Male meets female. She’s not half bad looking and he is not too shabby either.
Male approaches female; female plays hard to get.
Male tries again.
Female decides male is boyfriend material.
They start to date, spending most of their time in the shopping malls.
Male invests in anniversary, birthday, and Valentine Day’s celebrations; male spends $1,000 on female, and female spends $125 on male.
Both have sex with each other for the first time. Both go at each other and try to make a game of it.
More dating and the occasional lovers’ tiffs.
Sex becomes less spontaneous.
Male proposes to female. “Should we get a flat together?”
Female agrees.
Couple register themselves as mated pairing with the authorities.
Couple spend $10k on a two hour reception to exchange engagement rings.
Lull period. Couple earn, save, borrow, beg, and extol to raise funds for their new lives.
Couple apply for pigeon-hole of a flat and spend $100k and six months preparing for a three hour engagement reception and a three hour wedding dinner.
Pigeon-hole application is approved. Couple spend a further $100k on renovation and down payment, and $20K on honeymoon.
After returning from their honeymoon, couple immediately return to their gulag and slog for long hours to pay the bills.
Work takes precedence over married life. Less time together, more time at work.
Love becomes a sense of duty; sex becomes mechanical: the male thrusts like a robot, the female lies there like a piece of dead fish.
Male decides to enjoy himself with ‘ladies of the night”, subscribing to the time-honored principles of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’, and ‘what she does not know does not kill you’. Working life, meanwhile, continues, albeit with less sex in the couple’s bedroom and more sex elsewhere.
Working life is punctuated occasionally with family gatherings and the obligatory dinners together.
Female is pregnant. Couple argue about whether it is financially viable to keep the child, saying they need time for careers to take off.
Female aborts the child. Unbeknownst to the couple. a crack starts to appear in the relationship,
Male works late more often. Female stays out later than usual.
Female has a fling with some random male she met, feels guilty, and promises herself not to do it again.
Marriage is now less a duty and more a confinement. Couple are united by the bed they share and the bills they pay for their tiny flat.
Male has affair with married colleague who has been neglected by her husband.
Couple now has sex once a month, sometimes going without sex for more than a month.
Male and female start to quarrel over bills and inconsequential things. She cries that, ‘You don’t love me anymore. You have no time for me.’, while he belts out, ‘I work so hard for the family – why don’t you understand?’
Male and female take turns threatening divorce.
They try to make up after each quarrel.
A lull period happens in which there is no argument. Meanwhile, the male enjoys sex in a different bed from his own.
Couple are now just two persons living in the same house together.
Female has affair with random male who ‘cares for her’.
Couple now enjoy a cordial relationship: work, making small talks, the obligatory sex, and finding love in another’s arms.
The couple continues to drift apart, by almost imperceptible degrees.
Male discovers that female is secretly bedding another male.
Male flies into a rage and threatens to divorce female and beat up the intrusive male.
A tussle ensues, with enraged male posturing aggressively, female appearing contrite, and the intrusive male keeping under the radar.
After much deliberation, female apologizes and announces break-up with her second male.
Male is somewhat pacified, as he subconsciously or consciously realizes the male of the female he has been bedding on the sly will probably feel the same way if their affair is discovered.
Couple try to make things work again.
Quarrels break out more frequently since that 'incident'.
This time, their drifting apart becomes more perceptible.
Couple pay good money to consult a marriage advisor.
Sex becomes now an infrequent affair, a medicine the marriage advisor prescribes to 'keep the flames alive'.
Couple try harder to salvage what is left of their relationship.
The bonds in their relationship become more tenuous and one day, the 'final straw' snaps them.
Couple announce they are splitting due to irreconcilable differences.
Couple sign the divorce papers, and at the same time, try to divide between themselves their pigeon-hole and the things they have in it.
Despite occasional pangs and thoughts of reconciliation, and half-assed attempts at it, both eventually realize that things can no longer work out.
They move on with their own lives by remaining as 'friends'.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Random and Slightly Random Thoughts
I may not be with my gulag for long. My senior said she would be going for her second interview with another gulag. She said that the interviewer liked her and said that people with her attributes (coherent communication skills, finance and IT trained) are hard to find in this market. If she is selected, her salary will probably be a lot more than what she is earning now. I don't thank my gulag is going to match her asking price of $5k, which is very reasonable, considering that she has to handle several projects and resolve calls from countries across Asia. When she goes, I'll tender my resignation as well. Even if they double my slave wages, there is absolutely no way I can handle so many calls and so much project work alone. And given the size of our systems support department (just me and my senior), things will simply just be impossible after she is gone. So, the beautiful and inevitable thing is that she embarks on her new career; I concentrate on staving off relegation in my final season. No big loss except my income, which is shite anyway.
It occurred to me that there is a pattern to the winners of the World Cup.
1990: Germany played dour, mechanical football.
1994: Brazil probably played their most tactical and defensive side ever.
1998: France came good with Zidane-inspired attacking play.
2002: Brazil and Ronaldo scored goals for fun.
2006: Italy defended their way to the title.
2010: Spain passed their way to glory.
Notice the pattern: defensive > defensive > attacking > attacking > defensive > defensive*
The next World Cup winner will be an attacking side. What do you think?
* For all their possession and dominance in the opposite half, Spain should be regarded as defensive despite initial impressions. Traditionally sides pack their defences in their own half. Spain's pressing and high offside line may appear offensive, but this is in reality an inversion of positioning rather than of mindset. In other words, they defended by suffocating their opponents in their own half and stopping their attacks from forming instead of using the more traditional and common mode of allowing their opponents to start their attacks and then sitting back near their own goal to defend. To somewhat bolster my argument, Spain scored the least number of goals among past winners of the World Cup and conceded only one throughout the whole tournament.
It occurred to me that there is a pattern to the winners of the World Cup.
1990: Germany played dour, mechanical football.
1994: Brazil probably played their most tactical and defensive side ever.
1998: France came good with Zidane-inspired attacking play.
2002: Brazil and Ronaldo scored goals for fun.
2006: Italy defended their way to the title.
2010: Spain passed their way to glory.
Notice the pattern: defensive > defensive > attacking > attacking > defensive > defensive*
The next World Cup winner will be an attacking side. What do you think?
* For all their possession and dominance in the opposite half, Spain should be regarded as defensive despite initial impressions. Traditionally sides pack their defences in their own half. Spain's pressing and high offside line may appear offensive, but this is in reality an inversion of positioning rather than of mindset. In other words, they defended by suffocating their opponents in their own half and stopping their attacks from forming instead of using the more traditional and common mode of allowing their opponents to start their attacks and then sitting back near their own goal to defend. To somewhat bolster my argument, Spain scored the least number of goals among past winners of the World Cup and conceded only one throughout the whole tournament.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Pain and Frustration
I endured a totally shite weekend.
The opening day of the English Premiership saw the Toffees make fools of themselves at Blackburn. David Moyes seems desperate to prove he is no Mourinho and unfortunately he was hugely successful on this occasion. Fielding five centre midfielders, a rightback who is not technically good enough to pass or put in a decent cross, and a single striker upfront, Moyes appeared to have instructed his players to hoof the ball long at every opportunity. This tactic might have proved effectively against a YOG football team, but against the big ogres in the Blackburn lineup, it was never going to work.
For the first 15 minutes, the game looked destined for a goalless draw but Howard in the Everton goal decided the game needed a goal to liven things up. One has to applaud him for his extraordinary feat of dropping the ball behind him after he came out and claimed it with both hands. It was a shocking goal to concede and once again highlighted the fact that our American goalkeeper is not Neville Southall and will probably never be anywhere near his standards. Howard is not a bad netminder. He is reliable as Premiership keepers go, but he is susceptible to long shots and makes the most ridiculous mistakes. Given Joe Hart’s brilliant performance for the Shittizens at White Hart Lane, Shay Given could find himself warming the bench, and –pardon the pun – that is surely a given. I say we go for him to keep Howard on his toes.
Osman is a distinctly average player, totally devoid of pace and physical presence. I don’t know why he is earning tens of thousands of pounds a week as a professional footballer. He was anonymous against Blackburn and if we are going to break into the Champions League spot – a unlikely scenario – we should just offload him to any bidder and contribute the money to the Landon Donovan fund. We desperately need pace down our useless right flank and Donovan was brilliant there during the ten weeks he was on Merseyside. Bill Kenwright should also put up donation boxes outside Goodison Park for this purpose. Since we are so skint, we may as well look the part and beg for money.
The Shite are now above us in the league with a draw against the Arse. Wenger may be known as ‘The Professor’ in football circles, but his obstinacy in sticking with Manuel Almunia between the sticks betrays his permanent head damage. (What kind of name is Manuel Almunia anyway? It sounds like manure with ammonium – definitely one of the most shitty names around.) Mr. Shitty is a walking horror movie. A couple of good saves, three or four flaps at crosses, and being beaten at his near post from an acute angle just about sums up the man. You never know what he is going to do. At least with Robert Green and Paul Robinson, you have consistency as the both are consistently crap. They won’t give you heart attacks like Almunia could. If the Arse still had Seaman in goal they would have won at least a trophy instead of going trophyless since 2005.
Anyway, Reina, normally so reliable, made a mistake for once as the ball cannoned off him and into the net. Thank Gawd the Shite didn’t win. I attribute his mistake to ‘The Almunia Effect’. My English teacher once advised us, ‘If you read lousy articles, you will write rubbish English. Rubbish in rubbish out.’ He must be on to something there. I figure that Reina must have been watching Almunia’s rubbish goalkeeping so much that it must have affected him subconsciously. Almunia had truly redeemed himself, albeit in the most ironic manner imaginable.
I am suffering from cough, sore throat, blurry eyes, the sniffles, exhaustion, and am possibly running a temperature. The strain of eking out an existence in this shithole is taking a debilitating toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If I don’t get out of this Gehenna soon I will surely die. I feel sorry for our newly born babies. Their parents are to be blamed for bringing them into this shithole. Such irresponsible parenting!
Reports of the YOG’s success have been peppering in the state media. This is truly an extraordinary case of self-deception and a disgraceful study of media manipulation. In truth, nobody gives a rat’s ass about the YOG. The regime should have admitted their failure and not give excuses for wasting taxpayers’ money on such a travesty. Our journalists are really crap as well. They cannot write proper lies and the diction of their YOG articles is as insipid as drying paint. These good-for-nothing fatheads should learn from the great Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Better still, the regime should just sack the whole lot of these sorry bastards, send them all to work in construction sites, and use the money to hire the former Iraqi Information Minister. At least we’ll have some laughs and not be bored to death by our crappy mass communications graduates.
