Killed Chelski and ManUre

Last week we knocked Chelski's block off. Yesterday we murdered ManUre. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum!

On an unrelated note, the quality of the following fan article shows how shite our lousy football journalists and columnists really are. If they had any decency, they should do the right thing and QUIT.


From Toffeeweb:

COLUMNIST KEN BUCKLEY

From my seat: Man Utd (H)

By Ken Buckley : 20/02/2010

Oh what a day... delirium abounded from all quarters of north Liverpool post match as the mighty Blues (as the match day announcer would have it) flattened the Sky darlings by 3 goals to 1 in a pulsating game that was contested between two teams in good form. AFter 95 mins of football of high standard, the Blues fully deserved the points. No fluke — just better than the Mancunians on the day.

The line-up reflected the players available and the manager did a good job in how he lined them up to meet a hefty challenge. From the off, Utd looked to have settled better and, but for a positive run from Osman, we were on the back-foot. After only 15mins, Baines showed his lack of defensive nous as Valencia passed him with ease and put in a low cross that Distin failed to cut out for Berbatov to fire home via the underside of the bar.

The away fans were in full voice and you did wonder whether we could make a game of it. Well within four minutes we got the answer, Neville pumped one forward that Saha just about got contact and the ball fell to Bilyaletdinov who changed feet and from some 20 yards hit a ferocious shot inside the near post that left the keeper motionless, his celebration was of such low key that you wondered if he really knew he had scored; however, the faithful soon roared their approval and Bily looked happy.

We were now getting to grips with things and our brand of football was on a par with potential Euro and domestic Champions so much so that within minutes from a Baines cross Bilyaletdinov profited from a Saha step-over but lashed his shot wildly over when he should have done better. Donovan was the next guilty man when from a Baines cross the ball hit Brown and he did not react quickly enough to capitalize.

The game continued in great fashion with both teams attacking well and defending well in equal measure with Osman at the hub of all the Blues good work. Rooney was relatively quiet such was the display of Heitinga but he needed careful watching and this proved the case just before the break when he burst forward, rounded Howard but Neville was back in to shepherd his rather heavy touch over the line for a goal kick.

Half-time and it was a pity it came as the Blues were getting the measure of Utd with Osman probing and coaxing and Heitinga in charge of anything threatening at the back. We wondered if the break may allow Utd to regroup and punish the two missed chances of that first half.

The second half started as though the ‘hairdryer’ had been out and Utd pressed and Fletcher exchanging passes with Rooney flashed one wide and despite the excellent work of Osman who was here there and everywhere in attempting to keep us going it was Berbatov who had the next chance but he glanced wide after a good run from Rooney had produced the cross and chance. Then the Blues started to respond to the non-stop work from Osman and both Pienaar and Arteta were again looking like the players we know they are plus some very assured centre-back play from Heitinga and we were outplaying the would be champions so much so that Sir Alex blinked first and made a double substitution after the hour mark when Obertan and Scholes replaced Berbatov and Park.

Little changed and we still enjoyed the upper hand and it was good to watch our midfield outplay theirs when for so many previous matches it has been the reverse. The manager seemed in tune with the fans when he rested Bilyaletdinov who, despite the strike of strikes, was not looking the most likely, and brought on Gosling.

As it turned out, this was to be a masterstroke as he had only been on the field 6 mins when a good piece of play down our left saw Donovan play a pass toward the by-line that Pienaar was onto in a flash leaving whoever was marking him to the mercy of his manager and played a ball low across the box that Saha and his marker seemed to miss but the wide awake Gosling was on hand to slot home and send the whole ground into raptures and silence the foul mouthed chanting of scouse stereotypic ditties from our loveable guests.

Fifteen minutes to go, 2-1 up, how would we handle it? Well, pretty well really. As you might expect, Utd pressed and we did get a little deep but with great reading of situations from Heitinga and the ever willingness of Osman to get the ball and keep it until he saw the safe pass we had just one real scare when the Ref Mr Webb gave a foul against Arteta for very little and booked him in the process and Rooney fired the resultant kick mighty close.

Two minutes to go now and the manager takes off Pienaar to a great ovation and introduces the Utd target (if you believe such things), Jack Rodwell. Another masterstroke as it would turn out. The ever improving Arteta showed composure to get on the ball in the 90th min and feed Rodwell in the centre circle, he looked up and advanced, the Utd defence stayed off him so he drove into the area, two touches and a shot despatched at ground level across the keeper nestled into the corner of the net.

Pandemonium broke out. The players swamped the scorer, the scorer whipped off his shirt and got booked joyfully, fans hugged kissed and cheered. It was all over and all assembled knew it.

