FAT!

I am too thin.

I look like a concentration camp inmate, an opium eater, a junkie, and a goal post or may-pole (if I actually dressed in bright colours).

Everything about me right now is weak. I look at my biceps and I see the word weak. I look at my thighs and I see the word weak. I have been posturing myself in front of the mirror these few days and I thought I heard the damn mirror sniggering and going weak, weak weak!

Weak! I am a weakling!

The girls are jealous of me. They desire my height. They lust for my slimness. And they would bed Michael "Wacko" Jackson for that infernal metabolism of mine. The blokes, on the other hand, either think I make a good target for intimidation (fortunately my height tends to put most off) or secretly envy me for my washboard abs.

I enjoy contact sports but my pathetic muscles and thin frame curtail my performance. If it has not been not for my speed, I would either be kicked to death or left to decompose on the bench.

At 1.8m, my 60kg (or do I even weigh that much now) just doesn't cut it. I am determined to be fat. Not just fat but FAT. Not just FAT but very FAT. (Okay, maybe not fat, but fat in certain areas.)

The spoon is mightier than the sword. Therefore I shall eat, and eat and eat, until I can eat no more, then I will eat again.

I shall drink more water.

I shall start to really exercise. I haven't been doing so for a month now. No wonder my muscles have atrophied. Some weight training with really heavy weights ought to stimulate muscular development.

I shall use imagery (mental and real) to motivate myself. I shall always think FAT. When in doubt, FAT. What does not kill you makes you FATTER. I shall also put up pictures of FAT cats (the real ones, not the crooks in our regime or Wall Street) as wallpapers on my handphone and computer, around the house and in my wallet.

Goal-setting theory demands I set a clearly defined and achievable goal within a specific time frame. 30 lbs in three months?

I shall get my friends to motivate me. Guys and girls, I'll appreciate if you drop me a line on MSN, SMS or call me. Start off with something like "Are you FAT yet?" - But preferably not at three in the morning.

At the end of the day, FAT!