My Brilliant Business Plan

Business Law II class saw yet another record-breaking attendance. Apparently the lecturer from another class decided not to turn up so mine volunteered to take his. Instead of having our lesson in a classroom, we were packed in one lecture theatre. Apart from the students from the two scheduled classes, others from the devil-knows-where also joined us. (My lecturer’s reputation as a tips-giver with a great sense of humor has made him extremely popular.) The number of people in one enclosed space, coupled with the non-functional air con made the place rather stuffy. It was fortunate that my lecturer – I shall refer to him as Santa Claus – ended his lecture an hour before the scheduled three hours. He obviously does not believe in inflicting prolonged suffering.

Judging from the overwhelming support for Santa Claus, I wonder how the other Business Law II lecturers must have felt. A class typically consists of 40 - 45 students so we had 80 – 90 last night – it looked like 110 -120. After accounting for the absentees in our two classes (maybe 5 – 10), we were looking at 35 – 40 students who were bona fide ‘illegal immigrants’.

Indeed, I sympathize with the other Business Law II lecturers. Speaking to a half-empty class is demoralizing enough; coupled with the near-zero response of typical Singaporean students and the whole seminar becomes a Mein Kampf against the impulse of walking out or committing suicide. I believe they should alleviate the situation by doing what Santa Claus is doing. There is a Santa Claus in every lecturer and why not let him out? It levels the playing field: students who have reliable tips have an advantage over those who don’t. Moreover, they get back their students and their charges, I’m sure, will return the flavor of writing them a glowing review in the End-of-Course Assessment. Lastly, I personally would welcome the move. I don’t like to sit through a lecture in an overcrowded room.

Meanwhile, since my University embodies the spirit of corporatism, it is therefore interested in earning more revenue. I have a few splendid solutions. One way to earn higher profits is to cut costs.

Instead of assigning a lecturer to each class, why not remove the non-Santa Clauses? Empirical data has effectively demonstrated that students would ‘jump class’ to another if they perceive i) their lecturer is boring ii) the other lecturer is more interesting and likes to give tips. If the University can find more lecture halls and theatres to dump a few classes in, surely this is a viable and lucrative option.

Assuming one lecturer charges $150 per hour, a three hour seminar costs $450. Multiply that by 6 for a 5 credit unit module and the total teaching costs amount to $2,700 per class. This is a substantial amount. If there are ten lecturers for one module, and if you reduce the ‘dead weight’ by half, then the University saves $13,500 per module! As there are easily 20 modules in a Business degree, multiply this by 20 and the figure becomes an impressive $270,000! As the Business School (faculty) offers over 20 different degree courses, $270,000 x 20 will yield $5,400,000! Do the same thing for other faculties and the overall figure may hit 20 million dollars!

Santa Clauses aside, we wouldn't mind having these as well...

The problem is finding more lecture halls. If I am not wrong, the University is expanding its compound. The new wing/building should comprise lecture halls ONLY. One may argue that this drastically reduces the quality of the education the University provides. There are less opportunities for students to interact with the lecturer and group-forming for assignments would be troublesome because nobody would know whom his classmates are. Again, ditch the rule that students can only from groups with his classmates. We are talking about HOLISTIC education here! Why impose unreasonable restrictions? Wouldn’t students benefit from working with people from different fields and courses? The world is becoming a global village, and the University should recognize this and embrace heterogeneity, even though this may take the form of cross-faculty interaction.

Fears of students receiving a substandard education is unfounded. It is unfounded because it is simply irrelevant. When have the University concerned itself with the welfare of its students? After the government subsidies were announced, the University cancelled the free refreshments for its part-time students. If I am not wrong, it also raised the school fees. Not concerned with this windfall, it has continued to provide students with notes and case studies that are riddled with errors. A few are so poorly written I dare say I wrote better when I was in primary school. Not satisfied with our already excruciating workload, the University even makes us do video presentations and demands that we submit these video files online. When the system inevitably collapsed, we had to submit our video file in a CD (which we had been doing prior to this ridiculous requirement.) The University cares for its students?! I have seen a hyena show more due care and diligence to a piece of carcass!

Why bother about us students? We are just commodities. We pay money and the University gives us our degree so that we can use it to make more money. It is simple economics. Supply and demand. Back to the ‘right-sizing’ of its lecturers. After the non-Santa Clauses have been made redundant, the remaining ones will be Santa Clauses and if they give their hints and tips with wild abandon, there should be no reason why students will not pass. Indeed, the high passing rate would encourage prospects to enrol in the University. With the increasing demand for places, the University can use this as an excuse to further increase the course fees. Again, supply and demand rules. Also it might be cheaper for the University to rely more on lecture halls rather than classrooms. I don’t know how much it costs to rent a classroom in SP, NP or BMTC, but less reliance on classrooms may provide opportunities for cost-cutting.

By reducing the incurred costs and increasing the revenue, the corporation will improve its annual turnover substantially. This translates to more bonuses for senior management and the increased expansion will lead to more jobs being created. The enhanced reputation of the corporation resulting from the improved passing and graduation rate creates a goodwill which although is intangible, cannot be understated. This leads to more profits and the improved success rate of this paper mill to churn out graduates will allow them to overtake SMU, NTU and NUS as the de facto standard of education in Singapore. Success will beget success. Today Singapore, tomorrow the world. In 50 years’ time who knows? The galaxy, the universe! Truly, a cosmopolitan education hub!

Take me to your...university.

Martial Arts

Our first martial arts practice started off in an introductory spirit. All four of us have different martial arts backgrounds. Although the Liang brothers and their friend BQ were from the same school (Southern Chinese wushu), the latter has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do while XR practiced taiji and XH dropped off practice altogether. I, with my ‘Northern’ instruction, was the oddity.

We talked and demonstrated what we learned from our respective training before practicing some basic defensive moves. It was obvious that we were poor technically and tactically. XH and XR’s master only taught them the skills but not the applications. Among us, BQ is probably the best technically – he sparred when he was in Tae Kwon Do - only because the rest of us are mediocre. While my master teaches me applications, I have had little chance to practise as I have been lacking a sparring partner for the past five years. If it came to a real fight, we would probably be relying on speed and instinct rather than technique.

This deficiency highlights the inferior standard of martial art instruction in Singapore. A real instructor like my master would probably lose his students to other ‘masters’ who are much better at marketing but suck at coaching. If a master drives his students hard, they are likely to leave. If he doesn’t, they will not improve. It’s a catch 22 situation.

To compound the problem, the prevalence of the ‘contemporary’ system has eroded the practicality of the martial arts. Take for example, the Korean art of Tae Kwon Do. In tournament fights, competitors are not allowed to kick below waist level and punches to the face is prohibited. (In a real fight they would be dead in no time.) Overemphasis on grading further exacerbates the problem. It is not uncommon for a student to win a ‘double promotion’, especially at the lower levels, when a student goes for his promotion test. Black belts are a dime a dozen – you can earn one in two years, regardless of actual fighting ability.

