A Male Animal Rants

The Shite Times reports that low-income men are having difficulty getting local specs to be their girlfriends. This is hardly surprising, considering how materialistic our local specs are. One sorry sod, who has a vocational certificate and earns only $1,300 a month, bemoans the fact that specs just aren’t digging into him. While I do not blame the specs - $1,300 is really pathetic – they can be too demanding. There was a quiz last year in which local specs were given the photos of three men (Choice A was the best-looking of the lot, Choice B was average in looks, and Choice C was ugly) and asked to rate them in terms of attractiveness. Choice A naturally was given the highest score, followed by B and then C. The quiz-givers then displayed their salaries: Choice A earned around $2,300, Choice B earned $4,000, and Choice C earned $8,000. The specs were then asked to rate them again. Not surprisingly, Choice C (the ugly one) received the highest score and Choice A got the lowest – a complete reversal of the results. Despite what they claim and how vehemently they argue, it is simply indisputable that sgspecs are money-grabbers and materialistic vain-pots. And you don’t need a quiz or sociological survey to reveal this fact. Sgspecs go on ad nauseam about ‘girl power’, ‘female equality’, ‘equality of the sexes’, ‘Ms Independent’ and all that bollocks, but it is only too apparent that they are insecure and yearn to be taken care of by an automatic teller machine who dispenses cash and Gucci bags. If they are really so confident, they should not pick their partners on the size of their cash flows. How about buying expensive gifts and opening doors for their men for a change? Instead of talking the talk, it would be nice if sgspecs remembered to walk the talk.

Local specs have a maddening tendency to denounce all foreign, or more specifically Asian women from poorer countries as god-diggers, whores, and vixens who are after our money. While this is true in many cases, such blatant generalization is unreasonable and does not befit our local specs, many of whom have high education and impressive professional credentials. Before they point an accusing finger at their foreign counterparts, they should look themselves in the mirror and ask if they are not dissimilar to those they criticize. What is the difference between a spec from China or Thailand who chooses to marry a local bloke to improve her economic circumstances and a sgspec who only goes for local blokes who earn a higher income or a laowai , who is perceived as being richer? Both are motivated by money! Gold-diggers from poorer countries may be less educated and as a result, they are denied many opportunities to improve their economic straits and social status – at least they can use this as an excuse for their mercenary ways. In contrast, many sgspecs are well-educated and have high earning power. Some enjoy promising careers and a few are even high-flyers. I am sure they are capable of looking after themselves, an ability no doubt enhanced by the critical thinking and intelligence their education affords them. What excuse then, has the sgspec for relying on men? Before criticizing foreign hussies for their despicable ways, maybe they should put themselves in their sisters’ shoes (no stiletto heels for these poor wenches, unless provided by the wallets of their sugar daddies) and honestly ask themselves if they will do the same thing (which, in essence, they are already doing). After all, judging by the cloying manner some sgspecs adopt around laowais, I dare say that they are no better than some Vietnamese hussy walking the streets of Geylang!

Sgspecs are losing market share to their Asian sisters and it is not difficult to understand why this state of affairs has come to pass. Sgspecs’ inability to understand market and customer preferences means that they have failed to erect an effective barrier to entrants to safeguard their market space. Mistakenly believing themselves to be highly attractive due to their education, they have overlooked the fact that high education is of little relevance to the needs of their customers (local blokes) and in some ways, a high education is an unwanted commodity that only serves to lower their market attractiveness. Most modern specs demand their men to be more educated and earn more money than they do. Given that many females these days have at least tertiary education, they are effectively pricing themselves out of most of the market. In addition, a high education does not improve a spec’s ability to be a supportive, caring and gentle girlfriend and in some cases, it may even make her think that she is some kind of rare and protected breed, causing her to adopt a ‘princess attitude’, demanding this and that from all males and not just her boyfriend and throwing little bitch fits and melodramatic tantrums to get her way. We blokes are indoctrinated from young to look after our mates. Even though our mates may earn more than we do, it does not really matter for most of us. (I leave the gigolos out.) We do not expect to live off our women anyway.

Esteemed works such as The Satanic Bible recognize that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Few things beat the joy of knowing that your loving girlfriend or wife is taking time and effort to prepare a scrumptious meal for you. Such a simple gesture is very endearing indeed. Sadly, many sgspecs do not even know how to whip up a decent meal, preferring to eat out or rely on their maids or mother to cook for them. Many women are busy with their careers but surely it will not kill them to cook once in a while to pamper their men. A man will not be motivated to go home when he knows that all he gets every time is some slop prepared by the maid or worse, no slop at all. Instead of making themselves more attractive by learning to do some feminine chores, they disguise their inadequacies by criticizing us for not knowing how to do the housework and that we aren’t independent! Incredible! We males go through at least two years of army training, during which we suffer through countless stand-by-beds* and area-cleanings. We know how to mop or sweep the floor, windows, and even the ceiling. We know how to wash our own muddy clothes and we can do it without using a fucking washing machine. And we definitely know, at the very least, how to cook a packet of instant noodles or boil an egg, and wash the utensils afterward – no thanks to our outfield training – and to say that we are incompetent around the house is simply disgraceful! The same cannot be said for some of our ‘precious and delicate specs’, who will complain of melting in the sun when they have to walk from one bus stop to another!

