Saturday, September 26, 2009

I am the Champion!

I am now typing this in Unishit's library, having secured an important and money-raking result some 50 minutes earlier. After sacrificing my priceless beauty sleep and energy, my reward was a Gold and money. I even took the trouble of giving them a perfect score. Fair pay for fair work, that is what I always say. I think they should just give me the money every year. Another 354 days before my next physical fitness test and payout.


My next goal is to get a decent hairstylist. With my thick, unruly mop and my tendency to slouch, I look like a beggar. My female colleagues have been trying to get me to make myself pretty (note: pretty as in not David 'Squeaky' Beckham pretty). They said I should not waste my height and big eyes (meow!). I think they are right. When it comes to aesthetics, always refer to a woman or a gay. With the money I got earlier, I should be able to get myself at least a half-decent hairstylist. Ideally this will be a she, not just a she, but also a pretty she. But this is the Shithole, and as the Depeche Mode song goes, dream on.


Wonderboy is getting married next Friday. Another bachelor bites the dust. Initially I thought I would not attend his wedding, but between that and sitting through Fixed income Securities class, there is only one choice. My concern for my mental health aside, I feel that as a friend, I have a duty to be with him in this most difficult of times. For the past year Wonderboy has been burning his weekends and jeopardizing his health just to prepare for this overpriced circus. He needs all the support a man could get.


No weekend blog post is complete without football. The fixtures list suggests that no upsets will be on the cards. More importantly, Everton must beat Pompey, who are rooted to the bottom of the table. Only all-out attack will do. The Shittizens are playing the Hammers on Monday. May that vulgar mob from Manchester get hammered.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Football Talk.

The Shittizens take on the Manure in the Manchester derby tonight. After cleaning out the Arse last week, the nouveau riche Baby Blues will be out to justify the 200 million pounds their Middle-Eastern terrorist sponsors have invested in them.

With that 'clown from Togo' Adebayor suspended, the vulgar and culturally bereft side of Manchester will struggle at Old Trafford. Save for Ferdinand, who is doubtful for the clash, the Manure are at full strength.

Shitty, on the other hand, has become the club everyone loves to hate, and they will expect a hostile reception from Old Trafford faithful. The Shitty are like a top heavy hussy: all boobs and nothing else. She is better lying down getting fucked than standing up trying to play a bigger goat than what she already is.

So a momentous day awaits. The wheels will finally come off the wagon for this small club with a small mentality. Rooney and Owen to get on the scoresheet, Bellamy to get sent off, and justice to be done.


For a team of our history and quality, to be mired in the relegation zone is an absolute disgrace. But we have the perfect opportunity to kickstart our season when violent Blackburn come visiting tonight.

We were totally negative at Fulham last week and paid the price. The midweek trashing of AEK Athens in Europe demonstrates we can be a potent attacking force if we want to. Being the home team, we should attack the visitors. Nothing less than a comprehensive victory against Blackburn will suffice. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Some Drivel.

Some people just like to bear a grudge. Two of the blokes I had that heated argument with a fortnight ago didn’t seem very happy with me still. Their attempts at sarcasm were pathetic. During the football game when we were actually in the same team, they said to each other that I ‘would never pass the ball to them.’ That was absolutely rich. Assuming that other people are scum like you just because they happen to disagree with you is really stupid. When I was tracking back and defending like Hell for them they never said a single word. Some people really need to grow up. Football is a TEAM game. Badmouthing your teammate during the course of a game for things he never did is really, really bad form. I would have appreciated it if they told it to my face that I was wrong about politics and they wanted to put me in my place using some solid arguments. I am used to getting stick from people anyway; it wouldn’t have rattled me overly. Apparently some people just didn’t have the bottle for a direct confrontation, even though they were the majority.

About the kickabout, it was a bit like war. Due to the number of teams some wise man decided to put in place a seven minute system. No goals mean both teams were out. People started screaming and shouting at their own teammates. Some people were not happy but in most cases it was just handbags at a dozen paces. I thought that they should just save their breath for the game. If the whole team ditched the useless ego issues and worked for one another, surely it would have a greater chance of winning. There are times you have to shout at people, but when they react with the type of arrogant bellicosity usually reserved for professional players whose egos are as big as their weekly paycheck, then something is seriously wrong. Either you are giving ‘em stick for no reason or they think they are so great they are beyond criticism. In that case I think that some people should just quit football and any other type of team sports. Take up golf, or better still, yoga. Even if you cannot find your inner calm, chances are you will get to meet some broads who may help you soothe that inner beast.


******

I just found that I got a 57 for my Equity Securities assignment. That translates to around 23% of the overall marks; plus the pathetic 5% I got for the online MCQ, it means I have a 28% for the continuous assessment component of the course.