In wushu, the problem is worse. Although pugilists have always learned their martial arts through repetitive routines, there has been a schism in recent times. Nowadays, wushu means the demonstration of martial arts routines in tournaments where judges assess competitors in how ‘technically perfect’ their performances are. The sabre – it is called a Chinese broadsword now – has become a thin foil of mental shaped like the real thing, and which makes a slapping noise when you ‘thrust’ it in a certain way. If there is a strong wind, it can bend outrageously. Other weapons have become lighter, shorter and less durable. The first two facilitate the performance by drastically reducing the skill and strength required to wield it. The last stems from a lack of need for the ‘weapon’ to be sturdy (nobody is going to war with it.) In my opinion, many of those contemporary – or should I say contemptible – martial artists can never wield a real melee weapon without embarrassing themselves.

A real sword DOES NOT bend like this.

I had heavier and thicker toy swords when I was a kid.

Sanda has been invented to give wushu a more practical face. In antiqued times, pugilists settled their differences on the leitai. A fighter set up a raised platform and issued a challenge to all comers (a more formal invitation would be made if a master from a school wished to challenge his rival in another.) A winner was declared when he either rendered his opponent dead or unable to continue, or succeeded in forcing him off the stage. It was a no-hold barred contest, any technique could be used to strike any part of the body. A severe maiming was not uncommon, although deaths were rare.

Its modern version has done away with the raised platform and replaced it with a modern boxing ring complete with ropes and turnbuckles. (Mats are increasingly used.) Safety guards are wore by the competitors and certain parts of the body, such as the throat and the back of the head may not be struck. While this is still a step-up from the ludicrous leg-swinging fight farces that characterize Tae Kwon Do and Karate tournaments, it is apparent that the essence of wushu has been diluted. True, the concept of sanda may have preserved a great deal of combat applications in the Chinese disciplines, on the flip side it has contributed to the growing dichotomy between Chinese pugilists. If you practise wushu, you are assumed to just focus on ‘flowery techniques’ with little combat value. A sanda or kungfu man – sometimes these are synonymously used – is one who actually fights. The former has weapons training in his repertoire, whereas the latter is more like a street-fighter, who needs none of those ‘outdated’ stuff. (We have guns and bombs now.)

This schism becomes a multiple facture when you consider that joint locks and restraining techniques are excluded from sanda fights, for fear of inflicting serious or fatal injuries. A sanda exponent is likely to end up as a hit-and-bang boxer, powerful in his punching and kicking but suck at the art of qin-na. He risks being a one-dimensioned fighter.

Although Qin Na is an extremely specialized skill, traditionally all Chinese pugilists, regardless of style were trained in it to some degree. All the kicks and punches would avail you not if someone had you in a choke hold or you wished to restrain a criminal. Joint locks allow one to decapitate an opponent without the risk of accidentally killing him. The knowledge of human anatomy – so important when executing a lock or hold – enables one to gain a keener appreciation of the martial arts and in turn, help one become a better fighter.

I wonder how many Chinese martial artists these days are fortunate enough to be able to appreciate the massive repertoire that wushu boasts. Very few I fear, and the numbers dwindle as we speak. Misinformation and poor coaching methods contribute to the deterioration of the art. For example, the media has been promulgating ad nauseam the saying ‘Southern punches Northern kicks’, which implies that a pugilist trained in the Southern tradition only likes to deliver powerful punches and blocks while his more flighty Northern counterpart will always use lightning fast kicks. Balderdash!

All Chinese martial arts are based primarily on hand techniques. The hands are much varied in their usage, able to grab, poke, punch, thrust, slap, scratch, palm, lock, or hold a weapon. It would be sheer stupidity not to focus on utilizing the hands to the fullest extent. On the other hand, the legs serve a complementary role. They are used to evade an attack by dodging or put a fighter in a better position to attack. Pugilists, particularly those of a more Northern ‘persuasion’ still kick, but in general kicks are aimed below belt level, and rarely to the head, high kicks are not executed unless absolutely necessary. If you miss with a punch and have your wrist grabbed, you still have a decent chance of breaking free. If you execute a spectacular flying kick and miss, your fight could be over in a heartbeat.

In a real fight, a ‘Southerner’ will make sure his stance and footing are rock solid, close in and bludgeon his opponent with his fists. In comparison, a ‘Northerner’ may combine his punches with kicks and use footwork to shift in and out rather than go toe-to-toe. He will never throw high kicks with the wild abandon of a Tae kwon Do exponent in a modern tournament fight. While this is a crass generalization (a Southerner may like to kick more and vice versa ), Chinese martial arts, despite its countless fighting styles, are surprisingly similar in substance, even through they depart significantly in form. Yong Chun (Wing Chun, as it is the fashion these days), with its distinctive low kicks and close hand (body) contact, is in reality just another style in the Southern tradition, and not a separate stream in itself. The problem with many martial artists is that they see their style/system/school as unique and superior; they close their mind to the existence – and virtues - of others and overlook the weaknesses inherent in their own. With such closed minds, progress is impossible.

If we view the Southern and Northern traditions as separate entities, then what of the sheer difference in the number of styles - a conservative estimate puts the number at 400 for the whole of the Chinese martial arts – contained in each? Shall we split and atomize them further? By not breaking free of conditioned thinking and stereotyping, we have failed to see the wood for the trees. Let us reconcile them as a whole and appreciate the vastness of their repertoire! Let there be no discrimination, so that meaningful exchanges can occur amongst different styles.

Undesirable coaching techniques militate against the progress of wushu. I have heard of instructors who only drill their students on the taolu, or routines. When requested by their students to demonstrate actual applications, these ‘masters’ would inevitably brush off the request by insisting that students achieve a certain proficiency before they are allowed to learn the applications. The reasons? For fear of them getting into a fight, and more absurdly, that learning actual applications will ‘dilute’ their technical knowledge. I wonder if the real reasons are more sinister – perhaps the instructor doesn’t know how to use them?! If so, how could he be able to demonstrate? Even assuming he knows the techniques and is willing to teach, by the time he does so, most or all of his senior students would have been so disenchanted and would have left the school.

Some masters don't even need alcohol.

Many modern wushu instructors do not emphasize on physical training. They either mistakenly believe that techniques will beat brute force and speed or feel it is too unimportant to warrant their attention. While I understand the difficulty of packing in physical training in a two hour long martial arts class, surely instructors should remind their students of the importance of developing themselves physically. After all, the most skilful of fighters would be useless if he does not have the strength or speed to execute his skills. The horse stance, which is the most basic of strength training methods, may not even feature in some classes. The myopic view of some martial arts practitioners adds to the problem. I have had two Yong Chun practitioners who assert that my Northern discipline is too reliant on speed and that I would not be able to use it when I am old and weak. Therefore, Yong Chun is a superior martial art because it does not rely on strength and speed.