The opening day of the English Premiership saw the Toffees make fools of themselves at Blackburn. David Moyes seems desperate to prove he is no Mourinho and unfortunately he was hugely successful on this occasion. Fielding five centre midfielders, a rightback who is not technically good enough to pass or put in a decent cross, and a single striker upfront, Moyes appeared to have instructed his players to hoof the ball long at every opportunity. This tactic might have proved effectively against a YOG football team, but against the big ogres in the Blackburn lineup, it was never going to work.
For the first 15 minutes, the game looked destined for a goalless draw but Howard in the Everton goal decided the game needed a goal to liven things up. One has to applaud him for his extraordinary feat of dropping the ball behind him after he came out and claimed it with both hands. It was a shocking goal to concede and once again highlighted the fact that our American goalkeeper is not Neville Southall and will probably never be anywhere near his standards. Howard is not a bad netminder. He is reliable as Premiership keepers go, but he is susceptible to long shots and makes the most ridiculous mistakes. Given Joe Hart’s brilliant performance for the Shittizens at White Hart Lane, Shay Given could find himself warming the bench, and –pardon the pun – that is surely a given. I say we go for him to keep Howard on his toes.
Osman is a distinctly average player, totally devoid of pace and physical presence. I don’t know why he is earning tens of thousands of pounds a week as a professional footballer. He was anonymous against Blackburn and if we are going to break into the Champions League spot – a unlikely scenario – we should just offload him to any bidder and contribute the money to the Landon Donovan fund. We desperately need pace down our useless right flank and Donovan was brilliant there during the ten weeks he was on Merseyside. Bill Kenwright should also put up donation boxes outside Goodison Park for this purpose. Since we are so skint, we may as well look the part and beg for money.
The Shite are now above us in the league with a draw against the Arse. Wenger may be known as ‘The Professor’ in football circles, but his obstinacy in sticking with Manuel Almunia between the sticks betrays his permanent head damage. (What kind of name is Manuel Almunia anyway? It sounds like manure with ammonium – definitely one of the most shitty names around.) Mr. Shitty is a walking horror movie. A couple of good saves, three or four flaps at crosses, and being beaten at his near post from an acute angle just about sums up the man. You never know what he is going to do. At least with Robert Green and Paul Robinson, you have consistency as the both are consistently crap. They won’t give you heart attacks like Almunia could. If the Arse still had Seaman in goal they would have won at least a trophy instead of going trophyless since 2005.
Anyway, Reina, normally so reliable, made a mistake for once as the ball cannoned off him and into the net. Thank Gawd the Shite didn’t win. I attribute his mistake to ‘The Almunia Effect’. My English teacher once advised us, ‘If you read lousy articles, you will write rubbish English. Rubbish in rubbish out.’ He must be on to something there. I figure that Reina must have been watching Almunia’s rubbish goalkeeping so much that it must have affected him subconsciously. Almunia had truly redeemed himself, albeit in the most ironic manner imaginable.
I am suffering from cough, sore throat, blurry eyes, the sniffles, exhaustion, and am possibly running a temperature. The strain of eking out an existence in this shithole is taking a debilitating toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If I don’t get out of this Gehenna soon I will surely die. I feel sorry for our newly born babies. Their parents are to be blamed for bringing them into this shithole. Such irresponsible parenting!
Reports of the YOG’s success have been peppering in the state media. This is truly an extraordinary case of self-deception and a disgraceful study of media manipulation. In truth, nobody gives a rat’s ass about the YOG. The regime should have admitted their failure and not give excuses for wasting taxpayers’ money on such a travesty. Our journalists are really crap as well. They cannot write proper lies and the diction of their YOG articles is as insipid as drying paint. These good-for-nothing fatheads should learn from the great Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Better still, the regime should just sack the whole lot of these sorry bastards, send them all to work in construction sites, and use the money to hire the former Iraqi Information Minister. At least we’ll have some laughs and not be bored to death by our crappy mass communications graduates.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Deeper Down the Hells.
The Shithole is sinking ever deeper into the Hells.
Chicken told me of the good life his colleagues in his concentration camp – if it’s a civilian company I’ll refer it as a gulag – have been living for quite some time now.. Things that would have gotten most private sector-based employees sacked are now the standard operating procedures (SOP) in the military: playing video games during working hours; bringing camera phones to work when it is explicitly prohibited; showing a lack of respect for superiors; pinching petrol from the store for personal use; sowing discord among colleagues; sleeping during office hours; abusing an apparently willing colleague by snapping photos of him in the shower and manhandling him roughly in full view of all in the workplace; an absolute refusal to help struggling colleagues from other concentration camps; and producing slipshod maintenance work.
To think that taxpayers are actually contributing their hard-earned dollars to feed these dregs. The errant U.S. military personnel in Guantanamo Bay were rightly criticized for abusing detainees, but they could at least blame their wrongdoings on work stress and the mentally crippling work environment in which they worked. Chicken’s colleagues can have no such excuses. Their operations officer is a reasonable man who is willing to provide good welfare to his men. Due to the winding down of the camp, the working hours are shortened and maintenance requirements are drastically reduced. From what I heard, they are even given off when there is no work. Despite these benefits, they still complain about the said officer and their petulant attitude is shocking to say the least. I wonder what will happen if the Shithole ever goes to war. Even the French, with their sterling military tradition, would surely applaud us for our efficiency – in losing in record time.
Despite the bullshit spun by the state media, the YOG is set to be an abject failure. Tickets may be ‘selling fast’, but 80% of them were actually bought by the education ministry. Hardly anybody gives a damn about the YOG, as a recent survey shows. Less than 10% of the respondents were actually aware of the YOG and would watch it. The cost of hosting the Games has exceeded 300 million dollars, a shocking overspending from the initial budget of just over 100 million dollars. I don’t even think they are ever going to breakeven. To add to the farce, the Games mascots look like a rip-off from some third-rate Japanese anime. (I am not posting pictures of these abominations here as I respect the sanctity of my site.)
To add fire to Hell, they even got JJ Lin to sing that ‘oh yeah, oh yeah’ song for the YOG! Oh come on! I know that Shitholers aren’t having enough sex, but surely this kind of song belongs more in a lousy Cambodian smut movie than in a sporting event like the YOG, a travesty it may be. JJ Lin sounds like a hyena in heat, and his appearance reminds one of a beggar. If they wanted a theme song, they should just play the sounds of animals mating. Better than the vuvuzelas, which sound like a swarm of angry bees or a herd of elephants farting simultaneously, depending on whom you ask. With the mating sounds, you at least know what you are listening to. Who knows, it might even improve the birthrate, leading to less reliance on the importing foreign *talents*. Talk about being socially responsible!
The YOG’s organizing committee’s arrogance is without bounds as well. Starting an already insipid event on the very same day the English Premiership kicks off is truly daft! What induced these blithering idiots to think that people will tune in to watch the shitty opening ceremony of the YOG instead of watching the EPL previews?!
Lastly, credit has to be given to YOG ambassadors Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps for their decision to snub YOG. Besides for being renowned in their chosen disciplines, they will also surely be recognized for their foresight and dignity. The failure of the YOG will surely highlight the failure of the Shithole as a sports hub.
Chicken told me of the good life his colleagues in his concentration camp – if it’s a civilian company I’ll refer it as a gulag – have been living for quite some time now.. Things that would have gotten most private sector-based employees sacked are now the standard operating procedures (SOP) in the military: playing video games during working hours; bringing camera phones to work when it is explicitly prohibited; showing a lack of respect for superiors; pinching petrol from the store for personal use; sowing discord among colleagues; sleeping during office hours; abusing an apparently willing colleague by snapping photos of him in the shower and manhandling him roughly in full view of all in the workplace; an absolute refusal to help struggling colleagues from other concentration camps; and producing slipshod maintenance work.
To think that taxpayers are actually contributing their hard-earned dollars to feed these dregs. The errant U.S. military personnel in Guantanamo Bay were rightly criticized for abusing detainees, but they could at least blame their wrongdoings on work stress and the mentally crippling work environment in which they worked. Chicken’s colleagues can have no such excuses. Their operations officer is a reasonable man who is willing to provide good welfare to his men. Due to the winding down of the camp, the working hours are shortened and maintenance requirements are drastically reduced. From what I heard, they are even given off when there is no work. Despite these benefits, they still complain about the said officer and their petulant attitude is shocking to say the least. I wonder what will happen if the Shithole ever goes to war. Even the French, with their sterling military tradition, would surely applaud us for our efficiency – in losing in record time.
* * * * * *
Despite the bullshit spun by the state media, the YOG is set to be an abject failure. Tickets may be ‘selling fast’, but 80% of them were actually bought by the education ministry. Hardly anybody gives a damn about the YOG, as a recent survey shows. Less than 10% of the respondents were actually aware of the YOG and would watch it. The cost of hosting the Games has exceeded 300 million dollars, a shocking overspending from the initial budget of just over 100 million dollars. I don’t even think they are ever going to breakeven. To add to the farce, the Games mascots look like a rip-off from some third-rate Japanese anime. (I am not posting pictures of these abominations here as I respect the sanctity of my site.)
To add fire to Hell, they even got JJ Lin to sing that ‘oh yeah, oh yeah’ song for the YOG! Oh come on! I know that Shitholers aren’t having enough sex, but surely this kind of song belongs more in a lousy Cambodian smut movie than in a sporting event like the YOG, a travesty it may be. JJ Lin sounds like a hyena in heat, and his appearance reminds one of a beggar. If they wanted a theme song, they should just play the sounds of animals mating. Better than the vuvuzelas, which sound like a swarm of angry bees or a herd of elephants farting simultaneously, depending on whom you ask. With the mating sounds, you at least know what you are listening to. Who knows, it might even improve the birthrate, leading to less reliance on the importing foreign *talents*. Talk about being socially responsible!
The YOG’s organizing committee’s arrogance is without bounds as well. Starting an already insipid event on the very same day the English Premiership kicks off is truly daft! What induced these blithering idiots to think that people will tune in to watch the shitty opening ceremony of the YOG instead of watching the EPL previews?!
