disgust of the kids practising their dancing several yards away. We had to stop, not because we were mindful of their feelings, but for the fact that the wall was in danger of collapsing. The bottom side of the marble slab had moved half a centimetre inwards. This was not a testimony to our skills, but an indictment of the building contractor’s. (Why am I thinking of Nicole Highway as I am writing this?)
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
History was made tonight. Support for my Business Law II lecturer was overwhelming; the class was overfilled. Latecomers could not find a seat. My lecturer had to ask those who didn’t belong in his class to leave. Initially nobody moved. It was only when the bloke said that he would start to take class attendance that the ‘illegal immigrants’ began to find their good sense. And even then, he had to threaten the class a few times before more people took the threat seriously. It would have been easier if he had made good on his threat at the expense of ruining the class atmosphere. I certainly wouldn’t mind.
My university should sack the other Business Law II lecturers. It reflects badly on a lecturer when his students defect to another. If it had not been for the limited seats in the classroom, I suspect the illegal immigrants would have arrived en masse. While students generally like a lecturer who dispenses tips freely, the said situation was tragic and wretched. It truly brought out the ugliness in people. Seeing the lengths they went to just for a few assignment hints, one could hardly imagine what they would do if the stakes were much higher. I am a cynic, but even I feel disturbed. Intellectualizing about human nature is one thing. Experiencing it first-hand is a different animal altogether. Is it humans or just Singaporeans? I remember my Marketing lecturer, who is French, telling us that in Western countries people pay according to the amount of food they buy at the supermarkets. There are no weighing scales or price tags to compel them to do so; they – or most of them – don’t cheat.
After class my depression was exacerbated when my project mate P asked me if I could finish the remaining question. She said that her group mates for her Marketing module wrote rubbish and she had to do the whole project herself. (For all their incompetence, they have managed to survive into the third year. How…strange.) I replied I don’t mind helping out. The other girl is apparently too busy in her work. I think I am used to such things by now.
I continue to wonder if I am in the right course. Half the time I ended up as the proofreader for my groups. In maths-related modules I was usually the one tackling the essay/theory questions. This is ridiculous. What am I, an editor?
Writing a business essay is not difficult. Just make sure your points are valid, put them across in simple language and basically your job is done. Nobody is asking for fantastic vocabulary or style. This is a Business degree, not Shakespeare Appreciation 101. What is so damn terrifying about writing? I don’t mind doing it but it gets tiring after a while.Things are seriously wrong when some people don’t even deign to provide you with arguments and points for theory questions. They just look confused and expect answers to drop from the sky.
I understand that some people are terrible at writing. I don’t blame them because everybody has his strengths and weaknesses. As an ex-engineering student myself I know how we suck at putting thoughts to paper, and many of my peers were in engineering and IT. But would it kill anybody to think critically and exercise the creativity that Mother Nature had installed in them? If you don’t want to write, fine. Leave the ‘smoking’ to me. I can smoke my way out of nearly anything - but only if you give me sufficient ‘ammo’. I assume we want to end up in management because we are all suffering for the lousy degree. People in management like to talk cock and often come up with stupid ideas and suggestions. If you can’t even bullshit a little for a lousy assignment question, I suggest you quit the course now. The university also offers Engineering and Culinary courses. I am sure they don’t require bullshit, unlike Business.
And it seems that Business students are getting the short end of the stick. I have ranted about this and I am going to rant again. I don’t understand why in Tartarus we are overburdened with group and individual assignments, video presentations and online quizzes when the Art students (or whatever they are called in my university) just have to submit a few 2,000 word essays. The excruciating workload aside, their lecturers seem to be more lenient in their grading. XH said one guy in his class got a pass for producing maybe 500 words for a 2,000 word essay. And the average grade for his class is A. I might be wrong, but I don’t think the standards of our English Language students are that impressive. Best of all, they are allowed late submissions. We cannot even be a second late. Should we submit our assignment an hour before the 12pm deadline and can’t get it through due to the heavy traffic, it is OUR FAULT. Instant ZERO. No amount of begging, sobbing and pleading will get you anywhere. Okay maybe if your entire family got slaughtered they might make an exception. Otherwise ZERO.