Try hitting this with your bare hands.

I find it laughable on two counts, the first of which I have already mentioned. The second is that Yong Chun students do spar with the wooden dummy (to condition their reflexes and toughen their arms) and practise with heavy iron bands wore over their forearms as a strengthening exercise. Every martial art, regardless of the ‘softest’ (taiji), the highly ‘technical’ (Qin Na and Yong Chun) or the most brutal (iron fist/palm) requires prerequisite physical attributes and to deny this fact is a sign of ignorance.

Excessive demarcation of styles, overemphasis on asthetics and an abandonment of physical training should not take precedence over diligence, practicality and technique. Neither should a myopic view of one’s style’s superiority, a selfish desire to hoard knowledge, and an intellectual failure of not assimilating knowledge and putting it in real applications curtail the preservation and continual progress of the Art.

We will be practicing again this Sunday. The guys will be bringing a punching/kicking pad and a guard so we actually get to strike something solid rather of just hitting air. I hope we quickly finalize the exact mode the training will take. Also, we are looking for female participants. (No, we are not desperate.) We might have a girl with us and we need a female sparring partner for her. If you are female and interested or know anyone who is, please drop me a message in the Hate Mail or email me at tarterus@hotmail.com and I will get back to you shortly.

A Meaningful Friday Night

Police Car returned from Thailand with stories to tell. He said that he got himself a girlfriend. He had been patronizing the message parlors every night when he was there. I enquired as to the price of whoring and he was only too happy to elaborate.

On average a massage costs 250 baht and ‘special services’ amount to roughly 1,000. The ‘fish tanks’ are beautifully designed and prettier still are the merchandise they stock. For a reasonable rate of 1,900 to 2,100 baht, you get to pick your ‘fish’, and enjoy your meat in a well furnished and comfortable room. They do not rush you. Two hours is more than sufficient for an invigorating bath, a soothing massage, deliberate foreplay and hot no-hold barred sex. The whore is usually friendly, and even after the sex, will keep you company until the clock is up.

Contrast that to the local scene. Here a massage costs $20 to $50; special services are charged at a rate of $60 to $100. (Note: The figures given are based on the general market rate. Very cheap or more expensive packages are not reflected.) The fish tanks are usually no bigger than the size of a very small kitchen, and the merchandise they stock often vary in quality, even amongst the same batch. A common package costs $50 for a time of 25 minutes. Another popular package charges a price of $100 – you get 50 minutes and the whore gives you a massage before the sex.

This data shows that it is more value for money to go whoring in Thailand.

His business report apart, Police Car also made some very astute observations. He contrasted Thailand women to their Singapore counterparts. (Note: Police Car is referring to normal ladies, not whores.) Anyway, his points include:

Thai girls are much friendlier. Getting the phone number of a pretty Thai girl you see on the streets or in the pub is as easy as ABC. Police Car claims that the success rate is 10 out of 10. In Singapore, you would should count yourself lucky if the girl you approach doesn’t give you a suspicious/dirty look, regardless her decision.

Thai girls are also prettier. In his words, our women ‘look like shit, still want to act high-class.’

Also related to the foregoing, Thai girls smile and make friends easily, without reservations. With our girls, it’s touch and go and their attitude can really stink.

Thai girls like to meet guys from other countries. To simply dismiss them as gold-diggers is making an unfair assumption based on discrimination. Police Car said that they don’t like guys from their own country because they have a propensity to get drunk and beat their partners. This claim was also seconded by an ex-friend. Singapore girls, on the other hand, prefer foreigners because they are perceived to be richer and more romantic. Sarong Party Girls, or SPGs for short, are the archetypal Singapore gold-diggers, utterly crass and all out for money. In short, Thai girls vs. Singapore girls is often a simple case of safety and security vs. wealth and glamour.

You never need to teach a Thai girl how to do housework. They are brought up to be responsible and hardworking. Singapore girls are like spolit princesses. Many do not even know how to cook; and baulk at doing even a bit of housework. They like to splurge on themselves but do not contribute much to the family. In fact - this is my view – that Singapore girls should be made to serve National Service to make them learn not to take their good fortune for granted.

Police Car said that he missed Thailand. Who wouldn’t? He suggested that we should get Chicken and organize a trip there sometime soon. A splendid idea! I trust that a few days out of Singapore should improve my health.

After Chicken arrived we went to Geylang. This place is heaven on earth. The bustling crowds, overfilled coffee-shops, brisk traffic and lovely night scenery reminds one of the old Chinatown. Neon lights of all colours bathe the dark lorongs. The whores and their ‘managers’ clamored for attention. Altogether these awaken a spirit that has been suppressed and lain dormant for too long. GL is a town that never sleeps. A town where people from all walks of life and dispositions congregate to celebrate the vibrancy of life itself. GL is the blood and soul of the land. Its truth cannot be denied, its face displays its scars of sleaze, desperation and grit proudly. Why should it be ashamed?! They gave it character! The existence of GL is a blight upon this infertile land, a desecration of the hypocritical morals from which we have fashioned our own yokes, its striving chaos mock our deliberate, insipid and hopelessly staid system, and is certainly the sole redeeming feature in our otherwise soulless and inhumane motherland.

Chicken, Police Car and I started the night at the bridge, as per our custom. In the first alley we walked, we were accosted by $30 whores. We espied a few who were surprisingly pretty, but chose not to take up their offer. After window-shopping in a few fish tanks, Police Car settled on his favourite girl in his most-oft frequented fish tank. (If the proprietor had any business sense, he should give him loyalty benefits.)

While our friend had his pleasure, Chicken and I enjoyed a leisurely stroll in the heart of GL. The quality of the Indonesian goods had deteriorated. The lady-boys looked as revolting. The Chinese merchandise of the three main price categories, $60, $80 and $100 maintained their usual variety and standards. (Not all goods made in China are bad.) Chicken and I took a rest behind Darlene hotel, which is the de facto ‘Central Business District’ (CBD) in GL. The best of the Chinese goods were right behind the CBD. The few whores standing there were among the most seductive among their sisters. While shooting the shit, Chicken and I also ogled these angels. If only every woman looked like that there would be no frustration.

After a while we walked back to find Police Car. We saw him just as he was emerging from the fish tank. As expected he had exceeded the timing and had to pay double.

‘The first 20 minutes the girl showed me the photos she took. Yesterday was her birthday,’ Police Car explained, ‘After that we do and she told me that I make her feel very shiok, unlike the other guys.’

