Ramblings

Everton were humiliated 4:1 at home to mighty West Brom. Next week we are away to Chelski and it is a pity that the local bookmakers are not opening odds on the Toffees playing in the Championship next season. It is not exactly a bad idea if you think about it. At least we will get to lift some silverware for a change. Maybe.

Chicken told me he is having the flu. I urge him to drink more water and ogle at superior specs more often. Studies have shown that men who stare at big boobs live longer in general. Who are we to argue with science?

It seems that more women are taking up dancing these days. Given my lack of scoring opportunities, I think I should start learning. What worries me, however, is that with my two left feet, I will end up doing Peter Crouch’s horrendous ‘robo dance’ goal celebration routine. I don’t think I’m being able to score even in a brothel after the dance instructors refer me to the comedy troupe down the road.

Children should receive the right kind of education. Chicken and I agreed that we should impart to his son the importance of hitting on the right kind of specs. It would be a tragedy if he comes back with a sgspec who wants to be a man. Worse, he might follow Uncle Police Car’s footsteps and be an unwitting carrot to some thspec or vcspec. As guardians we have a sacred duty to our next generation. We shall have slop at GL more often.

Barcelona annihilated Real Madrid 5:0 at the Nou Camp and in the process, inflicted Mourinho’s worst defeat in his managerial career. This is a great result for decency and football. Real are where they are now only because they are allowed to run up huge debts that would have put any other club into administration. Such is the ineffectiveness of their youth academy that without their highly paid foreign mercenaries they would just be on par with neighbours Atletico Madrid.

Contrast these vulgarians to the their conquerors on Monday night. While it is undeniable that Barcelona boasts less than exemplary financial management, their playing style, steeped in history, driven by a passion for aesthetics, powered by the brilliant products of their wondrous youth setup, and ably supported by their talented foreign contingent, is breathtaking to behold. A well and deserved victory for Barcelona!

And Messi is still better than Ronaldo.

My head has been pounding the entire day. I have to learn to take things easy. People are asking me funny questions and half the time I ignore them. This gulag is getting from bad to worse. Sooner or later some champion will step off a ledge. One old staff told me that she saw a pair of legs without nothing above in the storeroom. I do not believe in ghosts but I do think that the longer you stay in this gulag the likelier it is to start seeing ghosts