Male meets female. She’s not half bad looking and he is not too shabby either.
Male approaches female; female plays hard to get.
Male tries again.
Female decides male is boyfriend material.
They start to date, spending most of their time in the shopping malls.
Male invests in anniversary, birthday, and Valentine Day’s celebrations; male spends $1,000 on female, and female spends $125 on male.
Both have sex with each other for the first time. Both go at each other and try to make a game of it.
More dating and the occasional lovers’ tiffs.
Sex becomes less spontaneous.
Male proposes to female. “Should we get a flat together?”
Female agrees.
Couple register themselves as mated pairing with the authorities.
Couple spend $10k on a two hour reception to exchange engagement rings.
Lull period. Couple earn, save, borrow, beg, and extol to raise funds for their new lives.
Couple apply for pigeon-hole of a flat and spend $100k and six months preparing for a three hour engagement reception and a three hour wedding dinner.
Pigeon-hole application is approved. Couple spend a further $100k on renovation and down payment, and $20K on honeymoon.
After returning from their honeymoon, couple immediately return to their gulag and slog for long hours to pay the bills.
Work takes precedence over married life. Less time together, more time at work.
Love becomes a sense of duty; sex becomes mechanical: the male thrusts like a robot, the female lies there like a piece of dead fish.
Male decides to enjoy himself with ‘ladies of the night”, subscribing to the time-honored principles of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’, and ‘what she does not know does not kill you’. Working life, meanwhile, continues, albeit with less sex in the couple’s bedroom and more sex elsewhere.
Working life is punctuated occasionally with family gatherings and the obligatory dinners together.
Female is pregnant. Couple argue about whether it is financially viable to keep the child, saying they need time for careers to take off.
Female aborts the child. Unbeknownst to the couple. a crack starts to appear in the relationship,
Male works late more often. Female stays out later than usual.
Female has a fling with some random male she met, feels guilty, and promises herself not to do it again.
Marriage is now less a duty and more a confinement. Couple are united by the bed they share and the bills they pay for their tiny flat.
Male has affair with married colleague who has been neglected by her husband.
Couple now has sex once a month, sometimes going without sex for more than a month.
Male and female start to quarrel over bills and inconsequential things. She cries that, ‘You don’t love me anymore. You have no time for me.’, while he belts out, ‘I work so hard for the family – why don’t you understand?’
Male and female take turns threatening divorce.
They try to make up after each quarrel.
A lull period happens in which there is no argument. Meanwhile, the male enjoys sex in a different bed from his own.
Couple are now just two persons living in the same house together.
Female has affair with random male who ‘cares for her’.
Couple now enjoy a cordial relationship: work, making small talks, the obligatory sex, and finding love in another’s arms.
The couple continues to drift apart, by almost imperceptible degrees.
Male discovers that female is secretly bedding another male.
Male flies into a rage and threatens to divorce female and beat up the intrusive male.
A tussle ensues, with enraged male posturing aggressively, female appearing contrite, and the intrusive male keeping under the radar.
After much deliberation, female apologizes and announces break-up with her second male.
Male is somewhat pacified, as he subconsciously or consciously realizes the male of the female he has been bedding on the sly will probably feel the same way if their affair is discovered.
Couple try to make things work again.
Quarrels break out more frequently since that 'incident'.
This time, their drifting apart becomes more perceptible.
Couple pay good money to consult a marriage advisor.
Sex becomes now an infrequent affair, a medicine the marriage advisor prescribes to 'keep the flames alive'.
Couple try harder to salvage what is left of their relationship.
The bonds in their relationship become more tenuous and one day, the 'final straw' snaps them.
Couple announce they are splitting due to irreconcilable differences.
Couple sign the divorce papers, and at the same time, try to divide between themselves their pigeon-hole and the things they have in it.
Despite occasional pangs and thoughts of reconciliation, and half-assed attempts at it, both eventually realize that things can no longer work out.
They move on with their own lives by remaining as 'friends'.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Random and Slightly Random Thoughts
I may not be with my gulag for long. My senior said she would be going for her second interview with another gulag. She said that the interviewer liked her and said that people with her attributes (coherent communication skills, finance and IT trained) are hard to find in this market. If she is selected, her salary will probably be a lot more than what she is earning now. I don't thank my gulag is going to match her asking price of $5k, which is very reasonable, considering that she has to handle several projects and resolve calls from countries across Asia. When she goes, I'll tender my resignation as well. Even if they double my slave wages, there is absolutely no way I can handle so many calls and so much project work alone. And given the size of our systems support department (just me and my senior), things will simply just be impossible after she is gone. So, the beautiful and inevitable thing is that she embarks on her new career; I concentrate on staving off relegation in my final season. No big loss except my income, which is shite anyway.