Lastly, credit has to be given to YOG ambassadors Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps for their decision to snub YOG. Besides for being renowned in their chosen disciplines, they will also surely be recognized for their foresight and dignity. The failure of the YOG will surely highlight the failure of the Shithole as a sports hub.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
First Rant of the Month
I was aghast to learn from soccernet.com that Spurs got Old Boys in their Champions League qualifier. This is an absolute disgrace. When the Blues secured fourth place several seasons ago, who did we get? Bloody Villareal! And who did the Lily Whites(Trash) draw? The Swiss League runner-ups! THE SWISS! What the Hell?! It is obvious that everybody just hates Everton. Our useless chairman Bill Kenwright claims he has been receiving 'seven to eight offers of investment' every year but we are still so skint. When we played Villareal THAT season, we were robbed of an equalising goal which would have taken the tie into extra-time. Then last year, we had our proposal for a new stadium rejected by the idiotic Liverpool town council. Now, even unfashionable Blackburn is attracting investments worth 300 million pounds! A long and dreary season awaits....
To the Hells with Kenwright! To the Hells with the Everton board! To the Hells with the Everton marketing and business strategy teams! To the Hells with the Liverpool council! To the Hells with the Shite! To the Hells with UEFA! To the Hells with Blatter! To the Hells with this shithole! I still DON'T have my away kit! #@%&?$!
To the Hells with Kenwright! To the Hells with the Everton board! To the Hells with the Everton marketing and business strategy teams! To the Hells with the Liverpool council! To the Hells with the Shite! To the Hells with UEFA! To the Hells with Blatter! To the Hells with this shithole! I still DON'T have my away kit! #@%&?$!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Now, this is FILM ART!
A conversation between me and the Brain. We should be directors.
The Brain (Yesterday at 4:26 AM):
it's really a joy watching her performances
great speed, great choreography, great movement, great balance, great facial expressions
The Brain said (Yesterday at 4:38 AM):
however, i still love Evgeni Plushenko the most: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ieMEfklmuI&feature=related
he invented many figure-skating techniques himself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21woRiBqrks
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
http://www.chinalanguage.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=779&start=45
further proof that the Koreans are an inferior race.
Chinese was too difficult for the Koreans, which was why Korean was invented.
"Hangeul (the Korean alphabet) was created by King Sejong in 1443. Prior to Hangeul, all of the Korean literati used the Hanja writing system, which were traditional Chinese characters with Korean pronunciation and meaning, and used a written language known as Hanmun, which was basically Classical Chinese, for official court documents."
"However, even with the advent of the Korean alphabet, use of Hanja and Hanmun in daily correspondence was not discontinued, with the Korean aristocracy, educated in Classical Chinese for the transcription of the Korean language, assumed condescending attitudes toward Hangeul and any kind of usage of it (as displayed by the number of pejoratives used to refer to it)."
"King Sejong explained that he created the new script because the Korean language was different from Chinese; using Chinese characters (known as Hanja) to write was so difficult for the common people that only the male aristocrats (yangban) could read and write fluently. (A few female members of the royal family could also do so to a certain extent). The majority of Koreans were effectively illiterate before Hangul's invention."
The Philistine says:
"Don't challenge the patience of all Chinese. OR, someday, without the protection of your U.S.A daddy, you will be our sub-country again. "
Brilliant!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i love it when any country bullies Korea.
The Philistine says:
When their navy vessel was sunk, they didn't even dare to back at North Korea.
Such lack of balls!
What is the use of making your male citizens do compulsory military service when your leaders behave like pussies.
?*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very true.
The Philistine says:
"I suggest korea also to pretend USA soldiers have korea blood, so korea people will be the strongest race in the world.
I am waiting for this laughy.haha!!!"
I don't think US soldiers are that tough, seeing that their suicide rate is pretty high.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
Chinese netizens joked that Korea would claim that Phelps was Korean.
tougher than SK soldiers for sure.
The Philistine says:
The only SK useful is that blooy SK II, and even so, it is a waste of $ and only good for cheating people!
bloody*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
bad reviews from your friends who use that product?
The Philistine says:
Hell, I may have quite a few dumb friends, but I'm certainly no fan of dumb women!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nobody is
The Philistine says:
Ronaldo apparently had a fling with Paris Hilton.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i'm not surprised.
when a slut and a manwhore meet each other...
The Philistine says:
Damn right.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
do you like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSf9G5x7rMI
The Philistine says:
I prefer the original version better.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
same here.
The Philistine says:
When we were in school we used to joke a lot about this song.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
when i listen to songs with lyrics like these i always marvel at the beauty of the Chinese language
i don't think English can ever capture the same melancholy with such simplicity
what jokes did you make?
The Philistine says:
One night in Beijing...wo liu xia xu duo [insert your vulgar term]...
.....
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
...
how creative
The Philistine says:
Yes.
Boys will be boys.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i can guarantee you that girls talk even dirtier when there are no boys around.
The Philistine says:
This I have no dounbt.
doubt*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
in Secondary 2, my Chinese teacher used the phrase “不入虎穴，焉得虎子” in class
my best friend immediately gave me a dirty grin
i burst out laughing in class, which attracted everyone's attention.
think of the 虎穴 as a woman's vagina...
The Philistinesays:
HAHAHAHA!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
creative, isn't it? and very subtle too.
good imagery and nice symbolism.
it's a pity she isn't interested in being a poet.
The Philistine says:
When we watched Journey to the West, we used to make jokes about Hei feng dong.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
what jokes?
The Philistine says:
About going in to kill 'demons'; attacking it and making it bloody; about how black you can't see a thing; being stuck and unable to COME out.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nice analogy.
The Philistine says:
Not as poetic and high class as Ah Mah's.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i agree.
it was so memorable that i remember it to this day.
The Philistine says:
Kodak moment.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad she's in the land of Kimchi now.
i miss her wit.
The Philistine says:
Fret not.
You have Miss Emo II.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
... she's hardly witty
The Philistine says:
She is, as we say, 'another type of player'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
anyway Miss Emo II impressed me once.
our male friends in Boston were pestering us to watch this chick flick titled The Notebook.
according to these male friends, The Notebook is a very beautiful and touching movie.
Miss Emo II and i only felt very disgusted after watching it.
the story is about a couple who were separated during wartime.
after a few years, the lady was engaged to a new man, who was handsome, rich, loving, faithful, talented.
but she bumped into her old flame and realised that she was still in love with her ex.
so she cruelly dumped her very awesome fiancee and went back to her old flame.
her old flame also dumped his new girlfriend and went back to her.
these two despicable people spent the rest of their lives together and 死于同年同日。
my male friends kept gushing about how it was true love; how touching it was; how they were meant to be.
Miss Emo II and i thought it was just a story about two 贱人。
anyway Miss Emo II then expressed her own views on true love, which i thought was very true.
she said, "our male friends just believe in true love they don't have to work for. they have no sense of responsibility or commitment. there's no such thing as 'destiny'. maybe if the girl had stayed with her fiancee and tried to work things out, at the end of the day she'd realise that her fiancee was her true love too."
The Philistine says:
I am shocked!
Miss Emo II could actually say such things!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very wise words, are they not?
The Philistine says:
It is a bleeding miracle!
Yes.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
that's why i told you she is very sensible with it comes to relationships.
The Philistine says:
Anyway, the story plot was uncreative. If I were the director, this would be my plot. Slut 1 meets Manwhore 1, separate from Manwhore 1, meets Manwhore 2, meets Manwhore 1 again and ditches Manwhore 2, Manwhore 2 gets pissed off and goes after Slut 2 (Manwhore 1's sister), Manwhore 1 gets fed up and bangs his own sister as revenge, Manwhore 2 then takes Slut 1 and bangs her to piss Manwhore 2.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
wow.
yeah, the plot was hackneyed.
it was based on a poorly written book by Nicholas Sparks.
some stupid chick lit author.
The Philistine says:
Unhappy at Manwhore 2's behavior, Slut 2 copulates with Slut 1. Then the two Manwhores get really pissed off and ask other Manwhores to bang the two Sluts. They then kill the two sluts and realize how much in love they are with each other.
They live happily ever after - THE END.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
sounds like porn and gore rolled into one.
The Philistine says:
Obviously Sparks is not a very bright man,
It's not just porn.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
if not he wouldn't be writing chick lit.
The Philistine says:
It's the EARTHSHAKING LOVE STORY OF THE YEAR.
GROUNDBREAKING.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
yes. it challenges taboos about incest, polyamory, rape, homosexuality, and prosmiscuity.
The Philistine says:
Wow.
You can be my reviewer.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad there is nothing about bestiality.
The Philistine says:
Good idea.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and why not throw in some sadomasochism while you're at it?
The Philistine says:
Throw in a horse then.
Yes!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
a horse's private part may be too gigantic for anyone's enjoyment.
The Philistine says:
The horse can trample on one of the Manwhore, after which he takes 'revenge' on the horse by 'riding' it.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah.
The Philistine says:
Manwhores*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
hmmm.
The Philistine says:
One of the characters can get jealous and kill the horse.
She/he then 'flogs a dead horse'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and after that she/he decapacitates the horse. the Manwhore who rode the horse wakes up to find the horse's head in his bed.
dum dum dum, an allusion to The Godfather.
suddenly all the critics would praise you for your clever plot device.
The Philistine says:
Now....you are on to something.
We can use plots from various classics!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
indeed. the Manwhore is very angry that one of his sex buddies should do something so uncouth.
so he decided to take revenge.
he melted some gold in a pot at several hundred degrees, and then he carefully used a machine to hang the pot from the ceiling. he lured the culprit who placed the horse's head in his head, and made the culprit lie down in a bed under the pot. he tied the culprit to the bed and then blindfolded him/her. the culprit thought something kinky was going on and waited in bated breath.
at this moment, the Manwhore left the room, triggered a switch, which tipped the balance of the pot, pouring hot melted gold all over the culprit.
the culprit screamed in pain and his/her corpse became a golden statue, as he/she lied on the bed.
there you have it: an allusion to The Golden Finger.
The Philistine says:
Well done!
We must name this character OSCAR.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
the Manwhore?
the Golden Corpse?
The Philistine says:
The carcass.
It's a hint to the judges to award us with the Oscar in recognition of our great piece of work.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah yes. or else the judges would end up just like Oscar.
The Philistine says:
Yes.
We can even have Rambo scenes.
Have a character (call him BRUNO), he comes in and bangs everybody, and then makes his escape into the sunset on the horse.
Clint Eastwood westerns + Rambo action.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
where else can anyone find a movie that has porn and gore, and challenges conventions, AND makes clever allusions?
The Philistine says:
We are definitely a cut above the rest.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
of course, of course.
what a pity we're not doing Film Studies.