Miss Sporty told me that she went through her Mass Communications degree in NTU on a part time basis. I felt fucked. Violated. Buggered. Raped. Cheated. Disenfranchised. Robbed. If I had known they offered a part time Mass Communications degree I would have robbed the fucking bank for it. Okay, I wouldn’t have to go to that extent. As NTU is regime-funded, I could pay my school fees using my CPF.
The reduced group work makes the course a mouth-watering prospect. Looking at my Business assignments, if I had to do my ‘smoking’ solo despite having a group, I might as well go for a course that often makes working alone compulsory. Not like there’s any difference.. Bloody Hell I don’t even think I need to do that accused video presentation! I would rather learn how to write a press release (more smoking!) than balance some goddamn accounts and wear a mask 24/7, backstab people and in general behave like an asshole without looking and smelling like one. Fuck the corporate world.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Our Good Friday meetup ended in abject disappointment. Only Xianghong and I turned up. JY suddenly had school work and Gabby was uncontactable. Most of whom we invited and/or messaged didn’t reply. So much for our first anniversary.
I am a bit disgusted. There are people who actually bother to sign up for an Atheist group, some of whom are apparently so delighted at finding Atheists around but when it comes to a meetup, won’t even bother to reply whether they are coming. If you are not coming, tell me straight. I am not forcing anyone at gun point and saves me a lot of trouble. It is no joking matter contacting 10, 20 people and then reminding them a few days earlier before the event of the time and date. There are people who have never replied. And they are as atheist as they go – or claim to be.
Instead of attending Good News Singapore, XH and I decided to walk to Geylang for dinner. It was a fitting response and a tribute to the cause of Atheism. After we had our fill of our overpriced slop we tried to do a video on GL. We didn’t manage to film anything because even without the whores around, the lookouts were quite protective of their territory. When XH took out his camera in front of Darlene Hotel, immediately the bloke standing behind us glared and moved towards us. I told XH to keep his camera.
The only action we saw was a raid. A crowd had gathered to watch a white van packed full with whores. A squat goblinoid of a police officer was driving the onlookers back, shouting imprecations as he did so. I peeked into the van and saw Indonesian whores. Good. They didn’t get the Chinese merchandise. There were a few other white vans around the corner, but they were empty. I hate the bloody fuzz. I wonder if Goblinoid would be so arrogant if he were without his badge. Maybe if I ever see him in another country…
I walked my friend around, explaining to him the selection of goods that could be found at each lorong. Without the actual merchandise present, my tutorage was quite a difficult one. I decided to bring XH to the fish tanks to supplement the education. There were only a few whores available in the few establishments we went into. With the streets emptied of ‘black market’ goods, the legitimate businesses enjoyed an increased revenue. An example of simple economics, supply and demand.
After that I decided to continue XH’s education in another part of Singapore: Bugis. On our way to the train station we saw an old man, shirtless, sleeping in a rubbish heap, with his head stuck in a particularly malodorous part of it. He was so still, so oblivious to the smell that I thought he was dead. This was a Uniquely Singapore sight. We have no beggars. Yeah right. I don’t even think that hoboes around the world – okay maybe in certain parts of Asia – live like this. I am dead certain no hobo in a first world country looks as wretched as Mr. Rubbish Heap here. It was a pity that in our jadedness we forgot to snap a few shots. Kodak moment.
In Bugis I showed XH where certain establishments could be found. The backstreets of Bugis were seedy yet vibrant, like GL but without the whores and cheap Indian and Bangladesh laborers. Groups of yuppies smoked Arabic weed in front of the shops. As we walked along the darkened streets we saw revelers enjoying their soiree. A percussion from an Indian shop or somesuch stirred our blood as we passed it. It was like we were in Sin City, albeit a much sleepier version of it.
The shopping centres I took my friend were empty husks of what they had been. Save for one KTV lounge, their male-oriented health industries were no more. Thanks to the bloody and sexless regime in this cuntry, a man can’t even get his rocks off. I hope the fools don’t keep their pretense of Confucian morality – I personally think that it would have been better for China and the Chinese if that hypocrite Confucius didn’t exist or were killed before he could utter his pedantic ejaculations – or else two things will happen. First, the sex crimes in this cuntry will escalate. Second, men will go to neighboring countries to stimulate their economies because the whores there are cheap and readily available. A country run like clockwork will fall like clockwork.