Chicken and I rolled our eyes in disbelief. I hope they don’t get married so soon.

So the three of us walked around. We showed Police Car the sights that he had missed, and it goes without saying that it was quite an enjoyable exercise. Chicken couldn’t find the auntie who sold the delicious China cakes but in life you win some you lose some.

We returned to the back of the CBD area. Chicken excused himself to make a phone call to his Chinese squeeze while Police Car and I admired the scenery. Some time into our conversation I saw two familiar faces. Blong and Magneto seemed equally surprised to see us. We settled down and made small talk. They soon moved off to wherever they had intended to go.

They returned soon afterwards, and suddenly they quickly got up and sat a few metres from us. At first I couldn’t understand what had happened but as I saw a whore walk purposefully towards the pair, realization dawned. She started to chat with them and I could make out words like ‘it’s you’, and ‘coincidence’. Obviously Blong and Magneto had fun with the same whore before. That makes them ‘sperm brothers’.

I applaud their impeccable taste. She is really very beautiful. If I had money I wouldn’t mind taking my pleasure with her. She could have been a model and should be one. Standing at 5’ 7”, her movements are graceful and her deportment elegant. The black slinky outfit she wore accentuated her lithe and curvy figure and flaunted her enticing cleavage. Her legs are porcelain smooth; a man could run his hands along her creamy thighs all night. Her pretty face is a portrait of coquettishness, her knowing eyes tempered by hard experience. Indeed, most models in Singapore should look upon her and weep.

Chicken went over to the trio after he finished his phone conversation. They joked briefly. Then we bid farewell to Magneto, Blong and the whore. We went to a roadside restaurant along some obscure street and had supper. Although Chicken and I didn’t see any action, we quite enjoyed our Friday night. I had skipped my class for this and I never regretted my decision. I find the cloying voices of the whores as they call out to prospective clients more preferable – and meaningful – to the mumblings of my university lecturer.

Cute Little Quiz

This is long overdue. Take the quiz.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

People dislike me because I’m straightforward to the point of being brutally honest. I will try to listen to both sides of an argument only when I do not have a vested interest in its outcome . Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink. As far as I’m concerned, my side does not emerge without the toilet paper.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

All guys judge a girl by her looks. Would you prefer to look at Jessica Simpson or Ho Ching? While I admire intelligent people, I wouldn’t mind if they are good looking as well.

For the attractive part, no comments.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

I don’t need to know a person very well before I commit myself to a sexual relationship. I just require her to be pretty, free from disease, willing, and most importantly, female.

As for relationships of a more ‘lasting’ nature, I don’t really care. I like her for what she is, not what she was.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

I don’t believe in wasting my time with imbeciles, ingrates, the evolutionary regressed, parasites, vindictive bastards and other undesirables.

I believe in lust at first sight. If the lust survives long enough the love can come. While I’ll fall deeply and beautifully in love, I’ll still continue to lust deeply and beautifully at any tantalizing hussy who comes within my sight.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

I can’t wait to get out of that flophouse of a university. Even the ruins in Afghanistan would be more aesthetically pleasing than the hostile scenery I see when I go for class.

Who else but a bloody Singaporean wouldn’t want to earn his own keep and be independent? This quiz states the obvious.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

I have little chance of doing any of them because I have the misfortune to be born in this stinking cuntry. My focus (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with it. I was thrown into a field which I absolutely hate and have no aptitude for. I couldn’t do sports professionally because I had no chance to receive formal instruction. Writing for money is rewarding, but I don’t have any ‘relevant’ qualifications and it’s likely what I write would land me in hot soup. I don’t mind risking my life as a mercenary – join the army, see the world – but Blackwater employs Americans. Even the French Legion is no more. In a nutshell, I’m fucked.

Understanding the root cause of my trials and tribulations I have therefore decided to make emigrating my profession and life goal. It will be the most rewarding career ever.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

I’ll bear that in mind should I decide to drop out of school.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Nobody likes to survive on charity. I hate being helpless; it’s a fate worse than death. What is life without independence?

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

I have as much energy as the zombies in The Land of the Dead. Whatever confidence I had had been shattered a long time ago and no amount of psychological resurrection can bring back what I lost. These days I don’t really care. Confidence is just bravado sugar-coated. The more you try to be confident, the more you are fucked.

The last two lines can be summed up: I’m just restless.

A Beautiful Thursday Morning

I early spat out my coffee in disgust when I saw Andy Ho’s column in the Shite Times. In his highly laughable article ‘Why the Pope is not Entirely Wrong about Condoms’, this grotesque popinjay argues that while condom use has drastically reduced the HIV infection rates among sex workers in countries like Thailand, it might not be as useful in Africa, where the infection rate is high in the community, not just among a portion of the population. Because of this, abstinence is more effective than promoting the use of condoms. Andy Ho claims that in Uganda, a country which was the worst hit in HIV infections, promoting abstinence and having support groups have reduced HIV infections. He then went out to denounce the effectiveness of secular organizations, and in particular, the failure of one such group, in combating HIV infections.

Perhaps fearing pubic outcry, Andy Ho stops short of saying condoms do not prevent sexually transmitted diseases. However, his restraint does not disguise some facts which are immediately apparent to the discerning reader. First, as a ‘senior writer’, Andy Ho is incompetent and in this article demonstrates his ineptitude in addressing key issues in a balanced and logical fashion. Second, he is absolutely shameless. If I were Andy Ho, I would resign from my post. How can anyone with a shred of conscience and decency justify his position as a professional writer when he produces such balderdash?! Third, he fails to recognizes the instinctive need for sex. People are going to have sex regardless of what the Pope says and to claim abstinence and fidelity as the sole preventive measure - however implicit he puts this message across – is nothing short of myopic and selectively so. Fourth, the success of Uganda in combating AIDS by promoting abstinence and family values does not render condoms ineffective. Fifth, his assertions that secular organizations that promote condom use are not so effective in Africa because of ‘different’ circumstances do not hold water. I would argue that if it hadn’t been for the work of these secularists, the infection rates would have been much higher. Sixth, studies have shown that condoms prevent sexually transmitted diseases and it would be a crime against humanity if their use is not promulgated. Seventh, the HIV virus can also be transmitted through intravenous drug use and from mother to child. Overemphasis on the abstinence message stupidly overlooks other aspects of the same problem and will inevitably pervert efforts to combat this disease. Eighth, over the years, some Christian and Catholic priests have been telling their congregations that condoms do not prevent HIV infection. This has surely contributed to many deaths. Andy Ho conveniently neglects to mention this in his hopelessly skewed article and instead, takes the easy route of bashing secularism. Ninth, the Pope and his Church can hardly consider themselves to be a role model of abstinence, fidelity, virtue, chastity and celibacy when they cannot even keep their own priests from buggering altar boys. Indeed, religion has no right to intrude in the realm of science, given its propensity to make unverifiable claims and in return render no true attempt in justifying their postulations. Last but not least, just as safety helmets do not reduce complacency and self-preservation in the face of danger, promoting condoms do not negate abstinence and fidelity.

