The English teams must love Singapore. When they cannot win anywhere else they can always count on beating Singapore. They came in 2001 and managed an unconvincing 2:0 win. ManUre came in the same year, played their goalkeeper on the left flank and whipped the hosts 8:1. Judging from the capacity crowd in the National Stadium, you would have thought that the Shite were the home team. When the Analfield anthem “You Will Never Walk Alone” was played, it inspired more reaction from the crowd than what our national anthem could ever have. Not surprising of course. Half the crowd were probably not from Singapore anyway, the same way the Shite are from Norway.
Although the scoreline suggested a convincing victory, the Shite were far from comfortable in breaking down an initially resolute opposition. This bodes well for their Premiership and European rivals. In the footballing sense, the Shite have no culture. The ManUre are famous for their attacking wing play, Chelski for their physical and defensive play, the Arse for their pretty passing football and Everton for their work antics and discipline. It is hard to pinpoint the essence of their football. To call it boring is too charitable. Boring is at least a recognized style. They are as inconsistent as a woman who is having PMS. No wonder they are so supported in Singapore. Like the Shite, we have the money but no culture to speak of. They are like a suffrage national side to us, although I must say that as a decent football fan and reasonably intelligent human being, I support neither.
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While the Pussies got creamed 5:0, we went one goal further. To call our performance abject would have been a gross understatement. Words cannot adequately describe our ineptitude, so I shall make use of some numbers here.
Teamwork: 1/10
With nearly all our better players unavailable, we were forced to bring in reinforcements. We didn’t know one another from Adam and our positioning and passing were about as hesitant as that guy from 40 Year Old Virgin trying to score in a club.
Fitness: 2/10
Half the team are in their early 20s, and none of us are below 30. To blame our lack of endeavor on the hot weather would be a travesty of the truth. If our opponents could zip around with energy, I don’t see why we were so zombified.
Goalkeeping: 2/10
As our first choice keeper was injured, we were forced to put our left wing (who had some experience in goal) between the sticks. He could have saved the long range efforts which were fired straight at him. We swapped another player after he had enough. He gave a more convincing display, but our goal kicks were still shite.
Defence: 3/10
Our full-backs were very weak runners. Getting beat for pace is one thing, but the lack of harassing and tacking from them were disappointing. The right-back was particularly atrocious. He basically left the wing empty with his zero positioning sense and his sprinting resembled jogging. Our centre-backs weren’t so bad. At least they did some things right.
Midfield: 2/10
A disgrace. The right winger was a weakling and he kept staying inland instead of hugging the flanks. Obviously he was too unfit and slow to be of much use. The left winger, or rather our sub, was better. The centre-midfield, of which I was a part, were basically outnumbered and chasing shadows. We could have offered our keeper more protection, but we didn’t have much protection from our partners either.
Attack: N/A
We could not muster a shot on target. Our forward(s) were starved of the ball. They could have dropped back to collect the ball but this category is about attackers and not midfielders.
Overall: 2/10
We should have been more negative. My friend said that it was useless punting the ball aimlessly upfield. We did that in the first half and trailed 2:0. In the second half we tried to pass the ball more and shipped four. There is nothing with negative football. Chelski under Mourinho did that to great effect. Stoke City escaped relegation on the back of some very unappealing and agricultural football. Italy won three World Cups with a strong defensive culture. Smaller and less skillful teams cannot swashbuckle their way like the big teams and the best thing is to do the simple thing and stop the opposition from playing. Nothing wrong with this tactic.
It would have worked for us, if our wingers were half-decent. Just punt their ball to the corners and get them to fight for a corner or throw in and try to sneak a goal from these situations. If I had my way I would have played a 4-1-4-1 formation. Four defenders, one anchorman, two strong defensive centre midfielders and two strong runners who are ready to burst forward, plus a striker who will hold up the ball and make a nuisance of himself. Eight defending with three in attack. If we can’t score, neither will they. People keep saying that clearing the ball, defending en masse and punting it high up in the air are not playing football, but I beg to defer. If this is not football, how come it is allowed?
Four games this year. Two catastrophic losses and two hard-fought victories. How cute.
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