This bloke is amazing!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Now, this is FILM ART!
A conversation between me and the Brain. We should be directors.
The Brain (Yesterday at 4:26 AM):
it's really a joy watching her performances
great speed, great choreography, great movement, great balance, great facial expressions
The Brain said (Yesterday at 4:38 AM):
however, i still love Evgeni Plushenko the most: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ieMEfklmuI&feature=related
he invented many figure-skating techniques himself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21woRiBqrks
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
http://www.chinalanguage.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=779&start=45
further proof that the Koreans are an inferior race.
Chinese was too difficult for the Koreans, which was why Korean was invented.
"Hangeul (the Korean alphabet) was created by King Sejong in 1443. Prior to Hangeul, all of the Korean literati used the Hanja writing system, which were traditional Chinese characters with Korean pronunciation and meaning, and used a written language known as Hanmun, which was basically Classical Chinese, for official court documents."
"However, even with the advent of the Korean alphabet, use of Hanja and Hanmun in daily correspondence was not discontinued, with the Korean aristocracy, educated in Classical Chinese for the transcription of the Korean language, assumed condescending attitudes toward Hangeul and any kind of usage of it (as displayed by the number of pejoratives used to refer to it)."
"King Sejong explained that he created the new script because the Korean language was different from Chinese; using Chinese characters (known as Hanja) to write was so difficult for the common people that only the male aristocrats (yangban) could read and write fluently. (A few female members of the royal family could also do so to a certain extent). The majority of Koreans were effectively illiterate before Hangul's invention."
The Philistine says:
"Don't challenge the patience of all Chinese. OR, someday, without the protection of your U.S.A daddy, you will be our sub-country again. "
Brilliant!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i love it when any country bullies Korea.
The Philistine says:
When their navy vessel was sunk, they didn't even dare to back at North Korea.
Such lack of balls!
What is the use of making your male citizens do compulsory military service when your leaders behave like pussies.
?*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very true.
The Philistine says:
"I suggest korea also to pretend USA soldiers have korea blood, so korea people will be the strongest race in the world.
I am waiting for this laughy.haha!!!"
I don't think US soldiers are that tough, seeing that their suicide rate is pretty high.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
Chinese netizens joked that Korea would claim that Phelps was Korean.
tougher than SK soldiers for sure.
The Philistine says:
The only SK useful is that blooy SK II, and even so, it is a waste of $ and only good for cheating people!
bloody*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
bad reviews from your friends who use that product?
The Philistine says:
Hell, I may have quite a few dumb friends, but I'm certainly no fan of dumb women!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nobody is
The Philistine says:
Ronaldo apparently had a fling with Paris Hilton.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i'm not surprised.
when a slut and a manwhore meet each other...
The Philistine says:
Damn right.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
do you like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSf9G5x7rMI
The Philistine says:
I prefer the original version better.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
same here.
The Philistine says:
When we were in school we used to joke a lot about this song.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
when i listen to songs with lyrics like these i always marvel at the beauty of the Chinese language
i don't think English can ever capture the same melancholy with such simplicity
what jokes did you make?
The Philistine says:
One night in Beijing...wo liu xia xu duo [insert your vulgar term]...
.....
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
...
how creative
The Philistine says:
Yes.
Boys will be boys.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i can guarantee you that girls talk even dirtier when there are no boys around.
The Philistine says:
This I have no dounbt.
doubt*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
in Secondary 2, my Chinese teacher used the phrase “不入虎穴，焉得虎子” in class
my best friend immediately gave me a dirty grin
i burst out laughing in class, which attracted everyone's attention.
think of the 虎穴 as a woman's vagina...
The Philistinesays:
HAHAHAHA!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
creative, isn't it? and very subtle too.
good imagery and nice symbolism.
it's a pity she isn't interested in being a poet.
The Philistine says:
When we watched Journey to the West, we used to make jokes about Hei feng dong.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
what jokes?
The Philistine says:
About going in to kill 'demons'; attacking it and making it bloody; about how black you can't see a thing; being stuck and unable to COME out.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nice analogy.
The Philistine says:
Not as poetic and high class as Ah Mah's.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i agree.
it was so memorable that i remember it to this day.
The Philistine says:
Kodak moment.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad she's in the land of Kimchi now.
i miss her wit.
The Philistine says:
Fret not.
You have Miss Emo II.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
... she's hardly witty
The Philistine says:
She is, as we say, 'another type of player'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
anyway Miss Emo II impressed me once.
our male friends in Boston were pestering us to watch this chick flick titled The Notebook.
according to these male friends, The Notebook is a very beautiful and touching movie.
Miss Emo II and i only felt very disgusted after watching it.
the story is about a couple who were separated during wartime.
after a few years, the lady was engaged to a new man, who was handsome, rich, loving, faithful, talented.
but she bumped into her old flame and realised that she was still in love with her ex.
so she cruelly dumped her very awesome fiancee and went back to her old flame.
her old flame also dumped his new girlfriend and went back to her.
these two despicable people spent the rest of their lives together and 死于同年同日。
my male friends kept gushing about how it was true love; how touching it was; how they were meant to be.
Miss Emo II and i thought it was just a story about two 贱人。
anyway Miss Emo II then expressed her own views on true love, which i thought was very true.
she said, "our male friends just believe in true love they don't have to work for. they have no sense of responsibility or commitment. there's no such thing as 'destiny'. maybe if the girl had stayed with her fiancee and tried to work things out, at the end of the day she'd realise that her fiancee was her true love too."
The Philistine says:
I am shocked!
Miss Emo II could actually say such things!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very wise words, are they not?
The Philistine says:
It is a bleeding miracle!
Yes.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
that's why i told you she is very sensible with it comes to relationships.