My reading and breakfast were interrupted by a persistent knocking at the door. I answered it and saw two haggard bag ladies. The older one had a pamphlet. Behind her stood her friend, who looked younger but no more attractive.

Faced with this depressing scenery I looked at them and said, ‘Yeah?’

‘Do you speak Chinese?’ Old Bag asked in Chinese.

I immediately guessed their intent and nodded.

‘Do you want to know more about God – ‘

I interrupted her and said harshly in Chinese, ‘There is no god in this world.’ The ingratiating look on her wrinkled face turned into one of dismay. Her friend was taken aback.

‘Go!’ I dismissed them as I would a dog.

The pair turned to knock at my neighbors’ door – they are Muslims – and I became more fed up.

‘Don’t befuddle the public with your wicked lies!’ I ordered, ‘Go!’ I then closed the door.

My heart was thumping wildly when I returned to my seat. I had to take deep breaths to calm myself. Adrenaline raced through my veins and at that moment I saw how much I hate religion.

I told Earthworm to write a column to rebut Andy Ho. He can publish it in his school publication. He said he would read the article first.

‘Why the Pope and Andy Ho are Hopelessly Wrong about Condoms’ Any takers?

Scumbag Billionaire

The world sucks. Smile.

To the idiots at Mad... Keep up the good work!



Coming to a Business school near you.

True Literature

Our schools should teach de Sade. Shakespeare and Moral Ed classes should be consigned to the trash bin. After all, are not all universal moral principles idle fantasies?

Marquis d'Sade - Dialogue between a Priest and a Dying Man (1782)

PRIEST - Come to this the fatal hour when at last from the eyes of deluded man the scales must fall away, and be shown the cruel picture of his errors and his vices - say, my son, do you not repent the host of sins unto which you were led by weakness and human frailty?

DYING MAN - Yes, my friend, I do repent.

PRIEST - Rejoice then in these pangs of remorse, during the brief space remaining to you profit therefrom to obtain Heaven’s general absolution for your sins, and be mindful of it, only through the mediation of the Most Holy Sacrament of penance will you be granted it by the Eternal.

DYING MAN - I do not understand you, any more than you have understood me.

PRIEST - What's that?

DYING MAN - I told you that I repented.

PRIEST - I heard you say it.

DYING MAN - Yes, but without understanding it.

PRIEST - My interpretation -

DYING MAN - Hold. I shall give you mine. By Nature created, created with very keen tastes, with very strong passions; placed on this earth for the sole purpose of yielding to them and satisfying them, and these effects of my creation being naught but necessities directly relating to Nature’s fundamental designs or, if you prefer, naught but essential derivatives proceeding from her intentions in my regard, all in accordance with her laws, I repent not having acknowledged her omnipotence as fully as I might have done, I am only sorry for the modest use I made of the faculties (criminal in your view, perfectly ordinary in mine) she gave me to serve her; I did sometimes resist her, I repent it. Misled by your absurd doctrines, with them for arms I mindlessly challenged the desires instilled in me by a much diviner inspiration, and thereof do I repent: I only plucked an occasional flower when I might have gathered an ample harvest of fruit - such are the just grounds for the regrets I have, do me the honor of considering me incapable of harboring any others.

PRIEST - Lo! where your fallacies take you, to what pass are you brought by your sophistries! To created being you ascribe all the Creator’s power, and those unlucky penchants which have led you astray, ah! do you not see they are merely the products of corrupted nature, to which you attribute omnipotence?

DYING MAN - Friend - it looks to me as though your dialectic were as false as your thinking. Pray straighten your arguing or else leave me to die in peace. What do you mean by Creator, and what do you mean by corrupted nature?

PRIEST - The Creator is the master of the universe, ‘tis He who has wrought everything, everything created, and who maintains it all through the mere fact of His omnipotence.

DYING MAN - An impressive figure indeed. Tell me now why this so very formidable fellow did nevertheless, as you would have it, create a corrupted nature?

PRIEST - What glory would men ever have, had not God left them free will; and in the enjoyment thereof, what merit could come to them, were there not on earth the possibility of doing good and that of avoiding evil?

DYING MAN - And so your god bungled his work deliberately, in order to tempt or test his creature - did he then not know, did he then not doubt what the result would be?

PRIEST - He knew it undoubtedly but, once again, he wished to leave man the merit of choice.

DYING MAN - And to what purpose, since from the outset he knew the course affairs would take and since, all-mighty as you tell me he is, he had but to make his creature choose as suited him?

PRIEST - Who is there can penetrate God’s vast and infinite designs regarding man, and who can grasp all that makes up the universal scheme?

DYING MAN - Anyone who simplifies matters, my friend, anyone, above all, who refrains from multiplying causes in order to confuse effects all the more. What need have you of a second difficulty when you are unable to resolve the first, and once it is possible that Nature may have all alone done what you attribute to your god, why must you go looking for someone to be her overlord? The cause and explanation of what you do not understand may perhaps be the simplest thing in the world. Perfect your physics and you will understand Nature better, refine your reason, banish your prejudices and you’ll have no further need of your god.

PRIEST - Wretched man! I took you for no worse than a Socinian - arms I had to combat you. But ‘tis clear you are an atheist, and seeing that your heart is shut to the authentic and innumerable proofs we receive every day of our lives of the Creator’s existence - I have no more to say to you. There is no restoring the blind to the light.

DYING MAN - Softly, my friend, own that between the two, he who blindfolds himself must surely see less of the light than he who snatches the blindfold away from his eyes. You compose, you construct, you dream, you magnify and complicate; I sift, I simplify. You accumulate errors, pile one atop the other; I combat them all. Which one of us is blind?

PRIEST - Then you do not believe in God at all?