The Philistine says:
Yes, I should tell XH about our story on Sunday.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
why not just save this conversation and send it to him?
for his perusal.
The Philistine says:
Idea. We can only send to him via FB though.
He said he deactivated his MSN account.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i thought his hotmail email is still working.
just that he doesnt have MSN Messenger.
The Philistine says:
I still prefer to send him this via FB. My hotmail is quite slow at times, no thanks to the %#^$# spam.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah okay. anyway brb in 1 hour.
ttyl if you're still here.
The Philistine says:
Do you want to send him the entire conversation or our Film Art part? I haven't pasted it on his Wall yet.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
up to you; after all there are not secrets here.
no*
The Philistine says:
I'm just afraid that the earlier part may distract him from our fantastic plot.
Oh hack! I'll just put the whole thing in. He needs to know that the kimchi eaters are dregs.
The Brain (Yesterday at 4:26 AM):
it's really a joy watching her performances
great speed, great choreography, great movement, great balance, great facial expressions
The Brain said (Yesterday at 4:38 AM):
however, i still love Evgeni Plushenko the most: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ieMEfklmuI&feature=related
he invented many figure-skating techniques himself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21woRiBqrks
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
http://www.chinalanguage.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=779&start=45
further proof that the Koreans are an inferior race.
Chinese was too difficult for the Koreans, which was why Korean was invented.
"Hangeul (the Korean alphabet) was created by King Sejong in 1443. Prior to Hangeul, all of the Korean literati used the Hanja writing system, which were traditional Chinese characters with Korean pronunciation and meaning, and used a written language known as Hanmun, which was basically Classical Chinese, for official court documents."
"However, even with the advent of the Korean alphabet, use of Hanja and Hanmun in daily correspondence was not discontinued, with the Korean aristocracy, educated in Classical Chinese for the transcription of the Korean language, assumed condescending attitudes toward Hangeul and any kind of usage of it (as displayed by the number of pejoratives used to refer to it)."
"King Sejong explained that he created the new script because the Korean language was different from Chinese; using Chinese characters (known as Hanja) to write was so difficult for the common people that only the male aristocrats (yangban) could read and write fluently. (A few female members of the royal family could also do so to a certain extent). The majority of Koreans were effectively illiterate before Hangul's invention."
The Philistine says:
"Don't challenge the patience of all Chinese. OR, someday, without the protection of your U.S.A daddy, you will be our sub-country again. "
Brilliant!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i love it when any country bullies Korea.
The Philistine says:
When their navy vessel was sunk, they didn't even dare to back at North Korea.
Such lack of balls!
What is the use of making your male citizens do compulsory military service when your leaders behave like pussies.
?*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very true.
The Philistine says:
"I suggest korea also to pretend USA soldiers have korea blood, so korea people will be the strongest race in the world.
I am waiting for this laughy.haha!!!"
I don't think US soldiers are that tough, seeing that their suicide rate is pretty high.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
Chinese netizens joked that Korea would claim that Phelps was Korean.
tougher than SK soldiers for sure.
The Philistine says:
The only SK useful is that blooy SK II, and even so, it is a waste of $ and only good for cheating people!
bloody*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
bad reviews from your friends who use that product?
The Philistine says:
Hell, I may have quite a few dumb friends, but I'm certainly no fan of dumb women!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nobody is
The Philistine says:
Ronaldo apparently had a fling with Paris Hilton.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i'm not surprised.
when a slut and a manwhore meet each other...
The Philistine says:
Damn right.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
do you like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSf9G5x7rMI
The Philistine says:
I prefer the original version better.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
same here.
The Philistine says:
When we were in school we used to joke a lot about this song.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
when i listen to songs with lyrics like these i always marvel at the beauty of the Chinese language
i don't think English can ever capture the same melancholy with such simplicity
what jokes did you make?
The Philistine says:
One night in Beijing...wo liu xia xu duo [insert your vulgar term]...
.....
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
...
how creative
The Philistine says:
Yes.
Boys will be boys.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i can guarantee you that girls talk even dirtier when there are no boys around.
The Philistine says:
This I have no dounbt.
doubt*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
in Secondary 2, my Chinese teacher used the phrase “不入虎穴，焉得虎子” in class
my best friend immediately gave me a dirty grin
i burst out laughing in class, which attracted everyone's attention.
think of the 虎穴 as a woman's vagina...
The Philistinesays:
HAHAHAHA!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
creative, isn't it? and very subtle too.
good imagery and nice symbolism.
it's a pity she isn't interested in being a poet.
The Philistine says:
When we watched Journey to the West, we used to make jokes about Hei feng dong.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
what jokes?
The Philistine says:
About going in to kill 'demons'; attacking it and making it bloody; about how black you can't see a thing; being stuck and unable to COME out.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
nice analogy.
The Philistine says:
Not as poetic and high class as Ah Mah's.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i agree.
it was so memorable that i remember it to this day.
The Philistine says:
Kodak moment.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad she's in the land of Kimchi now.
i miss her wit.
The Philistine says:
Fret not.
You have Miss Emo II.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
... she's hardly witty
The Philistine says:
She is, as we say, 'another type of player'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
anyway Miss Emo II impressed me once.
our male friends in Boston were pestering us to watch this chick flick titled The Notebook.
according to these male friends, The Notebook is a very beautiful and touching movie.
Miss Emo II and i only felt very disgusted after watching it.
the story is about a couple who were separated during wartime.
after a few years, the lady was engaged to a new man, who was handsome, rich, loving, faithful, talented.
but she bumped into her old flame and realised that she was still in love with her ex.
so she cruelly dumped her very awesome fiancee and went back to her old flame.
her old flame also dumped his new girlfriend and went back to her.
these two despicable people spent the rest of their lives together and 死于同年同日。
my male friends kept gushing about how it was true love; how touching it was; how they were meant to be.
Miss Emo II and i thought it was just a story about two 贱人。
anyway Miss Emo II then expressed her own views on true love, which i thought was very true.
she said, "our male friends just believe in true love they don't have to work for. they have no sense of responsibility or commitment. there's no such thing as 'destiny'. maybe if the girl had stayed with her fiancee and tried to work things out, at the end of the day she'd realise that her fiancee was her true love too."
The Philistine says:
I am shocked!
Miss Emo II could actually say such things!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
very wise words, are they not?
The Philistine says:
It is a bleeding miracle!
Yes.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
that's why i told you she is very sensible with it comes to relationships.
The Philistine says:
Anyway, the story plot was uncreative. If I were the director, this would be my plot. Slut 1 meets Manwhore 1, separate from Manwhore 1, meets Manwhore 2, meets Manwhore 1 again and ditches Manwhore 2, Manwhore 2 gets pissed off and goes after Slut 2 (Manwhore 1's sister), Manwhore 1 gets fed up and bangs his own sister as revenge, Manwhore 2 then takes Slut 1 and bangs her to piss Manwhore 2.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
wow.
yeah, the plot was hackneyed.
it was based on a poorly written book by Nicholas Sparks.
some stupid chick lit author.
The Philistine says:
Unhappy at Manwhore 2's behavior, Slut 2 copulates with Slut 1. Then the two Manwhores get really pissed off and ask other Manwhores to bang the two Sluts. They then kill the two sluts and realize how much in love they are with each other.
They live happily ever after - THE END.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
sounds like porn and gore rolled into one.
The Philistine says:
Obviously Sparks is not a very bright man,
It's not just porn.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
if not he wouldn't be writing chick lit.
The Philistine says:
It's the EARTHSHAKING LOVE STORY OF THE YEAR.
GROUNDBREAKING.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
yes. it challenges taboos about incest, polyamory, rape, homosexuality, and prosmiscuity.
The Philistine says:
Wow.
You can be my reviewer.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
too bad there is nothing about bestiality.
The Philistine says:
Good idea.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and why not throw in some sadomasochism while you're at it?
The Philistine says:
Throw in a horse then.
Yes!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
a horse's private part may be too gigantic for anyone's enjoyment.
The Philistine says:
The horse can trample on one of the Manwhore, after which he takes 'revenge' on the horse by 'riding' it.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah.
The Philistine says:
Manwhores*
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
hmmm.
The Philistine says:
One of the characters can get jealous and kill the horse.
She/he then 'flogs a dead horse'.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
and after that she/he decapacitates the horse. the Manwhore who rode the horse wakes up to find the horse's head in his bed.
dum dum dum, an allusion to The Godfather.
suddenly all the critics would praise you for your clever plot device.
The Philistine says:
Now....you are on to something.
We can use plots from various classics!
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
indeed. the Manwhore is very angry that one of his sex buddies should do something so uncouth.
so he decided to take revenge.
he melted some gold in a pot at several hundred degrees, and then he carefully used a machine to hang the pot from the ceiling. he lured the culprit who placed the horse's head in his head, and made the culprit lie down in a bed under the pot. he tied the culprit to the bed and then blindfolded him/her. the culprit thought something kinky was going on and waited in bated breath.
at this moment, the Manwhore left the room, triggered a switch, which tipped the balance of the pot, pouring hot melted gold all over the culprit.
the culprit screamed in pain and his/her corpse became a golden statue, as he/she lied on the bed.
there you have it: an allusion to The Golden Finger.
The Philistine says:
Well done!
We must name this character OSCAR.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
the Manwhore?
the Golden Corpse?
The Philistine says:
The carcass.
It's a hint to the judges to award us with the Oscar in recognition of our great piece of work.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah yes. or else the judges would end up just like Oscar.
The Philistine says:
Yes.
We can even have Rambo scenes.
Have a character (call him BRUNO), he comes in and bangs everybody, and then makes his escape into the sunset on the horse.
Clint Eastwood westerns + Rambo action.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
where else can anyone find a movie that has porn and gore, and challenges conventions, AND makes clever allusions?
The Philistine says:
We are definitely a cut above the rest.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
of course, of course.
what a pity we're not doing Film Studies.
The Philistine says:
Yes, I should tell XH about our story on Sunday.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
why not just save this conversation and send it to him?
for his perusal.
The Philistine says:
Idea. We can only send to him via FB though.
He said he deactivated his MSN account.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
i thought his hotmail email is still working.
just that he doesnt have MSN Messenger.
The Philistine says:
I still prefer to send him this via FB. My hotmail is quite slow at times, no thanks to the %#^$# spam.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
ah okay. anyway brb in 1 hour.
ttyl if you're still here.
The Philistine says:
Do you want to send him the entire conversation or our Film Art part? I haven't pasted it on his Wall yet.