It occurred to me that there is a pattern to the winners of the World Cup.
1990: Germany played dour, mechanical football.
1994: Brazil probably played their most tactical and defensive side ever.
1998: France came good with Zidane-inspired attacking play.
2002: Brazil and Ronaldo scored goals for fun.
2006: Italy defended their way to the title.
2010: Spain passed their way to glory.
Notice the pattern: defensive > defensive > attacking > attacking > defensive > defensive*
The next World Cup winner will be an attacking side. What do you think?
* For all their possession and dominance in the opposite half, Spain should be regarded as defensive despite initial impressions. Traditionally sides pack their defences in their own half. Spain's pressing and high offside line may appear offensive, but this is in reality an inversion of positioning rather than of mindset. In other words, they defended by suffocating their opponents in their own half and stopping their attacks from forming instead of using the more traditional and common mode of allowing their opponents to start their attacks and then sitting back near their own goal to defend. To somewhat bolster my argument, Spain scored the least number of goals among past winners of the World Cup and conceded only one throughout the whole tournament.
It occurred to me that there is a pattern to the winners of the World Cup.
1990: Germany played dour, mechanical football.
1994: Brazil probably played their most tactical and defensive side ever.
1998: France came good with Zidane-inspired attacking play.
2002: Brazil and Ronaldo scored goals for fun.
2006: Italy defended their way to the title.
2010: Spain passed their way to glory.
Notice the pattern: defensive > defensive > attacking > attacking > defensive > defensive*
The next World Cup winner will be an attacking side. What do you think?
* For all their possession and dominance in the opposite half, Spain should be regarded as defensive despite initial impressions. Traditionally sides pack their defences in their own half. Spain's pressing and high offside line may appear offensive, but this is in reality an inversion of positioning rather than of mindset. In other words, they defended by suffocating their opponents in their own half and stopping their attacks from forming instead of using the more traditional and common mode of allowing their opponents to start their attacks and then sitting back near their own goal to defend. To somewhat bolster my argument, Spain scored the least number of goals among past winners of the World Cup and conceded only one throughout the whole tournament.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Pain and Frustration
I endured a totally shite weekend.
The opening day of the English Premiership saw the Toffees make fools of themselves at Blackburn. David Moyes seems desperate to prove he is no Mourinho and unfortunately he was hugely successful on this occasion. Fielding five centre midfielders, a rightback who is not technically good enough to pass or put in a decent cross, and a single striker upfront, Moyes appeared to have instructed his players to hoof the ball long at every opportunity. This tactic might have proved effectively against a YOG football team, but against the big ogres in the Blackburn lineup, it was never going to work.
For the first 15 minutes, the game looked destined for a goalless draw but Howard in the Everton goal decided the game needed a goal to liven things up. One has to applaud him for his extraordinary feat of dropping the ball behind him after he came out and claimed it with both hands. It was a shocking goal to concede and once again highlighted the fact that our American goalkeeper is not Neville Southall and will probably never be anywhere near his standards. Howard is not a bad netminder. He is reliable as Premiership keepers go, but he is susceptible to long shots and makes the most ridiculous mistakes. Given Joe Hart’s brilliant performance for the Shittizens at White Hart Lane, Shay Given could find himself warming the bench, and –pardon the pun – that is surely a given. I say we go for him to keep Howard on his toes.
Osman is a distinctly average player, totally devoid of pace and physical presence. I don’t know why he is earning tens of thousands of pounds a week as a professional footballer. He was anonymous against Blackburn and if we are going to break into the Champions League spot – a unlikely scenario – we should just offload him to any bidder and contribute the money to the Landon Donovan fund. We desperately need pace down our useless right flank and Donovan was brilliant there during the ten weeks he was on Merseyside. Bill Kenwright should also put up donation boxes outside Goodison Park for this purpose. Since we are so skint, we may as well look the part and beg for money.
The Shite are now above us in the league with a draw against the Arse. Wenger may be known as ‘The Professor’ in football circles, but his obstinacy in sticking with Manuel Almunia between the sticks betrays his permanent head damage. (What kind of name is Manuel Almunia anyway? It sounds like manure with ammonium – definitely one of the most shitty names around.) Mr. Shitty is a walking horror movie. A couple of good saves, three or four flaps at crosses, and being beaten at his near post from an acute angle just about sums up the man. You never know what he is going to do. At least with Robert Green and Paul Robinson, you have consistency as the both are consistently crap. They won’t give you heart attacks like Almunia could. If the Arse still had Seaman in goal they would have won at least a trophy instead of going trophyless since 2005.