As I have stated, what blokes really want is a caring and supportive girlfriend. Of course if possible we would like her to be beautiful. (We always get stick from females about this ‘shallowness’. A spec who seeks a rich bloke for a husband or boyfriend is exercising her goddamn prerogative. A bloke who asks for a pretty girlfriend is a shallow bastard. Double standards, double standards…) If sgspecs cannot satisfy our needs, we have to seek alternatives in the form of cnspecs, vcspecs, and myspecs! If we are being despised by our own women, some of whom now prefer Europeans and Americans, it will be unfair for us to retain our brand loyalty to a brand that does not reciprocate our loyalty and provides us with no customer satisfaction. Just look at Nokia. They have been losing market share and revenue to Samsung and Apple, and Chinese manufacturers because they are stuck in their own bubble and are making little effort in making their products more appealing to their customers. To borrow from Nokia’s CEO, Elop, sgspecs are like a man on the platform of a burning oil rig in the middle of a freezing ocean. However unappealing the icy waters may be, he has to jump. It is time that sgspecs appreciate the situation they are in and take measures to make themselves more attractive to their customer segment. They shouldn’t think that there will always be laowais for them to hook up with. The reality of globalization means that many foreign competitors will find it easier to enter the market. They will have attributes which are superior to sgspecs’ and traits which are more attractive to both laowais and locals. For example, specs from Vietnam and Thailand are prettier and more submissive. Chinese and Hong Kong specs, although materialistic, are smarter and prettier. Sgspecs, do not think for a moment that you are the centre of the universe or that your degrees and your careers and your cars and your ability to speak English make you irresistible. The world are catching up and it is time for sgspecs to go back to basics and truly understand that despite what the trash columnists in Cleo, Her World and all the fucking rubbish fashion mags say about what guys want, we are really simple in our needs: a caring and supportive girlfriend. (Of course, being pretty is an advantage but not a must - sounds like a job ad, I know.) We definitely do not like a high-priced spoilt princess! And if I may inspire some hope in sgspecs, the majority of local blokes still prefer a sgspec for their girlfriend. The ball is in your court, ladies.

Having said that, would I go for a sgspec? NO.I am only interested in specs from Hong Kong, Taiwan or China. Most local specs do not appeal to me and some of them are quite repulsive. I like beautiful women and local specs are generally inferior to the aforementioned specs in terms of looks. If you insist that these foreigners are gold-diggers and only interested in money, let me ask you: because of their monetary requirements in a prospective mate, aren’t local specs materialistic as well? Let me use an analogy. Nokia phones and iPhones have the same basic functions. They allow you to text-message and make calls, and may break down just after their warranty periods have expired. You know that you are paying a steep price for the Nokia or Apple phone you purchase and are therefore in a way ‘overcharged’ and ‘screwed’ by both companies, but you know that the iPhone lets you surf the internet, play Angry Birds, use Google Map, and download all kinds of fun stuff from iTunes whereas the Nokia phone gives you a lousy interface (you need to navigate through layers and press a few buttons before you get to the application you want), a Ovi Map that does not work, applications you never need, unplayable ‘bouncing balls’ and ‘racing cars’ games and a boring Ovi Store, any reasonable person will choose a iPhone over a Nokia phone. (To digress, I am getting rid of my Nokia phone and getting a iPhone. (Bye bye Elop, hello Jobs!) Likewise, I am given two materialistic wenches to choose: a sgspec (not pretty), and a cnspec (pretty) and I know they are screwing me for my money, of course I will take the pretty one! I am not daft!

To round it up, if you are a Shitholer bloke and cannot get a local spec to be your girlfriend, do not feel sorry for yourself. You have lost nothing. If you are a foreigner who likes sgspecs, please take them all. You have my gratitude.




* Stand by bed - In the military, this is an inspection of the barrack’s cleanliness by a superior, which is usually done after the poor soldiers or recruits have spent a few hours or more on cleaning the barracks until not a single speck of dust remains on all surfaces. Given that the barrack is not in a clean-room, this is an impossible task and the inevitable failure leads to punishment, usually in the form of harsh scoldings and press-ups ‘sessions’ but can also include re-stand by beds, the awarding of extra duties and confinements.