The Brain can i break you through this world? says:
up to you; after all there are not secrets here.
no*
The Philistine says:
I'm just afraid that the earlier part may distract him from our fantastic plot.
Oh hack! I'll just put the whole thing in. He needs to know that the kimchi eaters are dregs.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Why Tae Kwon Do Sucks: High Kicks are Great for Cheerleaders and Hollywood
As the provocative title suggests, I am not exactly enamored of the Korean martial art. Technically it is spectacular to watch; tactically it is rather daft. As my friends who practiced it said proudly, Tae Kwon Do (TKD), or 'leg art', has the widest repertoire of kicks among all the martial arts. They further went on to claim that kicks are always better than punches because they are at least thrice as strong. Therefore, TKD is an excellent martial art.
However, whenever I watch TKD tournaments, I am compelled to dismiss the martial art as a reflection of the manufactured Korean 'culture' which is ubiquitous to the point of being obscene and a global nuisance. Like K-pop, K-movies and dramas, and kimchi, it lacks substance. The typical TKD tournament involves two 'exponents' donned in unwieldy protective gear - they look like some hideous parody of Teletubbies - kicking the bejesus out of each other and screaming at the top of their voices like pigs being led to the abattoir.
To make this freak show even funnier, TKD rules state that you may not (i) kick under the belt; (ii) punch the face; and (iii) employ take-downs; and (iv) joint locks. I can understand the prohibition on joint locks as joint manipulation is potentially more deadly than strikes as they can easily maim permanently or kill, but to reinforce rules (i) to (iii) as well really defeats the purpose of the martial arts. As any street fighter will tell you, punches go straight to the face, and kicks to the stomach or legs. Granted, we are talking about a tournament fight here and certain rules do apply. Unfortunately, too many TKD people do train for tournaments, not for real fights.
You can say the same for most people who practise martial arts these days for health benefits and not because they want to survive a fight. But the syllabus and tactical mindset of TKD means that it is a different beast altogether. Unlike most other martial arts. TKD focuses too much on kicking and too little on using the hands. Its greatest selling point is ironically its weakness. You can easily halve a pure TKD fighter's effectiveness by just giving his shin a good whack. You don't even need to cripple his leg. One nice bruise and he will be struggling to even move, let alone execute his fantastic kicks! Contrast him to the Western boxer, who can take a tremendous amount on his forearm and still function. Even if the TKD guy wises up and stops kicking like a cheerleader on steroids and uses his hands, he is still likely to have his arse handed over to him. Most TKD fighters have 'no hands'.
Rant over.
Now, here's a Top 10 list on why TKD is so daft. Number 11 is a bonus.
Waste of energy
High kicks deplete energy rapidly. You can try it out yourself. Without stopping, throw 50 high kicks to head level and then kick 100 times to shin level. You will find that it is still more comfortable executing the latter, even though you have to kick twice as many.
Requires specialized training
Anybody can easily kick a can or ball lying around on the street, but it takes training to execute a high kick, especially for non front kicks. Think of all the leg stretches you have to do to get you to the flexibility required.
Not practical in daily life
You can kick low and hard in street clothes, but certain types of clothing make it impossible for you to execute a kick to the face.
Hard to time
You need perfect timing to be able to slam a roundhouse kick into a moving target’s face, but as every footballer knows, it’s not that difficult to kick someone in his ankle.
Defensively inferior
A high kick that misses can be easily grabbed, resulting in the kicker being taken to ground. Even if the kicker is able to avoid having his leg grabbed, he has to shuffle his feet very fast to avoid a counter-attack. It is difficult to dodge when one of your legs is high up in the air and you are struggling for balance. On the other hand, it is highly unlikely that a missed low kick can be grabbed. The defensive stance is not compromised as much and the kicker can easily move quickly to follow up or evade.
Difficult to generate force
Unless you are executing a running jumping kick, it is impossible to throw your full weight into the kick. Moreover, you will only be wasting energy in maintaining your balance – energy that could have been used to deliver a more powerful kick. It is always easier to get your body weight behind a strike when you don’t have to stretch to hit the target.
Offensively inferior
The punch reaches the face faster than a kick. A kick reaches the legs faster than a punch. So why do people insist on kicking people’s face in when a punch is more convenient? You don’t see people deliberately punching below the belt, so why is there a fixation on kicking above the belt, and in some cases, above the shoulders? As the eyes are set just below the top of the head, it is definitely easier to see a high kick coming in than to spot a low kick below eye level.
Terrain-reliant
Try executing a high roundhouse kick when you are standing on an uneven or slippery surface. It does not take incredible balance to simply thrust out a toe-poke in most terrains.
Mostly unnecessary
You don’t need to kick people in the head to KO them. As we have seen countless times in Western boxing, a solid punch that connects with a boxer’s jaw can just as easily knock him out. A crunching tackle on someone’s knee can leave him paralyzed, in great agony and out of the fight. Just ask Eduardo.
Not versatile
A high kick can only be used to strike but a low kick can be used to strike, trap, trip, or hook.
Bonus: Needs plenty of space
If a robber ever accosts you in a lift, you can forget about kicking high.
However, whenever I watch TKD tournaments, I am compelled to dismiss the martial art as a reflection of the manufactured Korean 'culture' which is ubiquitous to the point of being obscene and a global nuisance. Like K-pop, K-movies and dramas, and kimchi, it lacks substance. The typical TKD tournament involves two 'exponents' donned in unwieldy protective gear - they look like some hideous parody of Teletubbies - kicking the bejesus out of each other and screaming at the top of their voices like pigs being led to the abattoir.
To make this freak show even funnier, TKD rules state that you may not (i) kick under the belt; (ii) punch the face; and (iii) employ take-downs; and (iv) joint locks. I can understand the prohibition on joint locks as joint manipulation is potentially more deadly than strikes as they can easily maim permanently or kill, but to reinforce rules (i) to (iii) as well really defeats the purpose of the martial arts. As any street fighter will tell you, punches go straight to the face, and kicks to the stomach or legs. Granted, we are talking about a tournament fight here and certain rules do apply. Unfortunately, too many TKD people do train for tournaments, not for real fights.
You can say the same for most people who practise martial arts these days for health benefits and not because they want to survive a fight. But the syllabus and tactical mindset of TKD means that it is a different beast altogether. Unlike most other martial arts. TKD focuses too much on kicking and too little on using the hands. Its greatest selling point is ironically its weakness. You can easily halve a pure TKD fighter's effectiveness by just giving his shin a good whack. You don't even need to cripple his leg. One nice bruise and he will be struggling to even move, let alone execute his fantastic kicks! Contrast him to the Western boxer, who can take a tremendous amount on his forearm and still function. Even if the TKD guy wises up and stops kicking like a cheerleader on steroids and uses his hands, he is still likely to have his arse handed over to him. Most TKD fighters have 'no hands'.
Rant over.
Now, here's a Top 10 list on why TKD is so daft. Number 11 is a bonus.
Waste of energy
High kicks deplete energy rapidly. You can try it out yourself. Without stopping, throw 50 high kicks to head level and then kick 100 times to shin level. You will find that it is still more comfortable executing the latter, even though you have to kick twice as many.
Requires specialized training
Anybody can easily kick a can or ball lying around on the street, but it takes training to execute a high kick, especially for non front kicks. Think of all the leg stretches you have to do to get you to the flexibility required.
Not practical in daily life
You can kick low and hard in street clothes, but certain types of clothing make it impossible for you to execute a kick to the face.
Hard to time
You need perfect timing to be able to slam a roundhouse kick into a moving target’s face, but as every footballer knows, it’s not that difficult to kick someone in his ankle.
Defensively inferior
A high kick that misses can be easily grabbed, resulting in the kicker being taken to ground. Even if the kicker is able to avoid having his leg grabbed, he has to shuffle his feet very fast to avoid a counter-attack. It is difficult to dodge when one of your legs is high up in the air and you are struggling for balance. On the other hand, it is highly unlikely that a missed low kick can be grabbed. The defensive stance is not compromised as much and the kicker can easily move quickly to follow up or evade.
Difficult to generate force
Unless you are executing a running jumping kick, it is impossible to throw your full weight into the kick. Moreover, you will only be wasting energy in maintaining your balance – energy that could have been used to deliver a more powerful kick. It is always easier to get your body weight behind a strike when you don’t have to stretch to hit the target.
Offensively inferior
The punch reaches the face faster than a kick. A kick reaches the legs faster than a punch. So why do people insist on kicking people’s face in when a punch is more convenient? You don’t see people deliberately punching below the belt, so why is there a fixation on kicking above the belt, and in some cases, above the shoulders? As the eyes are set just below the top of the head, it is definitely easier to see a high kick coming in than to spot a low kick below eye level.
Terrain-reliant
Try executing a high roundhouse kick when you are standing on an uneven or slippery surface. It does not take incredible balance to simply thrust out a toe-poke in most terrains.
Mostly unnecessary
You don’t need to kick people in the head to KO them. As we have seen countless times in Western boxing, a solid punch that connects with a boxer’s jaw can just as easily knock him out. A crunching tackle on someone’s knee can leave him paralyzed, in great agony and out of the fight. Just ask Eduardo.
Not versatile
A high kick can only be used to strike but a low kick can be used to strike, trap, trip, or hook.
Bonus: Needs plenty of space
If a robber ever accosts you in a lift, you can forget about kicking high.
Changing for the Worse
Two weeks ago, I watched Ip Man 3, which tells the story (with creative license of course) of the Wing Chun master Yip Man of his formative years. I remember feeling absolutely aghast when the protagonist modified his school’s Wing Chun to include high kicks. There was a fight scene where he sparred with his senior and in close quarters, somehow managed the remarkable feat of planting a kick behind his head while fighting close-in. This travesty does not stop there, for in later fight scenes the protagonist continued his bastardization of the Wing Chun, with other martial arts thrown in to add to the disgrace.
After the movie I wondered how many people actually thought what they just watched on screen was Wing Chun. Martial arts these days are already confusing as they are without having pure styles merged in various combinations. I can imagine some ignorant lau wai who will catch on the craze generated by the Ip Man movie franchise and go to a school and demand to learn what was shown on the screen. Imagine the shock he would cause when he inevitably argues that Bruce Lee, who executed plenty of high kicks in his movies, learnt his martial arts from the late Yip Man, and therefore, Wing Chun should have plenty of high kicks!
This hypothetical scenario aside, I am sure that there are many idiots out there who think that Bruce Lee was a Wing Chun exponent. Actually, he was not. He had his roots in the said art but he was really a mixed martial artist.