In the final minutes added, the faithful regaled the ever emptying away end with chants of ‘who are yer?’ 'Rooney, Rooney, what’s the score?' and others that I won’t sully your ears with. Final whistle and just pure unadulterated joy both on the park and in the stands. Never has ‘It’s a grand old team’ been sung with such gusto three times. Never have the players milked the occasion for so long and never has the majority of the faithful stayed so long.

It was just great being there and for once I was delighted the Sky wizards would have to come up with something off planet to deny that the best team won and their darlings lost.

MotM for me Osman, the best midfield player from either side, very closely followed by Heitinga who was imperious at the back. Arteta looked to be getting better and more confident by the minute. Pienaar and Donovan gave the work rate and balance to aid Osman and Arteta in winning the mid field and that’s no mean feat against Utd.

In fact good displays all round including the goal scoring subs. That leaves Bilyaletdinov, a super strike, some delightful close foot work yet this fan is left bewildered exactly what to make of him, I think I will leave that one to the manager and hope he does a Fellaini.

Scalps against Man City, Chelsea and now Utd plus an almost v Arsenal leaves me thinking the manager's most pressing job is to gain that sort of consistency from his charges across a season. They can do it, they have shown it against the best now the trick is make me happy and show it against the rest.

Donovan is now a fans favourite but we lose him in the middle of March. I just wonder if the USA may think it prudent to leave him in the premiership and be that much sharper for their World Cup bid. Probably fanciful thinking--- but---

Sporting away on Thursday. Mr Moyes please play in the vein of Chelsea and Utd tactics, you beat them and they are two of the favourites for the Euro top crown so Sporting should not be given the respect and hesitancy of the first leg. In fact, if you have to, tell your players its Chelsea or Utd we are playing not Sporting and get them to act accordingly. That should do it!.
UP THE BLUES

Year of the Cat

It may be the Year of the Tiger and Valentine's Day, but the reactions of our mini-tigers to the festivities are to:

Sleep.

Look bored.

His expression when the flash of my camera got him.

On a final note, Valentine's Day is no excuse for procreating. If you must, use a condom. If you are a Shitholer, do the responsible thing: Do not procreate.

Scoring for Fun and Being Unable to Score

After getting it on with a hairdresser the last time, Cashley Cole did it again with a topless model. I don’t now what they have been feeding them at Chelski but obviously people there are horny bastards there. First there was John Terry scoring with his teammate Wayne Bridge’s ride, and then now there’s Cole. While there wasn’t any actual physical contact, Cashley Cole would surely be penalized for exchanging sexy MMSes with the voluptuous hussy for over an hour. I can imagine Cheryl Cole retaliating at her husband’s latest indiscretion by getting it on with John Terry. A centreback scores with both his left-backs’ missus. Fancy.

By the way, here are a couple of John Terry jokes that have been making the rounds:

We all knew that John Terry liked scoring at the Bridge, but this is ridiculous!

England left-back Ashley Cole is pulled over for doing 150 mph. The officer asked him if he has any excuse. ‘Well,’ says Ashley Cole, ‘I just heard that John Terry’ car is OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!’


In other news, local female celebrities are choosing foreigners (Caucasians) as their partners because they find local blokes too inferior. According to them, we are ‘mama’s boys’ and therefore too soft for them. I don’t generally have a problem with people making their choices but to denigrate a bunch of sorry bastards who would waste/have wasted two years of their pathetic existence in the goddamn army so that these women can live in relative safety is really disgraceful. You see women going on about female emancipation and equal rights for themselves but conveniently neglecting the principle that equal rights also demand equal responsibilities. Our local women should volunteer to serve in the military for two years before they even deserve to bitch about how good they are. A man who puts as much as a hand on a woman’s shoulder can be charged for outrage of modesty but nobody bats an eyelid if the situation is reversed. of Its high time a woman pay for her date, pull a chair for him at the dining table, and open the door for him when they exit a room. Let us start this Valentine’s Day shall we?

My distaste for these overrated and yipping hyenas aside, I have to admit that they are at least partially right when they say that local men are inferior. It does not take perfect acuity to see that Caucasians tower over their local counterparts. My hardly impressive height of 5’ 11” makes me the tallest in my footy team. Every year when I take my physical fitness test, I see blokes in their 20s who cannot even do a simple chin-up to save their sorry lives. We are physically inferior, and given women’s preference for taller blokes – a woman likes to have a shoulder to lean on – it is apparent why we seem inferior. Our narrow shoulders only exacerbates our already sorry image. On the physical side, yes, they are quite correct in their assertions.

Many Caucasians live on their own. They come here to work and their employers provide them a place to stay. Many of these are in senior management and are paid a lot higher than the locals. Unless a local is really well off (most are not), a bachelor’s pad is quite unattainable. Unless you are married or are at least 35 years of age, you aren’t allowed to buy a flat. Of course, nobody can stop you from getting a condominium apartment but as I said, most don’t have the stash for it. As women tend to be money-faced, no prizes for guessing who they prefer. To spent a romantic weekend, just two persons snuggling in a spacious apartment overlooking some scenery, or in a government flat occupied by the guy’s family, accompanied by the noise of some inconsiderate prat playing the radio at full blast. Seriously, I cannot blame the woman. I would go for the expatriate too.