Anyway, Reina, normally so reliable, made a mistake for once as the ball cannoned off him and into the net. Thank Gawd the Shite didn’t win. I attribute his mistake to ‘The Almunia Effect’. My English teacher once advised us, ‘If you read lousy articles, you will write rubbish English. Rubbish in rubbish out.’ He must be on to something there. I figure that Reina must have been watching Almunia’s rubbish goalkeeping so much that it must have affected him subconsciously. Almunia had truly redeemed himself, albeit in the most ironic manner imaginable.
I am suffering from cough, sore throat, blurry eyes, the sniffles, exhaustion, and am possibly running a temperature. The strain of eking out an existence in this shithole is taking a debilitating toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If I don’t get out of this Gehenna soon I will surely die. I feel sorry for our newly born babies. Their parents are to be blamed for bringing them into this shithole. Such irresponsible parenting!
Reports of the YOG’s success have been peppering in the state media. This is truly an extraordinary case of self-deception and a disgraceful study of media manipulation. In truth, nobody gives a rat’s ass about the YOG. The regime should have admitted their failure and not give excuses for wasting taxpayers’ money on such a travesty. Our journalists are really crap as well. They cannot write proper lies and the diction of their YOG articles is as insipid as drying paint. These good-for-nothing fatheads should learn from the great Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Better still, the regime should just sack the whole lot of these sorry bastards, send them all to work in construction sites, and use the money to hire the former Iraqi Information Minister. At least we’ll have some laughs and not be bored to death by our crappy mass communications graduates.
The opening day of the English Premiership saw the Toffees make fools of themselves at Blackburn. David Moyes seems desperate to prove he is no Mourinho and unfortunately he was hugely successful on this occasion. Fielding five centre midfielders, a rightback who is not technically good enough to pass or put in a decent cross, and a single striker upfront, Moyes appeared to have instructed his players to hoof the ball long at every opportunity. This tactic might have proved effectively against a YOG football team, but against the big ogres in the Blackburn lineup, it was never going to work.
For the first 15 minutes, the game looked destined for a goalless draw but Howard in the Everton goal decided the game needed a goal to liven things up. One has to applaud him for his extraordinary feat of dropping the ball behind him after he came out and claimed it with both hands. It was a shocking goal to concede and once again highlighted the fact that our American goalkeeper is not Neville Southall and will probably never be anywhere near his standards. Howard is not a bad netminder. He is reliable as Premiership keepers go, but he is susceptible to long shots and makes the most ridiculous mistakes. Given Joe Hart’s brilliant performance for the Shittizens at White Hart Lane, Shay Given could find himself warming the bench, and –pardon the pun – that is surely a given. I say we go for him to keep Howard on his toes.
Osman is a distinctly average player, totally devoid of pace and physical presence. I don’t know why he is earning tens of thousands of pounds a week as a professional footballer. He was anonymous against Blackburn and if we are going to break into the Champions League spot – a unlikely scenario – we should just offload him to any bidder and contribute the money to the Landon Donovan fund. We desperately need pace down our useless right flank and Donovan was brilliant there during the ten weeks he was on Merseyside. Bill Kenwright should also put up donation boxes outside Goodison Park for this purpose. Since we are so skint, we may as well look the part and beg for money.
The Shite are now above us in the league with a draw against the Arse. Wenger may be known as ‘The Professor’ in football circles, but his obstinacy in sticking with Manuel Almunia between the sticks betrays his permanent head damage. (What kind of name is Manuel Almunia anyway? It sounds like manure with ammonium – definitely one of the most shitty names around.) Mr. Shitty is a walking horror movie. A couple of good saves, three or four flaps at crosses, and being beaten at his near post from an acute angle just about sums up the man. You never know what he is going to do. At least with Robert Green and Paul Robinson, you have consistency as the both are consistently crap. They won’t give you heart attacks like Almunia could. If the Arse still had Seaman in goal they would have won at least a trophy instead of going trophyless since 2005.
Anyway, Reina, normally so reliable, made a mistake for once as the ball cannoned off him and into the net. Thank Gawd the Shite didn’t win. I attribute his mistake to ‘The Almunia Effect’. My English teacher once advised us, ‘If you read lousy articles, you will write rubbish English. Rubbish in rubbish out.’ He must be on to something there. I figure that Reina must have been watching Almunia’s rubbish goalkeeping so much that it must have affected him subconsciously. Almunia had truly redeemed himself, albeit in the most ironic manner imaginable.