The Philistine says:
Anyway, the story plot was uncreative. If I were the director, this would be my plot. Slut 1 meets Manwhore 1, separate from Manwhore 1, meets Manwhore 2, meets Manwhore 1 again and ditches Manwhore 2, Manwhore 2 gets pissed off and goes after Slut 2 (Manwhore 1's sister), Manwhore 1 gets fed up and bangs his own sister as revenge, Manwhore 2 then takes Slut 1 and bangs her to piss Manwhore 2.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
wow.
yeah, the plot was hackneyed.
it was based on a poorly written book by Nicholas Sparks.
some stupid chick lit author.
The Philistine says:
Unhappy at Manwhore 2's behavior, Slut 2 copulates with Slut 1. Then the two Manwhores get really pissed off and ask other Manwhores to bang the two Sluts. They then kill the two sluts and realize how much in love they are with each other.
They live happily ever after - THE END.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
sounds like porn and gore rolled into one.
The Philistine says:
Obviously Sparks is not a very bright man,
It's not just porn.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
if not he wouldn't be writing chick lit.
The Philistine says:
It's the EARTHSHAKING LOVE STORY OF THE YEAR.
GROUNDBREAKING.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
yes. it challenges taboos about incest, polyamory, rape, homosexuality, and prosmiscuity.
The Philistine says:
Wow.
You can be my reviewer.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad there is nothing about bestiality.
The Philistine says:
Good idea.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and why not throw in some sadomasochism while you're at it?
The Philistine says:
Throw in a horse then.
Yes!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
a horse's private part may be too gigantic for anyone's enjoyment.
The Philistine says:
The horse can trample on one of the Manwhore, after which he takes 'revenge' on the horse by 'riding' it.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah.
The Philistine says:
Manwhores*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
hmmm.
The Philistine says:
One of the characters can get jealous and kill the horse.
She/he then 'flogs a dead horse'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and after that she/he decapacitates the horse. the Manwhore who rode the horse wakes up to find the horse's head in his bed.
dum dum dum, an allusion to The Godfather.
suddenly all the critics would praise you for your clever plot device.
The Philistine says:
Now....you are on to something.
We can use plots from various classics!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
indeed. the Manwhore is very angry that one of his sex buddies should do something so uncouth.
so he decided to take revenge.
he melted some gold in a pot at several hundred degrees, and then he carefully used a machine to hang the pot from the ceiling. he lured the culprit who placed the horse's head in his head, and made the culprit lie down in a bed under the pot. he tied the culprit to the bed and then blindfolded him/her. the culprit thought something kinky was going on and waited in bated breath.
at this moment, the Manwhore left the room, triggered a switch, which tipped the balance of the pot, pouring hot melted gold all over the culprit.
the culprit screamed in pain and his/her corpse became a golden statue, as he/she lied on the bed.
there you have it: an allusion to The Golden Finger.
The Philistine says:
Well done!
We must name this character OSCAR.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
the Manwhore?
the Golden Corpse?
The Philistine says:
The carcass.
It's a hint to the judges to award us with the Oscar in recognition of our great piece of work.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah yes. or else the judges would end up just like Oscar.
The Philistine says:
Yes.
We can even have Rambo scenes.
Have a character (call him BRUNO), he comes in and bangs everybody, and then makes his escape into the sunset on the horse.
Clint Eastwood westerns + Rambo action.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
where else can anyone find a movie that has porn and gore, and challenges conventions, AND makes clever allusions?
The Philistine says:
We are definitely a cut above the rest.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
of course, of course.
what a pity we're not doing Film Studies.
The Philistine says:
Yes, I should tell XH about our story on Sunday.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
why not just save this conversation and send it to him?
for his perusal.
The Philistine says:
Idea. We can only send to him via FB though.
He said he deactivated his MSN account.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i thought his hotmail email is still working.
just that he doesnt have MSN Messenger.
The Philistine says:
I still prefer to send him this via FB. My hotmail is quite slow at times, no thanks to the %#^$# spam.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah okay. anyway brb in 1 hour.
ttyl if you're still here.
The Philistine says:
Do you want to send him the entire conversation or our Film Art part? I haven't pasted it on his Wall yet.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
up to you; after all there are not secrets here.
no*
The Philistine says:
I'm just afraid that the earlier part may distract him from our fantastic plot.
Oh hack! I'll just put the whole thing in. He needs to know that the kimchi eaters are dregs.
The Brain (Yesterday at 4:26 AM):
it's really a joy watching her performances
great speed, great choreography, great movement, great balance, great facial expressions
The Brain said (Yesterday at 4:38 AM):
however, i still love Evgeni Plushenko the most: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ieMEfklmuI&feature=related
he invented many figure-skating techniques himself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21woRiBqrks
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
http://www.chinalanguage.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=779&start=45
further proof that the Koreans are an inferior race.
Chinese was too difficult for the Koreans, which was why Korean was invented.
"Hangeul (the Korean alphabet) was created by King Sejong in 1443. Prior to Hangeul, all of the Korean literati used the Hanja writing system, which were traditional Chinese characters with Korean pronunciation and meaning, and used a written language known as Hanmun, which was basically Classical Chinese, for official court documents."
"However, even with the advent of the Korean alphabet, use of Hanja and Hanmun in daily correspondence was not discontinued, with the Korean aristocracy, educated in Classical Chinese for the transcription of the Korean language, assumed condescending attitudes toward Hangeul and any kind of usage of it (as displayed by the number of pejoratives used to refer to it)."
"King Sejong explained that he created the new script because the Korean language was different from Chinese; using Chinese characters (known as Hanja) to write was so difficult for the common people that only the male aristocrats (yangban) could read and write fluently. (A few female members of the royal family could also do so to a certain extent). The majority of Koreans were effectively illiterate before Hangul's invention."
The Philistine says:
"Don't challenge the patience of all Chinese. OR, someday, without the protection of your U.S.A daddy, you will be our sub-country again. "
Brilliant!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i love it when any country bullies Korea.
The Philistine says:
When their navy vessel was sunk, they didn't even dare to back at North Korea.
Such lack of balls!
What is the use of making your male citizens do compulsory military service when your leaders behave like pussies.