DYING MAN - No. And for one very sound reason: it is perfectly impossible to believe in what one does not understand. Between understanding and faith immediate connections must subsist; understanding is the very lifeblood of faith; where understanding has ceased, faith is dead; and when they who are in such a case proclaim they have faith, they deceive. You yourself, preacher, I defy you to believe in the god you predicate to me - you must fail because you cannot demonstrate him to me, because it is not in you to define him to me, because consequently you do not understand him - because as of the moment you do not understand him, you can no longer furnish me any reasonable argument concerning him, and because, in sum, anything beyond the limits and grasp of the human mind is either illusion or futility; and because your god having to be one or the other of the two, in the first instance I should be mad to believe in him, in the second a fool.
My friend, prove to me that matter is inert and I will grant you a creator, prove to me that Nature does not suffice to herself and I’ll let you imagine her ruled by a higher force; until then, expect nothing from me, I bow to evidence only, and evidence I perceive only through my senses: my belief goes no farther than they, beyond that point my faith collapses. I believe in the sun because I see it, I conceive it as the focal center of all the inflammable matter in Nature, its periodic movement pleases but does not amaze me. ‘Tis a mechanical operation, perhaps as simple as the workings of electricity, but which we are unable to understand. Need I bother more about it? when you have roofed everything over with your god, will I be any the better off? and shall I still not have to make an effort at least as great to understand the artisan as to define his handiwork?
By edifying your chimera it is thus no service you have rendered me, you have made me uneasy in my mind but you have not enlightened it, and instead of gratitude I owe you resentment. Your god is a machine you fabricated in your passions’ behalf, you manipulated it to their liking; but the day it interfered with mine, I kicked it out of my way, deem it fitting that I did so; and now, at this moment when I sink and my soul stands in need of calm and philosophy, belabor it not with your riddles and your cant, which alarm but will not convince it, which will irritate without improving it; good friends and on the best terms have we ever been, this soul and I, so Nature wished it to be; as it is, so she expressly modeled it, for my soul is the result of the dispositions she formed in me pursuant to her own ends and needs; and as she has an equal need of vices and virtues, whenever she was pleased to move me to evil, she did so, whenever she wanted a good deed from me, she roused in me the desire to perform one, and even so I did as I was bid. Look nowhere but to her workings for the unique cause of our fickle human behavior, and in her laws hope to find no other springs than her will and her requirements.

PRIEST - And so whatever is in this world, is necessary.

DYING MAN - Exactly.

PRIEST - But is everything is necessary - then the whole is regulated.

DYING MAN - I am not the one to deny it.

PRIEST - And what can regulate the whole save it be an all-powerful and all-knowing hand?

DYING MAN - Say, is it not necessary that gunpowder ignite when you set a spark to it?

PRIEST - Yes.

DYING MAN - And do you find any presence of wisdom in that?

PRIEST - None.

DYING MAN - It is then possible that things necessarily come about without being determined by a superior intelligence, and possible hence that everything derive logically from a primary cause, without there being either reason or wisdom in that primary cause.

PRIEST - What are you aiming at?

DYING MAN - At proving to you that the world and all therein may be what it is and as you see it to be, without any wise and reasoning cause directing it, and that natural effects must have natural causes: natural causes sufficing, there is no need to invent any such unnatural ones as your god who himself, as I have told you already, would require to be explained and who would at the same time be the explanation of nothing; and that once ‘tis plain your god is superfluous, he is perfectly useless; that what is useless would greatly appear to be imaginary only, null and therefore non-existent; thus, to conclude that your god is a fiction I need no other argument than that which furnishes me the certitude of his inutility.

PRIEST - At that rate there is no great need for me to talk to you about religion.

DYING MAN - True, but why not anyhow? Nothing so much amuses me as this sign of the extent to which human beings have been carried away by fanaticism and stupidity; although the prodigious spectacle of folly we are facing here may be horrible, it is always interesting. Answer me honestly, and endeavor to set personal considerations aside: were I weak enough to fall victim to your silly theories concerning the fabulous existence of the being who renders religion necessary, under what form would you advise me to worship him? Would you have me adopt the daydreams of Confucius rather than the absurdities of Brahma, should I kneel before the great snake to which the blacks pray, invoke the Peruvian’s sun or Moses’ Lord of Hosts, to which Mohammedan sect should I rally, or which Christian heresy would be preferable in your view? Be careful how you reply.

PRIEST - Can it be doubtful?

DYING MAN - Then ‘tis egotistical.

PRIEST - No, my son, ‘tis as much out of love for thee as for myself I urge thee to embrace my creed.

DYING MAN - And I wonder how the one or the other of us can have much love for himself, to deign to listen to such degrading nonsense.

PRIEST - But who can be mistaken about the miracles wrought by our Divine Redeemer?

DYING MAN - He who sees in him anything else than the most vulgar of all tricksters and the most arrent of all imposters.

PRIEST - O God, you hear him and your wrath thunders not forth!

DYING MAN - No my friend, all is peace and quiet around us, because your god, be it from impotence or from reason or from whatever you please, is a being whose existence I shall momentarily concede out of condescension for you or, if you prefer, in order to accommodate myself to your sorry little perspective; because this god, I say, were he to exist, as you are mad enough to believe, could not have selected as means to persuade us, anything more ridiculous than those your Jesus incarnates.

PRIEST - What! the prophecies, the miracles, the martyrs - are they not so many proofs?

DYING MAN - How, so long as I abide by the rules of logic, how would you have me accept as proof anything which itself is lacking proof? Before a prophecy could constitute proof I should first have to be completely certain it was ever pronounced; the prophecies history tells us of belong to history and for me they can only have the force of other historical facts, whereof three out of four are exceedingly dubious; if to this I add the strong probability that they have been transmitted to us by not very objective historians, who recorded what they preferred to have us read, I shall be quite within my rights if I am Skeptical. And furthermore, who is there to assure me that this prophecy was not made after the fact, that it was not a stratagem of everyday political scheming, like that which predicts a happy reign under a just king, or frost in wintertime?
As for your miracles, I am not any readier to be taken in by such rubbish. All rascals have performed them, all fools have believed in them; before I’d be persuaded of the truth of a miracle I would have to be very sure the event so called by you was absolutely contrary to the laws of Nature, for only what is outside of Nature can pass for miraculous; and who is so deeply learned in Nature that he can affirm the precise point where it is infringed upon? Only two things are needed to accredit an alleged miracle, a mountebank and a few simpletons; tush, there’s the whole origin of your prodigies; all new adherents to a religious sect have wrought some; and more extraordinary still, all have found imbeciles around to believe them. Your Jesus’ feats do not surpass those of Apollonius of Tyana, yet nobody thinks to take the latter for a god; and when we come to your martyrs, assuredly, these are the feeblest of all your arguments. To produce martyrs you need but to have enthusiasm on the one hand, resistance on the other; and so long as an opposed cause offers me as many of them as does yours, I shall never be sufficiently authorized to believe one better than the other, but rather very much inclined to consider all of them pitiable.
Ah my friend! were it true that the god you preach did exist, would he need miracle, martyr, or prophecy to secure recognition? and if, as you declare, the human heart were of his making, would he not have chosen it for the repository of his law? Then would this law, impartial for all mankind because emanating from a just god, then would it be found graved deep and writ clear in all men alike, and from one end of the world to the other, all men, having this delicate and sensitive organ in common, would also resemble each other through the homage they would render the god whence they had got it; all would adore and serve him in one identical manner, and they would be as incapable of disregarding this god as of resisting the inward impulse to worship him. Instead of that, what do I behold throughout this world? As many gods as there are countries; as many different cults as there are different minds or different imaginations; and this swarm of opinions among which it physically impossible for me to choose, say now, is this a just god’s doing?
Fie upon you, preacher, you outrage your god when you present him to me thus; rather let me deny him completely, for if he exists then I outrage him far less by my incredulity than do you through your blasphemies. Return to your senses, preacher, your Jesus is no better than Mohammed, Mohammed no better than Moses, and the three of them combined no better than Confucius, who did after all have some wise things to say while the others did naught but rave; in general, though, such people are all mere frauds: philosophers laughed at them, the mob believed them, and justice ought to have hanged them.

