We met at the Newton train station. Pearl was the earliest. She whiled away the time at a nearby mall. That is standard operating procedure for females. Either you are ‘fashionably’ late, or you are ‘shoppingly’ early. The Lass wore a flowery dress which was quite eye-catching. She does have the ‘Shinegal’ look.
You have the Warner Bros, and then you have the Liang Brothers. As usual, XH was suffering from one of his chronic bouts of stomach upsets and was putting his impressive abdominal muscles to the task of gastric relief. XR and his BIG BAG, the latter for which I was particularly grateful (I needed to stash my Political Economy textbook somewhere) also turned up.
Xinyao brought a friend along. Her name is Weiling and she proclaimed herself an agnostic. Being of similar built and attire, they shared a sisterly resemblance. Still, I must say XY is the prettier of the two. Atheism has a beautifying effect. Anyway, WL seemed like the articulate type. Neither standoffish nor a shrinking violet, she asked us about our little atheist ragtag band. XH did most of the talking. An infidel in the making? I would not bet against it.
After everybody was there, we made our way to Newton Circus. Along the way, we talked among ourselves, to work up an appetite and to catch up with one another. We soon reached the Promised Land, settled down at a table, and were immediately accosted by very zealous food sellers eager to squeeze every buck out of us. We ordered a few dishes that were suitably delicious and artery-clogging, and resumed our pattering while waiting for the food to arrive.
The slop came and we dug into it with gusto. Fried vegetables, prawns, egg omelets, meat and sugar cane drinks were the order of the day. In between mouthfuls we talked among ourselves. The Lass did not eat the dishes we ordered, preferring to order separately. She does not take sea food. She does not know what she is missing.
XH explained to WL the difference between an atheist and an agnostic. Infidelism does not take a holiday. I could imagine my bro giving her tuition on the subject. WL and I talked briefly about football writing. I told her of my contempt for the substandard mob who writes football columns for the New Paper and she agreed that the paper was basically trash. I was quite impressed. She is a smart girl and once she becomes a true infidel she will be smarter yet.
XR and the Lass talked the least. Not to say that they didn’t talk much but compared to us chatterboxes they were like nuns in a whorehouse. XR ought to loosen up a bit. He was sitting next to a few women, and being a HOT-BLOODED MALE, he should have made more conversation.
The Lass stared into space at random intervals. She has such an endearing habit. Too bad sexy Goh was not around for her to stare into his eyes – or elsewhere. Anyway, she presented me with a sketch of me, which I proudly showed to the rest of the gang. I am touched! Now, this is high art indeed, fit for putting up in government offices. (By the way, I laminated it.)
The President, by the Lass.I had a wonderful time teasing XY. One of these days I will overstep the line and end up being hacked to pieces by an enraged woman. Pearl said that I should learn to play mahjong. She said she would be willing to teach me, provided I put in ‘investment’. She better be careful what she wished for. I might just win back my school fees from my master. Either that or it is just me and my undies.
XH and XY then got into a ‘confrontation’ about English. English! XH was daring her (jokingly of course), to test his English. It must have been some in-joke when they were still in the same gulag teaching little monsters. I wish I was there. I could have made a pretty good slave-driver, I mean, um…discipline master.
There were still some prawns left by the time we were done and XY cleared ‘em with such vigor. It was refreshing to see a woman eat like she did not give a damn about her weight. I am almost ashamed of myself. My vision of gaining an additional 20kg will come to nothing, like our goal of qualifying for the 2010 World Cup, unless I – pardon the pun – pull my weight up.
As the night was still young, we decided to chill out somewhere else. We went to Orchard Road and found a Hong Kong restaurant.
Pearl, XH and I had great fun speaking and abusing one another using Cantonese, much to the bemusement of the Lass, who could not understand what we idiots were giggling about. We should organize a trip to Hong Kong one of these days. It will be fun enjoying the scenery, the places of interest, and murdering the Hong-Kongers’ language in front of them. The Lass would enjoy the shopping malls there.
XY and WL ordered one gigantic ice kacang. It was the biggest ice kacang I had ever seen and it was as majestic as Mount Everest. I didn’t know they sell icy desserts in a Hong Kong restaurant. XH, who was sitting next to the two sisters, did the gentlemanly thing and helped them polish off that chunk. I wager it did help him polish his conversation as well.
We ‘jio-ed’ XY for a hike in December. It was more like a dare, and I think we got her to accept it. Time to get the air tickets! I look forward to experiencing nature and making my toilet in the wilderness.
Imagine my surprise when my birthday cake came. It was not a cake – it was actually bread topped with an overly generous helping of peanut ooze. I nearly fainted when they said it was all mine. ALL MINE. I attacked it with determination, but the massive size of the thing, coupled with the scrumptious dinner I ate earlier, left me defeated. I came, I saw, and I surrendered to the OOZE. Still, I had a lot of fun eating it. The Ooze was dripping happily and I was amusing the Lass, who sat across from me with my slovenly table manners. They should have taped it down and sent it to Animal Planet.
The OOZE.Prior to eating the Ooze was the customary birthday song and wish. Pearl and XH tried to give me a Cantonese rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’, but our Cantonese, like my ultimately unfinished cake, required polishing. In the end, XH went Pavarotti and I made my birthday wish. I asked for an additional 10kg on top of the 20kg I wished for on my actual birthday. 30kg in all! That is half my weight. It is unlikely that I will hit the happy figure of 90kg of course, but they say in life, you should aim high so that even if you fail, you will still land somewhere near the target. I will be quite happy with 80kg.
Me and the OOZE.
Where's the OOZE?We even took a group photograph. The poor waitress had difficulty with XH’s camera phone and had to ‘NG’ twice. Maybe she was awed by my immaculate presence.
Infidels!It was around ten when we left the restaurant. We thought we would do some window-shopping but apparently XY and WL had their own plans. (Who could fathom the mysteries of the female mind?) We tried to ‘psycho’ them into joining us but they were obviously very much into each other. (It must be some kind of Female Conspiracy.)
So the Liang Bros, Pearl, the Lass and I walked around Ion Orchard. It is a mutha of a shopping mall, the shopping mall of all shopping malls. While Vivo City is probably larger than Ion Orchard, at least it feels like a shopping mall. Ion Orchard, on the other hand, is like a dungeon. Where a dungeon reeks of mold and decay, it overwhelms your consciousness with its suffocating materialism, shameless capitalism and vulgar marketing, the very air itself seemingly compelling you to shop, shop, and shop until you bankrupt yourself. And it is so easy to get lost in that place.
While walking around, the Lass suddenly squealed twice. I thought I had accidentally elbowed her but she said sparks flew from my arm to hers when I brushed against her. She got Pearl and I to touch elbows with her. She said one of us would get sick. I always knew I had an ELECTRIFYING personality but this really takes the OOZE. Two days later I was down with food poisoning. A coincidence? I now resolve to listen more to women.
The five of us got out of Ion Orchard and looked up the less than starry heavens (this is Singapore after all). I read somewhere that a star represents hopes and dreams. It is quite obvious we haven’t any in this cuntry. It was a bit disappointing because it was still around the Mid-Autumn Festival and we expected to see a full moon. No moon but the haze and the monstrous screens showing commercials.
Even without the night scenery, I had a wonderful time. Thanks to my friends for making this happen. Next stop: The Lass’s birthday bash at Zouk on Halloween night.
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