?*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very true.
The Philistine says:
"I suggest korea also to pretend USA soldiers have korea blood, so korea people will be the strongest race in the world.
I am waiting for this laughy.haha!!!"
I don't think US soldiers are that tough, seeing that their suicide rate is pretty high.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
Chinese netizens joked that Korea would claim that Phelps was Korean.
tougher than SK soldiers for sure.
The Philistine says:
The only SK useful is that blooy SK II, and even so, it is a waste of $ and only good for cheating people!
bloody*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
bad reviews from your friends who use that product?
The Philistine says:
Hell, I may have quite a few dumb friends, but I'm certainly no fan of dumb women!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nobody is
The Philistine says:
Ronaldo apparently had a fling with Paris Hilton.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i'm not surprised.
when a slut and a manwhore meet each other...
The Philistine says:
Damn right.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
do you like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSf9G5x7rMI
The Philistine says:
I prefer the original version better.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
same here.
The Philistine says:
When we were in school we used to joke a lot about this song.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
when i listen to songs with lyrics like these i always marvel at the beauty of the Chinese language
i don't think English can ever capture the same melancholy with such simplicity
what jokes did you make?
The Philistine says:
One night in Beijing...wo liu xia xu duo [insert your vulgar term]...
.....
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
...
how creative
The Philistine says:
Yes.
Boys will be boys.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i can guarantee you that girls talk even dirtier when there are no boys around.
The Philistine says:
This I have no dounbt.
doubt*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
in Secondary 2, my Chinese teacher used the phrase “不入虎穴，焉得虎子” in class
my best friend immediately gave me a dirty grin
i burst out laughing in class, which attracted everyone's attention.
think of the 虎穴 as a woman's vagina...
The Philistinesays:
HAHAHAHA!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
creative, isn't it? and very subtle too.
good imagery and nice symbolism.
it's a pity she isn't interested in being a poet.
The Philistine says:
When we watched Journey to the West, we used to make jokes about Hei feng dong.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
what jokes?
The Philistine says:
About going in to kill 'demons'; attacking it and making it bloody; about how black you can't see a thing; being stuck and unable to COME out.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nice analogy.
The Philistine says:
Not as poetic and high class as Ah Mah's.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i agree.
it was so memorable that i remember it to this day.
The Philistine says:
Kodak moment.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad she's in the land of Kimchi now.
i miss her wit.
The Philistine says:
Fret not.
You have Miss Emo II.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
... she's hardly witty
The Philistine says:
She is, as we say, 'another type of player'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
anyway Miss Emo II impressed me once.
our male friends in Boston were pestering us to watch this chick flick titled The Notebook.
according to these male friends, The Notebook is a very beautiful and touching movie.
Miss Emo II and i only felt very disgusted after watching it.
the story is about a couple who were separated during wartime.
after a few years, the lady was engaged to a new man, who was handsome, rich, loving, faithful, talented.
but she bumped into her old flame and realised that she was still in love with her ex.
so she cruelly dumped her very awesome fiancee and went back to her old flame.
her old flame also dumped his new girlfriend and went back to her.
these two despicable people spent the rest of their lives together and 死于同年同日。
my male friends kept gushing about how it was true love; how touching it was; how they were meant to be.
Miss Emo II and i thought it was just a story about two 贱人。
anyway Miss Emo II then expressed her own views on true love, which i thought was very true.
she said, "our male friends just believe in true love they don't have to work for. they have no sense of responsibility or commitment. there's no such thing as 'destiny'. maybe if the girl had stayed with her fiancee and tried to work things out, at the end of the day she'd realise that her fiancee was her true love too."
The Philistine says:
I am shocked!
Miss Emo II could actually say such things!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very wise words, are they not?
The Philistine says:
It is a bleeding miracle!
Yes.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
that's why i told you she is very sensible with it comes to relationships.
The Philistine says:
Anyway, the story plot was uncreative. If I were the director, this would be my plot. Slut 1 meets Manwhore 1, separate from Manwhore 1, meets Manwhore 2, meets Manwhore 1 again and ditches Manwhore 2, Manwhore 2 gets pissed off and goes after Slut 2 (Manwhore 1's sister), Manwhore 1 gets fed up and bangs his own sister as revenge, Manwhore 2 then takes Slut 1 and bangs her to piss Manwhore 2.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
wow.
yeah, the plot was hackneyed.
it was based on a poorly written book by Nicholas Sparks.
some stupid chick lit author.
The Philistine says:
Unhappy at Manwhore 2's behavior, Slut 2 copulates with Slut 1. Then the two Manwhores get really pissed off and ask other Manwhores to bang the two Sluts. They then kill the two sluts and realize how much in love they are with each other.
They live happily ever after - THE END.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
sounds like porn and gore rolled into one.
The Philistine says:
Obviously Sparks is not a very bright man,
It's not just porn.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
if not he wouldn't be writing chick lit.
The Philistine says:
It's the EARTHSHAKING LOVE STORY OF THE YEAR.
GROUNDBREAKING.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
yes. it challenges taboos about incest, polyamory, rape, homosexuality, and prosmiscuity.
The Philistine says:
Wow.
You can be my reviewer.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad there is nothing about bestiality.
The Philistine says:
Good idea.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and why not throw in some sadomasochism while you're at it?
The Philistine says:
Throw in a horse then.
Yes!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
a horse's private part may be too gigantic for anyone's enjoyment.
The Philistine says:
The horse can trample on one of the Manwhore, after which he takes 'revenge' on the horse by 'riding' it.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah.
The Philistine says:
Manwhores*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
hmmm.
The Philistine says:
One of the characters can get jealous and kill the horse.
She/he then 'flogs a dead horse'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and after that she/he decapacitates the horse. the Manwhore who rode the horse wakes up to find the horse's head in his bed.
dum dum dum, an allusion to The Godfather.
suddenly all the critics would praise you for your clever plot device.
