Current Affairs

Free market principles do not apply to GL. For over a month now the economy there has chafed under the depredations of the draconian regime and their lackeys. Despite the latest setback, analysts are hopeful that the bad times will not last. Signs point to an imminent recovery. In the meantime, the discerning and intelligent client should be aware of the ever changing and dynamic marketplace and adjust his directions and goals accordingly. In this report I will briefly touch on the general market conditions in GL.

The fish tanks continue to profit from the suffocating law enforcement. The clientele have become sloppier in both station and dressing. Bangladesh and Indian laborers seek respite from their drudgery in the arms of $50 whores. The short duration of the entertainment (25 minutes) does not deter them from indulging themselves.

Indeed, even Caucasians, many of whom are expatriates, have flocked to the fish tanks. The decline of black market commodities has driven demand for legitimate goods. It is now not an uncommon sight to find locals, Caucasians, PRCs and other Asians, people of all skin colours in the same fish tank, ogling the goods or waiting for them to complete their business transactions so they may take their pleasure. Racial and religious harmony is very much in evident – in a GL whorehouse.

In the lorongs, the market varies. The Indian merchandise have reemerged, as have the Indonesian ones. However, they are generally only available after midnight. For those who fancy PRC merchandise, the picture is a less rosy one. The $60 and $80 streets are mostly empty, save for the occasional entrepreneurial whore. Closer to the CBD, the $100 goods are available, albeit in significantly lesser quantities. The aforementioned timing applies to these as well.

According to the most honourable and bona fide business correspondent The Ice Cream Seller, the phenomenon can be explained:

What good and honest businessmen and women fear are not the fuzz in uniform, but the ones who aren’t. Acting like prospective clients, the latter would drive slowly by the merchandise, and then suddenly grab a couple into their cars. (It’s a great way to cup a feel if you ask me.) Against such devious tactics the best of lookouts will struggle.

The PRC merchandise now wear less revealing dresses. They also stand closer to the nearby hotels, just in case a quick getaway is in order. Their lookouts are ubiquitous as always, but I doubt their sterling professionalism will alleviate the very dire straits. Nevertheless, they must be applauded for their efforts.

For those who prefer less mainstream merchandise, imitation goods in the form of ‘lady-boys’ are available. They can be found across the street from where the $60 PRC goods were displayed. A word of caution here. They tend to be aesthetically inferior.

Farther up in the direction of the $80 junction, a man may be accosted by freelance ‘relations managers’. They run a very discreet operation. Only when you acquiesce to their terms and conditions would you be allowed to see the merchandise.

Russian/Eastern European merchandise may be found from time to time. They can be located near the coffee-shop nearest to the $60 street. In the alley next to the coffee-shop, Thai merchandise and other goods of indeterminate origins can be rented at a price of around $30.

GL is the shining light of our nation. Its brilliance must not be allowed to dim, nor the entrepreneurial spirit of its people be extinguished. In my report I have briefly described the current situation in GL. Lastly, I wish to express my hope of its speedy recovery, so that it may continue to benefit future generations.

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After a hugely entertaining EGM, the old guard have wrestled AWARE back from the usurpers. The highly charged atmosphere was unprecedented in a repressed country where people are as expressive as cold unfeeling machinery. People were out for blood and they got what they wanted. Shouts, abuses, speeches and boos provided an insane cacophony most suited to the festive occasion. For once, people stood up to be counted and demand a body count of their enemies in return for their passion and vehemence for their cause.

The old guard were expected to rape the new guard and the punters were not left disappointed. The 65% vote of no confidence meant a landslide victory for the old guard, and a particularly enriching one for the brave souls who took the 150% handicap on the favourites.

The victors were gracious in their victory and pledged to work with the defeated to safeguard women’s rights. They stopped short of gloating of having the ‘Mandate of the People’, as the regime did when they bought and threatened their way to a 66% majority vote in the last elections.

It had been an amazing and titanic battle and demonstrated once again that you don’t mess around with women. Who will happen in the aftermath? There is, after all, the small matter of settling the $90,000 bill incurred in the convening of the EGM. Who will be left paying the bills?

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The swine flu has been the talk of the town. My take? I don’t give a damn!

Bring on the PORK!