There wasn’t enough time for me to bring XH to a shopping mall which its ‘health industry’ is still left unmolested. Oh well. We will get the chance. Maybe we will organize an Atheist meetup for this exact purpose. Male bonding. I think we should be able to get some proper attendance.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think being an Atheist sucks. Many of us love to laugh at theists being dumb and believing in all kinds of nonsense and doing all sorts of stupid shit like speaking in tongues and flagellating themselves in some religious-inspired masochism. Look at us! We cannot even get our own backyard in order and we are laughing at the people who can do it. If that is not shamelessness, I don’t know what it is.
I have evolved to a state where the question of whether Gawd exists has ceased to be of any relevance. If It ever existed, and exists still, It is unworthy of worship and therefore should be abolished. Why should It be worshipped, when It is merely a servant of He Who Is Greater? Why split the profits with the middle man?
On the other hand, if Gawd never existed, I would neither lose nor gain anything. Yet one cannot deny the power of organized mass delusion. They may be stupid, but they will crush the intelligentsia by their spit alone. Weak individually, strong collectively. And they are the exemplar of collectivism.
It has been said that herding Atheists is like herding cats. I think this statement is wrong. Not all cats are solitary as they seem. Lions live in prides, and even ‘solitary’ cats like cheetahs coordinate in a hunt. And all cats, regardless of size or temperament, fight ferociously when threatened. Atheists don’t deserve to be compared to cats. We couldn’t work together if our lives depended on it. And some of us are so docile they justify their cowardice and inertness with Kant, Nietzsche, the brain-in-the-jar theory, the eternal regression and other philosophies which they take great pleasure in regurgitating to order to show their ‘superior’ intellect and ‘vast’ learning and at the same time hide their deficiencies. Philosophy has been described in the textbooks as ‘thinking for the sake of thinking’. So where’re the applications? What’s the point of going ad nauseam about Hegel and the virtues of his philosophy when you can’t - or won’t – use what you learn?
For all their learning, intellectuals and their ilk the pseudo-intellectuals have failed miserably. They live so high in their ivory towers they are perpetually on cloud nine and never notice what happens on the ground. They only realize shit happens when the entire edifice collapses and they are on the ground with the philistines and unwashed masses they have derided as being inferior, uncouth and uneducated. Same applies to moderates and liberals. Oh we must be politically correct, we need more information, we can’t judge immediately, we must discuss in detail and lay everything out properly, Socrates said…yabba yabba abracadabra.
Not all Atheists are intellectuals (although many whom I met think themselves as such), but most are moderates and liberals. Atheists are stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. There, I said it four times. When XH and I wrote that ‘Atheism is an Abject Failure’ article, we (I actually got all the stick) were lambasted by a few atheists. If I may be shameless, it’s actually a brilliant article (the lousy English notwithstanding), as it highlights various points on why Atheists are pathetic compared to the theists. Apparently some people can’t handle the truth and instead of attacking my arguments, attacked me personally. Atheists are logical and relies on reasoning. Indeed.
Then there were Atheists who for some reason, do not wish to be associated with Atheism. They prefer to call themselves agnostics and freethinkers. Sadly, they don’t even know what agnosticism means. And from listening to them talk about their beliefs, it becomes apparent they are atheists. Agnostics are easily the worst of the lot. Those who actually know what agnosticism means like to demand that atheists prove ourselves to them that Gawd does not exist, rather than asking the theists to prove their case. It’s ridiculous! How in the Hells do you expect me to conjure out something out of nothing? Who am I now, David Copperfield? While we are at it, why don’t I also disprove the existence of myself (okay, we are back to that thrice-damned brain-in-the-thrice-damned jar argument again – Did I mention that agnostics tend to be intellectuals?) or prove that George W. Bush has an IQ of 200?
