A Potentially Tragic Sunday

Everton take on the Shite in an hour and Evertonians are more optimistic than pessimistic. The Shite are in the relegation zone and we are just above them. A loss means that the loser drops into the bottom three. It could be a miserable weekend for either group of fans.

Fellaini, Pienaar, Rodwell, Jags, and Rodwell are out. Most likely the Shite will try to intimidate our boys by kicking lumps out of them in the first ten minutes. That pair of ugly twats Gerrard and Lucas would probably take turns elbowing Arteta and then we will lose our focus along with our pluck and let them attack us. It is a pity Moyes sold Yobo. Heitinga will surely partner Distin in the centre of defence, but it remains to be seen who offers the back four protection.

Osman should be deployed to tidy things up in the centre of the park, as he did so effectively against ManUre last season. Moyes will surely get Cahill to support the strikers, leaving Arteta to spray passes behind them. The left flank is problematic through. Shorn of the excellent Pienaar and Osman (who did a decent job there against Birmingham), the only player who is technically good enough to play there is the Russian enigma Bily, who has been anonymous so far this season. On the right, Coleman adds pace and directness on our much maligned right flank, with possibly Neville defending. Moyes will play 4-5-1 and try to sneak a goal from a set piece. I have been very critical of this formation, but given the circumstances, maybe it is the most viable. If anything, it should allow us to suffocate their midfield and stop them from scoring, even though we may not score ourselves.

This may be the weakest Shite squad in three decades but I do not foresee us twating the bastards. Too often we have bottled it in derbies and this time may not be different. Moreover, our propensity to concede silly goals, coupled with our strikers’ inability to score in a whorehouse, means that we must be delighted with a point.