PRIEST - Alas, justice dealt only too harshly with one of the four.

DYING MAN - If he alone got what he deserved it was he who deserved it most richly; seditious, turbulent, calumniating, dishonest, libertine, a clumsy buffoon, and very mischievous; he had the art of overawing common folk and stirring up the rabble; and hence came in line for punishment in a kingdom where the state of affairs was what it was in Jerusalem then. They were very wise indeed to get rid of him, and this perhaps is one case in which my extremely lenient and also extremely tolerant maxims are able to allow the severity of Themis; I excuse any misbehavior save that which may endanger the government one lives under, kings and their majesties are the only thing I respect; and whoever does not love his country and his king were better dead than alive.

PRIEST - But you do surely believe something awaits us after this life, you must at some time or another have sought to pierce the dark shadows enshrouding our mortal fate, and what other theory could have satisfied your anxious spirit, than that of the numberless woes that betide him who has lived wickedly, and an eternity of rewards for him whose life has been good?

DYING MAN - What other, my friend? that of nothingness, it has never held terrors for me, in it I see naught but what is consoling and unpretentious; all other theories are of pride’s composition, this one alone is of reason’s. Moreover, ‘tis neither dreadful nor absolute, this nothingness. Before my eyes have I not the example of Nature’s perpetual generations and regenerations? Nothing perishes in the world, my friend, nothing is lost; man today, worm tomorrow, the day after tomorrow a fly; is it not to keep steadily on existing? And what entitles me to be rewarded for virtues which are in me through no fault of my own, or again punished for crimes wherefore the ultimate responsibility is not mine? how are you to put your alleged god’s goodness into tune with this system, and can he have wished to create me in order to reap pleasure from punishing me, and that solely on account of a choice he does not leave me free will to determine?

PRIEST - You are free.

DYING MAN - Yes, in terms of your prejudices; but reason puts them to rout, and the theory of human freedom was never devised except to fabricate that of grace, which was to acquire such importance in your reveries. What man on earth, seeing the scaffold a step beyond the crime, would commit it were he free not to commit it? We are the pawns of an irresistible force, and never for an instant is it within our power to do anything but make the best of our lot and forge ahead along the path that has been traced for us. There is not a single virtue which is not necessary to Nature and conversely not a single crime which she does not need and it is in the perfect balance she maintains between the one and the other that her immense science consists; but can we be guilty for adding our weight to this side or that when it is she who tosses us onto the scales? no more so than the hornet who thrusts his dart into your skin.

PRIEST - Then we should not shrink from the worst of all crimes.

DYING MAN - I say nothing of the kind. Let the evil deed be proscribed by law, let justice smite the criminal, that will be deterrent enough; but if by misfortune we do commit it even so, let’s not cry over spilled milk; remorse is inefficacious, since it does not stay us from crime, futile since it does not repair it, therefore it is absurd to beat one’s breast, more absurd still to dread being punished in another world if we have been lucky to escape it in this. God forbid that this be construed as encouragement to crime, no, we should avoid it as much as we can, but one must learn to shun it through reason and not through false fears which lead to naught and whose effects are so quickly overcome in any moderately steadfast soul. Reason, sir - yes, our reason alone should warn us that harm done our fellows can never bring happiness to us; and our heart, that contributing to their felicity is the greatest joy Nature has accorded us on earth; the entirety of human morals is contained in this one phrase: Render others as happy as one desires oneself to be, and never inflict more pain upon them than one would like to receive at their hands. There you are, my friend, those are the only principles we should observe, and you need neither god nor religion to appreciate and subscribe to them, you need only have a good heart.
But I feel my strength ebbing away; preacher, put away your prejudices, unbend, be a man, be human, without fear and without hope forget your gods and your religions too: they are none of them good for anything but to set man at odds with man, and the mere name of these horrors has caused greater loss of life on earth than all other wars and all other plagues combined. Renounce the idea of another world; there is none, but do not renounce the pleasure of being happy and of making for happiness in this. Nature offers you no other way of doubling your existence, of extending it. - My friend, lewd pleasures were ever dearer to me than anything else, I have idolized them all my life and my wish has been to end it in their bosom; my end draws near, six women lovelier than the light of day are waiting in the chamber adjoining, I have reserved them for this moment, partake of the feast with me, following my example embrace them instead of the vain sophistries of superstition, under their caresses strive for a little while to forget your hypocritical beliefs.

NOTE

The dying man rang, the women entered; and after he had been a little while in their arms the preacher became one whom Nature had corrupted, all because he had not succeeded in explaining what a corrupt nature is.

Religion is a Disease.

The original article can be found on the BBC.




France chastises Pope on condoms

Pope Benedict meets Cameroon's president, Paul Biya, and his family

The French foreign ministry has voiced "sharp concern" following the Pope's rejection of condom use to fight Aids.

Benedict XVI, who is on a tour of Africa, said handing out condoms only increased the problem of HIV/Aids.

The Roman Catholic Church says marital fidelity and sexual abstinence are the best way to prevent the spread of HIV.

But France, echoing the reaction of some aid agencies, said it "voices extremely sharp concern over the consequences of [the Pope's comments]".

"While it is not up to us to pass judgment on Church doctrine, we consider that such comments are a threat to public health policies and the duty to protect human life," foreign ministry spokesman Eric Chevallier said.

The Pope arrived in Cameroon on Tuesday at the start of his week-long African tour.

"A Christian can never remain silent," he said, after being greeted by President Paul Biya.

HIV/Aids was, he argued, "a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which can even increase the problem".

The solution lay, he said, in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer".

But some activists were dismayed by the approach, saying condoms were one of the few methods proved to stop the spread of HIV.

Rebecca Hodes, of the Treatment Action Campaign in South Africa said: "His opposition to condoms conveys that religious dogma is more important to him than the lives of Africans."

Some 22 million people are infected with HIV in sub-Saharan Africa, according to UN figures for 2007.

This amounts to about two-thirds of the global total.

Shameful! Absolutely Shameful!

My University is like the Catholic Church. They screw others. They screw themselves.