The Philistine says:
Now....you are on to something.
We can use plots from various classics!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
indeed. the Manwhore is very angry that one of his sex buddies should do something so uncouth.
so he decided to take revenge.
he melted some gold in a pot at several hundred degrees, and then he carefully used a machine to hang the pot from the ceiling. he lured the culprit who placed the horse's head in his head, and made the culprit lie down in a bed under the pot. he tied the culprit to the bed and then blindfolded him/her. the culprit thought something kinky was going on and waited in bated breath.
at this moment, the Manwhore left the room, triggered a switch, which tipped the balance of the pot, pouring hot melted gold all over the culprit.
the culprit screamed in pain and his/her corpse became a golden statue, as he/she lied on the bed.
there you have it: an allusion to The Golden Finger.
The Philistine says:
Well done!
We must name this character OSCAR.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
the Manwhore?
the Golden Corpse?
The Philistine says:
The carcass.
It's a hint to the judges to award us with the Oscar in recognition of our great piece of work.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah yes. or else the judges would end up just like Oscar.
The Philistine says:
Yes.
We can even have Rambo scenes.
Have a character (call him BRUNO), he comes in and bangs everybody, and then makes his escape into the sunset on the horse.
Clint Eastwood westerns + Rambo action.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
where else can anyone find a movie that has porn and gore, and challenges conventions, AND makes clever allusions?
The Philistine says:
We are definitely a cut above the rest.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
of course, of course.
what a pity we're not doing Film Studies.
The Philistine says:
Yes, I should tell XH about our story on Sunday.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
why not just save this conversation and send it to him?
for his perusal.
The Philistine says:
Idea. We can only send to him via FB though.
He said he deactivated his MSN account.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i thought his hotmail email is still working.
just that he doesnt have MSN Messenger.
The Philistine says:
I still prefer to send him this via FB. My hotmail is quite slow at times, no thanks to the %#^$# spam.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah okay. anyway brb in 1 hour.
ttyl if you're still here.
The Philistine says:
Do you want to send him the entire conversation or our Film Art part? I haven't pasted it on his Wall yet.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
up to you; after all there are not secrets here.
no*
The Philistine says:
I'm just afraid that the earlier part may distract him from our fantastic plot.
Oh hack! I'll just put the whole thing in. He needs to know that the kimchi eaters are dregs.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Why Tae Kwon Do Sucks: High Kicks are Great for Cheerleaders and Hollywood
As the provocative title suggests, I am not exactly enamored of the Korean martial art. Technically it is spectacular to watch; tactically it is rather daft. As my friends who practiced it said proudly, Tae Kwon Do (TKD), or 'leg art', has the widest repertoire of kicks among all the martial arts. They further went on to claim that kicks are always better than punches because they are at least thrice as strong. Therefore, TKD is an excellent martial art.
However, whenever I watch TKD tournaments, I am compelled to dismiss the martial art as a reflection of the manufactured Korean 'culture' which is ubiquitous to the point of being obscene and a global nuisance. Like K-pop, K-movies and dramas, and kimchi, it lacks substance. The typical TKD tournament involves two 'exponents' donned in unwieldy protective gear - they look like some hideous parody of Teletubbies - kicking the bejesus out of each other and screaming at the top of their voices like pigs being led to the abattoir.
To make this freak show even funnier, TKD rules state that you may not (i) kick under the belt; (ii) punch the face; and (iii) employ take-downs; and (iv) joint locks. I can understand the prohibition on joint locks as joint manipulation is potentially more deadly than strikes as they can easily maim permanently or kill, but to reinforce rules (i) to (iii) as well really defeats the purpose of the martial arts. As any street fighter will tell you, punches go straight to the face, and kicks to the stomach or legs. Granted, we are talking about a tournament fight here and certain rules do apply. Unfortunately, too many TKD people do train for tournaments, not for real fights.
You can say the same for most people who practise martial arts these days for health benefits and not because they want to survive a fight. But the syllabus and tactical mindset of TKD means that it is a different beast altogether. Unlike most other martial arts. TKD focuses too much on kicking and too little on using the hands. Its greatest selling point is ironically its weakness. You can easily halve a pure TKD fighter's effectiveness by just giving his shin a good whack. You don't even need to cripple his leg. One nice bruise and he will be struggling to even move, let alone execute his fantastic kicks! Contrast him to the Western boxer, who can take a tremendous amount on his forearm and still function. Even if the TKD guy wises up and stops kicking like a cheerleader on steroids and uses his hands, he is still likely to have his arse handed over to him. Most TKD fighters have 'no hands'.
Rant over.
Now, here's a Top 10 list on why TKD is so daft. Number 11 is a bonus.
Waste of energy
High kicks deplete energy rapidly. You can try it out yourself. Without stopping, throw 50 high kicks to head level and then kick 100 times to shin level. You will find that it is still more comfortable executing the latter, even though you have to kick twice as many.
Requires specialized training
Anybody can easily kick a can or ball lying around on the street, but it takes training to execute a high kick, especially for non front kicks. Think of all the leg stretches you have to do to get you to the flexibility required.
Not practical in daily life
You can kick low and hard in street clothes, but certain types of clothing make it impossible for you to execute a kick to the face.
Hard to time
You need perfect timing to be able to slam a roundhouse kick into a moving target’s face, but as every footballer knows, it’s not that difficult to kick someone in his ankle.
Defensively inferior
A high kick that misses can be easily grabbed, resulting in the kicker being taken to ground. Even if the kicker is able to avoid having his leg grabbed, he has to shuffle his feet very fast to avoid a counter-attack. It is difficult to dodge when one of your legs is high up in the air and you are struggling for balance. On the other hand, it is highly unlikely that a missed low kick can be grabbed. The defensive stance is not compromised as much and the kicker can easily move quickly to follow up or evade.