This may be the worst result I have since my misguided enrollment in this university but I am not complaining. I am delighted that I scrapped through. This result leaves me with the simple task of securing at least 40 marks for the examination. This is by no means an easy task, considering the module is mostly about maths and I am shite at maths. If by some miracle I survive, it would be the first time I get a C. Then again, rather a C than an F. I don’t give a rat’s ass if they give me Ds for all my modules. As long as I avoid relegation, my GPA can go to the Hells for all I care. Very negative I know, but when you are like Hull City you don’t try and be too smart and think you are the league champions.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Young, Educated and IDIOTIC

A fortnight ago I had a big row over politics with the guys I played football with. After our kickabout, we started to shoot the shit but ended up shooting one another. It was a case of me vs them. They thought that our country is so great and our regime could do no wrong, but obviously I felt very differently and I didn’t shy from expressing my views. Despite being outnumbered I didn’t back down. I decided that they should be treated to a drawn-out battle.

It was like talking to that popinjay Dennis Oh all over again, but much worse. Dennis Oh was at least educated and articulate in expressing his stupidity. The morons I pitted my wits – and patience – against were obviously functional retards. Our argument was more like a shouting match than anything else.

It will be pointless to stretch my patience further by describing our exchange in its entirety. I shall just be brief and highlight the arguments they made.


“Singapore is a republic country. Republic means no democracy.”

Strange. I thought a republic is a country without a monarchy.


“You think at a higher level. The rest of us just do not want to think.”

Classic. See no evil hear no evil.


“This has nothing to do with Political Science. A republic never has freedom of speech.” (His reply upon being told he should go take up Politics 101 after he thrice failed to understand my simple explanation of the meaning of ‘republic’.

Another classic: “I don’t want to hear I don’t want to hearrrrrr”……*cups hands over ears and starts bawling*.)


“The government has every right not to help its people.”

If the government is not obliged to serve its people, what do we need a government for?


“ALL the foreigners in our country are talented.”

Quite a few are peddling their talents and bodies in Geylang as we speak, and they are not even marginally good-looking or service-oriented.


“I know where the government job centre is (after asking me where it is). I walked past there before so I KNOW what is going on INSIDE.”

The guy has X-ray vision.


“Those (referring to the middle-age jobseekers) who have lost their jobs and busy hunting for work so that they can feed their families DESERVE it. They should not have gotten married in the first place unless they know they are well-off and earning big bucks.”

Social Darwinism at its very best. I look forward to seeing the same thing happen to the wise man 20 years down the road.



“Singapore has a great education system.”

Don’t tell everybody mate. When so many of us cannot even speak and write English competently even after ten years of compulsory English based education, when young educated people don’t even have an idea who Kim Jung Il is, you don’t want to shout out to the world the excellence of our education system.”


“We don’t need a minimum wage system. Even with very low wages, we can still survive.”

This guy should join the Survival Series.


Ministers need to be paid astronomical amounts of salaries and bonuses so that they can continue to do a good job and maintain their integrity.

The more money you earn = the more capable and moral you are. Move aside Obama, Madoff for President!


“There is NO NEED for a government to be ACCOUNTABLE to its people.”

*Speechless*


(Being unable to understand what our National Pledge is all about, despite reciting it for over 20 years.)

You have people who go to MENSA, and then you have special people who go to DENSA.


“A company should take in the most people at the lowest wages possible, because it is optimum to do so”

Let’s revive slavery. Free labour = optimum earnings for the company. Socially reprehensible but so long as the company benefits, who cares?


(Comparing Singapore to third-world countries and then declare that Singapore is a great country because it is clearly better than these countries.)

Pakistan is only nearly as bad as Afghanistan, therefore Pakistan is a great country.


“You ONLY know how to complain. You NEVER do anything to improve yourself.”

Incredible. The guy KNOWS EXACTLY what I am doing at any given moment.


“You sound very fed up about government policies, THEREFORE you are ANTI-GOVERNMENT.”

Yet another classic - I have very strong opinions AGAINST marriage, THEREFORE I am AGAINST people who are married.



Thinking about it still makes me feel frustrated. I am frustrated not because people have the temerity to disagree with me. If you have perfectly logical reasons why I am wrong, please state them. Resorting to personal attacks, making baseless assumptions, using fallacious arguments, and then treating propaganda as gospel truth do not add value to what you are asserting. I am totally disgusted that a bunch of young educated people could have such limited ability for critical thinking and basic reasoning skills.

It has been said time and again that our youths are our future, our hope for change. The people who said and are saying this seem now merely idealists whose sole mechanism for coping with life is hope. In truth, hope is the same as faith. Both believe in things that are not backed by evidence, an assertion that things will somehow turn out right. Irrational, complacent, useless and impossibly stupid.

