Old Mates

This week I met my old mates from the military for late night slop. While in the car we naturally shot the shit and Fatty was grumbling about how crap the military is, and Heehee, as usual, was a bit slow on the uptake but contributed some wisdom to our conversation.

I launched into a tirade about how overrated Shitholer women are, punctuating my arguments with observations from personal experience and that of others. In particular, I highlighted the sad fact that in the boudoir, our women generally behave like dead fish. This struck a chord with Fatty, and he was moved to say, “At first I thought it was the fisherman’s fault, but after trying several kinds of fish, I realized that it was not the fisherman, but the fish.”

It was nice to know that Fatty and Heehee had grown in stature since the last time I saw them. Fatty is leaving the military in two months’ time and has adopted a heck-care attitude in his hairstyle. I also saw in his eyes a growing frustration that could only have come from understanding what life is truly all about. As for Heehee, he is slowly shedding his squeaking clean image and embarking on a path of libertinage.

We soon reached our destination, a restaurant situated at the back streets of Bugis which sell bean curd and other soy products. We have patronized this slop house before and we saw the usual groups of foreigners. While eating our bean curd, we ogled the scenery and talked about our existence. We may be around thirty but we sounded much older, considering the nature of our topics necessitated the shredding of any residual idealistic notions. We talked about Heehee’s whoring, how existence is getting impossible in this shithole and in general the grumbling and cussing that are requisite to such conversations.

There were a bunch of young foreigners of indeterminate nationality seated at a nearby table. Wherever they hailed from they were on average physically superior to Shitholers, although half of them were hardly more aesthetically pleasing. I sneaked peeks at one of them from time to time. She had a fine rack and as they finished their slop and walked away, I was interrupted briefly from our interlocution by her well-endowed midfield. My mates laughed and I knew at that moment, that I was in fine company.

Continuing where we left off, we discussed further about the merits of women from various nationality. We came to the conclusion that it would be logically feasible, sexually necessary, and morally responsible to take the “international” route when it comes to women. We also talked about how shitty existence in this shithole is and again, I could not restrain myself from blasting our regime and arguing for the moral necessity of being a responsible parent by not becoming one. Fatty told me that I am still as negative as ever but it takes an ostrich to bury its head in the sand and pretend that all is well and unlike my cuntrymen and women I definitely am no ostrich. The infuriating thing is that when you tell the truth, people don’t want to hear it and say you are ‘negative’ or ‘cynical’. When you pretend nothing is wrong and the whole damn world is rosy, you are the worst liar because not only do you lie to everybody you also lie to yourself. If you cherry-pick and filter out the bad things and focus only on the good things, you are no bigger than a man who is addicted to the bottle. What is wrong with saying that something bad is really bad? It’s intellectually upright and a breath of fresh air. When you tell the ugly truth and complains about it, people can’t take it. They dread confronting their deepest fears and resentments. They do not want their hopes to be extinguished. How sad.

A cultured man myself, I inquired as to where he found his contact. Heehee advised me to check out the forums in www.laksaboy.com. He told me that a potential client may peruse the pictures at his leisure, and if he is satisfied with the specification and pricing of the products, he can make arrangements to complete the transaction, usually in a hotel room. These escorts are mostly Tom Yam ($100), although if you are willing to pay more ($160 upwards), you can take your pick from the Kim Chis and Natashas. Should you be one of those crazy buggers who are willing to pay for Shitholers, the prices range from 70 to 260 bucks. I am appalled that these brazen hussies would dare to overprice themselves. Surely, most of them are not even worth $40.

By the time we finished our slop, it was midnight and we decided it was time to retire. We decided to meet up again another day. On the way back we saw two damaged cars. Apparently the driver of the car at the back had thought he was Lewis Hamilton and banged his conveyance into the back of the car in front. . Nobody died however. I took down the car plate numbers for my investment. I am not sure if I won, but maybe if I won and in sufficient amount, I’ll allocate a fair portion of it to my ‘relieve stress’ fund.



A day after we had slop, I talked to Heehee on MSN. I asked him about his new-found hobby and the topic inevitably diverted to his girlfriend. Hearing him speak of FLs with such enthusiasm, I asked him about his girlfriend if he is happy with her. He said that he has to be careful with all the late nights because being one ‘smart lady’, she is suspicious of his late-night outings with his friends. I was appalled and told my friend in no uncertain terms what I thought of her controlling ways. Surely she goes out with her girlfriends?! Heehee replied that she very rarely goes out at night, except when she is with him. He added that when I see him come online I should be discrete. She shares his MSN account and I should exercise caution. Even more disgusted, I tried my damn best to persuade him to break off this relationship but he failed to see the errors of his ways. And it emerged that they have been together and still haven’t even been intimate with each other.

I had never heard of such a dysfunctional relationship. Although he believes that she has all the qualities he looks for in a wife, I am not convinced of the wisdom of continuing this relationship. For one thing, they aren’t getting it on in the bedroom, and she insists on remaining “untouched” before marriage. This kind of ridiculous and prudish attitude, while common among xtians, is quite unusual in a non-xtian, particularly in today’s wanton culture. Also, the fact that his ex-girlfriend broke off with him for no apparent reason demonstrates how unreliable Shitholer women are in love. You will get more loyalty and commitment from a lap dog than you would an average Shitholer woman. Stupid as they are, dogs usually don’t go AWOL on you when you need them and you never have any doubt regarding their commitment, slobbering and smelly their drool may be. Shitholer women, on the other hand, are fickle, liable to go emo on you without the slightest provocation and are perpetually undecided on everything.

Heehee told me that he has invested thousands of dollars and a great deal of time and effort on her over the past three years, and he will get back nothing if he gives her up now. I explained to him the concept of escalation of commitment and how it is an impediment to good decision-making. He replied he would take the risk. In reality, there is hardly a risk when you know either outcome cannot be considered beneficial. Even if they get married, I am sure he will continue to employ the excellent services of FLs, since by his own admission, he is ‘addicted’. Why not admit that he is a libertine by nature and follow his inclinations? Besides, the amount she has spent on him is less than one-eighth of what he has splashed on her. I am not implying anything, but my friend has a car and is willing to allocate resources on her. Rich ‘carrot head’ he may not be, but a carrot head nonetheless. I have no idea what how ‘wifey’ she can be, but if being wifey means to make comments when he goes out with his mates at night, then maybe she is wifey indeed. And despite what he says about making a dead fish a live one, I do not put much store in his ability to resurrect the dead, especially considering after three years together they still haven’t seen much of each other’s inner beauty.

Being the good friend that I am, I shall continue my efforts in getting him to regain his bachelorhood. I trust my care and concern for his welfare will enable him to see the light.