Wing Chun does not emphasize on spectacular high kicks. Bruce Lee added high kicks because he found the said art’s low kicks too limiting. He really wasn’t a big fan of the classic forms, seeing them as impractical and staid. That does not mean he was right. Mixed martial artists tend to deride traditional martial arts as being too limited. Taking Wing Chun as an example, they point out that when it comes to ground-fighting or kicking, Wing Chun is essentially useless. However, they are missing on something important here. Even if you only know one martial arts style, you can still win every fight if you can impose your own *limited* style on an opponent until he can find no effective counter to it. Being brilliant at one thing is better than just knowing a thousand things.
I am not a big fan of modifying the martial arts. Most of the time these attempts only serve to water down the techniques and in the long run, only cause a deterioration in technical quality. One may argue that even traditional martial arts have always been modified. Tang Lang Quan (Praying Mantis Fist) has quite a few variants, so it stands to reason that the martial arts should adapt.
I do not disagree with that. Like everything else, the martial arts are evolving and if a martial artist thinks that he can improve certain techniques, it is reasonable for him to do so - but only he has already achieved a sufficiently high technical and tactical proficiency in the style he is modifying. In today’s world, where martial arts are regarded by most as a pastime, it is already difficult to find one sufficiently skilled in his chosen style, let alone a master. But unfortunately, we have people who learn one martial art, give up halfway to learn another, and then take up yet another martial art. It’s like learning English and finding the grammar hard and then skipping off to Spanish to make up for the ‘weaknesses’ in the English language. Their attitude makes me hard to give most mixed martial artists any respect.
After the movie I wondered how many people actually thought what they just watched on screen was Wing Chun. Martial arts these days are already confusing as they are without having pure styles merged in various combinations. I can imagine some ignorant lau wai who will catch on the craze generated by the Ip Man movie franchise and go to a school and demand to learn what was shown on the screen. Imagine the shock he would cause when he inevitably argues that Bruce Lee, who executed plenty of high kicks in his movies, learnt his martial arts from the late Yip Man, and therefore, Wing Chun should have plenty of high kicks!
This hypothetical scenario aside, I am sure that there are many idiots out there who think that Bruce Lee was a Wing Chun exponent. Actually, he was not. He had his roots in the said art but he was really a mixed martial artist.
Wing Chun does not emphasize on spectacular high kicks. Bruce Lee added high kicks because he found the said art’s low kicks too limiting. He really wasn’t a big fan of the classic forms, seeing them as impractical and staid. That does not mean he was right. Mixed martial artists tend to deride traditional martial arts as being too limited. Taking Wing Chun as an example, they point out that when it comes to ground-fighting or kicking, Wing Chun is essentially useless. However, they are missing on something important here. Even if you only know one martial arts style, you can still win every fight if you can impose your own *limited* style on an opponent until he can find no effective counter to it. Being brilliant at one thing is better than just knowing a thousand things.
I am not a big fan of modifying the martial arts. Most of the time these attempts only serve to water down the techniques and in the long run, only cause a deterioration in technical quality. One may argue that even traditional martial arts have always been modified. Tang Lang Quan (Praying Mantis Fist) has quite a few variants, so it stands to reason that the martial arts should adapt.
I do not disagree with that. Like everything else, the martial arts are evolving and if a martial artist thinks that he can improve certain techniques, it is reasonable for him to do so - but only he has already achieved a sufficiently high technical and tactical proficiency in the style he is modifying. In today’s world, where martial arts are regarded by most as a pastime, it is already difficult to find one sufficiently skilled in his chosen style, let alone a master. But unfortunately, we have people who learn one martial art, give up halfway to learn another, and then take up yet another martial art. It’s like learning English and finding the grammar hard and then skipping off to Spanish to make up for the ‘weaknesses’ in the English language. Their attitude makes me hard to give most mixed martial artists any respect.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
It's War.
My xtian friend called me last night. For over forty minutes he complained bitterly about the way another bloke has been treating him. Our ‘discussion’(if you can call it that) was precipitated by the inadequacy of earlier phone messages in conveying the depth of his emotions and his desperate need to fully unburden himself of his frustrations. He was livid that this friend (let’s just call him Mouth) accused him of stealing a colleague’s PSP set. According to my xtian friend, it was almost a case of the pot calling the kettle black, given that Mouth has been bringing food and packets of coffee powder from the gulag’s rest room back home.
This sorry affair was further complicated by my xtian friend’s claims of Mouth siphoning petrol from the fuel store for his personal use. He also said people have been telling him that it was a mistake rehiring Mouth. Things have gone missing since his return and they suspect him of pinching stuff. This is quite astounding if you consider my xtian friend’s poor reputation in his gulag. Out of politeness, people generally restrain themselves from shaking their heads when they talk about him so it is quite inexplicable that they are taking his side. He went on, berating himself for helping Mouth when he was out of a job and at the same time, castigating the guy for not absolutely no respect for him.
I don’t know what exactly am I supposed to do. I have heard both accounts and for the most part they are similar to each other. The only real difference is the intention behind the things they do and unfortunately this aspect carries a disproportionately huge amount of the blame in this relations disaster. People think differently and what is black to one person may be white to another. My xtian friend said Mouth is morally wrong to interfere with his life. Just because he is infatuated with a Thai girl, albeit in a dysfunctional relationship in which he contributes everything, does not give Mouth the right to repeat the story to everyone in their gulag and chiding him publicly over his devotion(read: stupidity). Admittedly Mouth’s behavior is unpalatable but there were instances in which he got his criticism spot on. Chief among these is my xtian friend’s working attitude. My xtian friend takes ‘urgent’ leave every week, resulting in his shift being undermanned. Despite repeated warnings, my xtian friend even sms-es when he is operating machinery and at one time, almost inserted a thumb drive into the gulag’s computer system, which would have activated the security detail. He is hardly a shining example of responsibility.
Still, the other guy has questionable morals too. Divorcing his first wife and being derelict in his role as a father for the express reason of marrying another woman hardly qualifies himself as an upright person. I am not judging him. People do the things they do and they have to admit or deceive themselves and that, in my book, is judgment enough. Now his new wife is expecting and seriously, the money he earns as a military technician may not be sufficient to support alimony, family and child support, his own expenses, and other expenditures. By becoming a parent a second time, he is not being very responsible.
In a nutshell, this case is about two fellows with questionable characters badmouthing each other. My xtian friend said he will confront him in front of the entire shift. I tried to dissuade him from this drastic path but upset as he was, my words fell on deaf ears. Mouth will return from his overseas stint in three weeks time and we shall see if he carries through his threat. There must be something about me that undesirable effects just happen during the course of my existence.
This sorry affair was further complicated by my xtian friend’s claims of Mouth siphoning petrol from the fuel store for his personal use. He also said people have been telling him that it was a mistake rehiring Mouth. Things have gone missing since his return and they suspect him of pinching stuff. This is quite astounding if you consider my xtian friend’s poor reputation in his gulag. Out of politeness, people generally restrain themselves from shaking their heads when they talk about him so it is quite inexplicable that they are taking his side. He went on, berating himself for helping Mouth when he was out of a job and at the same time, castigating the guy for not absolutely no respect for him.
I don’t know what exactly am I supposed to do. I have heard both accounts and for the most part they are similar to each other. The only real difference is the intention behind the things they do and unfortunately this aspect carries a disproportionately huge amount of the blame in this relations disaster. People think differently and what is black to one person may be white to another. My xtian friend said Mouth is morally wrong to interfere with his life. Just because he is infatuated with a Thai girl, albeit in a dysfunctional relationship in which he contributes everything, does not give Mouth the right to repeat the story to everyone in their gulag and chiding him publicly over his devotion(read: stupidity). Admittedly Mouth’s behavior is unpalatable but there were instances in which he got his criticism spot on. Chief among these is my xtian friend’s working attitude. My xtian friend takes ‘urgent’ leave every week, resulting in his shift being undermanned. Despite repeated warnings, my xtian friend even sms-es when he is operating machinery and at one time, almost inserted a thumb drive into the gulag’s computer system, which would have activated the security detail. He is hardly a shining example of responsibility.
Still, the other guy has questionable morals too. Divorcing his first wife and being derelict in his role as a father for the express reason of marrying another woman hardly qualifies himself as an upright person. I am not judging him. People do the things they do and they have to admit or deceive themselves and that, in my book, is judgment enough. Now his new wife is expecting and seriously, the money he earns as a military technician may not be sufficient to support alimony, family and child support, his own expenses, and other expenditures. By becoming a parent a second time, he is not being very responsible.
In a nutshell, this case is about two fellows with questionable characters badmouthing each other. My xtian friend said he will confront him in front of the entire shift. I tried to dissuade him from this drastic path but upset as he was, my words fell on deaf ears. Mouth will return from his overseas stint in three weeks time and we shall see if he carries through his threat. There must be something about me that undesirable effects just happen during the course of my existence.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
World Cup Final
Spain meet the Netherlands in the World Cup final on Sunday. Most people regard this contest as a foregone conclusion and some even deride the Dutch as boring and being ‘the worst Dutch side ever’. The general perception seems to be that you need to play beautiful football to win.
Many pundits are waxing lyrical about Spain’s superb technical ability and they are not wrong. In terms of sheer talent the Spaniards are the best in the world. They keep the ball brilliantly and their Barca-esque distribution is wonderful to behold. The truth is, however, that in a knockout tournament, the best side doesn’t not always win. Mental strength, team spirit, organization and astute tactics can bridge the gap. Think of the old West Germany and the classical Italy teams, the defensive strength of the former and the dour, workman-like organization of the latter. Arrigo Sacchi once demonstrated in a training session with AC Milan how five organized defenders could hold out against ten talented but disorganized attackers. This in no way implies that the Spanish are disorganized. Rather it highlights the fact that an organized defence can make life difficult for even the most skilful of opponents. Indeed, if skill always carries the day, Brazil would have won almost every World Cup. And we would not have had an European champion in Greece!
Contrary to popular opinion, greater ball possession does not necessarily imply superiority. It is what you do with the ball, and not the amount of time you have it that ultimately determines the outcome of the game. Barcelona enjoyed overwhelming possession against Inter over two legs of the Champions League semi-final but were ultimately knocked out. In this World Cup, Uruguay has only an average of around 40% of possession but still reached the semi-finals. There have been plenty of league games in which slightly dominant teams lost the match. Spain may be able to keep the ball exceedingly well, but they may find it difficult to break down a highly compact outfit. For all their bewitching flair on the ball, they only did manage to beat Germany from a corner. When they went behind to Switzerland, they continued to pass the ball, at times with such a causal air that it seemed they didn’t bother with the urgency. They might have scored an equalizer if they had switched to a more direct style, but they continued their usual game and duly lost it. Lacking a Plan B perhaps?