Difficult to generate force
Unless you are executing a running jumping kick, it is impossible to throw your full weight into the kick. Moreover, you will only be wasting energy in maintaining your balance – energy that could have been used to deliver a more powerful kick. It is always easier to get your body weight behind a strike when you don’t have to stretch to hit the target.
Offensively inferior
The punch reaches the face faster than a kick. A kick reaches the legs faster than a punch. So why do people insist on kicking people’s face in when a punch is more convenient? You don’t see people deliberately punching below the belt, so why is there a fixation on kicking above the belt, and in some cases, above the shoulders? As the eyes are set just below the top of the head, it is definitely easier to see a high kick coming in than to spot a low kick below eye level.
Terrain-reliant
Try executing a high roundhouse kick when you are standing on an uneven or slippery surface. It does not take incredible balance to simply thrust out a toe-poke in most terrains.
Mostly unnecessary
You don’t need to kick people in the head to KO them. As we have seen countless times in Western boxing, a solid punch that connects with a boxer’s jaw can just as easily knock him out. A crunching tackle on someone’s knee can leave him paralyzed, in great agony and out of the fight. Just ask Eduardo.
Not versatile
A high kick can only be used to strike but a low kick can be used to strike, trap, trip, or hook.
Bonus: Needs plenty of space
If a robber ever accosts you in a lift, you can forget about kicking high.
However, whenever I watch TKD tournaments, I am compelled to dismiss the martial art as a reflection of the manufactured Korean 'culture' which is ubiquitous to the point of being obscene and a global nuisance. Like K-pop, K-movies and dramas, and kimchi, it lacks substance. The typical TKD tournament involves two 'exponents' donned in unwieldy protective gear - they look like some hideous parody of Teletubbies - kicking the bejesus out of each other and screaming at the top of their voices like pigs being led to the abattoir.
To make this freak show even funnier, TKD rules state that you may not (i) kick under the belt; (ii) punch the face; and (iii) employ take-downs; and (iv) joint locks. I can understand the prohibition on joint locks as joint manipulation is potentially more deadly than strikes as they can easily maim permanently or kill, but to reinforce rules (i) to (iii) as well really defeats the purpose of the martial arts. As any street fighter will tell you, punches go straight to the face, and kicks to the stomach or legs. Granted, we are talking about a tournament fight here and certain rules do apply. Unfortunately, too many TKD people do train for tournaments, not for real fights.
You can say the same for most people who practise martial arts these days for health benefits and not because they want to survive a fight. But the syllabus and tactical mindset of TKD means that it is a different beast altogether. Unlike most other martial arts. TKD focuses too much on kicking and too little on using the hands. Its greatest selling point is ironically its weakness. You can easily halve a pure TKD fighter's effectiveness by just giving his shin a good whack. You don't even need to cripple his leg. One nice bruise and he will be struggling to even move, let alone execute his fantastic kicks! Contrast him to the Western boxer, who can take a tremendous amount on his forearm and still function. Even if the TKD guy wises up and stops kicking like a cheerleader on steroids and uses his hands, he is still likely to have his arse handed over to him. Most TKD fighters have 'no hands'.
Rant over.
Now, here's a Top 10 list on why TKD is so daft. Number 11 is a bonus.
Waste of energy
High kicks deplete energy rapidly. You can try it out yourself. Without stopping, throw 50 high kicks to head level and then kick 100 times to shin level. You will find that it is still more comfortable executing the latter, even though you have to kick twice as many.
Requires specialized training
Anybody can easily kick a can or ball lying around on the street, but it takes training to execute a high kick, especially for non front kicks. Think of all the leg stretches you have to do to get you to the flexibility required.
Not practical in daily life
You can kick low and hard in street clothes, but certain types of clothing make it impossible for you to execute a kick to the face.
Hard to time
You need perfect timing to be able to slam a roundhouse kick into a moving target’s face, but as every footballer knows, it’s not that difficult to kick someone in his ankle.
Defensively inferior
A high kick that misses can be easily grabbed, resulting in the kicker being taken to ground. Even if the kicker is able to avoid having his leg grabbed, he has to shuffle his feet very fast to avoid a counter-attack. It is difficult to dodge when one of your legs is high up in the air and you are struggling for balance. On the other hand, it is highly unlikely that a missed low kick can be grabbed. The defensive stance is not compromised as much and the kicker can easily move quickly to follow up or evade.
Difficult to generate force
Unless you are executing a running jumping kick, it is impossible to throw your full weight into the kick. Moreover, you will only be wasting energy in maintaining your balance – energy that could have been used to deliver a more powerful kick. It is always easier to get your body weight behind a strike when you don’t have to stretch to hit the target.
Offensively inferior
The punch reaches the face faster than a kick. A kick reaches the legs faster than a punch. So why do people insist on kicking people’s face in when a punch is more convenient? You don’t see people deliberately punching below the belt, so why is there a fixation on kicking above the belt, and in some cases, above the shoulders? As the eyes are set just below the top of the head, it is definitely easier to see a high kick coming in than to spot a low kick below eye level.
Terrain-reliant
Try executing a high roundhouse kick when you are standing on an uneven or slippery surface. It does not take incredible balance to simply thrust out a toe-poke in most terrains.
Mostly unnecessary
You don’t need to kick people in the head to KO them. As we have seen countless times in Western boxing, a solid punch that connects with a boxer’s jaw can just as easily knock him out. A crunching tackle on someone’s knee can leave him paralyzed, in great agony and out of the fight. Just ask Eduardo.
Not versatile
A high kick can only be used to strike but a low kick can be used to strike, trap, trip, or hook.
Bonus: Needs plenty of space
If a robber ever accosts you in a lift, you can forget about kicking high.
Changing for the Worse
Two weeks ago, I watched Ip Man 3, which tells the story (with creative license of course) of the Wing Chun master Yip Man of his formative years. I remember feeling absolutely aghast when the protagonist modified his school’s Wing Chun to include high kicks. There was a fight scene where he sparred with his senior and in close quarters, somehow managed the remarkable feat of planting a kick behind his head while fighting close-in. This travesty does not stop there, for in later fight scenes the protagonist continued his bastardization of the Wing Chun, with other martial arts thrown in to add to the disgrace.
