Everton Horror Show

David Moyes play 4-6-0 against Chelski. Everton ship four goals in first half and two more in the second. The final score? 6:0.

Anichebe and Hibbert start on the right flank against Chelski. All six Chelski goals come from that flank.

“Feed the Yak and he will score,” the fans chant. A well-fed Yak puts on the pounds while his teammates lose weight from covering for him. Besides, on current form, the Yak cannot even score in a brothel.

After hearing Heitinga’s declaration that he would cycle to Barcelona to join them, the reigning Spanish league champions send him a stationery bike.

David “Golden Balls” Beckham rejects a loan move to Everton to play for S-League outfit Tampines Rovers.

Barcelona score after stringing 30 passes. Everton concede a goal after stringing 29 passes and then making the 30^th pass to the opposing striker.

Everton drop into the relegation zone following their dismal collapse at Stamford Bridge.

Former British prime minister and interfaith dialogue facilitator Tony Blair reveals he supports Everton. The news does not surprise the Everton faithful, who have been subsisting on faith that Moyes will grow some brains.

In a desperate move to solve his players’ striking woes, Moyes takes his squad to a Merseyside brothel for team-building over the weekend. The Blues duly lost the game the following day 10:0, citing exhaustion and learning from the ladies that “since we are cunts, we might as well behave like cunts and surrender our cunts.”