World Cup

Five reasons why this World Cup is the worst ever.


Idiotic referees

Australia were robbed in 2006, and four years down the road, the officials still have their sights on them. Tim Cahill was unjustly sent off against Germany, and against Ghana, the ball struck Harry Kewell’s arm and he was ordered to go.

Brazil’s Fabiano handled the ball twice a la Thierry Henry and fired in against Ivory Coast. The Chileans, Brazilians, Portuguese have been employing systematic fouling and most fouls were not punished with a card.

The USA was robbed of a legitimate goal against Slovenia and when they scored against Algeria, it didn’t count.

More idiotic judgments from the men in black to follow!



Crazy ball

It means ‘joy’ in some primitive tongue, but the Jubulani is anything but that. Across long distance its flight is erratic and suddenly picks up speed. An absolute nightmare for goalkeepers, it has received much criticism from Messi and the other players. A ‘supermarket’ ball like this should not been allowed in any backyard, let alone the greatest stage in world football.


Uninterested players

In keeping with their cultural tendencies, the French went on strike for the umpteenth time. The French team can talk about how much they hate their coach Raymond Domenech but regardless of their grievances, they certainly have no right to capitulate in such an abject manner. It makes you wonder why these players, who are behaving like petulant brats, and cannot beat the likes of South Africa, Mexico, and Uruguay, are still being paid millions to kick a ball around for 90 minutes. They should be lynched.

The Italians came to defend their crown, but ended up, in the immortal words of Gattuso, ‘playing like billy goats.’

Please don’t insult goats. A goat can at least be interested enough to attack, unlike these overpaid spaghetti lovers, who cannot hit a barn door from five yards.

Save for Ghana, who are still flying the flag, all the African teams have been eliminated in the group stages. One would expect that the African teams, who have many players plying their trade in lucrative European leagues, to do a little better. Sadly, like their French and Italian counterparts, they could not be bothered.

What more can one say about the English, who are so bored in their hotel rooms that their ennui is following them to the pitch? Listless, unimaginative, boring, and dreary, and it’s obvious they just want a holiday in the Caribbean’s..


Dour defensive play

At the time of writing, 103 goals have been scored in 49 matches. This translates to an average of 2.1 goals per game. It is the lowest scoring WC ever, which is not surprising when you consider the defensive play adopted by many teams. You know that the WC stinks when even the Brazilians are playing like Italians. Defend, defend, defend, let’s try to sneak a goal from a set piece or mistake…



Theme Song? What theme song?!

Football tournaments are also known for their fantastic theme songs, tunes to which anyone from three to eighty can hum to.

Euro ’96: Lightning Seeds’ Three Lions; Euro 2004: Nelly Furtado’s Forca

France ’98: Ricky Martin’s The Cup of Life, Korea/Japan 2002: Anastacia’s Boom (okay I admit it sucks); Germany ’06: Shakira’s Hips Don’t Lie

South Africa 2010: Shakira’s Wada Wada. Why Shakira again?! Couldn’t they find anyone else?! Sloppy! Anyway, few people even know there is a theme song for this WC...