Thank You for Whoring (A Boxing Day Edition)

I met Chicken at Vivo City for the Xmas countdown. While waiting for him to finish his phone conversation with his Chinese girlfriend I walked around in the shopping mall. There were many people but the festive atmosphere felt manufactured. There seemed to be something wrong in the air. I couldn’t place a finger on it. I was glad when Chicken finally arrived. Vivo City was making me increasingly suicidal.

We decided to drive to Orchard Road to look at the bright lights but it was a bad choice. The roads were jammed and the fuzz had to be deployed to ease the traffic. While we were stuck in the jam, Chicken and I talked. He said he went to his wife’s place to give his son the Xmas gift he bought for him but they weren’t at home. Then his wife messaged him, saying their son was sick and the father had gone missing. It was quite depressing.

We drove to some back road near SMU. Chicken told me he used to go for supper with his yoga instructor (later girlfriend) after the lesson ended. He brought me to a coffee shop nearby and the food was great. There were a lot of people, mostly foreigners. I saw quite a few dollies. Chicken told me that many of these worked the KTV lounges and pubs in the vicinity. Sex and great food complement each other.

After we finished our food, I called Hoo and asked him if he enjoyed his Xmas party. He didn’t say much but from his tone he sounded quite frustrated. I don’t see why a xtian bloke - a particularly desperate one at that - could fail to find himself a girlfriend in his church. Chicken and I felt that it should be quite easy to score in that kind of environment. We told him to meet us at Geylang (GL), much to Hoo’s delight.

The three of us met at the fish tanks and began a leisurely stroll towards Darlene hotel, which can be considered the ‘Central Business District (CBD) of GL. The sights that greeted us were a hundredfold more interesting than what we got in the city area. The fuzz walked alongside disreputable characters and cheap foreign laborers from India and Bangladesh. Ladies of the night smiled at us coyly, their handlers openly extolling the virtues of their merchandise. Voyeurs and men in desperate need of young nubile bodies prowled the streets. The coffee shops were busy, their seating filled to capacity. Noises of traffic, dulcet whispers promising pleasure and the bantering in a dozen tongues filled the air. GL never sleeps.

We walked outside the main thoroughfares, much to the chagrin of our xtian friend. Chicken and I told him to relax. He would get his sightseeing soon. Returning to the main streets, we passed a stretch occupied by Indonesian professionals. They charge S$70 – 75 for their services. We were not interested.

Walking farther, we came to China Street. The three of us leaned against the railings and enjoyed the view of the side street. Most of the merchandise on parade was quite enticing. Their shapely figures were captivating, their smiles and sales script of “lai ma…yao ma?” identical, as were their price of S$100. Hoo started to babble about nothing in particular. Chicken and I ignored him.

The area before Darlene hotel was both the CBD and Tiananmen. A bevy of Chinese beauties stood in rows. Occasionally a bloke would make his purchase. The transaction would take place in a room in one of the hotels nearby. The professionals’ handlers sat or stood as they pleased – and looked out for trouble. Chicken commented for the umpteen time about the quality of our women compared to these Chinese ladies. I had to agree. He said that Chinese women are aesthetically more pleasing because in China the weather is cold (apparently this is better for the skin) and they eat natural fruits and less meat and processed foods. He visited his girlfriend in Shanghai and the food they had were a lot fresher compared to the slop we have in Singapore.

We sat down for a break behind Darlene hotel and continued to ogle the merchandise. There was a buxom and bespectacled Chinese professional seated next to me. She reminded me of a teacher. I smiled to myself. Maybe she teaches by day and earns extra income after classes. To think I am considering pursuing a teaching career. Maybe we will be colleagues one day.

Hoo could take it no more and we directed him to the fish tanks. He was still infatuated with the ‘No. 178’ he had on Saturday. After he went in, Chicken and I took a leisurely walk back to the CBD. We visually inspected the merchandise and discussed the merits of the various rental goods. We were accosted by a couple of the professionals. We politely declined and continued our ogling.

We even bought drinks from the ice cream man besides the Darlene hotel. The old bloke looked quite tired – I thought he had the best job in the world. We moved to the back of the hotel and chilled out. The ‘teacher’ was not around; she was probably giving private tuition. Chicken and I shot the shit and carried on our inspection. There were cars driving past slowly. Most of the drivers and their passengers were either voyeurs or jerks out to make fun of the professionals. They should be more respectful. Their mothers/daughters/wives/girlfriends/sisters could join the industry one day.

To our surprise Hoo joined us not long after we sat down. I had thought he might end up paying an additional $50 for the time extension – it happened to him on Saturday. Anyway, we retraced our steps and my xtian friend said he would never visit such places again. He claimed it is a waste of money and he pitied the girl. (That obviously didn’t deter him from exploiting her however – how very xtian.) Hoo said the same thing after his ang-pow performance on Saturday and I believe he would be back,

You don’t need to be a Dawkins or Hitchens to deconvert a xtian. Just bring him to GL. Rather GL than the church I say!

We retraced our steps and enjoyed our last round of sightseeing. Down the dark alleys we went, the professionals from India, Vietnam, Indonesia and Thailand and their handlers seemed to bid us goodbye. The fuzz were walking around but not arresting anybody. They were keeping the peace very well and I hope they can keep up the good work. In spite of the economic downturn, GL industries continue to maintain profitability. When loyal customers come to get laid despite being laid off, you know that the business model GL operates upon is one of effective customer relationship management (CRM). I believe that GL should be used as a case study in all Business classes. Universities and polytechnics should organize a learning tour for their Business students so that they can relate theory to actual application.



(P.S: Gab just asked me about GL. We discussed about business concepts relevant to managing this industry. It is a pity my university course does not require me to write a thesis. If I were to do one on GL, I would definitely score a distinction. Maybe I will do it, just for fun.)