Contrary to popular belief, the young are not necessarily rebels and iconoclasts, and the old are not always conformists and stick-in-the-mud. Young people often believe what they read without ever feeling the need to question its veracity. If it is from the textbook it MUST be true. If the government says so, it MUST be true. When the teachers say so, it MUST be true. When the media says so, it MUST be true. If MILEY CYRUS SAYS SO, DAMN! IT MUST BE TRUE!

The next generation is not our future. It is merely an extension of the present. Nothing will ever change in a culture that strives on conformity and blind obedience. Our future is in the dung pits. To the Hells with the next generation.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Leave the Dead (and the Living) in Peace

My martial arts practice was cancelled again, no thanks to the people burning their offerings at our ground. It is infuriating that the living has to make way for the dead (or in this case, the undead).

The Seventh Month nonsense has been going on for too long. There should be a law against religion and superstition imposing themselves on the living. I don’t understand what is the big deal about the dead, that we have to remember them just on the basis of their being dead. While it is understandable that we want to remember our loved ones, there is no reason for us to make this remembrance a public nuisance. I wish people would burn their Hell money and whatever in the containers the town councils have thoughtfully provided.

Making your offerings in a clumsily rendered chalk circle does not guarantee that ONLY the deceased you are making offerings to will receive them. It is possible that any wandering spirits will take the opportunity to rob. If you want to play safe, you should burn the Hell money in your OWN house. With the ancestral tablet and the idols of gods around, I don’t think any unwanted spirits will dare to mess around. But no. People still insist on doing it in public places, as if being ‘outside’ conveys some kind of spiritual attunement that facilitates the delivery of your gifts to your deceased folks. Or dare I say that maybe the pious do not want to dirty their homes? Oh how sacrilegious of me to even suggest that!

Many people who ‘celebrate’ the Seventh Month believe in both Buddhism and Chinese folklore, an indictment of their lack of understanding about their own beliefs and their shocking illogicality. Buddhists commonly believe that a soul moves on to another life after its physical demise, and this process will take but at most 49 days. Pagan Taoism/Chinese folklore believe that the spirit may linger on for much longer, particularly when it has to undergo punishment in the Hells for its transgression in its mortal life.

Chinese folklore claims that the spirit can be alleviated of much of its suffering in the infernal realms by ‘sending’ it material wealth. This wealth can be put to good use, like bribing the infernal bureaucracy, and to some extent, allows the spirit to ‘live it up’ should the value of the offerings is substantial enough. Hell money is typically in units of millions, billions and trillions – presumably to offset the hellish inflation rates they have in Hades. Paper cars, jets, even Victoria Secret’s lingerie (the paper cut-out versions of course) are readily available for folks who want to make their happily departed enjoy the life available only to Hollywood stars and Wall Street bankers.

Contrast that to Buddhism, which does not encourage the attachment to materialism. If the spirits are to have a better rebirth, one should undertake virtuous deeds in their name and dedicate the merits to them and all sentient beings. Attachment to impermanent things will only cause pain and to cling on such is to deprive oneself of emancipation.

Furthermore, it is useless to make offerings to just any spirits, irrespective of the time they were dead. Surely one’s ancestors would have been reincarnated long ago! How in the Hells will they be able to receive your burnt offerings? FedEx maybe?!

There can be no reconciliation between the two diametrically different views. Either you believe one or the other. There are no two ways about it, just like there is no such thing as a ‘Christian Hindu’. Chinese folklore has had its day in the sun. It is time to ditch it. It is useless, spiritually bereft, a waste of time, money and energy, ridiculous (I admit it has its entertainment value), and for the whole of Chinese history, has never contributed to the living standards of the Chinese people. The same can be said for all religions, although I must say that Buddhism, minus the metaphysical mumble-jumbo, does have some very intelligent and morally responsible things to offer. I think if the Chinese who insist on believing the two were to just pick Buddhism, it might actually be more beneficial, at least where public cleanliness is concerned.

I have a better solution: be an atheist. The benefits are manifold. You don’t need to literally burn your money away on overpriced counterfeit notes and paper-folds. You need not dirty public places, cause the road sweepers endless grief and pollute the air. Even for a pacifist faith like Buddhism, there is the chance that adherents will turn evangelical and start to harass people. At least when an atheist turns ‘militant’ (nowadays any atheist who expresses his views vehemently is militant, on a par with Islamic militants), we generally don’t force atheism down people’s throats or indulge in all night chanting sessions and other noise-emitting/trash-producing/stinking activities. Best of all, atheists do not have to obey any divine sanctioned doctrines. Our morals – or lack thereof – are our own.

I cannot wait for the Ghost Month to end. My martial arts practice takes precedence over any haunt, revenant, poltergeist, spirit or ghost.