Caucasians are definitely more articulate than locals. Little wonder. They come from a culture where individualism is prized and standing out from the rest of the crowd is cool. We are bred in a shithole where if you so much as make a single note of dissonance you are criticized by moralistic milksops, or worse, clapped in irons. Under this kind of hostile environment, can you blame us if we are not as well-spoken and out-spoken than our blonde-haired mates? While we make the valid criticism than our local women are like dead logs in bed, we should also recognize our deficiency in the boudoir. Mechanical sex follows insipid foreplay; before we even get to that stage, courtship is unimaginative and often consists of shopping, movies, dinner and then more shopping. Most of us cannot write a love letter or some witticism without resorting to plagiarizing from the Internet, and orally speaking - no pun intended – we haven’t the head for it. I don’t know if the westerners deserve their reputation as hot lovers, but it does not take Casanova to beat the sorry lot that we are.

I recall an online conversation I had with an atheist friend not so long ago. He expressed his displeasure for ‘Angmohs’, or Caucasians, who come to this shithole and steal our jobs and sleep with our women. He clearly wanted them to get the Hells out. Asia has had suffered enough Western depredations and it is time we throw off our yokes. I disagreed with him and I told him why. I replied that we should stop looking down on ourselves and if our own women find expatriates more palatable, it is their right to do so. We have to admit that we are inferior in many ways. If the Caucasians who come here to take our jobs are really talented or fulfill a niche function, then let them come. If they are white trash, then I say we put out the trash. The same thing applies to other nationalities and/or skin colour as well. As it stands, we have too many foreigners in this shithole and many are not even talented/skilled to begin with. There was a report last year that over 15,000 local university graduates could not find work. Instead of solely putting the blame on our western expatriates, why don’t we blame our regime and their ridiculous open-door emigration polices? It is one thing to say on New Year’s Day that Shitholers are number one priority for the regime, it’s another to follow this up with some concrete action. Even assuming that Westerners are to be blamed, why shouldn’t this extend to Bangladesh, Indians, mainland Chinese and other nationalities as well? Just because they are lower on the economic scale does not exempt them from being faulted.

Obviously we did not quite see eye to eye. Before he went off he said that he would ask me for a drink sometime to discuss further. Well, it’s been a month already and I am still waiting. Atheists can really be a sorry bunch.

Philosophy Quiz

I did a Philosophy Quiz.


You Scored as Nihilism

Your life is marked by strong Nihilism: You feel that nothing in the world, even your life, has much or any meaning.

"For out of fear and need each religion is born, creeping into existence on the byways of reason."
"There are no facts, only interpretations."
“Every belief, every considering something-true, is necessarily false because there is simply no true world”
--Friedrich Nietzsche

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Hedonism 100%
Nihilism 100%
Strong Egoism 90%
Existentialism 65%
Apathy 45%
Kantianism 40%
Justice (Fairness) 35%
Utilitarianism 25%
Divine Command 0%

Derby Blues - It's a Fucking Disgrace!

Existing in a bloody shithole is bad enough as it is without having to pour oil into fire with a dreary weekend and yet another derby day defeat. Every day people step off tall buildings and bridges without the benefit of a parachute or bungee rope and it is all too easy to see why.

Everton had the perfect opportunity to take the game by the scuff after the Shite had a man sent off but much to the frustration of every bleeding blue heart who watched the game they inexplicably failed to do so. With the number of red cards meted out since the inception of the Premier League, the Merseyside derby is the most ferocious contest in world football.

For long periods neither side played football. It was hoof ball all the way, a twisted parody of the percentage game and ‘see who can kick the ball farthest’ a la American football. Fouls littered the game, tempers frayed, Fellaini carried off after an X-rated challenge by a Redshite player, and to sum it up the game was basically shite.

Once again, that fat Spanish Waiter from across the street got the better of David Moyes. Excellent motivator Moyes may be, but his lack of tactical onus was exposed for all to see in this travesty. Facing the weakest Redshite team in years, Moyes chose to play a negative 4-5-1, content to soak up the pressure and hit one on the break.

From the start it was obvious that it was not going to happen. Osman was anonymous and it beggars belief that such an average player is picked every game. What is so infuriating about Osman is that you don’t know where his best position is. He is definitely not a striker (no killer instincts), a winger (not fast enough), a playmaker (not creative enough), a centre midfielder (he is definitely not abrasive like Cahill, nor is he even close to Arteta in terms of vision). He is like James McFadden – long periods of mediocrity punctuated by occasional flashes of brilliance. But at least McFadden could dribble a bit.