Despite being written off by most people, the Netherlands are grossly underrated. They may fail to show their best in a few matches but to attribute their spluttering performances purely to their technical inadequacies is unreasonable. They were perfect during their World Cup qualifying campaign and in this World Cup they have recorded six straight wins despite not firing all cylinders.
It has been said that the Dutch setup is simple but effective. Robben, van Persie, and Sneijder attack, Kuyt runs everywhere, and seven Dutchmen stay back and defend. This tongue-in-cheek way of evaluating the Dutch is amusing but hardly an accurate analysis of the Dutch method. For those who dismiss them for their inelegant style of play, they forget that one of the principle rules in football is to learn to defend first. All great sides have a solid base from which to launch their attacks. Since the heady days of Total Football the world had grown to expect nothing less from the Dutch in terms of attacking endeavor. However, the Dutch have never won the World Cup so the verdict is out on whether their traditional bold and expansive play is the best way.
The Dutch may not have be as swashbuckling as their predecessors had been, but they have acquired a certain fortitude lacking in previous sides. Against Brazil they had a torrid first half but came back from the dead to win 2:1. One could argue that Brazil self-destructed when they conceded a soft goal and Melo stupidly got himself sent off but it does not negate the fact that few sides ever come from behind to beat Brazil. In Bert van Marwijk, the Oranje has one of the best tacticians in the World Cup. He has, for the most part eradicated the bickering and infighting that have traditionally plagued Dutch sides and even instilled in the current batch a willingness to fight for one another. Having achieved the footballing equivalent of teaching a cat to swim, one will expect him to come up with a tactical plan to stop the Spaniards. We will see if he does.
Many pundits are waxing lyrical about Spain’s superb technical ability and they are not wrong. In terms of sheer talent the Spaniards are the best in the world. They keep the ball brilliantly and their Barca-esque distribution is wonderful to behold. The truth is, however, that in a knockout tournament, the best side doesn’t not always win. Mental strength, team spirit, organization and astute tactics can bridge the gap. Think of the old West Germany and the classical Italy teams, the defensive strength of the former and the dour, workman-like organization of the latter. Arrigo Sacchi once demonstrated in a training session with AC Milan how five organized defenders could hold out against ten talented but disorganized attackers. This in no way implies that the Spanish are disorganized. Rather it highlights the fact that an organized defence can make life difficult for even the most skilful of opponents. Indeed, if skill always carries the day, Brazil would have won almost every World Cup. And we would not have had an European champion in Greece!
Contrary to popular opinion, greater ball possession does not necessarily imply superiority. It is what you do with the ball, and not the amount of time you have it that ultimately determines the outcome of the game. Barcelona enjoyed overwhelming possession against Inter over two legs of the Champions League semi-final but were ultimately knocked out. In this World Cup, Uruguay has only an average of around 40% of possession but still reached the semi-finals. There have been plenty of league games in which slightly dominant teams lost the match. Spain may be able to keep the ball exceedingly well, but they may find it difficult to break down a highly compact outfit. For all their bewitching flair on the ball, they only did manage to beat Germany from a corner. When they went behind to Switzerland, they continued to pass the ball, at times with such a causal air that it seemed they didn’t bother with the urgency. They might have scored an equalizer if they had switched to a more direct style, but they continued their usual game and duly lost it. Lacking a Plan B perhaps?
Despite being written off by most people, the Netherlands are grossly underrated. They may fail to show their best in a few matches but to attribute their spluttering performances purely to their technical inadequacies is unreasonable. They were perfect during their World Cup qualifying campaign and in this World Cup they have recorded six straight wins despite not firing all cylinders.
It has been said that the Dutch setup is simple but effective. Robben, van Persie, and Sneijder attack, Kuyt runs everywhere, and seven Dutchmen stay back and defend. This tongue-in-cheek way of evaluating the Dutch is amusing but hardly an accurate analysis of the Dutch method. For those who dismiss them for their inelegant style of play, they forget that one of the principle rules in football is to learn to defend first. All great sides have a solid base from which to launch their attacks. Since the heady days of Total Football the world had grown to expect nothing less from the Dutch in terms of attacking endeavor. However, the Dutch have never won the World Cup so the verdict is out on whether their traditional bold and expansive play is the best way.
The Dutch may not have be as swashbuckling as their predecessors had been, but they have acquired a certain fortitude lacking in previous sides. Against Brazil they had a torrid first half but came back from the dead to win 2:1. One could argue that Brazil self-destructed when they conceded a soft goal and Melo stupidly got himself sent off but it does not negate the fact that few sides ever come from behind to beat Brazil. In Bert van Marwijk, the Oranje has one of the best tacticians in the World Cup. He has, for the most part eradicated the bickering and infighting that have traditionally plagued Dutch sides and even instilled in the current batch a willingness to fight for one another. Having achieved the footballing equivalent of teaching a cat to swim, one will expect him to come up with a tactical plan to stop the Spaniards. We will see if he does.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Handballs, Missed Balls and Nice Balls
Luis Suarez was the hero for Uruguay as he saved a certain goal for Ghana with his hands. His patriotic act helped his country progress to the semi-finals of the World Cup for the first time in 40 years, but at the same time martyred himself as his red card rules him out of Tuesday's game against the Netherlands.
The 2nd of July is without doubt a proud day for African football. No African team will now disgrace the semi-finals and this is a step forward for football. Now, let us appreciate the heroics of Luis Suarez again. Truly, as he put it after the game:
"It was worth it to be sent off in this way. It was complicated and tough. We suffered to the end but the hand of God, it's mine now."
Diego Maradona's 'Hand of God' goal in 1986? That's like, so passé.
Are you watching, Robert Green?
* * * * * *
With fans like this,how can any country not do well in the World Cup? Larissa Riquelme is the best thing that has happened for this insipid tournament. You can be ensured that the Paraguay players will have their eyes on the ball while their opponents will be caught out ball-watching. I knew I made the right choice when I supported Paraguay when they played Japan. And I am definitely going to support them again! Bye bye Spain!
Such passion!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Need to Survive
I have avoided the drop! It has been a long and bitter season, but I pushed on with every ounce of mental fortitude and physical determination. I deserve to be applauded for what I have achieved.
I have been sick for the past two days. My fever has just broken the day before. My throat is sore, my vision is blurry and more sensitive to light than usual, and I just discovered one of my teeth at the back is chipped and the rotted black in the centre.
Conclusion: If I do not get the Hells out of this Shithole soon, my dear friends, you can expect to attend my funeral in the near future.
* * * * * *
I have been sick for the past two days. My fever has just broken the day before. My throat is sore, my vision is blurry and more sensitive to light than usual, and I just discovered one of my teeth at the back is chipped and the rotted black in the centre.
Conclusion: If I do not get the Hells out of this Shithole soon, my dear friends, you can expect to attend my funeral in the near future.
Well done, FIFA!
No goal! Sepp Blatter and his fellow village idiots refuse to implement video technology.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
World Cup
Five reasons why this World Cup is the worst ever.
Idiotic referees
Australia were robbed in 2006, and four years down the road, the officials still have their sights on them. Tim Cahill was unjustly sent off against Germany, and against Ghana, the ball struck Harry Kewell’s arm and he was ordered to go.
Brazil’s Fabiano handled the ball twice a la Thierry Henry and fired in against Ivory Coast. The Chileans, Brazilians, Portuguese have been employing systematic fouling and most fouls were not punished with a card.
The USA was robbed of a legitimate goal against Slovenia and when they scored against Algeria, it didn’t count.
More idiotic judgments from the men in black to follow!
Crazy ball
It means ‘joy’ in some primitive tongue, but the Jubulani is anything but that. Across long distance its flight is erratic and suddenly picks up speed. An absolute nightmare for goalkeepers, it has received much criticism from Messi and the other players. A ‘supermarket’ ball like this should not been allowed in any backyard, let alone the greatest stage in world football.
Uninterested players
In keeping with their cultural tendencies, the French went on strike for the umpteenth time. The French team can talk about how much they hate their coach Raymond Domenech but regardless of their grievances, they certainly have no right to capitulate in such an abject manner. It makes you wonder why these players, who are behaving like petulant brats, and cannot beat the likes of South Africa, Mexico, and Uruguay, are still being paid millions to kick a ball around for 90 minutes. They should be lynched.
The Italians came to defend their crown, but ended up, in the immortal words of Gattuso, ‘playing like billy goats.’
Please don’t insult goats. A goat can at least be interested enough to attack, unlike these overpaid spaghetti lovers, who cannot hit a barn door from five yards.
Save for Ghana, who are still flying the flag, all the African teams have been eliminated in the group stages. One would expect that the African teams, who have many players plying their trade in lucrative European leagues, to do a little better. Sadly, like their French and Italian counterparts, they could not be bothered.
What more can one say about the English, who are so bored in their hotel rooms that their ennui is following them to the pitch? Listless, unimaginative, boring, and dreary, and it’s obvious they just want a holiday in the Caribbean’s..
Dour defensive play
At the time of writing, 103 goals have been scored in 49 matches. This translates to an average of 2.1 goals per game. It is the lowest scoring WC ever, which is not surprising when you consider the defensive play adopted by many teams. You know that the WC stinks when even the Brazilians are playing like Italians. Defend, defend, defend, let’s try to sneak a goal from a set piece or mistake…
Theme Song? What theme song?!
Football tournaments are also known for their fantastic theme songs, tunes to which anyone from three to eighty can hum to.
Euro ’96: Lightning Seeds’ Three Lions; Euro 2004: Nelly Furtado’s Forca
France ’98: Ricky Martin’s The Cup of Life, Korea/Japan 2002: Anastacia’s Boom (okay I admit it sucks); Germany ’06: Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie
South Africa 2010: Shakira’s Wada Wada. Why Shakira again?! Couldn’t they find anyone else?! Sloppy! Anyway, few people even know there is a theme song for this WC...
Idiotic referees
Australia were robbed in 2006, and four years down the road, the officials still have their sights on them. Tim Cahill was unjustly sent off against Germany, and against Ghana, the ball struck Harry Kewell’s arm and he was ordered to go.
