Birthday and the Girl

Birthday came early for our Lass yesterday. Alfred (O Prophet of Wantonism), Pearl, the Teacher and I celebrated her birthday at the Seoul Garden in Marina Square.

We gave the Lass a Gillette Venus razor (blades included) as a birthday gift. Normally people don’t give sharp objects, but when the recipient was born on Halloween, conventionality goes to the shredder. Anyway, it’s nice to know that we will be on the Lass’s mind every time she shaves.

After challenging me to a contest of carnivores, the Teacher left early. His missus was leading a concert at the Esplanade and she would make mincemeat of him if he was late. Behind a carnivore is another bigger and more ferocious carnivore. The beauty of the food chain. Lovely.

My bro eats all kind of meat....

In the end I devoured all the meat on my plates. It was a very good meal. The Lass, the Prophet, and Pearl were loosening their trousers or skirt to alleviate the ‘bloating’, but I think my inert and non-responsive excuse of a stomach could still pack more slop. My friends should eat more. Life is short. Eat and be merry. The Lass could still make 170cm before 20. Only 8cm to go.

Same for me. No birthday cake, so birthday girl

The girls seemed to like soup. The Lass drank her ice cream after it melted. Pearl was happily dumping food into the pot and enjoying the soup and boiled food. No wonder they say women are made of water. I should be more sensitive and therefore I should drink more liquids. Don’t understand? Never mind. Nobody understands a woman anyway. Duh.

Pearl, and the staring thing. Beauty and the Beast

Ah, sensitivity! The Prophet and Pearl are highly sensitive people (HSPs), while the Lass is insensitive. I am somewhere in between. The Teacher has not taken the test but claimed he will be totally sensitive. The HSPs spoke of what it means to be highly sensitive and the importance of forming a support group for their own kind. I was astonished at how sensitive people live their lives. Given my gentle nature and my propensity towards left-handedness, I should be one of them. But no. Strange.

As for our insensitive Lass, I suggested that highly insensitive people form their own support group: Highly Insensitive People (HIP). Pearl said that no one will bother to join, as non-sensitive people are the majority and insensitive people can’t be bothered anyway. She has a point.

According to the Prophet, HSPs who suffer overwhelming stimulus could flip and become even more insensitive than the insensitive people. It’s fascinating, considering the principle could work in reverse. The insensitive becomes extremely sensitive. Imagine the Lass being moved to tears by kittens, teddy bears, music, sunsets, roses and sweet-nothings…That would be the day!

We also recommended possible activities we could do together. First, we could go to the Teacher’s place to play ‘wee’. I don’t know what wee is but Pearl seemed very happy about it. I think it’s something that you can press and hit, like some kind of video game controller.

We could also form a band. The Prophet said that it’s good to dream, for it gives us a vision to work towards. Even if it does not come off, it’ll still be nice to fantasize once in a while. (Tell me about it. It always gives me great personal comfort to fantasize about Monica Belluci.) I quite agree, although I haven’t the foggiest idea on how I fit in. Unlike Pearl, Prophet, Lass, and the Teacher who are musically inclined, any music I attempt is liable to make myself a target for boots and other projectiles. Maybe I’ll dance or learn to play some simple instruments like drums, cymbals and that triangle thingie. The Lass and the Teacher could do a duet, look into each other’s eyes, and go all mushy and sentimental as they sing. Our two HSPs could play musically instruments. I will be the background dancer, although the audience may find it strange to look at the hooligan/Chinese medium looking bloke gyrating his er… whatever behind the gently crooning couple.

The Lass looks amazed at the carnivore besides her. Real life animal planet.

Jogging is good. To attain that ‘structured look’ she wants, the Lass must jog. The Prophet suggested that we split ourselves into the Garfield, normal, and speedy categories, or the quick could lead the slow. We told the Prophet not to be an accountant and “split accounts”. At the most I’ll just shuttle from one end to another. Anyway, I promised the Lass she would take at most two years to being structurally perfect, but she said she doesn’t want to move. Garfield! I hope to get Miaoyu (Meow) to join in. At least them fat cats can encourage each other.

The Prophet and I used marketing principles to discuss about our groups. It’s like this: there are two detergents. The first has a whitening effect; the second removes stains better. Each detergent has its own unique selling points, to appeal to different consumers. There is a mass market and in this competitive environment, segmentation of consumers occurs. Consumers have every right to choose the brand of detergent they want. Some prefers brand A, while others like Brand B. If consumers do not like the product they have chosen, they will defect to the other brand. Many consumers also use both detergents, with no particular brand loyalty to each. Consumers shift between brands and we cannot force them to buy a product. Each detergent should concentrate on its product advantages, and excel, without having to customize or be influenced by customers. We should not discriminate customers who may have different viewpoints. Instead the brand should focus on its strengths. The Prophet said that we should fire unfavorable customers, while I thought we should keep the door open to prospects. The Prophet argued that if there is some factor causes the product to deteriorate in quality, we should remove the offending element. I replied that we should address the problem and create a stronger brand. At the end of the day, we are all selling detergents. Detergents are made to clean, and it is important that we are working towards the same goal.