ECA

IMPORTANT INFORMATION FOR ECA SUBMISSION

1. Take note of the cut-off-date for submission of ECA (for courses conducted in English Language). Refer to Student Handbook Section 8.1: Submitting your end-of-course assessment (ECA).

2. Ensure that all required files (appendices, attachments, etc) are submitted online BEFORE the cut-off-date.

3. Avoid last minute submissions as heavy network traffic may be anticipated.

4. Check that you receive an email notification option of a successful assignment submission.

Cut-off Date: 17 MAR 2009, 1200Noon (REVISED)

The cut-off date was originally on the 16^th of March, but they revised it. UniShit could have saved themselves lots of trouble if they had not implemented this pointless ECA and its equally meaningless video presentation.

I don’t know why in Gehenna we have to do a video presentation for our final assessment. We are only part-time students. We have work, family and other obligations to concern ourselves with. The online quizzes, group projects and self-study are taking up even more of our already limited time and it is downright irresponsible for UniShit to impose even more workload on already stretched students. Hell, not even full time business students have to do bullshit like this!

If UniShit could make it compulsory for us to take Effective Communications to learn academic writing, I don’t see why we are not taught how to do presentation when we are obliged to present ourselves on camera! Very few of us actually have to do presentations, let alone an online presentation in our professional life. We may be working adults, but that does not mean we are Toastmasters instructors!

We are not even allowed to use cue cards or read from notes for our video presentation. Again, this is an incredible and ridiculously unreasonable burden for poor Business students to bear. Even a brilliant speaker like Professor Richard Dawkins, an authority in his field and with over thirty years of teaching experience, uses PowerPoint and refers to his notes when he lectures. Some of our lecturers, who are of course subject material experts in their own right, cannot even articulate themselves properly. So what makes UniShit think that students can do any better?! We are not even Mass Communications or English Language students for Christ’s sake!

Come project submission time, UniShit’s infernal system tends to cock up. Knowing well the limitations of their substandard IT, why do the management still make people submit their video online when previously it was the procedure for students to submit their work in a CD? It does not take a rocket scientist to realize that when your system can crash with document files, it will definitely screw up with video files added in. We are not just talking about a ‘mere’ file size of 100mb or less for each student. Multiply that a thousandfold and we are talking about hundreds of gigabytes of data flooding into a system which is already notoriously dodgy! Can anyone with a decent intelligence not expect it to FAIL?

Just pay the management bananas.

Extending the dateline does not solve the problem. On hindsight, a competent management should have realized how stupid and futile their decisions are. Obviously that the management in the School of Business consists of chimpanzees and Neanderthals who don’t understand what is really going on apart from their need of bananas and fire-making. They should all be sent to a school for ‘special persons’ or better still the zoo. They can have all the bananas they want and I promise to throw them a few coconuts when I visit the whole pathetic lot at the Mandai Zoo.

On Sunday I spent an hour submitting my written report, PowerPoint presentation and the video file online. The written report took only a minute or so, although I had to resubmit the PowerPoint presentation a few times. My video (close to 100mb) took nearly half an hour to upload itself into the University system. The system told me to wait; the video was being processed and that I would receive an email confirmation. I was to follow the instructions in the email if I wanted to submit a new copy.

I don’t know what email they were talking about but I didn’t receive any email for any of my three submitted files.

I logged on to check this morning and guess what I saw?

“There is error when processing previously submitted assignment.”

Now, I am certain that there isn’t any problems with my video file. I am able to play it on RealPlayer and Windows Media Player. There are no problems with the image and the sound is audible and free from noise. Therefore UniShit has screwed up yet again.

I called the technical support and I told the guy in no uncertain terms that I would not be given a fail grade because of their stupid system. He said some students are encountering difficulties submitting their video online so UniShit has now allowed us to submit the video personally to the administration block.

They posted this sorry message up a few hours later.

Top of Form

Bottom of Thu, Mar 12, 2009 -- Extension of submission of [name of course]

Dear [name of course] students,

In view of the difficulties in the ECA video submission for some students, the school has decided to extend the ECA deadline to 17 Mar 09 (Tue), 12 noon.

For students who encounter video uploading problems, please contact [technical team] for assistance BEFORE the deadline of 17 Mar 09, 12 noon.

Blackboard Helpdesk Team’s Email : [email]

Blackboard Helpdesk Team’s Contact : [number] (Press ‘2’)

[school]

Yesterday I received two messages on my handphone informing me that I could submit my CD to the University. When I logged in today, guess what I found?

Video Submission

---

Dear [course], [course], [course] & [course] students,

Firstly, we would like to apologise for difficulties that you have encountered over the online video submission.

To avoid further problems until the current difficulties are resolved, students who have yet to submit their video online successfully, please revert to CD submission at [address] before 7.30pm, starting from today till 20 March 09 (Friday), 7.30pm .

Please be assured that there will be no late penalty imposed for video submission done by 20 March 09 (Friday), 7.30pm .

For students who need assistance on CD creation, please bring along a blank CD, and proceed to [address] at the following timeslots:

---------------------------------------------------------

17 March 09: 5pm – 9pm

18 - 19 March 2009: 3pm – 9pm

---------------------------------------------------------

Therefore, to summarise CD submission can be made at the following date, time & venue:-

1) 17 March – 19 March 09

- before 7.30pm submit to [address] counter

- between 7.30pm and 9pm submit to [address]

2) 20 March 09 before 7.30pm submit ONLY to [address]

(Please note that [address] is only opened from 17 March 2009 till 19 March 2009, 9pm.)

Kindly note that this special arrangement is only applicable for video submission, all Reports and Powerpoints have to be submitted online and by the stipulated due date and time (i.e. 12 noon).

Thank you for your understanding.

[School]

My, how gracious of them! How considerate!

Why am I not surprised?

From the University’s online Discussion Board:

“Topic: tips for ECA (End of Course Assessment) Name Date/Time

Topic: tips for ECA (End of Course Assessment) Name Date/Time

Topic: tips for ECA (End of Course Assessment) Name Date/Time

Topic: tips for ECA (End of Course Assessment) Name Date/Time

Topic: tips for ECA (End of Course Assessment) Name Date/Time

Topic: tips for ECA (End of Course Assessment) Name Date/Time

……….”

I counted thirty-one posts from the ‘tips for ECA’ thread.

I am not violently against people who choose to plagiarize, but I hope these people had shown some intelligence. If they want to collude with one another, at least have the good sense NOT TO ADVERTISE! Like other universities, UniShit takes an ‘officially’ strong stance against collusion and plagiarism. Doing a shitty part-time course is bad enough. Please do not give the damn management a chance to clamp down on students and make our existence more miserable.

We don’t’ need more imbeciles when the School of Business has more than adequately filled the imbecile quota normally required for institutions of this nature.

They are everywhere.