I am suffering from cough, sore throat, blurry eyes, the sniffles, exhaustion, and am possibly running a temperature. The strain of eking out an existence in this shithole is taking a debilitating toll on me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. If I don’t get out of this Gehenna soon I will surely die. I feel sorry for our newly born babies. Their parents are to be blamed for bringing them into this shithole. Such irresponsible parenting!
Reports of the YOG’s success have been peppering in the state media. This is truly an extraordinary case of self-deception and a disgraceful study of media manipulation. In truth, nobody gives a rat’s ass about the YOG. The regime should have admitted their failure and not give excuses for wasting taxpayers’ money on such a travesty. Our journalists are really crap as well. They cannot write proper lies and the diction of their YOG articles is as insipid as drying paint. These good-for-nothing fatheads should learn from the great Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Better still, the regime should just sack the whole lot of these sorry bastards, send them all to work in construction sites, and use the money to hire the former Iraqi Information Minister. At least we’ll have some laughs and not be bored to death by our crappy mass communications graduates.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Deeper Down the Hells.
The Shithole is sinking ever deeper into the Hells.
Chicken told me of the good life his colleagues in his concentration camp – if it’s a civilian company I’ll refer it as a gulag – have been living for quite some time now.. Things that would have gotten most private sector-based employees sacked are now the standard operating procedures (SOP) in the military: playing video games during working hours; bringing camera phones to work when it is explicitly prohibited; showing a lack of respect for superiors; pinching petrol from the store for personal use; sowing discord among colleagues; sleeping during office hours; abusing an apparently willing colleague by snapping photos of him in the shower and manhandling him roughly in full view of all in the workplace; an absolute refusal to help struggling colleagues from other concentration camps; and producing slipshod maintenance work.
To think that taxpayers are actually contributing their hard-earned dollars to feed these dregs. The errant U.S. military personnel in Guantanamo Bay were rightly criticized for abusing detainees, but they could at least blame their wrongdoings on work stress and the mentally crippling work environment in which they worked. Chicken’s colleagues can have no such excuses. Their operations officer is a reasonable man who is willing to provide good welfare to his men. Due to the winding down of the camp, the working hours are shortened and maintenance requirements are drastically reduced. From what I heard, they are even given off when there is no work. Despite these benefits, they still complain about the said officer and their petulant attitude is shocking to say the least. I wonder what will happen if the Shithole ever goes to war. Even the French, with their sterling military tradition, would surely applaud us for our efficiency – in losing in record time.
Despite the bullshit spun by the state media, the YOG is set to be an abject failure. Tickets may be ‘selling fast’, but 80% of them were actually bought by the education ministry. Hardly anybody gives a damn about the YOG, as a recent survey shows. Less than 10% of the respondents were actually aware of the YOG and would watch it. The cost of hosting the Games has exceeded 300 million dollars, a shocking overspending from the initial budget of just over 100 million dollars. I don’t even think they are ever going to breakeven. To add to the farce, the Games mascots look like a rip-off from some third-rate Japanese anime. (I am not posting pictures of these abominations here as I respect the sanctity of my site.)
To add fire to Hell, they even got JJ Lin to sing that ‘oh yeah, oh yeah’ song for the YOG! Oh come on! I know that Shitholers aren’t having enough sex, but surely this kind of song belongs more in a lousy Cambodian smut movie than in a sporting event like the YOG, a travesty it may be. JJ Lin sounds like a hyena in heat, and his appearance reminds one of a beggar. If they wanted a theme song, they should just play the sounds of animals mating. Better than the vuvuzelas, which sound like a swarm of angry bees or a herd of elephants farting simultaneously, depending on whom you ask. With the mating sounds, you at least know what you are listening to. Who knows, it might even improve the birthrate, leading to less reliance on the importing foreign *talents*. Talk about being socially responsible!
The YOG’s organizing committee’s arrogance is without bounds as well. Starting an already insipid event on the very same day the English Premiership kicks off is truly daft! What induced these blithering idiots to think that people will tune in to watch the shitty opening ceremony of the YOG instead of watching the EPL previews?!
Lastly, credit has to be given to YOG ambassadors Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps for their decision to snub YOG. Besides for being renowned in their chosen disciplines, they will also surely be recognized for their foresight and dignity. The failure of the YOG will surely highlight the failure of the Shithole as a sports hub.