After the movie I wondered how many people actually thought what they just watched on screen was Wing Chun. Martial arts these days are already confusing as they are without having pure styles merged in various combinations. I can imagine some ignorant lau wai who will catch on the craze generated by the Ip Man movie franchise and go to a school and demand to learn what was shown on the screen. Imagine the shock he would cause when he inevitably argues that Bruce Lee, who executed plenty of high kicks in his movies, learnt his martial arts from the late Yip Man, and therefore, Wing Chun should have plenty of high kicks!
This hypothetical scenario aside, I am sure that there are many idiots out there who think that Bruce Lee was a Wing Chun exponent. Actually, he was not. He had his roots in the said art but he was really a mixed martial artist.
Wing Chun does not emphasize on spectacular high kicks. Bruce Lee added high kicks because he found the said art’s low kicks too limiting. He really wasn’t a big fan of the classic forms, seeing them as impractical and staid. That does not mean he was right. Mixed martial artists tend to deride traditional martial arts as being too limited. Taking Wing Chun as an example, they point out that when it comes to ground-fighting or kicking, Wing Chun is essentially useless. However, they are missing on something important here. Even if you only know one martial arts style, you can still win every fight if you can impose your own *limited* style on an opponent until he can find no effective counter to it. Being brilliant at one thing is better than just knowing a thousand things.
I am not a big fan of modifying the martial arts. Most of the time these attempts only serve to water down the techniques and in the long run, only cause a deterioration in technical quality. One may argue that even traditional martial arts have always been modified. Tang Lang Quan (Praying Mantis Fist) has quite a few variants, so it stands to reason that the martial arts should adapt.
I do not disagree with that. Like everything else, the martial arts are evolving and if a martial artist thinks that he can improve certain techniques, it is reasonable for him to do so - but only he has already achieved a sufficiently high technical and tactical proficiency in the style he is modifying. In today’s world, where martial arts are regarded by most as a pastime, it is already difficult to find one sufficiently skilled in his chosen style, let alone a master. But unfortunately, we have people who learn one martial art, give up halfway to learn another, and then take up yet another martial art. It’s like learning English and finding the grammar hard and then skipping off to Spanish to make up for the ‘weaknesses’ in the English language. Their attitude makes me hard to give most mixed martial artists any respect.
After the movie I wondered how many people actually thought what they just watched on screen was Wing Chun. Martial arts these days are already confusing as they are without having pure styles merged in various combinations. I can imagine some ignorant lau wai who will catch on the craze generated by the Ip Man movie franchise and go to a school and demand to learn what was shown on the screen. Imagine the shock he would cause when he inevitably argues that Bruce Lee, who executed plenty of high kicks in his movies, learnt his martial arts from the late Yip Man, and therefore, Wing Chun should have plenty of high kicks!
This hypothetical scenario aside, I am sure that there are many idiots out there who think that Bruce Lee was a Wing Chun exponent. Actually, he was not. He had his roots in the said art but he was really a mixed martial artist.
Wing Chun does not emphasize on spectacular high kicks. Bruce Lee added high kicks because he found the said art’s low kicks too limiting. He really wasn’t a big fan of the classic forms, seeing them as impractical and staid. That does not mean he was right. Mixed martial artists tend to deride traditional martial arts as being too limited. Taking Wing Chun as an example, they point out that when it comes to ground-fighting or kicking, Wing Chun is essentially useless. However, they are missing on something important here. Even if you only know one martial arts style, you can still win every fight if you can impose your own *limited* style on an opponent until he can find no effective counter to it. Being brilliant at one thing is better than just knowing a thousand things.
I am not a big fan of modifying the martial arts. Most of the time these attempts only serve to water down the techniques and in the long run, only cause a deterioration in technical quality. One may argue that even traditional martial arts have always been modified. Tang Lang Quan (Praying Mantis Fist) has quite a few variants, so it stands to reason that the martial arts should adapt.
I do not disagree with that. Like everything else, the martial arts are evolving and if a martial artist thinks that he can improve certain techniques, it is reasonable for him to do so - but only he has already achieved a sufficiently high technical and tactical proficiency in the style he is modifying. In today’s world, where martial arts are regarded by most as a pastime, it is already difficult to find one sufficiently skilled in his chosen style, let alone a master. But unfortunately, we have people who learn one martial art, give up halfway to learn another, and then take up yet another martial art. It’s like learning English and finding the grammar hard and then skipping off to Spanish to make up for the ‘weaknesses’ in the English language. Their attitude makes me hard to give most mixed martial artists any respect.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
It's War.
My xtian friend called me last night. For over forty minutes he complained bitterly about the way another bloke has been treating him. Our ‘discussion’(if you can call it that) was precipitated by the inadequacy of earlier phone messages in conveying the depth of his emotions and his desperate need to fully unburden himself of his frustrations. He was livid that this friend (let’s just call him Mouth) accused him of stealing a colleague’s PSP set. According to my xtian friend, it was almost a case of the pot calling the kettle black, given that Mouth has been bringing food and packets of coffee powder from the gulag’s rest room back home.
This sorry affair was further complicated by my xtian friend’s claims of Mouth siphoning petrol from the fuel store for his personal use. He also said people have been telling him that it was a mistake rehiring Mouth. Things have gone missing since his return and they suspect him of pinching stuff. This is quite astounding if you consider my xtian friend’s poor reputation in his gulag. Out of politeness, people generally restrain themselves from shaking their heads when they talk about him so it is quite inexplicable that they are taking his side. He went on, berating himself for helping Mouth when he was out of a job and at the same time, castigating the guy for not absolutely no respect for him.