Brazil’s Fabiano handled the ball twice a la Thierry Henry and fired in against Ivory Coast. The Chileans, Brazilians, Portuguese have been employing systematic fouling and most fouls were not punished with a card.
The USA was robbed of a legitimate goal against Slovenia and when they scored against Algeria, it didn’t count.
More idiotic judgments from the men in black to follow!
Crazy ball
It means ‘joy’ in some primitive tongue, but the Jubulani is anything but that. Across long distance its flight is erratic and suddenly picks up speed. An absolute nightmare for goalkeepers, it has received much criticism from Messi and the other players. A ‘supermarket’ ball like this should not been allowed in any backyard, let alone the greatest stage in world football.
Uninterested players
In keeping with their cultural tendencies, the French went on strike for the umpteenth time. The French team can talk about how much they hate their coach Raymond Domenech but regardless of their grievances, they certainly have no right to capitulate in such an abject manner. It makes you wonder why these players, who are behaving like petulant brats, and cannot beat the likes of South Africa, Mexico, and Uruguay, are still being paid millions to kick a ball around for 90 minutes. They should be lynched.
The Italians came to defend their crown, but ended up, in the immortal words of Gattuso, ‘playing like billy goats.’
Please don’t insult goats. A goat can at least be interested enough to attack, unlike these overpaid spaghetti lovers, who cannot hit a barn door from five yards.
Save for Ghana, who are still flying the flag, all the African teams have been eliminated in the group stages. One would expect that the African teams, who have many players plying their trade in lucrative European leagues, to do a little better. Sadly, like their French and Italian counterparts, they could not be bothered.
What more can one say about the English, who are so bored in their hotel rooms that their ennui is following them to the pitch? Listless, unimaginative, boring, and dreary, and it’s obvious they just want a holiday in the Caribbean’s..
Dour defensive play
At the time of writing, 103 goals have been scored in 49 matches. This translates to an average of 2.1 goals per game. It is the lowest scoring WC ever, which is not surprising when you consider the defensive play adopted by many teams. You know that the WC stinks when even the Brazilians are playing like Italians. Defend, defend, defend, let’s try to sneak a goal from a set piece or mistake…
Theme Song? What theme song?!
Football tournaments are also known for their fantastic theme songs, tunes to which anyone from three to eighty can hum to.
Euro ’96: Lightning Seeds’ Three Lions; Euro 2004: Nelly Furtado’s Forca
France ’98: Ricky Martin’s The Cup of Life, Korea/Japan 2002: Anastacia’s Boom (okay I admit it sucks); Germany ’06: Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie
South Africa 2010: Shakira’s Wada Wada. Why Shakira again?! Couldn’t they find anyone else?! Sloppy! Anyway, few people even know there is a theme song for this WC...
Football Friendly
AS23’s friendly against the Belgian and Luxemburg Association (BLAS) ended in a 4:1 defeat.
It was the team’s second defeat against the expatriate side, the first having concluded in a 6:4 reversal.
The team indicated their intentions when they bought in new players. It took a while for the teams to get settled in the scorching weather. Against the run of play, AS23 took the lead. The striker chased down a long clearance from his defense and smashed the ball past the hapless BLAS custodian.
BLAS soon levelled matters with a well crafted goal. A long ball from deep was cushioned by their left winger into an unmarked BLAS striker, who scored with an emphatic header.
The play was scrappy but it was evident the expatriate side were winning the aerial challenges. They pressured the AS23 goal, but were let themselves down with their profligate finishing.
A defence-splitting pass from centre midfield found the AS23 right winger, whose pinpoint cross found his lurking striker. But he took one touch too many and the BLAS back line was able to clear.
The near miss woke BLAS from their complacency. AS23’s offside trap was breached and the BLAS striker finished with aplomb.
AS23 attempted to assert themselves but they foiled their attacking play with misplaced passes.
Miscommunication at the back for AS23 saw their keeper and centreback collide as they went for the same ball. The latter had to be stretched off for treatment.
With AS23 trailing at half-time, they opted for a more attacking formation. The move nearly paid off soon after the restart, as the team forced a series of corners and carved out several opportunities.
By then the expatriates were tiring and AS23 had more forays into their half. Their left winger did well to skip past the lumbering BLAS right back but his cross was cut out.
Then the AS23 striker blasted an effort straight at the keeper.
Having committed men forward in search of an equalizer, AS23 were leaving gaps at the back. The BLAS forward capitalized on a moment’s indecision from the AS23’s back line and duly made it 3:1.
It was the team’s goalkeeper to get in on the end, clearing his goal kick into a BLAS striker. 4:1 the score, but hardly a true reflection of the balance of play.
To their credit, AS23 continued to attack but it was not to be their day, as the Belgian side ran out 4:1 winners.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Philosophical Observations
Allow me to expound the undefiled wisdom of philistines. Take heed and learn.
Section A: One Night in GL
My friend and I were treated to the astonishing sight of a ‘relations manager’ (pimp) haranguing a family. I don’t understand Hokkien but according to my friend’s translation, the relations manager was livid over some photographs the family took and their daft comments about the sleaze in the red-light district. So what did these idiots expect to see in a whore district?! If I were him, I would be pissed off too. When you make your living from a shadowy economy, you don’t really want some moralistic fool snapping photographs of your operations and then sending them to the authorities. Last year I gave XH a tour of the area. Despite my warnings, he was daft enough to openly take out his camera for a shot at the central business district there and immediately the relations manager glared at us and started to walk towards us. We had to keep the camera in a hurry. If the businessmen there were so protective of their district at a time when there was no merchandise on sale (the place was heavily raided by the fuzz at the time), imagine their feelings when they are actually running a business and some interloper threatens to curtail their operations. It was just as well for the stupid family that they were holed up in their car, and that there were some fuzz nearby. If they had enacted their stupidity in some other country they would probably have had their car windows smashed – or worse. Judging by the moralistic hypocrisy I dare say with a certain degree of confidence these twits are probably xtians.
While the manager was abusing the cretins in front of the
My friend observed that Shitholer females like to apply thick makeup to their faces before they even step out of the house. He asserted that they lack self-confidence, which is quite true, considering that many are quite fudgy. Citing from experience, he pointed out that many of the Chinese broads apply little or no makeup at all. “When your skin is creamy smooth, you don’t need to do yourself up like a ghost,” he argued. I totally agree with his assessment. When you apply a thick layer of some noxious chemical substance to your face, your face cannot breathe. Do it for five years straight and it’s inevitable that your skin will look old and wrinkled even before you turn thirty. Indeed, this is probably why cosmetics are always a good sell – to cover up the damage done by cosmetics!
We also lampooned the idiots who write for those blasted fashion magazines. Women who read their trashy columns will surely think that the ‘ideal woman’ is thin and non-curvaceous as a lamp post, and will seek to achieve this ridiculous image by’ starving’ themselves by eating only potato chips and paying a small fortune on some ‘beauty’ courses, losing two pounds in a week and then gaining it back by drinking water. Compared to their Shitholer counterparts, not many Chinese women go to such extreme means of beauty care, and they are on average, still aesthetically superior! It is time for our highly educated local women to put their educated brains to good use and improve their looks the right way.
After living for five years together, being man and wife in every aspect except for the solemnization of marriage, Bloke A finds solace in the ladies of the night who work the rounds in swill holes. He makes an important distinction in the company he keeps and pays for. Some ladies are for ‘boob squeezing’. For those who aren’t, they provide a listening ear for his troubles and worries. Despite his intercourses with these ladies, Bloke A claims he loves his wife, even though their attempts at procreation have always met with failure. I wonder what troubles are so special that he cannot confide in the one he professes to love. One suspects his troubles may run along the lines of ‘wife being a dead fish in bed’, and ‘…asking for more
Monday, June 7, 2010
Still Morally Empty
My friend and I went to the Holy Land on Saturday night and were impressed with its expansion. Across the road from the India district now lies a festering hotbed of desperation, populated by unwashed masses who are easily the scum of Asia. The denizens stank up its alleys, and groups of blackamoors thronged the dank narrow passage, ogling at the merchandise that were selling for $20 – 30 apiece. We had to literally hold our breath as we gave the goods a cursory inspection. There is truly no benevolent and caring god; moral strictures do not exist in that diseased area of venomous vice and shattered dreams. Yet there is a kind of liberation in despondency and surrender, a resignation that binds together an ostracized brotherhood, a refreshing honesty that goes beyond manufactured morality and hypocritical facades. One cannot help admiring the sheer entrepreneurship that allowed shrewd business people to see the potential in abject misery, and to fill this broken niche with equally broken fulfillment.
Chicken called me at work. He said that it was a bitch working with Police Car on the same machine. The rest of the people were goldbricking in the crew room, leaving the structure trade to prepare for the commencement of the rectification. Poor Chicken had to get the technical publications and tools himself while Police Car was telling another colleague how virtuous that Thai slut of his was. Apparently she rejected a suitor who drove a ‘big Mercedes’. The person to whom he was crapping naturally admonished him for being naïve, as is the wont these days.
Hoping to patch things up, Chicken told the ‘carrot’ that I miss hearing from him. The carrot remained silent. I told my friend that it was really stupid falling out with your mates over some Thai gold-digger, considering he did not even get to have sex with her. He agreed Police Car is a loser. I am not the only person who lectured him regarding this sordid affair, but somehow I seem to be the one he is most pissed off at. Maybe he is sore that once again, this avowed atheist is right. And every time I get it right, it is like a hammer blow struck against his piddling faith. If he still does not come to his senses, I may expound Satanism to him. It should wake him up…but then, maybe not.
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Chicken called me at work. He said that it was a bitch working with Police Car on the same machine. The rest of the people were goldbricking in the crew room, leaving the structure trade to prepare for the commencement of the rectification. Poor Chicken had to get the technical publications and tools himself while Police Car was telling another colleague how virtuous that Thai slut of his was. Apparently she rejected a suitor who drove a ‘big Mercedes’. The person to whom he was crapping naturally admonished him for being naïve, as is the wont these days.
Hoping to patch things up, Chicken told the ‘carrot’ that I miss hearing from him. The carrot remained silent. I told my friend that it was really stupid falling out with your mates over some Thai gold-digger, considering he did not even get to have sex with her. He agreed Police Car is a loser. I am not the only person who lectured him regarding this sordid affair, but somehow I seem to be the one he is most pissed off at. Maybe he is sore that once again, this avowed atheist is right. And every time I get it right, it is like a hammer blow struck against his piddling faith. If he still does not come to his senses, I may expound Satanism to him. It should wake him up…but then, maybe not.
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