Chicken told me of the good life his colleagues in his concentration camp – if it’s a civilian company I’ll refer it as a gulag – have been living for quite some time now.. Things that would have gotten most private sector-based employees sacked are now the standard operating procedures (SOP) in the military: playing video games during working hours; bringing camera phones to work when it is explicitly prohibited; showing a lack of respect for superiors; pinching petrol from the store for personal use; sowing discord among colleagues; sleeping during office hours; abusing an apparently willing colleague by snapping photos of him in the shower and manhandling him roughly in full view of all in the workplace; an absolute refusal to help struggling colleagues from other concentration camps; and producing slipshod maintenance work.
To think that taxpayers are actually contributing their hard-earned dollars to feed these dregs. The errant U.S. military personnel in Guantanamo Bay were rightly criticized for abusing detainees, but they could at least blame their wrongdoings on work stress and the mentally crippling work environment in which they worked. Chicken’s colleagues can have no such excuses. Their operations officer is a reasonable man who is willing to provide good welfare to his men. Due to the winding down of the camp, the working hours are shortened and maintenance requirements are drastically reduced. From what I heard, they are even given off when there is no work. Despite these benefits, they still complain about the said officer and their petulant attitude is shocking to say the least. I wonder what will happen if the Shithole ever goes to war. Even the French, with their sterling military tradition, would surely applaud us for our efficiency – in losing in record time.
* * * * * *
Despite the bullshit spun by the state media, the YOG is set to be an abject failure. Tickets may be ‘selling fast’, but 80% of them were actually bought by the education ministry. Hardly anybody gives a damn about the YOG, as a recent survey shows. Less than 10% of the respondents were actually aware of the YOG and would watch it. The cost of hosting the Games has exceeded 300 million dollars, a shocking overspending from the initial budget of just over 100 million dollars. I don’t even think they are ever going to breakeven. To add to the farce, the Games mascots look like a rip-off from some third-rate Japanese anime. (I am not posting pictures of these abominations here as I respect the sanctity of my site.)
To add fire to Hell, they even got JJ Lin to sing that ‘oh yeah, oh yeah’ song for the YOG! Oh come on! I know that Shitholers aren’t having enough sex, but surely this kind of song belongs more in a lousy Cambodian smut movie than in a sporting event like the YOG, a travesty it may be. JJ Lin sounds like a hyena in heat, and his appearance reminds one of a beggar. If they wanted a theme song, they should just play the sounds of animals mating. Better than the vuvuzelas, which sound like a swarm of angry bees or a herd of elephants farting simultaneously, depending on whom you ask. With the mating sounds, you at least know what you are listening to. Who knows, it might even improve the birthrate, leading to less reliance on the importing foreign *talents*. Talk about being socially responsible!
The YOG’s organizing committee’s arrogance is without bounds as well. Starting an already insipid event on the very same day the English Premiership kicks off is truly daft! What induced these blithering idiots to think that people will tune in to watch the shitty opening ceremony of the YOG instead of watching the EPL previews?!
Lastly, credit has to be given to YOG ambassadors Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps for their decision to snub YOG. Besides for being renowned in their chosen disciplines, they will also surely be recognized for their foresight and dignity. The failure of the YOG will surely highlight the failure of the Shithole as a sports hub.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
First Rant of the Month
I was aghast to learn from soccernet.com that Spurs got Old Boys in their Champions League qualifier. This is an absolute disgrace. When the Blues secured fourth place several seasons ago, who did we get? Bloody Villareal! And who did the Lily Whites(Trash) draw? The Swiss League runner-ups! THE SWISS! What the Hell?! It is obvious that everybody just hates Everton. Our useless chairman Bill Kenwright claims he has been receiving 'seven to eight offers of investment' every year but we are still so skint. When we played Villareal THAT season, we were robbed of an equalising goal which would have taken the tie into extra-time. Then last year, we had our proposal for a new stadium rejected by the idiotic Liverpool town council. Now, even unfashionable Blackburn is attracting investments worth 300 million pounds! A long and dreary season awaits....
To the Hells with Kenwright! To the Hells with the Everton board! To the Hells with the Everton marketing and business strategy teams! To the Hells with the Liverpool council! To the Hells with the Shite! To the Hells with UEFA! To the Hells with Blatter! To the Hells with this shithole! I still DON'T have my away kit! #@%&?$!
To the Hells with Kenwright! To the Hells with the Everton board! To the Hells with the Everton marketing and business strategy teams! To the Hells with the Liverpool council! To the Hells with the Shite! To the Hells with UEFA! To the Hells with Blatter! To the Hells with this shithole! I still DON'T have my away kit! #@%&?$!
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