Once Fellaini was stretched off, the game was as good as lost. With no defensive bulwark in front of the back four and our main aerial presence gone, we were losing 50-50s at a shocking consistency. A defensive centre midfielder should have been introduced to plug things up, or maybe Cahill or Osman should be asked to drop back, but no, Moyes had other ideas, and it was to bring on a half-fit Arteta. Talented the Spaniard may be, he is no scrapper. Now, with Donovan, Pienaar, Cahill, and the foregoing mentioned attacking (or trying to act like they were), and Osman pulling a disappearing act David Copperfield would have been proud of, the space in the centre of the park now resembled a yawning chasm.

The BBC reported that Tim Howard had his eyes on another type of football – the Super Bowl – this weekend. Well, the goalkeeping coach should have told him to keep his eyes on the right football instead. What in the Hells was Howard trying to do, trying to push Kuyt away (and failing miserably) instead of keeping his eyes on the ball?! You can point the finger at Neville who was outmuscled by the Dutchman, but at least he was doing what he was supposed to do! A decent goalkeeper should be a master in his penalty box, but sadly, Howard was not even capable in his six yard box! If we had a pound for every stupid mistake or soft goal we conceded this season, we would have been richer than the Shittizens!

Saha looked disinterested and who could blame him? All strikers prefer to have a striker partner, and every time we played 4-5-1 Saha was made to beat the opposition defence by himself. Before Euro 96, Alan Shearer played in Terry Venables’ ridiculous Christmas Tree formation and as a result went ten internationals without scoring. Once England switched to playing two strikers, they reached the semis. Hell, Shearer even won the Golden Boot! France might have won the World Cup with one forward upfront, but then they had an incredible midfield spearheaded by Zidane, and an uncompromising back line thrown in. And back to Saha, the sight of him isolated in attack, reduced to chasing down long balls and being pushed and shoved around by the Shite’s ogrish defenders was heartrending. If Moyes expected we could score playing like this, I think he ought to check himself into the nearest psychiatric ward.

While he is getting his head examined, he might as well go for an eyesight check. It took him until the 70th minute to realize things were turning to mush and his brilliant solution was to replace Saha and Osman with the Yak and Victor “I can’t score in a brothel’ Anichebe. He should have left Osman out and partnered Yakubu with Saha from the start. And Anichebe? He is really a bleeding disgrace! He is not first choice for a lousy Nigeria squad and I don’t think he will be first choice even if he plays for this shithole. What passes for our football association should offer him Shittizenship in exchange for playing for our ‘national’ team. Since they like foreign trash – sort, I meant talent, serious! – so much, I think Anichebe would fit right in alongside his useless and overpaid African brothers.

I don’t know who is the technical coach at the club but I think he should be sacked. Everton players are highly paid professional footballers and for the life of me, I cannot understand why they could not even cross the ball! What is so difficult about clearing the first defender?! I don’t know, maybe the ball was too heavy? Every time we get the ball on the flank, we have to pass it around and allow the opposition defenders time to regroup. We also lose the ball this way and leave ourselves exposed to a speedy counter attack. Why can’t we just thump it?!

I have a solution for Moyes: Sign me up. I’ll only ask for a fraction of what Osman is getting and I daresay I deliver better crosses. Hell, even if I can’t do shit, I’ll at least bother to look interested. With the club skint and our chairman in danger of taking up begging to make ends meet, I am surely excellent value for money.

People learn from their mistakes and it is obvious Moyes is a hard case. He doesn’t quite realize that our best performances came when we played 4-4-2. Against the Arse. Man Shitty, and Chelski, we played 4-4-2 and caused them all sorts of problems. But explicably against our bitter rivals, Moyes turned tortoise and played with five across the park. And after playing passing – and winning – football, it’s back to hoof ball again. What the fuck, Moyes, these are professional players! Surely they could pass the ball and move their asses a bit, mate?!

And where the Hells was Coleman?! The club claims to pride themselves on youth development and giving promising lads a chance but after his sparkling debut against Spurs, he just disappeared from the scene altogether! In Donovan, we have – at least until he returns to the States in March – a right midfielder who is fast and enterprising and who do we give him for support? Phil Neville! The guy’s a good professional but he cannot cross the ball even if he life depends on it. Why not give Coleman a chance? He’s fast, strong, fearless and has good attacking instincts. The Merseyside derby is the best game to blood him, but no, Moyes lost his guts! I thought the Scots were made of sterner stuff…

Eleven men against ten men, and being made to look ineffectual and silly. With a one man advantage we could not stretch their defence, lost every ball and came out second in every challenge. Surely it is enough bullshit as it is. We are playing the league leaders Chelski in a few days’ time. Do me a flavor, Moyes, play ten men behind the ball and maybe we won’t lose 10-0. I rue the day I support Everton.