During our dinner at GL, XH made an astute observation: If one fine day we end up being prosecuted for being Atheists, we can safely bet that nobody will intervene on our behalf. Sad, but true. A Christian who sacrifices himself (let’s exclude terrorist acts in the name of religion here) is a martyr. The Christian community show their support openly. Fellow Christians will remember him with fondness and speak well of him. I wonder what will happen when Atheists are being persecuted and some atheist opens his mouth to protest. What will become of him then? “Oh it’s just another Dr. Chee, ignore the idiot lah. He’s just being stupid…” So my fellow infidels, atheists, agnostics, freethinkers, telly-tubby New-Agers or whatever you choose to call yourselves, it is you who are stupid. Not the Christians. Not the Muslims. Not the Hindus. Not the Taoists. Not the Buddhists. Not even the Teapot worshipers in Malaysia. There, I said it. I just spat on my own kind. Sorry, I mean ilk. So bite me.
Atheists and the other non-religious are even more myopic than the theists. The theists cannot see well, but at least they guide one another along. So many of us could not look beyond our oh-so sophisticated arguments to see that humans are never totally logical. We are more emotional and illogical than we would care to admit.
We don’t care for someone just because we agree with her intellectual arguments. We care because we like her. A couple don’t get married because they can connect purely on an intellectual level. Lust, love, affection, infatuation and other needs bring them together. Humans will always fight the hardest for people and causes they are most emotionally involved with. All ideologies and principles merely strengthen the emotional component and are not separate entities by themselves.
I will use a crass example here. What does a desperate, unwanted bloke really want? The best arguments that there is no kind and loving deity, and that he is on his own, or the feeling of being loved? I dare say many blokes become church-goers because for once in their miserable existence they feel wanted. Nobody wants to be lonely, as that Christina Aguilera feat. Ricky Martin song goes. What can you get for being just an atheist, the sole ubermensch amongst the apes? Destroying Christians in debates? Spending hours writing about how stupid religion is? Going to fellow Atheist blogs/sites and complimenting the writer in the secret hope that they will reciprocate and praise your ‘fantastic’ writing? While the desperate male I quoted is undoubtedly a pathetic specimen, but aren’t some Atheists as well? Both may be onanistic in nature, but at least the former actually knows he wants some girl to satisfy his needs.
As an infidel even I know that organized religion trumps organized Atheism (if there’s truly such a thing) any day. One cannot never underestimate the sense of communal kinship, the sense of love, care and justice, and the seemingly unadulterated affection members display that are found in religion. The shared values and common goal for its adherents. The collectivistic drive and focus. You know you have seem the best of slave management when the slaves actually enjoy it and defend their institutions with such fervor. Atheism only offers round after round of repeated philosophical discussions, barren intellectualism, zero goals, zero definition, zero this and then. It is purely NATO (No Action Talk Only) and in the end, when we are fucked we have only ourselves to blame. And we are so apathetic we won’t even bother!
Talking to some Atheists about the power of emotions versus intellectualism is a gut-wrenching exercise. No matter what I say I am always wrong. It is not Atheism’s fault, but my own. I am a loser and my failings does not reflect on secularism. It’s touché, touché and more touchés without reply. It’s like hitting a brick wall with a fencing foil. In the first place, why bother?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Everton were held 3: 3 at Villa after leading twice by two goals. It had been a glorious opportunity to leapfrog Villa into fifth place but it was not to be. The high-scoring thriller was pleasing on the eye but stressing on the heart. We don’t usually concede three goals but on Sunday we switched off and paid the price. The ManUre stand between us and our first appearance in an FA Cup Final since 1996. The lads better tighten up at the back.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just found that my answer to Question 5 of my Managerial Accounting assignment was replaced by some Nobel Prize award winning material (Singapore Category). At 4am Monday morning, O made a miraculous recovery from his illness and the effect was for all to see. After reading it I immediately felt I was put in my place. Right now I feel suicidal and the compulsion to quit my Business degree course grows even stronger.
I didn’t even receive an sms informing me of the amendment. And who checks his email at four in the morning?! If I had known this would happen I would not have wasted an hour of my precious time doing the damn question! It’s not like I am pissed off because my hard work got rejected. If O’s rubbish were better than mine, I would have gladly taken his answer. But when it’s the opposite way round it just makes me feel like I am fucked for no good reason.
I wish I could put it up for your amusement but the plagiarism program the University uses will pick it up. I have enough on my plate already. I see no point in inflicting more pain on myself. There is only so much a man can take.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
