Integrity? No Such Thing!

Manicure II
I need a fresh manicure. Some of my nails are out of shape, and one has chipped. All that scratching during my sleep has caused some damage. My nails grow very fast. Cats scratch their claws to keep them short and sharp. Likewise, to maintain my nails, I should file them regularly.


Financial Planning
I received my marks for my Financial Planning module. 81 marks is pretty good for the nonsense I wrote and submitted. I can’t wait to finish the second assignment and be done with the course. This course is useless. Can you truly plan for the future? All that financial projections, so-called benefits and ‘wealth management’ schemes that will mature in thirty years’ time will avail you not should you die in a road accident the next day. Why deprive yourself of the things you could have done if you had not invested all that money? To the Hells with tomorrow and what happens after we die. We only live once. Make the best use of it.

A common sales script used by a ‘financial planner’ and its ilk goes something like this: By not doing financial planning (meaning buying insurance and other schemes), we would be doing our loved ones a disservice when we die and they are left bereft. This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. It does not take a rocket scientist to see the fallacy of this argument. First, as aforementioned, we are depriving ourselves of a life should we set aside that amount of money. Second, if we apply this to every generation, then it follows that each generation will be living under self-imposed debt and restrictions. Third, even you live long enough to get that massive payback, will you be able to truly enjoy it when you are weakened with age, suffering from poor, eyesight, hearing problems, muscle aches, world-weary to the bone and waiting to die? Fourth, there are many things that could have happened in the meantime. You could get married. The contraceptives could fail and suddenly you are a parent when you haven’t even planned for it. If you are in business, you can get sued for breach of contract law. A million and one things and that damn piece of financial report your insurance agent gets you to sign will never cover them all. Fifth, the insurance company can collapse. Look what happened to big corporations during this economic crisis! Lehmann Brothers wiped out, AIG had to survive on handouts – taxpayers’ money – and who knows if AIA or Prudential can go under tomorrow.

Nothing is permanent and lasting anymore. No more job security, marriages are now mere contracts, and in this new world, to claim you can plan for anything is downright ridiculous.


Job Seeking
If you are looking for employment and do not want to be an insurance agent, I recommend you take these job ads with a pinch of salt:

Management Trainee/Consultant
Relationship Manager/Executive/Consultant
Relations Manager/Executive/Advisor/Consultant
Telemarketer
Financial Manager/Executive/Planner/Advisor/Consultant
Telesales (with/without the word executive after telesales)
Sales and Marketing Trainee/Advisor/Executive/Manager/Consultant
Associate Manager/Executive
Wealth Management Trainee/Associate/Manager/Executive/Consultant
Wealth Care Manager/Executive/Consultant/Advisor/Associate
Business Trainee/Associate/Manager/Executive/Consultant
Sales Trainee/Associate/Manager/Executive/Consultant
Marketing Trainee/Associate/Manager/Executive/Consultant

Also beware of:

Earn [insert astronomical sum] in [insert ridiculous timeframe].
21 years old at least, 4 ‘O’ level passes (These are the entry requirements for an insurance agent.)
No experience needed.
ORD personnel welcome.
Fantastic projections. Examples include: Achieve Financial Freedom!, Manage Your Own Time/People/Money.

The list is not exhaustive. When in doubt, please contact the representor for further details.

An insurance agent may justify their prevarication with the argument that they are doing ‘creative advertising’ or ‘marketing’. After all, an insurance agent is also ‘managing relations’ and ‘wealth management’, so there is nothing wrong with their advertisement. They are not out to con anybody.

That may be true. In that case, why don’t hookers call themselves ‘ relations manager’? Are they not managing relations? Sexual relations is still relations...

People in the business world (I include insurance, banking, finance and sales) always talk about integrity like their lives depend on it. The word integrity is so overused it has lost its meaning. There is no room for integrity in business. If integrity existed then there wouldn’t be any need for lawyers. Calls for corporate governance would not have arisen in the current economic crisis. The “integrity” in the business world is essentially this: if you can get away with it, it is integrity. Bear in mind that businesses are only concerned with making money. All that social responsibility and holistic approaches are merely rhetoric and nothing more, designed to convey a false sense of morals so that they can use this perceived morals to generate more income.

The next time an insurance agent tries to…ahem, manage relations with you, ask him what does he really want, to enrich your life or to sell you that piece of insurance so that he can meet his sales quotas and look forward to higher pay for that month and that lucrative cashback he gets annually from the policies he sold. There is no need to be nice. If you can ignore the pleas of an old bag selling tissue papers I don’t see why you can’t tell a bloody salesman to put his scams where the sun does not shine. Is there any difference between the uncouth tissue paper peddler and the smartly dressed peddlers?

Of course not. They are both peddlers. They care nothing for you. They just want your money. You are just meat to them, no better than a used condom and a semen-stained piece of tissue paper when the sex is done.