I wanted to add the Prisoner’s Dilemma, economical, political, demographical factors in this discussion with the Prophet, but the Lass was going bonkers at the incomprehensible things we babbled. Pearl looked quite entertained with the orgy at our table. Two intellectually sounding blokes inflicting collateral damage to a declared anti-intellectual – it’s no way to treat our birthday girl. I explained the discussion to the Lass and she was like “why don’t you guys speak in plain English?”

Anyway, the Prophet talked to the Book guy and I guess it’s all water under the bridge now. I asked the Prophet why Kit is in our group. He said that he’s in newatheists or friendlyatheists (we were all lost at the number of groups we have.) According to the Prophet, we have three levels: the first (interested people); two (people whom we have met); and the third (the core group.) This elicited lots of table thumping from the other three of us. We were absolutely flummoxed at the number of groups. We have yahoo, facebook and possibly anything from Earth to the Milky Way. Everybody is confused except for the creator. It’s like multi-level marketing and we protested. The Lass wanted one group where everyone is together. We should just have Singapore Atheists, since we are all Singaporeans and atheistic anyway. I don’t know how things will turn out. Let’s hope it’ll not become an orgy like the Middle East.

The Prophet also asked me what we talked about on Tuesday. He was being made more lost by people who were lost at the end of what was a very confusing talk. I don’t know how to describe it. The only thing I remember was how the Lass got herself injured.

Talking of which, the Lass also told us about her stoned friend whom the Book guy talked to. The poor bloke clearly needs a seminar on how to talk to girls. You jolly well don’t go on about the Christian evangelical situation in Singapore and try to sell activism and atheism to a 17 year old girl, especially one so stoned! I should talk to him one day.

Anyway, her friend’s the only other non-religious member in the Sha Monkeys, but it’s unlikely we’ll see her. The Lass said she’s too stoned. She fantasizes herself to be a lone valiant warrior fighting against hordes of enemies; so inert that you have to call her a few times while she reboots from staring at blank space; and the “wardrobe senility” as well. (Oh Clara, I forgot to wear my – CLASH! OUCH!) Her friend should join Gab and I in our Dungeons & Dragons game. We would love a Joan or Arc kind of paladin. The kind that “stones” in real life and stones monsters in sword and sorcery fantasy.

We had a little ‘talk-about ourselves’ session. The Lass said she’s weird and finds it hard to connect her thoughts. We disagreed and we told her she’s perfectly normal. Pearl said that the Lass is the most intelligent 17 year old girl she’s ever seen. When you are at that tender age and writing intelligently about eugenics and life, then naturally you will seem odd as you compare yourself to your MTV and Hollywood loving peers. In a sense, we are all weird. We are atheists. We are the marginalized and ostracized; we are atheists because we think differently, but if there were no people like us, no ‘weirdos’, then the world would be a sadder place. Look at the great artists, leaders, inventors, scientists, writers! Weirdos! Special people! Our Lass is special, and I hope when she wakes up tomorrow, she will realize that she is special. Uniquely Clara sounds much better – and more appropriate - than Weirdo Clara.

There were a big group of people in the restaurant celebrating a friend’s birthday. They were really boisterous and clearly having a lot of fun. When they started to sing Happy Birthday, we sang along but replaced the bloke’s name with Clara’s and in the end, everybody clapped. I don’t think they notice us, but “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CLARA…….” obviously sounds so much nicer. Sneaky perhaps, but fun.

The four of us chatted some more for a while. Then we left to do a bit of shopping in the fashion store and bookstores before they closed for the night. The Lass bought a cute organizer for next year. Pearl described to me how salacious the Dreams of the Red Chamber is. Too bad my Chinese is terrible. I would love to appreciate how some bloke in the Qing or whatever dynasty could possibly express sexuality and sensuality in such flowery and delicately enticing language, without being lynched for ‘corrupting’ society. Maybe I’ll have both Pearl and Meow read the text to me while I lie down and sip orange juice.

The Prophet and I both asserted that women are vital to a capitalist economy, which exists primarily to please them. Even the economy is feminine. Women are taking over the world. It makes a whole lot of sense, considering that the economy goes hay-wired every decade or so, just like women going crazy once every month. (Any female reading this can put the hate mail and anthrax in the C-Box on the right of the screen.) I think I’ll tell our theories to my international economics lecturer next year. I should be looking at an A for my assignment.

Two flowers and three blades of grass.

Well, I think that just about rounds it.

SWEET 18 & A LOVELY HALLOWEEN CLARA!