Just Some Talk

My mate informed us that the footy at Sentosa this Saturday is cancelled because our organizer got into an accident. This really sucks. There must be something wrong about the people I played/am playing football with. One ended his miserable existence; another died in a motorcycle accident, one sustained injuries sufficiently serious to keep him out of a two-year work attachment in the US; and another continues to strike the ball with the outside of his foot so much his ankles are permanently weakened. The injured and dead notwithstanding, my former teammates were the worst kind of whoresons to emerge since Vinnie Jones’ The Crazy Gang - but without the physicality to complement a violent team temperament. Red cards, fights, fitness problems, lack of commitment and technical application characterized our play and precipitated our heavy defeat in many a match. The current mobs had less or more of the aforementioned deficiencies; with an added emphasis on in-group collectivism, selfishness, stupidity and aesthetical inferiority (I don’t mean the standard of football here). Maybe I should take up golf.



I have finally bought my shades. I wear them when I have to go outdoors on a sunny day, and at night as well, to protect my eyes from the blinding headlights and lamps. The polarized lenses reduce the glare from reflected light, and I am beginning to prefer seeing through a shade of brown than looking at things with my naked eyes. I would have worn them at the office if nobody minded. I am truly becoming cat-eyed. The night is beautiful, and the darkness is comforting. Ah…the darkness…



While watching Bangkok Dangerous last night, I was struck by how lovely and charming Thai ladies can be, especially if you are a bloke and not a Thai one. Most military personnel who have been to Thailand for military exercises sing the praises of its womenfolk. Some even return to visit their squeezes or carry on long distance relationships via the phone and internet. In the movie, the assassin (played by Nicholas Cage - what an ugly cracker!) had an easy time picking up Charlie Yeung’s Thai character. It may be corny but this happens all the time. If you cannot score with your local lasses, go to the Land of Smiles. I am not implying that the Thai womenfolk are all gold-diggers or sluts but they are really friendly people. A Shitholer bloke who is despised by the generally high-priced, overrated, arrogant, dumb and ugly specimens we call our women will be hot property in Thailand. They love us there. I know blokes who married Thais and to the best of my knowledge, none of them are divorced or contemplating divorce. There are also people who have Thai squeezes and some even go back every few months to see them. Really, Shitholer women do not usually receive such devotion and deservedly so.

In my esteemed opinion, our local lasses should stop reading these shithouse women’s magazines. Hardly an issue goes by without some she-male or ugly wench offering his/her/its idiotic opinions about ‘what men want’ and ‘how to satisfy your man etc’. It’s all bollocks! I mean, what do an effeminate bugger who ejaculates through the back door know what real men want in their women? If you are a gay who is reading this and feels offended, that is your own problem. I am a real man while you are not. If you are a feminist, serve the army first before you demand your bill of unequal rights.

What real men want:

1.
No size zeroes please. We do not enjoy humping miniature goal posts.

2.
Let a bloke be a bloke. If you can go on hours about handbags and the bloody Great Shithole Sale, we reserve the right to go crazy over football, cars, and Jenna Jameson.

3.
Learn to cook. One of the ways to a bloke’s heart is through his stomach.

4.
During sex, please ditch your best dead fish impersonation. Most blokes aren’t necrophiles.

5.
If we are career-focused, we are not spending enough time with you. If we are taking things easy on the career path, we are losers. If we are manly, we are insensitive chauvinistic pigs. If we are sensitive new age guys, we are softies. MAKE UP YOUR BLOODY MIND!

6.
The ability to have PMS does not give a woman the right to go crazy on any male and then expect him to apologize for something that was never his fault. Instead of blaming men, blame Mother Nature. Better still; blame yourself for your lack of control.

7.
It is the right of every man to ogle any hot looking hussy who walks past. His interest in her is perfectly natural and does not make him Tight Woods.

8.
Stop castigating local blokes who go after foreign birds. Look at yourself in the mirror instead. We (the male consumers) have a need; they (foreign birds) satisfy our need; you (local women): refuse to /cannot satisfy our need. Therefore, we choose them instead of you. It is simple economics.

9.
Stop bitching about glass ceilings and gender inequality in professional jobs and pay. They do not exist, at least not in this Shithole. If women earn less, it is often because (i) they are not as driven as men (ii) many women are Arts graduates, and compared to other fields, the Arts don’t usually pay that well. In this Shithole, men need to waste two years serving the army while women get a head start in their careers. Some industries, like construction and engineering, are male-dominated mostly because few women choose to take up qualifications in these areas. In human resources, sales, services and administrative roles, there is a real preference for women, especially good-looking ones. In a nutshell, if women want their cake, they have to get it themselves like their male counterparts have been doing since the dawn of history.

10.
Stop wailing about equality. If women want equality, they should (i) volunteer to serve the army with their men (if Israeli women can do it, I don’t see why our own deserves the right to make excuses); (ii) open the door for your guys – it’s not very heavy; (iii) on the first date, insist on paying. Equality for women should not mean inequality against men.