I don’t know what exactly am I supposed to do. I have heard both accounts and for the most part they are similar to each other. The only real difference is the intention behind the things they do and unfortunately this aspect carries a disproportionately huge amount of the blame in this relations disaster. People think differently and what is black to one person may be white to another. My xtian friend said Mouth is morally wrong to interfere with his life. Just because he is infatuated with a Thai girl, albeit in a dysfunctional relationship in which he contributes everything, does not give Mouth the right to repeat the story to everyone in their gulag and chiding him publicly over his devotion(read: stupidity). Admittedly Mouth’s behavior is unpalatable but there were instances in which he got his criticism spot on. Chief among these is my xtian friend’s working attitude. My xtian friend takes ‘urgent’ leave every week, resulting in his shift being undermanned. Despite repeated warnings, my xtian friend even sms-es when he is operating machinery and at one time, almost inserted a thumb drive into the gulag’s computer system, which would have activated the security detail. He is hardly a shining example of responsibility.
Still, the other guy has questionable morals too. Divorcing his first wife and being derelict in his role as a father for the express reason of marrying another woman hardly qualifies himself as an upright person. I am not judging him. People do the things they do and they have to admit or deceive themselves and that, in my book, is judgment enough. Now his new wife is expecting and seriously, the money he earns as a military technician may not be sufficient to support alimony, family and child support, his own expenses, and other expenditures. By becoming a parent a second time, he is not being very responsible.
In a nutshell, this case is about two fellows with questionable characters badmouthing each other. My xtian friend said he will confront him in front of the entire shift. I tried to dissuade him from this drastic path but upset as he was, my words fell on deaf ears. Mouth will return from his overseas stint in three weeks time and we shall see if he carries through his threat. There must be something about me that undesirable effects just happen during the course of my existence.
This sorry affair was further complicated by my xtian friend’s claims of Mouth siphoning petrol from the fuel store for his personal use. He also said people have been telling him that it was a mistake rehiring Mouth. Things have gone missing since his return and they suspect him of pinching stuff. This is quite astounding if you consider my xtian friend’s poor reputation in his gulag. Out of politeness, people generally restrain themselves from shaking their heads when they talk about him so it is quite inexplicable that they are taking his side. He went on, berating himself for helping Mouth when he was out of a job and at the same time, castigating the guy for not absolutely no respect for him.
I don’t know what exactly am I supposed to do. I have heard both accounts and for the most part they are similar to each other. The only real difference is the intention behind the things they do and unfortunately this aspect carries a disproportionately huge amount of the blame in this relations disaster. People think differently and what is black to one person may be white to another. My xtian friend said Mouth is morally wrong to interfere with his life. Just because he is infatuated with a Thai girl, albeit in a dysfunctional relationship in which he contributes everything, does not give Mouth the right to repeat the story to everyone in their gulag and chiding him publicly over his devotion(read: stupidity). Admittedly Mouth’s behavior is unpalatable but there were instances in which he got his criticism spot on. Chief among these is my xtian friend’s working attitude. My xtian friend takes ‘urgent’ leave every week, resulting in his shift being undermanned. Despite repeated warnings, my xtian friend even sms-es when he is operating machinery and at one time, almost inserted a thumb drive into the gulag’s computer system, which would have activated the security detail. He is hardly a shining example of responsibility.
Still, the other guy has questionable morals too. Divorcing his first wife and being derelict in his role as a father for the express reason of marrying another woman hardly qualifies himself as an upright person. I am not judging him. People do the things they do and they have to admit or deceive themselves and that, in my book, is judgment enough. Now his new wife is expecting and seriously, the money he earns as a military technician may not be sufficient to support alimony, family and child support, his own expenses, and other expenditures. By becoming a parent a second time, he is not being very responsible.
In a nutshell, this case is about two fellows with questionable characters badmouthing each other. My xtian friend said he will confront him in front of the entire shift. I tried to dissuade him from this drastic path but upset as he was, my words fell on deaf ears. Mouth will return from his overseas stint in three weeks time and we shall see if he carries through his threat. There must be something about me that undesirable effects just happen during the course of my existence.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
World Cup Final
Spain meet the Netherlands in the World Cup final on Sunday. Most people regard this contest as a foregone conclusion and some even deride the Dutch as boring and being ‘the worst Dutch side ever’. The general perception seems to be that you need to play beautiful football to win.
Many pundits are waxing lyrical about Spain’s superb technical ability and they are not wrong. In terms of sheer talent the Spaniards are the best in the world. They keep the ball brilliantly and their Barca-esque distribution is wonderful to behold. The truth is, however, that in a knockout tournament, the best side doesn’t not always win. Mental strength, team spirit, organization and astute tactics can bridge the gap. Think of the old West Germany and the classical Italy teams, the defensive strength of the former and the dour, workman-like organization of the latter. Arrigo Sacchi once demonstrated in a training session with AC Milan how five organized defenders could hold out against ten talented but disorganized attackers. This in no way implies that the Spanish are disorganized. Rather it highlights the fact that an organized defence can make life difficult for even the most skilful of opponents. Indeed, if skill always carries the day, Brazil would have won almost every World Cup. And we would not have had an European champion in Greece!
Contrary to popular opinion, greater ball possession does not necessarily imply superiority. It is what you do with the ball, and not the amount of time you have it that ultimately determines the outcome of the game. Barcelona enjoyed overwhelming possession against Inter over two legs of the Champions League semi-final but were ultimately knocked out. In this World Cup, Uruguay has only an average of around 40% of possession but still reached the semi-finals. There have been plenty of league games in which slightly dominant teams lost the match. Spain may be able to keep the ball exceedingly well, but they may find it difficult to break down a highly compact outfit. For all their bewitching flair on the ball, they only did manage to beat Germany from a corner. When they went behind to Switzerland, they continued to pass the ball, at times with such a causal air that it seemed they didn’t bother with the urgency. They might have scored an equalizer if they had switched to a more direct style, but they continued their usual game and duly lost it. Lacking a Plan B perhaps?
