Shoppie!

Seeing that my wardrobe was resembling something from a poor-house, I decided it was time for me to get some nice clothes. Fortunately the Singapore Sale was on, and the Lass and Miao happened to be free.

We first went to Causeway Point. We had a strange lunch at Pastamania, where the waitresses all went about their tasks with the vigor of zombies. It took them three tries to get our orders right. I thought they were paid like $2 an hour.

Then with the Lass leading the way, we went around the shops looking for clothes and other accessories. I bought a pair of sexy cute shoe laces and KIV some other items. When we were in the big departmental store there, XH arrived. I was torn between his fashion advice and the opinions the Lass expressed, but in the end, girl power won. You simply don’t argue with a woman when it comes to fashion. Women run the economy. If the bankers were all women we would never have this stupid economic crisis.

I am babbling – okay XH arrived before we went into the store. We had slop at the food court first. (I am 29 going on 92, so excuse my senility.)

Anyway, I got a brown tie and an office belt at the store. The four of us moved on to more shops. It was not my first time shopping with girls but I am always amazed at the variety of female accessories they sell. Necklaces, rings, bracelets, bands, watches, and other items that defy my understanding. It must be both fun and distressing being a woman. So many things to adorn yourself with, and all the colours must match. All the lovely baubles and sexy clothes. I am astonished that they can still retain their sanity!

After we decided we had enough of Causeway Point, we went to the mall next to Sembawang train station. I bought some T-shirts – okay the mall is called Northpoint – and the Lass and Miao helped me look for stuff. The Lass never stopped giving me advice on what to wear and for that I am really grateful. She found her “cool shoes” in the process of teaching a Neanderthal (that’s me). I hope she will get them eventually.

XH left halfway through our shopping. (Bugger still evades the issue of why he didn’t introduce his sexy cousin to me. Sigh…) The three of us went back to Woodlands and did more “see see look look”. We even had dinner together. I think the girls need to eat more. Youngsters need to grow big and strong.

After we got home, we had a conference, of sorts. I achieved the remarkable feat of taking myself wearing three different pairs of jeans and then submitting the photos to my two female panelists for their assessment. It was quite challenging. From where I placed my camera, a good shot of my legs was impossible without having a chair to elevate myself to the required height. If my Sony camera didn’t have a 10 second delay function, I would have to hop onto the chair and risk breaking my neck from a fall. I have done some crazy shit in my life. One more to add to the list.

We talked until two in the morning and then we met at Vivo City at eleven the next day. The Lass, Miao and I were suffering from sleep deprivation but some slop at Long John’s Silver replenished our energy a bit and we carried on our quest. Along the way we took a peek in another big store (like other BIG stores, its name eludes me). We did some shopping and I got a new wallet. My old wallet of five years had finally cracked at the seams and the timing was right for it to be retired.

While transferring the contents of my retired wallet to the new one, we had a look at each other’s university/poly and identification cards. The people in our photos didn’t resemble us one bit. The Lass and I looked like aunties, and Miao was plumper. They had a good laugh at my military and identification cards. I could never get a date back then, was the blunt of jokes and now that I have gotten my teeth fixed and a steel jaw for my agony, there was a sense of déjà vu that my looks could still elicit some guffaws.
The Lass and I were dying to our friend in a dress so we “psycho-ed” her into trying one. Hell, the woman has a waist women would kill for and she does not wear a dress that much. Heart pain lahhhhh…

Talking about trying clothes, I was quite the mannequin (a “cheapo” one in my opinion). The Lass examined me as an empress would at some rare beast and Miao offered her opinion with the air of a court adviser. It’s actually quite fun being fawned over by women, if I may say so myself. All the changing of clothes and the half-assed poses – I didn’t know it’s so much fun.

The Lass and Miao actually share similar tastes in fashion. I think they should shop together more often. It is a match made in the heavens and consummated in the shopping mall. Oh wondrous! I think there is something evolutionary about this “flocking” behavior but never mind, this is a topic for another day.

I thought I would never get anything red in my existence, given my hatred for my national flag and the Shite (for the uninitiated, this means Liverpool FC). Miao told me I didn’t have to give up red for this kind of reason. It’s a good point, but like my prejudice towards pink, this mindset takes time to change.

Or most of the time anyway. In a department store we suddenly saw some hot ties that made us wail that we didn’t come to the place earlier. And guess what? I got a RED tie. My two advisors saw it was beautiful, and I obeyed. (By the way, it’s really beautiful.) I even think I look irresistible to women if I wear it.

Miao even got herself a nice bag – I would swear it was made for her. And yeah, I also got myself an orange shirt – again, the opinions of my advisors carried much weight. If it hadn’t for Miao and the Lass I would never have been so adventurous in my shopping. If we do this on a regular basis I think I may become one of those metrosexual/ulbersexuals/David Beckham.

During the course of our adventure, I discovered that certain items like the EPILATOR and the TONGUE CLEANER do exist. The latter removes body hair by curling it and then pulling it out. (Why not just use a razor?) And the tongue cleaner – who invented these things anyway? They wanted to show me what this contraption looks like, but it was out of stock. OUT OF STOCK! You mean people actually buy these things?!

I will look like my real height if I bother to stand straight. Miao said I look 5 cm taller. Damn. No wonder people rolled their eyes in disbelief when I said I am 1.8m tall.

This is not related to clothes, but we went to the National Geographic shop. They sell really expensive items and I don’t know if people are crazy enough to buy it. Probably. They are even selling photography done by school students. Why not a photo-spread of Denise Milani then? These high-priced ivory-tower popinjays!

These two days have truly been momentous. I had never gone for shopping two days in a row and to cover the distance that we did and the time we spent, it is nothing short of incredible. I want to thank the Lass and Miao for their indefatigable energy, indomitable spirit, endless patience, excellent advice, and last but not least, being great fun.