I have avoided the drop! Cries of jubilation! The sheer relief! Unbelievable! I checked the table a couple of times. Aye, my eyes did not deceive me, my feverish mind sufficiently clear, barely could I suppress my elation, as I stared at the table again, again and again.
It’s like Hull City all over again. Hopeless for most of the season, unable to lift themselves even on the final day against a second string ManUre side, but they stayed up because their rivals lost. Undeserved, but how they celebrated at the final whistle.
It doesn’t matter how I did it, but I won’t care. The result is all that matters. It has been a long and torturous season. At times I didn’t enjoy the rub of the green. I was blatantly robbed and I could barely rouse myself for the final game, so demoralized I was. I was mediocre, I admit that, but like Phil Brown and all who love Hull City, it doesn’t matter if you play like trash, You can go without a win in 20 matches but if at the start of the season someone told me I would avoid relegation, I would have shaken his hands.
The celebrations will carry on long into the night. The pyrotechnics! The carnival, the dancing girls, the sheer madness and ineffable ecstasy! It had been most improbable, but I have beaten the drop. I shall be playing in the top flight next season. No doubt it’s a self-indulging fest, but hopeless or not, I don’t care. Just let me survive. I am shameless.
Truly, this is better than sex.
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