Despite being written off by most people, the Netherlands are grossly underrated. They may fail to show their best in a few matches but to attribute their spluttering performances purely to their technical inadequacies is unreasonable. They were perfect during their World Cup qualifying campaign and in this World Cup they have recorded six straight wins despite not firing all cylinders.
It has been said that the Dutch setup is simple but effective. Robben, van Persie, and Sneijder attack, Kuyt runs everywhere, and seven Dutchmen stay back and defend. This tongue-in-cheek way of evaluating the Dutch is amusing but hardly an accurate analysis of the Dutch method. For those who dismiss them for their inelegant style of play, they forget that one of the principle rules in football is to learn to defend first. All great sides have a solid base from which to launch their attacks. Since the heady days of Total Football the world had grown to expect nothing less from the Dutch in terms of attacking endeavor. However, the Dutch have never won the World Cup so the verdict is out on whether their traditional bold and expansive play is the best way.
The Dutch may not have be as swashbuckling as their predecessors had been, but they have acquired a certain fortitude lacking in previous sides. Against Brazil they had a torrid first half but came back from the dead to win 2:1. One could argue that Brazil self-destructed when they conceded a soft goal and Melo stupidly got himself sent off but it does not negate the fact that few sides ever come from behind to beat Brazil. In Bert van Marwijk, the Oranje has one of the best tacticians in the World Cup. He has, for the most part eradicated the bickering and infighting that have traditionally plagued Dutch sides and even instilled in the current batch a willingness to fight for one another. Having achieved the footballing equivalent of teaching a cat to swim, one will expect him to come up with a tactical plan to stop the Spaniards. We will see if he does.
Many pundits are waxing lyrical about Spain’s superb technical ability and they are not wrong. In terms of sheer talent the Spaniards are the best in the world. They keep the ball brilliantly and their Barca-esque distribution is wonderful to behold. The truth is, however, that in a knockout tournament, the best side doesn’t not always win. Mental strength, team spirit, organization and astute tactics can bridge the gap. Think of the old West Germany and the classical Italy teams, the defensive strength of the former and the dour, workman-like organization of the latter. Arrigo Sacchi once demonstrated in a training session with AC Milan how five organized defenders could hold out against ten talented but disorganized attackers. This in no way implies that the Spanish are disorganized. Rather it highlights the fact that an organized defence can make life difficult for even the most skilful of opponents. Indeed, if skill always carries the day, Brazil would have won almost every World Cup. And we would not have had an European champion in Greece!
Contrary to popular opinion, greater ball possession does not necessarily imply superiority. It is what you do with the ball, and not the amount of time you have it that ultimately determines the outcome of the game. Barcelona enjoyed overwhelming possession against Inter over two legs of the Champions League semi-final but were ultimately knocked out. In this World Cup, Uruguay has only an average of around 40% of possession but still reached the semi-finals. There have been plenty of league games in which slightly dominant teams lost the match. Spain may be able to keep the ball exceedingly well, but they may find it difficult to break down a highly compact outfit. For all their bewitching flair on the ball, they only did manage to beat Germany from a corner. When they went behind to Switzerland, they continued to pass the ball, at times with such a causal air that it seemed they didn’t bother with the urgency. They might have scored an equalizer if they had switched to a more direct style, but they continued their usual game and duly lost it. Lacking a Plan B perhaps?
Despite being written off by most people, the Netherlands are grossly underrated. They may fail to show their best in a few matches but to attribute their spluttering performances purely to their technical inadequacies is unreasonable. They were perfect during their World Cup qualifying campaign and in this World Cup they have recorded six straight wins despite not firing all cylinders.
It has been said that the Dutch setup is simple but effective. Robben, van Persie, and Sneijder attack, Kuyt runs everywhere, and seven Dutchmen stay back and defend. This tongue-in-cheek way of evaluating the Dutch is amusing but hardly an accurate analysis of the Dutch method. For those who dismiss them for their inelegant style of play, they forget that one of the principle rules in football is to learn to defend first. All great sides have a solid base from which to launch their attacks. Since the heady days of Total Football the world had grown to expect nothing less from the Dutch in terms of attacking endeavor. However, the Dutch have never won the World Cup so the verdict is out on whether their traditional bold and expansive play is the best way.
The Dutch may not have be as swashbuckling as their predecessors had been, but they have acquired a certain fortitude lacking in previous sides. Against Brazil they had a torrid first half but came back from the dead to win 2:1. One could argue that Brazil self-destructed when they conceded a soft goal and Melo stupidly got himself sent off but it does not negate the fact that few sides ever come from behind to beat Brazil. In Bert van Marwijk, the Oranje has one of the best tacticians in the World Cup. He has, for the most part eradicated the bickering and infighting that have traditionally plagued Dutch sides and even instilled in the current batch a willingness to fight for one another. Having achieved the footballing equivalent of teaching a cat to swim, one will expect him to come up with a tactical plan to stop the Spaniards. We will see if he does.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Handballs, Missed Balls and Nice Balls
Luis Suarez was the hero for Uruguay as he saved a certain goal for Ghana with his hands. His patriotic act helped his country progress to the semi-finals of the World Cup for the first time in 40 years, but at the same time martyred himself as his red card rules him out of Tuesday's game against the Netherlands.
The 2nd of July is without doubt a proud day for African football. No African team will now disgrace the semi-finals and this is a step forward for football. Now, let us appreciate the heroics of Luis Suarez again. Truly, as he put it after the game:
"It was worth it to be sent off in this way. It was complicated and tough. We suffered to the end but the hand of God, it's mine now."
Diego Maradona's 'Hand of God' goal in 1986? That's like, so passé.
Are you watching, Robert Green?
* * * * * *
With fans like this,how can any country not do well in the World Cup? Larissa Riquelme is the best thing that has happened for this insipid tournament. You can be ensured that the Paraguay players will have their eyes on the ball while their opponents will be caught out ball-watching. I knew I made the right choice when I supported Paraguay when they played Japan. And I am definitely going to support them again! Bye bye Spain!
Such passion!
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